I was wondering how people who are still in triple digits feel about those who have made it to their goal weights. Do you look at us the way you do others who are still morbidly obese (like a kindred, like they know the struggle of being really heavy)... or do you view us more like thin people, in that we don't understand anymore what it's like?

Speaking as a formerly obese person who is now thin, I can say that my feelings toward those who are still obese are mixed. I admit I do not feel that same closeness and relatedness I did before. I don't feel as if I belong in the TDC as much as I did before, but I still DO feel as if I belong here. I mean I do feel it still, since I remember how it was to be big, but not in the same way. I tend to feel less of a bond with obese people who have a very hard time making this work and staying on plan, I think. I feel the strongest bonds to those obese people who are very motivated and losing well.

But, I feel a stronger bond to all obese dieters than I do to dieters who started out thin, despite the fact I myself am now thin and their concerns are more similar to mine (fitting in a 2 vs a 4, gaining 5 pounds and being worried about it, etc).

The closest bonds I feel, unsurprisingly, are to those who have lost massive amounts of weight (100+ pounds) and are now thin.

I was wondering what the general consensus is on "ex-TDCers". Do you look at us like just any other TDC member, or do you feel we don't belong here really?

I chose that it depends on the person but wanted to elaborate by saying that I have never seen a post by a TDC'r who is now thin that was anything less than gracious and helpful. Personally, I find it inspiring to see people on here who have lost as much as you have and others who had over 100lbs to lose. It shows that people can do it and can maintain it. And it's nice that you're still here even though you are not "overweight" any longer.

People who lose massive amounts of weight are an inspiration to me. As far as how someone acts when they lose massive amounts, I am not going to judge someone who has, and shuns obese people. It's easy to say how you are going to act in a situation, but when you are faced with it, you often act much differently. I'm not saying it's right for a formerly obese person to turn their backs on the obese, but sometimes people react in strange ways. Maybe they don't want to remember the pain of being big.

I'm having a real tough time getting out what I want to say. I think the answer to this is complex; some things going through my mind:
(1) I'd like to think of ex-TDCers as kindred, because you guys have gone through a lot of the same stuff I'm still going through. I don't think ex-TDCers forget, say, dealing with doctors or fitting into tight places. They might not deal with these problems anymore, but I don't think it's something you'd forget, especially if you've lived with it most of your life.
(2) Seeing ex-TDCers around is an inspriation for me. It's a reminder that it can be done, and weight loss can be maintained. When I look at stats of someone who reached their goal, especially if their starting weight is close to mine, I can't help but think "that will be me someday"
(3) So far, it seems like kinship is winning. Then again, I don't know what it's like to be at/near goal. I don't know what you're feeling. I can't relate to just having to lose a few more pounds. I can offer up lots of encouragement for a person in that situation--after all, I see a future me inside them--but I can't identify with that problem.

I realize now after I wrote it that even that last one had some kinship in it. I guess I still feel in the middle on this one, but leaning more to the kinship side. Still, I don't think I feel the same bond as others that are still obese.
But it's certainly a stronger one than someone who started off with much less to lose. Since that choice isn't there, I'll go with "it depends on the person"

My immediate instinct was:
I am so proud of anyone who has managed to reached their goal successfully. (That actually includes everyone who stays true to their program, regardless of what the scale says, but that's not exactly what Woo's poll is all about.)

I chose "It depends on the person" because I have known a few people who have lost a great deal of weight and really changed character. Became abusive to the fat people in their lives. These two women (not on this forum) took the attitude that the path that had worked for them should work for everyone. I don't believe that is true ... even if I am a big fan of LC.

Still, I'll always be closer to someone who has walked this path. And if I ever lose empathy for the fat and become a mean b~*#! - may the gods strike me dead.

Speaking as someone who no longer has to deal with "obese issues" anymore, for me personally you DO kind of take being treated well for granted. The harsh treatment you used to be subjected to, it's no longer at the front of your brain any longer, so you kind of don't think hard on it. You don't deal with it all the time, so it kind of falls to the side slowly but gradually.

But you are correct... you NEVER really forget, even if you think you have momentarily. All it takes is a post like AntiM's in the "10 pounds" thread to jog your memory, and you are that same 300 pound girl again... avoiding leaving her house because she's too afraid and sensitive to deal with the cruelty of strangers.

