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  #1   ^
Old Mon, Jan-23-12, 00:39
aamama's Avatar
aamama aamama is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 591
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 216/186/140 Female 62"
BF:
Progress: 39%
Location: Alberta, Canada
Unhappy NEW to LCing and Husband not Supportive

Hi! This is actually my first post here. PLEASE forgive this rant. I've been following this forum for about a month now, when I first began contemplating LCing. After weeks of research, reading, and prepping my cupboards I'm feeling ready to start Atkins. I've been trying to get my husband on board....which is proving far more difficult than I had ever imagined. I guess I could just do this on my own, but I really think that this is a smart way of living/eating for our whole family, and to be honest, I desperately need his support with this. This is my first time "dieting"....following a specific diet plan to get weight loss results. Plus, I would like this to be a way of life for me that won't have me making two different meals every night, never eating what the rest of the family eats, and still buying all the carbs we're all addicted to - but having to have all the willpower necessary to not eat them...with them staring me in my face just seems insurmountable.

My husband is a very lean/muscular, active man, with a high metabolism who has always been able to just eat whatever he wants and not even think about it once that food has passed his lips. He has a hard time putting ON weight, works in an active environment, and luckily has genes that make him tall and lean. So far it seems that our two kids (DD is 3 and DS is 18 months) have been blessed with both his body type and metabolic rate. They are both low on the charts for weight, high for height, and eat like monsters. I, on the other hand, have had weight problems since we got married, since I adopted his terrible eating habits once we were all settled into life together. Things got even worse with my first pregnancy, when I put on far more weight than I ever expected. Regardless of all of this, I feel like I need him in my court - but he's totally against LCing. He just keeps saying "there's nothing wrong with carbs" and "carbs = energy", blah, blah, blah. He won't do any reading about it, despite my giving him the books, talking to him, or showing him webpages.

I really feel like I NEED to start LCing. In general we keep healthy foods in the house, since it's important to me to feed the kids in a nutritionally balanced way. I've been desperately trying to lose weight myself, but I'm just stuck. I exercise regularly, but can't seem to get off more than 10 or 15 lbs before the majority of it comes back. The only thing I can figure out that makes sense and that's left still to cut is the carbs (and I'm guilty for late night snacking..... so that's got to go too). And currently, we eat far too many carbs. My husband is a firm believer in the idea that dinner should revolve around a giant portion of meat, with a pile of mashed potatoes or other carb (perogies are one of his faves!), and a little side of veg or small bowl of salad. Oh, and don't forget the bread. At every meal. I think that this is awful for all of us.

So....what do I do? My husband doesn't think forcing the kids to LC is fair or right. In fact he's adamant about it....he thinks I'll be putting them on a diet, and can't see that I'm trying to accept a long-term way of life. I can't get him to understand that its not about ELIMINATING ALL carbs, its about reducing them (albeit by a lot) for long term balance and physical health. Do I just cook what follows my meal plans and he can choose to eat it or not? I'm really adamant about trying this, and part of me thinks that once he sees what it's about, and what kinds of food (ie. so much protein - his favorite) we'll be eating, as well as how much better he'll feel, there won't be an issue. But, who knows. I really don't want to do anything to instill resentment or bitterness between us. This is really the first time we've inherently disagreed about something so fundamental to our family. Perhaps it won't be a big deal at all, since he doesn't eat breakfast or lunch at home. So, he'll only have to deal with it for dinner each day. I just don't know....

Have any of you encountered this with your significant others? How did it go? I'm anxious to get started, but nervous that his lack of support and disagreement about feeding the kids in this way will sabotage my efforts, and I'll end up right where I'm at now.....overweight, worried about the health of my family, and disappointed

Thanks in advance!
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  #2   ^
Old Mon, Jan-23-12, 01:04
gonwtwindo's Avatar
gonwtwindo gonwtwindo is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 6,671
 
Plan: General Low Carb
Stats: 164/162.6/151 Female 5'3"
BF:Sure is
Progress: 11%
Location: SoCal
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I LC'd with kids and husband...none of whom followed LC. I made a menu plan consisting of protein (meat, chicken, fish, eggs) plus vegetables (salad, zucchini, asparagus, peppers, etc.) and added potatoes, rice, pasta, bread etc. only for them. Everyone was happy.

