I have felt, and resisted (since I'm not yet at the C-down point), the urge to respond to this several times. Here I am, so you know how that battle ended--another pin for impulse, w/self-restraint chewing the mat.

Wanted to share what happened yesterday. I went to a standardized testing session (work-related) yesterday morning. Another woman walked in with me, and we signed in, went to our assigned seats. I was in mine, admiring the flex-y back, flipping table, wondering where those when I put in all those classroom hours, and then noticed her chair-and-desk combo were being swapped out for a table and chair by some of the men testers while she stood aside. And I immediately knew why. She handled it w/grace and aplomb, I have to say. Apologized for the inconvenience, took her seat. And I looked at her, and realized that I wasn't as big as she was.

That probably sounds b*tchy, and I really don't mean it that way. It's just in walking in, I saw her, and if you'd asked, I would have said we were similar in size and build. Yet I had plenty of room in that fancy desk, and she didn't fit in hers. I looked at her, and then began to look at the other testers in the room, and it hit me: "I'm not the biggest person in the room!" I looked at the way they fit in their desks, and realized that there were several people larger than I am. That felt . . . strange. It helped me to see how far I have come, and how clueless about it I am on some levels. Last year, that would have been me.

There isn't a day goes by where I don't feel the benefit, appreciate it, enjoy it. It used to be that I would look to sleep for release, but it was even uncomfortable to sleep at that size. Now it's the opposite--it feels good to be in my body. I almost feel like an escapee. I look at slender, strong, fit people, and I *get* it. I know why they do what they do, why they have that look of confidence and self-respect, and have an inkling of how good they feel.

There's another incident that I'd like to share. I was invited over to dinner w/ a friend who had a few friends coming from her hiking club. One of her friends mentioned having needed a waiver to get into the military, because at 18, he only weighed 108 lbs. He said that they let him in, and made sure that he ate a lot in basic training, "not that it helped, of course." Compared it to what he called the "fat-boy waiver", where they kept them from taking second helpings, dessert, etc. He did not add, "not that it helped, of course."

Segue into discussion of sweat loss for making weight, and from there into Atkins, and why it worked. And he gave the funniest, dumbest explanation that had nothing to do w/reality, and everyone looked at him, laughed at his wit, and I sat there thinking, "He's a guest, I'm a guest. He's a guest, I'm a guest. Be good," and I was. I sat there and thought--probably unfairly--that it was like listening to a nun talk about sexuality. At least nuns are sexual, even if abstinent; this person had no experience of that which he was spouting.

Then my friend talked about how hard it was to keep her weight down, now that she was older, and that man said, "Yes, you're such a blimp." And we all looked at her there, very lean, and she blushed prettily, and I felt like a blimp, sitting next to her. Then she started talking about women that she worked with, and said some of them were 50-100 lbs overweight, and she didn't know how they could let themselves get that way, and wondered how they could get around. This woman has known me for years; surely she knew that I have been among those she referred to.

I felt very uncomfortable, and thought it was insensitive of them to be having that discussion.

Felt like saying, "If you want to know what it's like to be overweight, I am, still quite obviously, an ambassador from that hard kingdom. You could ask." But I realized that the insight to listen simply was not there with them. They already knew everything they were going to be open to learning.

My daughter was along, and she and I looked at one another, and smiled. It was nice having her there.

So that's part of it, I guess. Having been very overweight, and then losing the weight, or a substantial chunk thereof, is not anywhere near the same thing as never having been overweight.

Read about a woman who lost a lot of weight, was at goal, started a new job, and was chatting with a group of co-workers when they started to make snarky comments about another woman who was very large. She pulled out her before photos . . .

Wow. I really admire you for sitting there with such graceful diplomacy.

I've always felt the only thing that kept my aries-rising type-A personality from being literally an activist for people of size was the genuine humiliation that I was a person of size, and how people react to that. It's unfortunate that it looks like I will never be a normal size, and it'll be miraculous to even get down to fitting in a plane seat at this rate, because I think I would be a good advocate for the cause. Oh well.

I would think one of the difficulties of losing a lot of weight -- I mean about as much as one needs -- would be that after that, for example with men or best friends, one might always wonder, would this person like the real me or the me I was, or am I only truly ok to them because of my smaller size?

Much as I glow at the thought of you admiring me, I'm still not sure how admirable it was. I think it was taking the path of least resistance, with a nod to the ancient conventions of not attacking a fellow guest under the roof of another. Keep your knife sheathed except to slash mutton from the spit.

Kinda wish I'd asked him how much weight he'd lost on Atkins, though . . .



