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  #31   ^
Old Thu, Oct-16-14, 14:18
Merpig's Avatar
Merpig Merpig is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 6,163
 
Plan: IF/Fung IDM/Potato Hack?
Stats: 375/272.6/175 Female 66 inches
BF:
Progress: 51%
Location: NE Florida
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I hope it continues! I agree with those who say *why* even let the in-laws see the kids so much if they totally flout your rules! Sheesh, and I speak as a grandmother here.

I have two grandkids - grandson age 5 and granddaughter age 18 months (and a third one due in March) - all the offspring of my son and DiL who live three miles from me, so I do get to see them pretty often. In fact I pick my grandson up from his pre-K program every Friday at 1:30 and keep him for the night for a "Nainai sleepover".

If anything I'm probably more strict than his parents are! They started out very strict when he was born, not LC per se, but adhering to WAPF "real food" guidelines, but have gotten looser and looser over the years. Now at home he gets things like Apple Jacks cereal for breakfast, Lunchables in his lunch box, boxed mac and cheese occasionally for dinner. In fact I have to bite my tongue over some of the things he eats! But they know my opinions about food/wheat, etc and it's not my place to continually nag them. I think they eat well MOST of the time, and in fact maybe they are closer to Mark Sisson's 80/20 guidelines with 80% of what they eat pretty decent.

I don't have wheat in my house, but I cook rice when my grandson is over as it's one of his faves. He was over after school yesterday and kept saying he was hungry - so at my house he ended up having some baby carrots, a "baby" cheese, a small glass of freshly squeezed orange juice (from oranges we went out and picked off the tree) and two bananas! Then all topped off with a glass of organic whole milk.

I tell my DiL he may be needing a new wardrobe soon, . But when he eats like that it usually means he's about to shoot up an inch or two. As Taubes puts it in "GCBC" - normal kids don't grow taller because they eat a lot; they eat a lot because they are *about* to grow! And my grandson is in the 99th percentile for height.

BUT, if my son and DiL asked me NOT to feed him certain things, or to make sure he got certain things, I would do my best to comply with their guidelines. But it can be a balancing age too. I believe in being gluten-free, and suppose their request to me was to make sure he got PLENTY OF BREAD when he came to visit me? Sounds silly, but he does eat plenty of bread at his own home. I think the parents have the final say. But from the other side of the coin it can be tough being a grandparent too when you don't agree with the parents!
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  #32   ^
Old Fri, Oct-17-14, 22:45
Glendora's Avatar
Glendora Glendora is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 3,839
 
Plan: Cal. control, carbs <100
Stats: 220/190.5/150 Female 61 inches
BF:
Progress: 42%
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Merpig, would you please be my grandsons' Grandma?
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  #33   ^
Old Sat, Oct-18-14, 08:09
jennr44 jennr44 is offline
Registered Member
Posts: 88
 
Plan: LC
Stats: 148/123/115 Female 5' 1''
BF:
Progress: 76%
Location: SE WI
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My DIL is very strict about what my two grandsons eat and drink, she is a Juice Plus rep and we all try to follow the eat fresh and no hydrogenated oils or artificial sweeteners etc. If your MIL doesn't follow what is best for your son, I wouldn't allow him to visit, and let her know it is her loss and her choice. Don't back down!!
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  #34   ^
Old Sat, Oct-18-14, 08:36
Mama Sebo's Avatar
Mama Sebo Mama Sebo is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 4,977
 
Plan: lc, highish fat,
Stats: 224/151/124 Female 64 inches
BF:44%/29%/20%
Progress: 73%
Location: Gaborone, Botswana
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This is a wonderful, thoughtful thread, which would make a great sticky somewhere! So much good advice, including your descriptions of your actions Glendora!! Wow! Kudos to you for being willing to think, plan and take brave action!!!! And so glad to hear the positive results! Thanks to everyone for sharing!! Now, I'll give the exclamations points a rest...
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  #35   ^
Old Sat, Oct-18-14, 23:31
Jamackarch's Avatar
Jamackarch Jamackarch is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 3,283
 
Plan: hflc
Stats: 166/164/125 Female 5'2"
BF:
Progress: 5%
Location: Pacific Northwest
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WOW! Glendora, wow, is all I can say! I am so glad you put your foot down with your MIL- ABSOLUTELY the right call. She sounds like a total bully/sociopath and those kinds of people ONLY respond to strength- so GOOD FOR YOU!!! You are totally doing the right thing for your son, yourself and your family.
It's FABULOUS news to hear that your son is feeling better, seeing improvements in overall behaviors and also starting to get slimmer/healthier.

