I wasn't a fat child but they teased me about my name and the fact that I had a stainless steel capped front tooth. My wife got teased about her first name as adolescent boys twisted it to make it sexual (most adolescent boys think of nothing else).

It was my mom who taught me not to care what they said about me.

Kids tease other kids, it's a way of battling in the pecking order. Everyone wants to be the alpha.

When I was in my mid 20s, about to be divorced and with a bald head, I was self conscious. People teased me about it, and instead of being offended, I laughed right along with them. Then I found out some women like bald men and I was no longer self conscious about it.

Years ago my neighbor, a slim young man had a huge wife. Must have been close to 300 pounds. I visited him where he worked one day, and was facing him. I saw that look in his eyes following something that every man recognizes is an attractive girl. I turned around expecting to see what I considered to be a beauty queen. Passing by the front window of his store was another huge woman. He liked them that way.

The moral of these two stories is: No matter what type you are, there is someone who likes that type. (And conversely someone who doesn't.) My neighbor would choose the obese woman over the supermodel.

I think we've gotten to an era where the pendulum has swung a little too far. I'm not pointing fingers at anyone in particular, but it seems that many people are eager to be offended by what others are saying. Remember, you can only be offended if you take offense. It's a choice. Don't make the choice to be ashamed of yourself.

Fat people, short men, flat-chested women, bald men, black people, Asian people, Polish people, blondes, big nosed people, big eared people, and so on are what they are, and there is someone who will point it out, perhaps unkindly. Consider the source, rise above all that and be proud of yourself.

Almost everybody has something that another can point out and try to make you uncomfortable. But you choose to be uncomfortable.

If you choose to be shamed or uncomfortable, they win. If you choose not to be ashamed or uncomfortable, you win the battle of the pecking order.

You are not only your looks, but you are your actions.

Bob

Bob, i love your view of the world.

My one addition is that we as a group are deficient in magnesium. Its not in our foods anymore at the kevels we need, mostly because the overused soiled are depleted.

Taking magnesium supplements reduces irritability. Perhaps that is contributing to the need for anger management and controlling irrirability. Why people lash out.... or feel irrirated.

That's beautiful and true!

I had a funny (in retrospect) experience about attractiveness. As a teen in a little deep south town, I wasn't the local female ideal, which was a cute, button-nosed, busty, cheerleader-type.

A few years later, I'd moved to NYC. And now, I was considered very attractive, as I was tall, long-limbed, and the showgirl-type.

Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder.

Sometimes I feel like a low-carb evangelist.

Whenever I see a fat person, I worry about them - especially when I see them getting around in a motorized scooter because of their weight. When their belly fat slops over their knees, I have this urge to explain they don't have to live this way.

However, I keep my tongue in my mouth, and say nothing - even when it is a friend.

It is not criticism when it is merely an observation. Some people are just too fat for their own good. Conclusion - either they don't mind or they have no idea what to do about it.

Just don't ask me for help or I shift into "teacher" mode and that can be off-putting too.

I got a lot of "fat shaming" from one brother as we were growing up. Once when I was in a news film clip another brother commented - "I hadn't realized you were so fat."
Just hurt my feelings - did not make me go on a diet.

Although fat shaming is rampant - it does not work.

In a study about women's body image, the researchers found that the white women in the study hated their weight and wanted to be slim and trim. The Black women, on the other hand, were proud of their bodies, and saw no reason to go on a diet.

Well-meaning parents wanted us to believe that when we were kids. Today's assaults on social media suggest otherwise. However, we learn to shrug it off as so much noise--just as we learn to live with a fact that all children eventually learn: Life Isn't Fair.

With global tragedies spiraling out of control, I'm aiming for personal compassion each time I see an opportunity right in front of me. And as Benay says, advice, however kindly meant (and even when invited!), doesn't work.

To each other on this Forum, most of us are just voices in print--except for those who post their inspiring Before/During/After pictures. There's no "fat shaming" whatsoever, and that's why this forum persists year after year.

There's also no shame for backsliders who come back!

It's a good party! Thanks for dancing with me!

Please be assured, I'm not trying to berate anyone who has a problem when being pointed at. I'm truly trying to help.

It's your attitude that needs to change. There will always be others who approve and disapprove of you. This you cannot change. How you feel about it is something you can change.

Life is way to short to worry about someone else trying to feel better about themselves by pointing fingers at others.

Advice from old "chrome dome Bobby" (and proud of it).

Bob

DH got some magnesium spray as part of his Myhill Protocol for CFS/ME. Now I want to carry it around with me!

Crabby repellent or something

Can we put magnesium in municipal water supplies across the country??

