I love this web site... Today I was on the confessional forum.... and so much came up for me... all of the beating myself-up... all of my black & white thinking.... it has not served me well at all...

I am attempting to keep myself in a different mental space right now.... I have decided not to judge my eating as good or bad..... not comliant or cheating... but rather a journey....... this journey will have many twists and turns ... comprising, physcial, mental & spiritual aspects. When I assign labels to these twists and turns... I always lose.

I am exactly where I am suposed to be today... period !!!!. I have the freedom to chose how I will react to my circumstances, I am attempting to see each experience as a lesson, not good or bad but just a lesson.

I know it sounds so " ZEN" , but I have beat my self up enough to know that, self critical judgement; does not work for me, I give myself permission to eat or drink anything I want... thats right.... 2 entire pizzas with 6 milk shakes if I chose..... hell warm sourdough bread sticks for dessert.... so what... will it make me a cheater ?... a bad person ?.... no I will still be Kevin M. ... with another experience to add to my journey..... My past history tells me that I will pay a price for making such poor food choices.... but it will not make me good or bad.... So far today I have made food choices which have nurished me mentaly, physcially and spiritually... I hope to continue to make healthy choices... but I will never be perfectly perfect.... so the hardest lesson I am attempting to live today is accepting myself exactly as I am... imperfectly.... perfect....

This journey of self discovery... is very scary... but it is oh so... REAL... I wouln't miss it for the world...

Best to all along the journey

I agree Kevin. This reminds me of of one of my favourite books, "Your Erroneous Zones" by Dr. Wayne Ryder.

Wa'il

That's a good start. Eating should not be judged as good or bad and your journey will have many twists and turns.

May I suggest that you create guidelines to help you on your journey? These become the path you travel down. You may turn off and come across dead ends or treacherous turn offs, but you know where the main road is, and you can always find your way back to it.

Karen

Hi Kevin, thanks for popping into my "Confession Booth."
You're quite right, beating ourselves up is so pointless.
Simple acceptance of all faults hasn't come to me yet, but I'll keep working on it.
I see you've lost 29 lbs, well done!
Also, my most sincere congratulations on staying off the "substances" for 16 years. Awesome accomplishment! If you can do that, you can do anything.
Happy birthday for next Thursday (same day as me, I'm just a touch older).

Rosebud

I appreciate the feedback. I really liked the suggestion of creating guidelines for this journey... I feel that I have .. and your comments really helped me get in touch with this piece I've been working on


Best to all