If they are not overweight it is not critical to take them off starchy and/or sweet carbs as well. I know my oldest son in particular would be starving soon...his metabolism is such that he can eat 2 plates of dinner and not gain weight. He does occasionally have the strictly low carb dinner with me but within an hour is hunting around in the kitchen for a snack. He loses weight easily. I'm getting off on a tangent here; what I am trying to say is, if they don't have weight problems, don't change them, at least not now. Work on yourself. Slowly switch out the snacks you normally buy and only buy those you can say NO to. Plan, Plan, Plan your meals.

Most dinners are adaptable to low carb. If you want...list things you usually have for dinner or lunch and one by one I will tell you how to make adjustments so you can feed both yourself and them.
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  #3   ^
Old Mon, Jan-23-12, 01:10
gonwtwindo's Avatar
gonwtwindo gonwtwindo is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 6,671
 
Plan: General Low Carb
Stats: 164/162.6/151 Female 5'3"
BF:Sure is
Progress: 11%
Location: SoCal
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I want to add that some people can eat starchy carbs or sweets and not have adverse effects. Then there are those of who gain weight if we have even small amounts. It's a fact of life and it sounds like you are living with 3 people who have different needs than yourself. Personally I think grains and sugars are unhealthy, but my advice is, one step at a time. Let your husband see your success with this Way Of Eating and change their diets oh-so-slowly. It's enough to battle one thing at a time (his resistance to you going low carb) - don't try to change them as well right now or you may have an overwhelming battle on your hands.
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  #4   ^
Old Mon, Jan-23-12, 02:22
0Angel0's Avatar
0Angel0 0Angel0 is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 447
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 278/215/180 Female 5'8"
BF:
Progress: 64%
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From your post it appears that your husband and children are in good health. So it's your health, not theirs, that is priority. I agree with gonwtwindo that him not supporting your diet choice is enough of a challenge to deal with. Dieting and losing weight is hard enough. Adding in what could be a huge battle between you and your husband probably isn't wise or necessary at this point.

For the time being I would cook like normal as it sounds like your kids eat relatively healthy. Just make your own meals low carb. You don't even have to make totally separate meals all the time. When they have mashed potatoes have Faux-tato mash, when they eat spaghetti eat yours over shiritaki noodles or sauteed shredded zucchini, at breakfast skip the toast and eat eggs and bacon, etc.

Just concentrate on yourself right now and don't worry about converting your entire family to low carb as well. Along the way I'm sure you can sneak in some "I can't believe that was low carb" dishes. And there's lots of lower sugar lower carb treats your kids will probably love.

Baby steps! And good luck on your journey!
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  #5   ^
Old Mon, Jan-23-12, 14:46
jillybean7's Avatar
jillybean7 jillybean7 is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 611
 
Plan: low-carb/high-fat
Stats: 324/184/150 Female 5.5 feet
BF:
Progress: 80%
Location: Northern VA
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Unlike the prior responses, I agree with you - that carbs aren't really good for ANY of us. Just because someone can eat carbs without gaining weight doesn't make carbs GOOD for them - there is a LOT to health and well-being beyond just the number on the scale.

That said, I don't have much helpful advice to offer. In my home, I cook the food, so my husband eats what I make. If he wants something else, he'd better learn to cook! Sometimes he wants junk, and I will buy it for him, but only with the agreement that he brings it to work and keeps it at his office - it is NOT allowed to sit in my kitchen. For the time being, I say just make normal meals and you just eat the met and veggies/salad - be a shining example, and I bet eventually they'll have no choice but to admit they can see that you are HEALTHIER and HAPPIER eating that way. It's much easier to lead by example since forcing someone to try to change something as deeply ingrained as lifelong dietary habits can be not only a battle, but could actually cause a pretty major rift.
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  #6   ^
Old Mon, Jan-23-12, 15:58
gonwtwindo's Avatar
gonwtwindo gonwtwindo is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 6,671
 
Plan: General Low Carb
Stats: 164/162.6/151 Female 5'3"
BF:Sure is
Progress: 11%
Location: SoCal
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Jilly, what do you mean by 'carbs' - starchy carbs? Too many carbs? Or do you do zero carb?

I disagree that 'carbs aren't really good for any of us'. I do not advocate unlimited amounts or processed foods of any kind. But vegetables and nuts are healthy for most people and a good source of carbohydrates. Dairy is another source - there are plenty of healthy people who consume at least some dairy. Root vegetables and rice are healthy in moderation for most people...not for me, but I am metabolically deranged! lol The one carb I suspect could be potentially injurious to the health of most people is wheat. I serve it at home maybe once or twice a month. At most.

