I've been thinking a bit lately on the difference between this WOE (way of eating) versus low-carb as a WOL (way of life). And as I approach the end of the fifth year of maintaining my initial 100 lb weight loss in 2003/2004, I've been thinking about what has made that weight loss maintenance possible and how my life has changed in the past 6 years.

I loved Melissa's distinction (posted in another thread) that this is a WOE for her, not a WOL. That's how I feel as well, but I don't want to imply that changing my WOE hasn't drastically altered my WOL as well. They've both changed, but how I live isn't only defined by how I eat so they aren't exactly the same.

Before I started low-carbing, I had a WOL that was very unhealthy but pretty predictable. On the way into work in the morning, I stopped at the donut shop and got a muffin and/or a donut for breakfast (usually *and*). For lunch, I went out to a fast food place and had a large combo of some sort. I generally stopped at a convenience store on the way back from lunch to buy an afternoon snack or snacked from the cookies & candy kept in our office pantry. For dinner, I either went out to dinner, ordering whatever sounded best to me, not concerning myself with what was healthiest. Or I ordered in delivery food, or I stopped at the grocery store and bought what I wanted for dinner. I didn't cook much, but I'd make pasta or sandwiches or something that sort of resembled real food usually, but I'd always buy something for my other meal - chips, cookies, candy, chocolate or ice cream, or a combination of any or all.

One of the things that I think made a huge difference to my success when I started low-carbing was that, at first, I didn't have to change that routine much. In the mornings, I stopped at the grocery store instead of the donut shop and bought sliced deli meat and sliced cheese and made rollups at my desk for breakfast. For lunch, I went to a fast food restaurant and bought a combo with a salad instead of fries and threw away the bun on the burger. I'd either have more rollups for an afternoon snack, or stop and buy some cheddar and have sliced cheddar for an afternoon snack at work. For dinner, I either went out and ordered low-carb at the restaurant or stopped at the grocery store and bought bagged salad and a rotisserie chicken. I also bought nuts or turkey pepperettes or some other low-carb snack to eat for a snack at night. And all the way along, I ate low-carb candy & chocolate to satisfy my sweet tooth.

I changed my WOE, but not my WOL. I changed how I ate, but didn't change who I was (a sweets-loving, fairly lazy person uninterested in cooking and too much diet prep). I think changing both at once would have been too hard on me and would have set me up for failure.

The interesting thing is that as time went on, my WOL changed. I started cooking more to have different things to eat. I started bringing my breakfast & lunch from home more often because I could get better variety that way (and boy, do those fast food salads ever taste awful, almost metallicy, I never enjoyed them). I started to exercise after about 6-9 months because I wanted to support my weight loss. I started moderating the sweets to help the weight loss along. Eventually, I got to where I was a good LC girl after all, following the LC WOL. I think as time went by, my WOE was incorporated as a permanent part of my WOL and I think that is the cornerstone of my success. Over time, who I am has changed so that my LC WOE is part of who I am. Eating off plan, while still far too easy, far too tasty and far too tempting, also doesn't feel like "me" as much anymore. Take me to a restaurant and I'm more likely to want a steak than a pasta dish now.

I just think it was important for me to integrate LC into my life, not to try to change my life to be something it wasn't. Sure, the food had to change. And really, in the end, so did the other behaviours like spending all my money on eating out and not exercising and not planning ahead and such, but all that didn't need to happen on the first day of LC to be successful. In the long run, I wonder if I wasn't more successful because I didn't do it the "WOL" way.

I understand this was "my way" and that others have had success with drastic, sudden changes to WOE & WOL at the same time. I just wanted to offer a view to a different way, where we integrate our new WOE into our real lives, instead of feeling we have to change our fundamental personality in order to lose weight.

Insightful! It definitely comes down to what works best for us each individually and this approach certainly worked wonderfully for you. BRAVO!! Thanks for sharing!!

Thanks, Val, for bringing up an issue that can help us turn over one more rock in the path, and see what we can bring to daylight.

When I think of my WOL before LC, I think of being sugar-dependent and eating/nourishing my way towards an imminent immobility. I used sugar as a mood-altering substance that allowed me to defer the necessary and tune out the painful.

I read this in some AA materials (not implying here that all of us have addiction issues, but I find a lot of their ideas apply to my long, fraught relationship w/food). A woman said that her life was like a tangled skein of yarn, and she couldn't find the end to start untangling it. When she stopped drinking, that was like finding a starting place--but she still had to clean up the mess.

Getting out of the sugar fog, and taking enough weight off to start be able to move more freely and quickly, to be able to present myself more confidently to the world, to accomplish more, to attend my living environment, was a starting place for me. I'm finding this untangling process to be a chicken-and-egg thing that I'm still working on. Thus for me, changing my WOE had to come first; but changing my WOL is where the real rewards lie.

I have a long way to go on the healing process, even though I'm better by far than I was. I still have amends to make, esp. w/my son who has been deeply hurt by my weight and my inability to be active and fit. I'm working on it, but it's going to take time, and I may never be able to fix what is broken there.

