Emotional Issues of Maintenance

[MeBLady]

Well, this is an issue I haven't seen addressed here, and wondered if others can relate....

First, I want to share that I reached my minimum goal weight as of yesterday......I did it, I made it to 140 pounds, a weight that isn't "ideal" but the minimum of what I could live with considering I was facing at least a 76 pound loss. My ideal goal was to fit into a pair of 28/36 straight leg, shrink to fit levi's. I am currently in a 29/36....I have an inch in my waist and abs to go to make my "ideal" figure.

Secondly, I owe a big kudos to JudyinNYC -- she strongly suggested that I take myself shopping, as I was wearing my fat, oversized clothes after a 70 pound loss, and didn't realize to the extent of how small I actually was. Taking her advice gave me a HUGE euphoria....trying on clothes that actually FIT made me feel sexy, fit, and GREAT. Thank you so much, Judy, for your advice, it was a big eye opener for me!

Now, I am noticed often by men, to an extent that my husband is noticing and commenting about it. I haven't been carded for liquor or cigerettes in ten years.....now, I get carded every time. I walk into a store with no make up, sweaty from working out or sunbathing, and guys start flirting with me. Sure, it DOES feel good! However, before, I felt like I faded in the background, I am starting to feel....well, a little exposed. Not sure how to handle this extra attention -- it feels a little strange.

Anyone else?

Lori

[KryssiMc]

:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:

Congratulations Lori! Sure does feel good doesn't it? You have done a wonderful job and deserve all those good things that come with your success!

Regarding your issue...yes, it can be a little disconcerting. While I didn't have alot to lose, the way that my weight was distributed made me look bloated all the time and definitely older because I dressed in clothes that hid my trouble spots.

Now, I dress for my body type and find that I can't go out without Brad because I'm getting alot of attention I don't want. It is most definitely a double edged sword, but one that you can and will get used to.

Just feel it out and you'll find your niche. Each situation is different and as you get used to the new you, it'll get much easier. Before, it was all about the loss and what you would do when you get there. Now it's all about how to relax and settle in. I feel this is the hardest. But you will do it!!!

[Judynyc]

Your very welcome!! :D

I'm so happy that you have had such a good time with getting and wearing clothes that fit you properly. :D

As far as the attention you are getting, hmmmmmmmm.....alot of it comes with the territory of wearing hot and sexy outfits!! ;)

I have to wear a little shirt over a tank top because of my boob size. :D I don't like having my chest be something to stare at!! Someone asked me why I was wearing a shirt when it was so damn hot out.....I told the truth...they were a little surprised to hear me say that.

Men are very visual creatures....IMHO, when we give them eye candy, they drool and stare. If you are not comfortable with the drooling and staring, maybe try to tone down your hot and sexy look!! they aren't going to change so we have to either accept them or change the stimuli or change our reaction to them. I have a very hard time changing my reaction to anything as its a reaction....I can change the stimuli!!

The Serenity Prayer
God, grant me the serentiy to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Amen.

:D

[MeBLady]

Kryssi, what is Brad's reaction to the attention you get? Does he like it, flattered by it?

Gerald seems to be still getting used to it. He says he likes it, encourages me to dress to accent my figure, and does giggle when he comments about me getting noticed. However, he doesn't know quite how to react to it either....I think a little surprised?

I haven't had a problem with actual "unwanted" attention, meaning that nobody is hitting on me. I do wear two very noticeable wedding sets on my fingers tho (one with duct tape, cause it no longer fits! I have to get it resized!), and my experience is that men tend to look a woman's left hand for that very thing before making a bolder move.

I am just not used to it, not sure how to react to a flirtation, a comment, feel a little strange when I get several looks. It isn't that I don't necessarily "like" it....its just "different".

Judy, I hear ya about the big boobs. I've never been huge, but they were large enough when I was heavier that I would notice in a conversation with a male or female, that their eyes would drop from my face to my chest. I DON'T like that. I've happily dropped back down to B cup just this month, and not as self conscience about wearing the tighter shirts.

Tone down my hot/sexy look? NEVER! LOLOL, I know what you mean tho. Every few days, I'll pull on one of my baggy tees, whether to go out or just around the house just to hide myself. It isn't uncommon at all around here for people of all sizes to show some skin due to our scorching summers.

When our summer breaks, I am looking forward to going shopping again and getting a more varied wardrobe....I've enjoyed doing a little flaunting, but I think I am still very far away from finding my own little niche in style.

Lori

[Enomarb]

Hi Lori-
I have been at my current weight for about a year, and I am still getting used to it. I not only had to buy all new clothes, but I found that the styles I used to like (long, baggy) no longer look good (if they ever did) and that I need to wear more fitted (tight, short, non-elastic) clothes. I still dress very modestly and don't get too much attention. One exception was when my 20yo daughter dressed me in one of her really short denim skirts, a tight top and cowboy boots. What was weird was not only the men looked- but the women all checked me out! I finally decided that I want to have fun with this great new body: dress it up and take it out! I buy clothes that I LOVE and look good in, and just have given myself permission to take the time and get used to it! The new jeans you got sound amazing- you must be really tall- and it sounds like you are off to a good start. Please get rid of all those clothes from 70 lbs ago- that isn't you anymore.
E

[KryssiMc]

Brad laughs it off because he knows I come home to him. He gets hit on just as much as I do and I deal with it. I just get tired when I'm out with the girls and guys automatically assume I'm looking for male attention.

I went out Friday night with my girlfriend Chrissy (yup, there's another one of us) and was only at the bar for about an hour, sitting in the corner not bothering anyone. I got hit on by 4 guys including the owner, the manager and the DJ...the other guy was just a customer I got sick of it and left. I was just so happy to see Brad when I got home.

For the record, I was dressed in a tshirt, jeans and sneakers..no makeup and the hair was up in a clip. It doesn't really matter how you dress...men are just horndogs and I hate them sometimes.

[BKM]

Congrats Lori on getting to your goal weight -- and your picture really looks great!

Afraid I don't get a lot of "male attention" with my weight loss -- could have something to do with being 61 years old? -- though I've always been able to talk easily with men, that hasn't changed... And I had a breast reduction over a year ago, made a huge difference -- large breasts get terribly droopy as you age (the surgeon described them on the insurance papers as "pendulous" -- ugh!) -- clothes fit so much nicer now ...

And I've noticed, too, that I'm no longer interested in my long skirts and over-blouses -- not even the ones that still fit (via a tie waist or easy-type fit) -- now I like fitted clothing, but I'm still looking for "my style", one that show's off my fairly trim figure but doesn't look as though I'm trying to dress like a youngster....like skirts with above-the-knee hems, tops that show my stomach, drop-waisted pants, .... Somewhere out there there has to be a line of attractive mature clothing (and I don't mean Coldwater Creek type styles) -- basically, I'm finding that Ralph Lauren or Liz Claiborne type styles are the best for me ....