But that's very much how I do see you, as an advocate for people of size. You are articulate, insightful, w/a highly sensitive b.s. detector. You wrote one of the most powerful things I've ever read, and I read it through other links, before I realized you were our very own PJ. It was about your trip 'cross country for business. It was painful, moving, arresting, and I wish it was part of our cultural canon. Went looking for it again, but have never been able to find it. Why in the world would you have to fit into an airplane seat to speak out for justice and compassion unless you were flying to Peoria to do it? I cannot think of one change that you would need to make to validate yourself.



That was more my feeling about casual acquaintances, such as those who were at that get-together. That I would not have been accepted there as a fat person. As if I `passed'. Envision a scene like the one at the end of Tootsie, where he rips off his wig. Nah, never mind.

I can't imagine being truly close to someone who didn't know that about me, not in the sense of just tolerating it, but really understanding how profound a struggle this has been, how it's shaped me.

It is a liberating feeling to not be lugging all that extra weight around. I could go up stairs without hauling myself up using the bannister....getting up out of a chair became easy and not this huge effort. My work with dogs each day, as in lots of walking....was no longer killing my legs. Just turning my body in bed wasn't the chore that it had been prior. Not to mention my energy levels!!
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I loved reading this Judy! I am not there~~~ yet but do go up stairs better still need a rail. My hardest thing from my total knee but also the weight is getting out of couches and low chairs in people's homes. I am a hospice nurse and am in peoples homes all day in my job. Sometimes I sit in a couch and my knees are above my hips and it is not pretty getting out of the couch

Love this post!
Gloria

Hello all! I started this thread nearly two years ago now. I spent a year losing the struggle of weight loss. Then I spent the last year taking two steps forward and one step back.

I finally feel like I'm changing my lifestyle, not gritting my teeth through a diet. I lost 72lbs following "The Zone" and have switched to Carb Addicts after my one year weight loss anniversery.

I still have about 86lbs to lose, but I'm currently down about 69lbs! I'm still interested in hearing what you all have to say about the joys of losing 100+lbs: those who are maintaining since this thread 2 years ago and those who have achieved 100+ loss since then.

Its great to see you back and fighting the good fight!
Yes, not gritting teeth or 'white knuckling' it through, is key to making this a way of eating for life and not just the next diet. I seem to have gotten that when I started out and learned to cook so that I could make my food taste just right to me!!

I'm still maintaining my losses....I still eat the same way I did to lose it too.
There are some very successful losers/maintainers here who follow the CAD....there is thread for it.

You will do this!!

Glad you to see you are still on the journey. When I posted to this thread two years ago I had not yet hit the 100-pound loss mark yet, but I have now hit it and surpassed it - though not down where I would like to be since I have been stalled at my current weight (give or take a few pounds) for about 20 months now. But I do actually now see a difference in myself compared to my top weight. And I'm working on getting my thyroid issues addressed now too, which I hope may help with weight loss issues again.

Ya'll can imagine that after losing a couple of hundred pounds, I've had a number of times when people have made complimentary comments about my weight loss. They have always come from friends, customers, acquaintances , and relatives. This are people who know me, in some way or the other. All such compliments have been appreciated, and I haven't posted anything about such comments because I'd feel like I was bragging if I were to do so. Being the vain person I am, I have to constantly fight vanity, and instead, to give daily thanks for the blessing that has come to me.

But, something was said to me today by a total stranger. This was someone I'd only meet 30 minutes earlier, and what he said wasn't meant, and wasn't taken as a compliment. But, it made me leave his office, walking on air. The story takes some telling, and it will be long. But, if you have time to stick around, I promise a great punch line.

The story starts about 5 decades ago...........I warned you that it'd be long! Shortly after our marriage, I introduced my wife to the game of golf. She rapidly fell in love with it!

A few years later a company asked me to move in order to represent them in Georgia, Florida, Alabama, and Tennessee. My wife and I decided that somewhere in Mid-to South Georgia, close to the interstate, would be the best location for us. The company wishing me to take the territory gave us a week to travel around and select where we'd like to live. So, in 1975, we started traveling the interstate area in this part of Georgia, a place neither of us had ever visited previously. Our number #1 priority for us in deciding was we wanted a town with a top notch golf course.

On the second day out we came upon the town that would be our home from then to the present. We asked about a golf course and was told the only one in the area was the local country club. We headed out there, was given a cart to look over the course and was even invited to play. We did so and knew we were home. The cost was very reasonable, being even less that what we were presently paying where we'd lived since we were married.

So, for the next 20 years, or more, we had a place where we loved to play. My wife virtually gave up the game when our first grandchildren came along, but I kept playing into my late '40's. I finally had to quit because I simply became too fat to play anymore. From the time we stopped playing neither my wife nor myself ever hit another golf ball.