I am still learning.

Yesterday I was so pleased to get a delivery of wood for building raised beds for a garden, then later learned that I may not be able to use the space I'd planned for it--and there really isn't another one that is suitable. I was excited about putting in these beds, and not being able to have a large garden here may change the way I feel about the whole place. In the past, there would have been an easy fix for this: go eat something, preferably sweet. Watch a movie. Move the pile of wood behind the garage. Each time I think about it, change the subject.

Yesterday, I thought this over, and finally asked myself, "Life's not ever going to get easy, is it?" My inner Clint Eastwood answered.

"Nope."

"Well. Okay, then."

Now, I am deferring action until I have an answer that floats up from the inside and feels right. When I can see it in my mind, I can make it work. But I had to ride out the roller coaster whipsaw, accept the discomfort of ambiguity and disappointment that most people learn to deal w/when they are --what?--16?

I am gradually learning to act on things that I would rather put off because the feelings make me uncomfortable. Taking responsibility for minutiae. Speaking up for myself when it's easier to accept injustice--and eat. But if I was still practicing my addiction, I wouldn't be making these changes--I'd be taking the easy way out. Each time I move past one of these challenges, my WOE becomes more about what food is actually useful for: appeasing hunger, meeting nutritional needs in an enjoyable way.

But, like my sister-addict in AA, I had to start with something straightforward: changing the way I ate. When I think about the way I lived before I started to change, the defining memory is what it felt like to get out of bed in the morning, and pick up the burden of the day.

That's iconic, I think, because it's where we all begin changing the world---when our feet hit the floor in the morning. As I recall, before I began to change, falling asleep was simply an escape from a painful reality; not total abandon, because my weight affected my comfort 24/7; even asleep, I was more uncomfortable. I just didn't have to be awake and aware. Whereas each day now is a day in which I can change my little world, have accomplishments to tick off in my mind when I hit the pillow at the end of it.

One of those changes is going through the sometimes-painful process of changing my inner landscape to become the person on the inside that will allow me to be the person I want to be on the outside.

It's sometimes scary to realize that I have no idea where these changes will take me.

Thanks Valerie for such insight. I think that we fail so often is because we feel we need to make big changes right off. Clean out the cupboards, clean out the pantry, buy new groceries, cook up everything we think we might need and so on.

But, as you pointed out, it's the small changes that make for the success. Same routine but different choices. Things we can live with long term.

And Kathleen, I know where you're coming from. The psychological changes we need to make. I still remember the day I was reaching in the freezer for the ice cream after having an argument with DH. I thought, "I'll show him, he'll just have a fat wife." When I realized what I was thinking I started making changes then about how I deal with with our disagreements.

It has been a long haul for me as I do have medical issues that make losing very difficult but I know at least I'll get there sometime and enjoy the journey on the way.

Thanks to both of you.

You're most welcome.

I remember a similar incident, but for me the thought was something along the lines of my expecting someone to see the underlying message there: "I'm stressed, I need you to stop what you're doing . . . " No one, unfortunately, saved me from myself, and I didn't, either. Not that time.

You're right--if I had to do it all at once, I would have been overwhelmed and quit. I started out by drinking water. That I could handle.

Enjoying the journey is indeed one of the success traits. I remember for me that going from the 230's to 220's was a significant step in how I felt, and how easily I could move--hope it's been the same for you as well. At that size, every ten pounds made a significant difference.

I sincerely hope that every ten pounds makes a difference. Ever since I put the added weight on I've had trouble with my knees, with sleeping, and I was breaking out in scabby sores,which I've never done before. I'm down about 9 pounds and the sores are disappearing but I still have trouble standing up from a sitting position. I'm in the upper 220s now and the gardening and medication is helping me lose but it isn't fast enough for me right now. Once I get into the teens my knees should feel better, I hope.

I remember the low to mid 200s as being pivotal, too. Somewhere in there, I moved from being noticeably obese in a way that seemed overt & obvious to being more normal looking, blending into the surroundings better. It was a nice transition. I hope that the coming lost pounds help your knees - JAnn!

Great thread Val. I think of the WOE and WOL relationship as being like those Russian nesting dolls, where the WOE is part of the WOL and is encompassed by it but does not constitute the entire lifestyle. I do firmly believe that each of us needs to find a WOE that works for us as well as a WOL into which our WOE fits well. A WOE should enrich our WOL, not make it more difficult.

I agree with you that changing our WOE has changed our WOL. When we started LC, I reorganized the kitchen cabinets to put all allowable food on one side and all off-limits food on the other--I just don't open that cabinet (Mike's brother lives with us, so I couldn't just get rid of that food since he still eats it). We also rapidly changed our grocery shopping lists and our patterns of eating; we used to eat out or buy fast food quite a bit, but we suddenly began cooking a lot more. When we did cook before, we used to make a LOT of pasta dishes; after we started this WOE, our recipes changed quite a bit. The kitchen forums section and Linda Sue's website were crucial in helping us make that rapid transition. In some ways, I think the fact that the two of us are doing this together made it easier to make these rapid changes and have them stick.

