I have been on both sides of the track - very skinny to obese.

In my teens to early 20's I suffered from hyperthyroidism and could never gain weight. I was 5'8 and 90-100lbs. Most people thought I had an eating disorder which I didn't. I wasn't bulimic or anorexic. In fact I hated being thin. I was healthy, very healthy, but I always felt insecure about my looks and being 'to thin'. I would overhear comments from others and that would make me feel even worse. Soon I began thinking everyone was talking about me whether I could hear them or not. (crying as I write this) Any remark became a personal insult to me whether it was meant that way or not. I stopped talking to people and became very isolated, hiding myself from the outside world. I had no friends and just hated well, being alive. No one really knew how depressed I really was because I just didn't go around family that often and when I did I didn't say much. They saw a skinny girl, that's it. Most people probably thought of me as a snob because to them I was this pretty young thing that was so skinny and someone who just didn't talk to them or make eye contact. My religious beliefs kept me from committing suicide, but if not for that I believe I would have gladly ended my life. I forced myself to eat ungodly amounts of food, fatty foods to try to gain weight to no avail.

In my 30's, after children and life, my hyperthyroidism turned into hypothyroidism and I took on a whole lot of other medical issues. I became very unhealthy and obese. In 2010, I had two strokes back to back and had gained to my highest weight of 243. And not because of my eating. By then I was eating only once a day at maybe 500 cals a day. My weight came on because of my medical issues and meds. But even though I was unhealthy and obese, I was happy for the first time in my life with how I looked. I was happy being fat. I felt comfortable. People no longer talked about me. I no longer worried all the time that people were whispering or making remarks about my weight. I felt comfortable around other people and was no longer afraid to talk to people or try to make friends. I actually looked people in the eyes and said hello to everyone. In my mind, my overweight opened a door to other people where they felt comfortable around me, so I could feel comfortable around them.

I hate the idea of losing weight. I don't want to lose the weight. I don't want to become that skinny person again who others look down upon. I don't want to hear the remarks behind my back. (crying again) I do want to be healthy, but I want to be fat and healthy. I wish we lived in a world where people were not judged by their looks, but unfortunately that is how it is. I know I am a good person and I have a lot of good qualities about me. That has never been my insecurity. My issues are based solely on the outer appearance and how I feel people treat you (think of you) because of it. Even on here, I am reluctant to post pics of my progress for fear of what others will think - she's getting to skinny, why is she dieting, etc. I know so many overweight people feel like I did when I was skinny. I fully understand that feeling.

But to be honest, how many of you look at someone skinny even if they are healthy and think they are to skinny or they have an ED. Or think they are snobs or whatever. When you see someone overweight or even obese, what is your first thought? Do you feel 'bad' for them because they are overweight? Do you think they eat too much? Do you judge them based on their appearance, even though you hate being judged on yours?

Judging a person simply on how they look on the outside is so detrimental to everyone - the person judging and the person being judged. It puts ideas that are just completely false into your belief system.

I was healthy when I was skinny. I was not bulimic or anorexic. I was not a snob. I was shy and insecure. I had medical issues that kept me from gaining weight. I wanted to have friends.

I was unhealthy when I was obese. I did not overeat. I ate too little. I was happy with my weight. I wasn't shy or insecure. I had medical issues that caused the weight gain. I wanted to have friends.

Hopefully this will help someone reading this to stop judging a person based on their appearance.

Thank you so much for writing that. You write in such a heartfelt way, it makes me think of when people say, suffering makes you stronger. You are one of the few who have experienced both extremes! And how wonderful to let people know how it can be.

I hope as your body changes this time, you can have a better experience and have some friends who will not judge. Teen years are awful for that sort of thing.

welcome to the forum, Missy Dee.

Thanks for writing how I feel I can resonate with this alot. I have been pretty small my whole life.. and now I realize that I would overeat to get my voice heard. Still didnt gain alot of weight though. I am tired of people judging me on looks as well... it is so shallow. I think health is number one. Regardless of weight, but it is hard to have society see it this way with so much in the media and focus on food.

Be grateful for what you do have, IMO.

My story is kind of similar because I started believing I had an ED when I was focusing on health and listening to what my body truly wanted, eat when I was hungry. Then, I started this strict plan that I had to eat all the time to gain weight so people would acknowledge me and treat me like an adult not a child.

You are very brave for your posting and thank you for sharing it. Stay strong.. it doesnt matter how much you weigh 100 or 200 or 400! If you are happy with who you are then that is important. I have to remind myself all the time of this.

Peace. Love. Happiness.

I'm a harsh, shallow brit and while I have every sympathy and I'm certainly not judging, we all have just one life - dont waist it worrying about what others think - cos they probably dont. The important thing to remember, (and you're seeing it already on this thread) is that most people feel too self conscious in themselves to worry about you - thats not an insult, but think about it. Do you judge or care about what others look like or are you too busy worrying about yourself??? Its the same for everyone you know. In any case, how on earth can you know what others think?? and what do someone elses thoughts matter anyway

In the end, the only opinion that matters is your own and perhaps your friends. So hold your head up, be as imperfect or as perfect as you want and remember that everyone is more worried about themselves to judge you!!!!

Lecture over and welcome to the forum!!!

Jo xxx

Jo, I really loved looking through your tummytuck journey. I think you were gorgeous in the before pics. You are also very beautiful now. I agree with most of what everyone has said. It will be a journey for me that is for sure.

Carefully chosen photos lol, but thank you. I've said it before, but my biggest regret is that I didnt find low carbing much sooner. I had IBS, eczema, aching joints and was overweight for most of my adult life and it wasnt until I was nearly 40 that I discovered atkins and my life was totally transformed. Low carbing isnt just about weight loss, its also about feeling fit, healthy and able. Ten years on and I'm ten years younger lol!

Jo xxx

I can say looking back, that part of the reason I could never gain weight when younger was because without knowing I was eating a low carb high fat diet. I never monitored it back then but I am sure my fat was through the roof and my protein was pretty good with carbs being very low. In my head I was eating that way trying to gain the weight. I was also very healthy.

It's funny to me that now in my 40's I am eating the way I thought I needed to gain just so I can now lose.

Wow, I find it so sad you didn't get a diagnoses for your hyperthyroidism. I had it too, but very perversely, I gained weight with it. Figures.

However, the emotional and mental symptoms hyperthyroidism cause were terrible. I felt on the verge of rage or panic all the time. Not to mention the physical symptoms of itchiness, diarrhea, racing heart, heat intolerance and so on.

Hypothyroid isn't fun either, but it was a vacation compared to hyperthyroid!

I'm glad you're doing better.