I LOVE this thread!

YOU ROCK.
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  #36   ^
Old Sun, Oct-19-14, 00:38
aamama's Avatar
aamama aamama is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 591
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 216/186/140 Female 62"
BF:
Progress: 39%
Location: Alberta, Canada
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I just wanted to post to say I know how you feel. We live next door to DH's grandparents, and are in constant battles over the food they force on my kids. Fortunately we are at a point now that my oldest, who is 6, knows that most of the stuff Her Oma offers her is bad for her and refuses it. My four year old son, on the other hand is not there yet. If his Oma offers a treat he's gonna take it. Neither of my kids are heavy - in fact we have issues with them being "too lean" so far. But we do spend a lot of time and effort discussing real food vs. crap food, which is helped by the fact that we have a very large garden and greenhouse. I also regularly discuss food and it's impact on our health with them, and have them help me prep and cook meals. I keep them between 75 and 100 grams of carbs on average. Some days are higher, some lower. It's not always easy, and it's that much harder when you have a MIL, or in my case, a GIL who believes you're doing them some sort of disservice on top of all of that. Sounds to me like you're doing an amazing job at standing up for your sons right to be healthy. Keep it up! If you don't, who will?
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  #37   ^
Old Sun, Nov-16-14, 17:14
Glendora's Avatar
Glendora Glendora is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 3,839
 
Plan: Cal. control, carbs <100
Stats: 220/190.5/150 Female 61 inches
BF:
Progress: 42%
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Ugh...just need to vent for a moment.

So my MIL will not stop with hassling me for "more information" - more lists, making comments, etc. And she keeps questioning me and questioning me. The bottom line: she's annoyed that I'm telling her what to do...so she's going to make me pay for it by attempting to make it as hard as possible for me, as much of an intrusion as possible for me. Nothing unusual, sadly, this is her MO, not just with me but with everyone. Most people in the family just back down but I CAN NOT back down and let her make my child sick! Um, no! That can't happen.

Then last night (before they were supposed to have my kids today), my MIL left me a VM asking if Colin can have "any" wheat. (After like 50 discussions about this.)

I texted her back and told her, no, he can't have any gluten at all. Then she texted me back sounding impatient and offended that I said such a thing (????), saying she knows this and that's why she's been handing me lists of what he eats when he's over there...ummm? YOU ASKED, lady. (By the way, I have NEVER asked for those lists. I gave them GIGANTIC food lists with the world's easiest, cheapest GF foods that you can find in ANY food store on them and that's it...and that's only because *she asked* me for those lists. I have never asked her to extend herself *any farther* than feeding Colin *very common, very very very easy to find, inexpensive, little to no-prep* foods, I can't make this any easier!!! Seriously I can't.)

So they got home today...Colin was crying...the in-laws were looking like someone died...they had "something to tell me"...I swear to God they were so grim that I was actually scared...What did they need to tell me? That Evan had crackers, and Colin had half a cracker before they realized what was happening.

I told them it was all right but Colin was half-hysterical crying and my MIL went, with her lip trembling and the tears starting (she's a big "crier", cries constantly), "I know, Colin. I'm scared too."

WHAT. THE. FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

Colin was crying and screaming...then he turned on his grandfather..."He's lying!" I about died from shock. THAT was how freaked out he was by that point that apparently I was going to somehow do something to him as "punishment" for eating half a cracker...? What in the world!!!!!!!!

Obviously she was drumming up this terror in him on the way home about how mad Mom was going to be...which is hilarious because I don't "get mad" about it with him...I do explain to him that he can't do it and that it makes him sick...and we certainly don't "punish" for it and what we do punish for in the home, is never hitting or anything drastic...usually it's the removal of a privilege for a certain period of time.

As they were leaving I was saying, "It's not a question of being scared or getting in trouble...it's a question of Colin missing too many days from being sick from wheat this year" but they (MIL and FIL) wouldn't listen and just kept walking away and pretty much ran to their car.