Flash forward about 20 years. I've been blessed with a great weight loss. I'm now feeling better, and can do things, I couldn't do in my 30's, or 40's, or 50's. A couple of months ago my wife says we ought to get a couple of clubs and go out to a range and hit a few golf balls. I was hesitate, knowing I'd not be able to swing a club, but if I did, I'd likely be sore.

But, as is always the case, when my wife suggests we do something, we do it! So we go out and hit a couple of buckets of balls, and really like it. Of course, neither of us hit anything that would approach a decent shot, but we came back the next day. Within a week we were playing again! The most amazing thing was that neither of us had a single twinge, pain, or sore muscle.

We fell in love with the game again, even more so than when we were young. I'm a very, very early riser in the morning, but my wife loves sleeping in. But to play golf, she'd hop out of bed at 7:00 in the morning so we could be at the course near 9:00. On the days we weren't traveling, we'd play almost every day. Some days 9 holes, most days 18, and a couple of times 27, or even 36! IT WAS GLORIOUS!

This past Tuesday morning we'd just finished up on the 9th hole. We got into the golf cart and rode to the clubhouse. When I got out of the cart, I couldn't stand up! My right knee just gave out.

I'm in the dumps, thinking Fate had subjected me to one of It's cruelest jokes.

Now, our town is fortunate to have a rather well known Sports Orthopedic Surgeon, having operated on Jack Nicklaus' knee, among others. I knew I'd have no chance of getting into his clinic anytime soon. And, I wanted to know my options QUICKLY. But, I could see the family doctor that has taken care of me since 1975 that very afternoon. And, I was amazed to learn that he could get me into the Sports Clinic in a day or two.

My doctor's nurse called me the next morning, telling me I was scheduled to see the Orthopedist this very day. The doctor comes in, after looking at my x-rays, and tells me I have arthritis, with bone on bone contact in part of the knee. He suggests we start with draining fluid from the area, and getting a cortisone shot. I ask him how soon before I can play golf, and he says, "As soon as you can get on the course."

He tells me to go with it as long as I can take the pain, and get back in touch with him and we'd then talk about a knee replacement. He tells me he's going to have his nurse show me some exercises, and he wants to discuss a few things he always goes over with his new patients. He starts of by saying......................are you ready...................here it comes......... "With most of my patients that are close to your age, the first thing I tell them is the best thing they can do is lose some weight. Of course, that doesn't apply to you."

The doctor seemed shocked when I hugged and kissed him!

Great Story! Thanks for sharing.

That brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing I almost felt like I was a part of that story, and the experience of hearing those words, the joy they imparted, was palpable. Like redemption.

What a great story! I loved every second of it, but the punchline was certainly awesome. P.S. Your stats are so awesome I wish you would post some "before" and 'after" photos here. I bet they would inspire many of us.

I love reading these stories.

I'd love to post some pictures, but don't know how. I've tried to put a picture in my avatar, but it tells me it's too big. If someone could clue me in on how it's done........

I haven't lost my hundred lbs yet. Actually, I just went on vacation and decided not to worry about diet. I ate the same way everyone else ate, no more, no less. By the time I got home I felt horrible and I'd gained 15 lbs. So for me, even though I have not been successful at losing much weight, I feel 100% better when eating low carb. I have far less digestive issues, far more energy, and I don't sink into depression at the drop of a hat. Maybe some of us will never get there, but that doesn't mean we should give up. Eating low carb has far more benefits then losing weight, although I hope one day I will be successful at that, too. Hang in there Lianne. Its worth it, you're worth it.

Thanks for the replies everyone!

I wanted to mention to you that on my vacation (mid-April) I ate as I wished for 5 days. Looking back and seeing how long it's taking me to get back to my pre-vacation weight makes me think I won't be jumping off the wagon again.

My low on April 10th was 235lbs. I am 240 today! I lost so much ground over vacation (went from 339 to 351), though I am back on the wagon ever since vacation!

I also felt blah and after about 24 hours of eating whatever I wanted I was over the novelty of it all. I should have stopped then! Or, just been a bit more generous at my 'reward meals' and ate my low carb meals the rest of the day...anything but jumping off the wagon again!

However, if someone told me "Lianne, you shouldn't go nuts on vacation" I wouldn't have listened. I needed to learn the hard way, by being personally convinced by proof.

The cost of a carefree vacation is too high for me, as I'll spend the months before my next vacation just getting back to my pre-vacation weight! I want to progress and move toward mini-goals agai! Ahh!!

With summer coming soon I hope to establish an exercise routine. I've ot done it yet and I think, hope, it will get the weight loss cranked up!