Anyway I do think many people, especially those who do not readily gain weight, can consume moderate amounts of 'carbs' and enjoy good health. My husband and kids for example. He is 55, his annual bloodwork is always good (unlike mine, and I have been lowcarbing since 2004) and he and the kids have cast iron immune systems.

Anyway, aamama, obviously it is up to you to decide what is healthy for your family. I just thought that given the struggle with your husband it would be best to just start with yourself and gradually change what you offer them. Read around on the boards, there are lots of people in your shoes...trying to lowcarb, while feeding a family that isn't.
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  #7   ^
Old Mon, Jan-23-12, 16:27
aamama's Avatar
aamama aamama is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 591
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 216/186/140 Female 62"
BF:
Progress: 39%
Location: Alberta, Canada
Thumbs up

Thanks all! I'm very happy to hear from you! Thinking about things from a realistic standpoint, it does at this point seem to make the most sense to just make the drastic changes myself for now. I don't intend to (at this point, anyways) remove milk, yogurts and all grains from my kids diets. They have great immune systems, are very active, and sleep and eat great. They eat healthy the vast majority of the time, though I will say my grandmother-in-law is going to be terrible on our reduced-sugar plan....so I think I will take your advice and make the proteins and veg for us all, and add in some carb-y choices here and there for them. I've been filling my recipe book with lots of choices, so it should be interesting to see how this goes!! Thanks so much for your support - glad to know I can get it from here if I can't get it from DH!!!

Thanks Again!
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  #8   ^
Old Tue, Jan-24-12, 06:38
jillybean7's Avatar
jillybean7 jillybean7 is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 611
 
Plan: low-carb/high-fat
Stats: 324/184/150 Female 5.5 feet
BF:
Progress: 80%
Location: Northern VA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gonwtwindo
Jilly, what do you mean by 'carbs' - starchy carbs? Too many carbs? Or do you do zero carb?

I don't do zero carb - that's nearly impossible considering even things like eggs contain carbs. However, the fact is that no one actually NEEDS carbs to be healthy - fat and protein are the only essential macronutrients. That doesn't mean it's impossible to be healthy while consuming carbs, but, again, no one actually needs them. Some very healthy people also consume milkshakes or fast food, but that doesn't make them a good choice

I disagree that rice, even "whole grain" or brown or whatever, is a good carb choice - I think all grains should be limited, not just wheat. But that's me and my personal experiences and research.

I also disagree that dairy is a "good" choice - I do consume dairy, but I admit it's because I like it (I'm a cheese lover!), and many options are still quite low in carbs, not because I think it's necessary for good health. Humans have no actual need for consuming milk beyond childhood nor for consuming the milk of other animals in any form.

I do believe that close to zero carb would be the healthiest for humans, but the reality is that we all have to live in today's world, so I won't limit things like nuts, natural dairy, eggs, and non-starchy veggies (I don't do root veggies - I know from personal experience that a baked potato can spike my glucose level just as much as a candy bar!). Fruits are limited in my house as well - too much sugar (again, banana = candy bar).

We all have to find what works for us, for our health and our lifestyles.
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  #9   ^
Old Tue, Jan-24-12, 14:23
gonwtwindo's Avatar
gonwtwindo gonwtwindo is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 6,671
 
Plan: General Low Carb
Stats: 164/162.6/151 Female 5'3"
BF:Sure is
Progress: 11%
Location: SoCal
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Do you have children? Husband? How do they eat?
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  #10   ^
Old Tue, Jan-24-12, 16:01
Nancy LC's Avatar
Nancy LC Nancy LC is offline
Experimenter
Posts: 25,843
 
Plan: DDF
Stats: 202/185.4/179 Female 67
BF:
Progress: 72%
Location: San Diego, CA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gonwtwindo
If they are not overweight it is not critical to take them off starchy and/or sweet carbs as well.


I disagree with that. I think Dr. Davis said it well recently, I'd quote him but I know I don't exactly remember, but he was taking issue with this sort of statement. The metabolic issues we're all dealing with now start in childhood and even during gestation. Someone's current state of thinness doesn't reflect what is going on or the path they're headed down.

I'd urge anyone to start by getting rid of all sweets and starches, and if you do have them, they're very, very infrequent.