Emotional manipulation city. TOO. BAD. I am up to here with this! It is SO SIMPLE. Don't give my kid gluten. Easy. That's it.

Then my husband was starting to freak out and saying it was all Colin's fault...I pointed out that Colin is intellectually delayed and is a child and that NOBODY IS IN TROUBLE ANYWAY...he was saying Colin threw my FIL under the bus...I was getting upset, *at my MIL, not my husband* but my husband is a chip off the old block and started yelling that it's "not his" (my husband's) fault (Ummm, duh? I know that?) and ran away yelling and upset.

This is just...great.

This is how I get manipulated, my kid gets manipulated and the world goes to hell because...

...I dared to tell the MIL not to do something.

My husband was yelling that he thinks his mother should just stay away from the kids from now on. Fine with me. I know she is expecting a phone call or some drama to ensue. (She loves and needs the drama and attention, it's always something any time we see her, actually any time anybody sees her, family gatherings, etc.)

I'm not saying a damned thing. I am surely not apologizing for wanting my son to be healthy. I am not putting any bizarre strictures on anything. I'm not saying "You must feed him lemongrass extract in a bottle of Arctic spring water at a temperature of 92F once every five hours." I am saying go ahead and give him soup...pudding...yogurt...cheese...pepperoni...Chex cereal...milk...eggs...bacon...sausage...potatoes...ice cream...fruit...veggies...OMG the list goes on!!!!

I have had it with the lot of them. This is SO STUPID and I am so mad. Sorry for "yelling" so much in caps. Enough is enough already!

Last edited by Glendora : Sun, Nov-16-14 at 23:10.
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  #38   ^
Old Sun, Nov-16-14, 23:31
Glendora's Avatar
Glendora Glendora is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 3,839
 
Plan: Cal. control, carbs <100
Stats: 220/190.5/150 Female 61 inches
BF:
Progress: 42%
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So I calmed down and decided to address this after all. This is the note I just sent to my MIL. I held it together and was as polite as possible (I hope) and slanted toward their (in-laws') happiness:

(MIL), I have no idea why Colin's reaction was so overblown with you guys today as he has had slip-ups before (didn't realize chicken nuggets had wheat and had one from his friend's plate at school, for example) and he did not freak out the way he did today.

I think it possibly may be related to your own stress about it as you said you were "scared" and I am not sure what that meant...I don't punish, I don't hit...so I really am not fully understanding this unless it's just general stress and I think he felt your degree of upset.

I do not want you and (FIL) to feel so stressed when you're with the children. Grandparent time is supposed to be fun and relaxing for both the grands and the kids. So I propose we change things up and the next time you want to visit with them, perhaps rather than it being a full day at your house, you all can see a movie or go to the park or something.

If you would like it to be us rather than you reinforcing gluten-free and so on, one of us can go with you. It would be fun and it would leave you and (FIL) to simply having fun with the children rather than this degree of stress.

I think shorter periods (an hour or two) plus myself and/or (DH) being there could help. I'm not sure what else to do, so am giving this as a suggestion.

(GlennaGirl)
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  #39   ^
Old Mon, Nov-17-14, 09:01
Nancy LC's Avatar
Nancy LC Nancy LC is offline
Experimenter
Posts: 45,300
 
Plan: Paleo 99.5%
Stats: 210/170/160 Female 67.5"
BF:
Progress: 80%
Location: San Diego, CA
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I think I would say: "Listen, I know this issue has you upset and confused, so let me make it easy for you... (lay down the new rules)."
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  #40   ^
Old Mon, Nov-17-14, 14:38
Merpig's Avatar
Merpig Merpig is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 6,163
 
Plan: IF/Fung IDM/Potato Hack?
Stats: 375/272.6/175 Female 66 inches
BF:
Progress: 51%
Location: NE Florida
Default

Wow, you are being so NICE to people that would make me crazy! Well okay I know they are your in-laws and the kids' grandparents. However I think your new guidelines sound fine - no extended stays with the grandparents, just an hour or two, either you or DH being there with them. I HOPE you can make something work!

My sweet five-year-old grandson is so sweet and considerate of me. I was there yesterday and he said "Can Nainai stay for dinner? I want Nainai to eat with us. Are we having anything with bread? You know Nainai can't eat bread. Can we please have a dinner with no bread." Made me smile.
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