For the longest time - and I still do sometimes - I would walk by strangers with my breath held. I would do it especially if they are laughing among themselves. You walk by hurried, head down, trying to avoid drawing attention to yourself... you're trying your hardest not to hear what they're saying (because you know how it will feel if you find out), but there's an incurably curious part of you that is dying to know just what they're laughing about. You.

I still expect people to initially treat me like a "fat person" - that is to say, without human compassion, with cruelty, with indifference, with contempt and disgust.

Despite having obtained a physical appearance of thinness, internally I still am dealing with the devastating emotional toll of obesity. That's probably why I still feel as if I belong here, and why I relate to overweight and obese people on the forum more than those who are of a similar weight/lifestyle as I am now. I am still suffering from obesity, you just can't see it anymore.

Once part of the TDC family you are ALWAYS one at heart -regardless the size - though I know from personal experiece that those who have lost a great deal of weight are not always the same person at the end of the journey as they were going in. I am not saying that is bad...just different.

I am planning to continue posting at the TDC forever after reaching my goal. Most people have a harder time maintaining a weight loss than they did losing it. Because of that, the people and place that helped me to get to goal will be key to me to continue the fight. The fight against obesity won't end for me when the scale says 130 or lower. It is going to be a lifelong battle for me to stay at goal and the people in the TDC are very important to me and have been a huge reason for the success I've had up till now!

I am hoping people won't mind having me continue here long after I'm at goal. I think it helps everyone!

Just my opinion!

For someone who is still relatively new to this WOL, seeing someone like you, Wooo, keeps me motivated and keeps me strong. It's strange...I'm determined, I'm motivated, and I'm excited that this is really working for me, yet I have a difficult time actually picturing myself crossing the finish line. Reading posts from someone who has been where I am and actually accomplished their goals helps me, even for just a moment, believe that I can do it too.

I never want to begrudge anyone's success, but for me seeing a picture or post from someone who lost 20 or 30 pounds and is now at goal doesn't do anything for me. In my mind, even though they should be proud of what they've achieved, that little voice is saying "they have no friggin' clue".

All this babbling to say I chose the first option...the bond is still there in my opinion. I need all the inspiration I can get!

We need you! I, anyway, need people like you to know it's possible. Also, knowing you have dealt with the issues we have right now makes you a most valuable assest in our journey. If we have a question about what we are doing with our diet, most likely you have dealt with it, and that is comforting. I hope you always feel welcome, because most of us probably will welcome what you have to say.

Although I'm not at my goal yet, I've lost 90 lbs and I look very different than I did before. I get treated very differently by most people also. I used to work very hard at being invisible to avoid the hurtful looks and comments.

I will always feel like an obese person in my head....I know that I am still having flashbacks to how some people used to treat me. Some who shunned me before are now pretending to be my friend. Some who used to be my friend before, now avoid me.....I have many mixed emotions about the entire experience. Things sure do change when you lose alot of weight!!

I come here all the time and post only sometimes now as I because I have fears that I no longer belong in here. I'm probably being silly!!

I have a huge amount of compassion for anyone who wants or needs to lose 100+ lbs. If I can do it...you can too!!

Woooo....you are amazing!!

To me, it all depends. When people find success, be it in weight, in wealth, in love.... they sometimes leave the "old crowd" behind. I've heard a lot of stories about people who just can't relate to their old friends anymore, so they just stop calling.

Sometimes, it's even like that on the forum.

I guess it would all depend on the person, but usually for me, the successful losers that remain on the forum to offer support, advice, and help are to be regarded as treasures! It's the ones that leave us in the dirt to continue to try to scrabble our way out... without looking back, that make me think twice. I've known both types of people. The ones that remain are SO inspirational!

I voted it depends on the person. I'm still a newbie here, so I haven't had much chance to bond with anyone here in particular. As others have said, some people get snobby and move away from the old crowd. Other people are wonderful and so willing to share their experiences and that lets me know that it is possible to do this!

I sure hope I'm one of the people that stick it out and then am here to offer reassurance and advice!

I belive it depends on the person. I will always a special connection to those that have been on my same path of 100 lbs or more. I would hope that they would stick around for us that are still on our journey, we need their support and help. We all changes as we go thru life, and have to pick our path.