What has been interesting is that these changes were sudden, but the deeper, more fundamental changes to our WOL have been slower but will be more long-lasting. We have gradually learned to cook and keep creating or finding additional recipes to continually add variety to our WOE. We have developed new routines of preparing certain foods in advance to ensure that we always eat breakfast. We switched from going to the supermarket once every 3 weeks to going every week, sometimes even more than once a week. We now never go to a restaurant if we cannot view its menu online in advance to determine if there are entrees that will fit our WOE. We have learned to be educated consumers, reading labels and ingredient lists with a discerning eye. I have begun making things that I never thought to make myself, like mayonnaise.

In the long run, I think we will end up joining a farm CSA for produce, which would be a big change to our WOL from getting our produce mostly at supermarkets and a little bit at farmers markets. The idea of getting pastured meat and organic eggs is also on my mind. In my mind, these are logical further steps that will move us further along in the direction of health. That I am aware of how our WOL will evolve I think says a lot about how far we have come in integrating this WOE into our WOL. I agree with Kathleen that the knowledge and learning aspect is so important--I view myself as going through a continual improvement process with both my WOE and my WOL. Understanding that uncertainty is a fact of life and that it's not a cause for burying my face into a giant bowl of pasta is just one facet of the knowledge that we've gained.

This topic reminds me of a post that I wanted to make about toolkits. I've actually been working on it in draft form for a couple of days. Hopefully I can post it this week, as I think it will add something to this discussion.

--Melissa

Great topic. This is something that I am struggling mightily with right now. I feel like I had a handle on incorporating diet and exercise into my life but then my life changed and now, 2 years on, I'm still having a tough time trying to figure out how to manage eating well, exercising, the house, the kids, and work. I know that other people do it, and well. But I have yet to figure out the keys to fit it all in. The end result is that my current life does not support the things that I need to support - health, diet, etc., and I'm not sure how to fix it.

Valerie this is a great thread. Thank you for starting it.

I've been struggling a bit lately after a few months of successful weight loss on SB, and doing a lot of thinking the last few days, trying to figure out how to stop struggling and start losing again. Your ideas in this thread are in line with some of what I've been thinking, only you've phrased them so much more clearly than I could.

Great topic.

I can't even tell you how much this WOE shoved me into a completely different WOL.

I used to cook more than a lot of people, but our diet pretty much consisted of protein and crap. Starchy, sweet crap, to be specific.

Then we went on Atkins as a 'trial'. At the end of the week I cleared all contraband out of the house and we decreed that except for some very specific agreed upon circumstances, there would be no more carby crap allowed in the house ever again.

That makes a huge difference, by the way.

Then I discovered my first food allergy, then I thought I might have another, then I tried something else and now I cook constantly and all food comes into the house as *food*. Meat, veggies. The most highly processed thing in the house are some reasonably low carb gluten free crackers and things like olive oil and nut butters.

I haven't lost all the weight I want to yet but I'm really, really healthy. I haven't seen the doctor in over 2 years and I'm on none of the 6 medications I was on when I started.

I work out regularly. When I got started, I really had to work my way *up* to couch potato, I was so out of shape. Now I can go on great walks and short hikes with my beloved when we travel. I'm in better shape than plenty of people who weigh a lot less than me.

But until I cleaned out my body I never cared enough to make the effort. I didn't know what I was missing.

This is so true. So many of us had no idea what feeling healthy feels like, therefore we had no idea that we should be upset that we weren't experiencing it. It's only once you're on the other side of the fence that you realize how much better life is.

--Melissa

You just have to keep getting on the scale and persevering. Do not use a stall as an excuse to stop trying because you'll gain back the weight.

HI,

I got the above from the multiple thread Melissa posted. The WOE and WOL is so true! It has helped me with the month of no loss...........I am in a stall and am so shocked I am sticking with teh WOE!! In a way this is a great shock as I would have in my past just said I can't do it and given up!! I can't this time I don't know why I stopped losing and have tried all kinds of things and bought keto sticks and they barely change.

My plan is to keep eating the lc and know that one of these Mondays the scale with move.

I did sign up for a Relay for Life and am on a team......Still can't believe I did it and have no idea what I am in for!

So glad TDC is coming up with plans to keep us motivated and thought provocing posts!!

Thanks,
Gloria

Hi Gloria. Glad to see that you found my sticky of links useful. There's so much great stuff buried in the forum, I wanted everyone to be able to find the gems. And congrats on staying with your WOE even with a stall--that's what truly makes it a WOE for you and not just a diet. You would have gone off a diet if you stalled, but with a WOE you just keep on trucking. I know that many people have found that they stayed on their WOE through stalls because they just felt better than they did before they started LC. That's one of the great things about this WOE, all of the other benefits that I wasn't anticipating

--Melissa

This is so true, isn't it? We may forget for a while and backslide and even regain weight, but if we can remember what it felt like, there is always the draw to get back there.