Chocolate and nuts have magnesium in them - yumm.

I add liquid trace mineral supplements to the water I drink

https://www.vitacost.com/vitacost-t...odium-8-fl-oz-4

I put one drop per ounce of water. In a day I drink at least 40 oz of water and that supplies 250mg or 63% of my recommended daily amount. Add the nuts, chocolate, and other foods, and I'm OK with magnesium.

Four 10oz glasses of water gives me the 40oz dose, and I drink more than four. It makes the water taste better too. And somewhere in the past I read that minerals are absorbed well if suspended in water.

Bob

I was reading through the reviews on some article of clothing on the J. Jill website, and a woman gave it a low rating because it was too big. Paraphrasing, "I'm a small, and when I order a small, I expect it to be small. This company makes all their clothes big so that fat ladies can feel better about themselves."

Now, why did she have to add that last sentence? Why not just say the item runs large and be done with it?

It's easy to fat shame when it's anonymous. You can be as snarky and mean and rude as you like.

That would account for a great deal of the world's problems today, especially in the U.S. A pox on the "anonymity" of social media, when we all know (or believe) that "social media" spy on us. Strange paradox.

Most likely, she has complete contempt and disdain for those who have allowed themselves to commit the unforgivable sin of becoming overweight, and she wants to make sure that anyone who bought a small which actually fit properly - they're obviously not really as small as they believe they are.

Vanity sizing is definitely a thing these days, and some manufacturers obviously allow more extra room for vanity sizing than others. I'd never heard of J Jill before, so I checked out their website - the few things I clicked on said they ran true to size, but based on the the way the clothes fit the models in the photos, including the plus size models, the items I looked at are apparently intended to fit very loosely. ( Compare the fit on the J Jill models with the way the clothes fit the models on the Lane Bryant and Torrid sites - those clothes are intended to be fit much more snugly)

The thing is, if everything this particular person buys from this place runs too big for her preferences, then she needs to simply stop buying from them, and stick to places that make everything really small and tightly fitted, or else order an extra small instead of a small. Or if she insists on continuing to order a small, then engage the services of a good seamstress, who can alter the vanity sized clothes so they'll fit her the way she wants them to fit. But that's probably not something she'll do - if she already knows "they make everything big", then this is not the first time she's bought from them. She's just using it as an excuse for brag-complaining that it's so difficult to find clothes that fit her tiny little body, while getting a dig in at those who are fat.

The overweight are one of the last population groups which it's acceptable to bash, but then that's mainly because bigotry against the obese is based on the certainty that we're responsible for the increased costs of medical care, and are killing ourselves prematurely, because we're not pushing away from the table soon enough, and not exercising enough. And of course on the internet, you can get away with that sort of bashing, and just walk away - worst thing that can happen is that you'll be banned from posting at a particular site any more.

Rizzo

I definitely like her music but dislike certain things she has done (like showing up to family friendly event with her entire rear end out.
I saw this issue in news again yesterday because people accused Jillian Michaels of fat shaming her for saying “why don’t we celebrate her music, but not her body. It won’t be amazing if she gets diabetes.”
While I would have worded it differently, I agree. I am ALL for people loving their bodies at any weight, but many more people (especially young people) now think you can be healthy at any weight by of this movement. This is simply untrue. She might be healthy now, but what does the future hold? Also just because something CAN cause a disease doesn’t guarantee it. Some is luck, plain and simple, but that doesn’t make it healthy. Some people smoke 2 packs a day and never get lung cancer, doesn’t make it healthy....

I think what people take issue with is how that is not how it works. Thin people get diabetes, too. And the rate is not so much higher in fat people that you can really make the same kind of claim as you can with smoking. That's where the bias comes in that drives people crazy. I teach a sport and I have fat people and thin people in my classes and the idea that thin people are healthier or more fit is just not true at all. It's just not. I find it's often the opposite.

I won’t argue, no one changes strongly held opinions over an internet comment.
Yes, I know thin people get diabetes. I’m an extremely thin diabetic myself. I’m type one, and yes there are thin type 2s but rates are much higher in obese people. There are absolutely genetic factors at play as well. Doesn’t make obesity not a risk factor.
And obesity most certainly decreases the efficacy of insulin, so if someone is already predisposed, being obese is only making that more likely to occur.
Can an obese person live an entire lifetime without complications. Absolutely.
Doesn’t mean that are not substantially more at risk for heart disease, multiple types of cancers, infertility, diabetes, etc, etc....

Glad you coach a sport. Keeping people of all weights active is very important. I’m a personal trainer with my master’s in exercise science and my sub specialty in nutrition <3