At the ages of the original poster's children it is extremely unlikely that they'll show any effects of their diet for a decade or more. That doesn't mean their current diet is all right.

How to deal with the husband... I don't have any great suggestions. If he just won't hear it, he won't hear it regardless of what you say. How about getting a couple of DVD's like "My Big Fat Diet" and "Fat Head" and watching them when he can't help but hear them?

BTW: This was in my RSS today:
Fructose consumed as teenager affects heart disease risk

Last edited by Nancy LC : Tue, Jan-24-12 at 16:24.
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  #11   ^
Old Tue, Jan-24-12, 16:24
gonwtwindo's Avatar
gonwtwindo gonwtwindo is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 6,671
 
Plan: General Low Carb
Stats: 164/162.6/151 Female 5'3"
BF:Sure is
Progress: 11%
Location: SoCal
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So how is it that some people eat these foods and live to their 80's and 90's in good health? (I never said "all people", only "some people".)

Her kids could follow in her metabolic shoes. That's why I said
Quote:
Originally Posted by gonwtwindo
Personally I think grains and sugars are unhealthy, but my advice is, one step at a time. Let your husband see your success with this Way Of Eating and change their diets oh-so-slowly.


You quoted a very small part of what I've had to say. It was in response to her thinking she had to convert her children's and husband's way of eating at the same time she changed HERS. If her children and/or husband were overweight NOW then I'd have opined that they needed change asap. I am only trying to offer support to the OP in her situation, not argue my personal convictions.
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  #12   ^
Old Tue, Jan-24-12, 19:32
shannone10 shannone10 is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 238
 
Plan: PP
Stats: 171/143/135 Female 5 feet 4 inches
BF:
Progress: 78%
Location: Boston
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gonwtwindo
I LC'd with kids and husband...none of whom followed LC. I made a menu plan consisting of protein (meat, chicken, fish, eggs) plus vegetables (salad, zucchini, asparagus, peppers, etc.) and added potatoes, rice, pasta, bread etc. only for them. Everyone was happy.

If they are not overweight it is not critical to take them off starchy and/or sweet carbs as well. I know my oldest son in particular would be starving soon...his metabolism is such that he can eat 2 plates of dinner and not gain weight. He does occasionally have the strictly low carb dinner with me but within an hour is hunting around in the kitchen for a snack. He loses weight easily. I'm getting off on a tangent here; what I am trying to say is, if they don't have weight problems, don't change them, at least not now. Work on yourself. Slowly switch out the snacks you normally buy and only buy those you can say NO to. Plan, Plan, Plan your meals.

Most dinners are adaptable to low carb. If you want...list things you usually have for dinner or lunch and one by one I will tell you how to make adjustments so you can feed both yourself and them.


I totally agree with this, and have successfully done it myself. Since at this point your husband is hostile to the idea, it will be kind of a balancing act.....

Anyway, I have two kids too. As well as a husband with type2 diabetes, who believes in medication. If "watching TV on a recumbant stationary bike" ever becomes an Olympic sport, he'll be the next Paula Deen. But I digress....

My best advice can be summed up in two words: avoid casseroles! Stick to simple (or not) meat and veggie meals, with something starchy thrown in for them. For me that is usually something very basic like rice or baked potatoes. Most nights they all come home to a great dinner of roast or grilled or braised or broiled meat or chicken and a fresh veggie. They can eat all the rice pilaf in the world for all I care! Maybe if your husband has a few weeks of this, he will be less critical of your approach.

Don't even bother trying to convince anyone of the virtues of "this WOE", especially until you have many months of it under your (hopefully smaller) belt. It is not easy. Publishers just say that to sell books. In reality it takes time to get used to it. And it takes time to get through the various stages of weight loss. In another thread, several of us are discussing the issue of the "last ten pounds". You should check that out for perspective.

My best advice is to just get going with it! Don't wait for a support system or a green light from your husband. Make this your own thing.

I NEVER tell anyone that I'm "low carbing". I prefer to fly under the radar. I'm old enough to remember many "diet crazes". (I'm 52). Before the internet, the most popular "diets" were low carb. Like the Scarsdale Diet. But the more things change, the more they stay the same. In the rare cases that it comes up in conversation, I say some vague thing about "avoiding starchy foods" if pressed. Mostly ITRW I just avoid the topic at all costs, and discuss other mutual interests. I could care less about finding converts.

Good Luck!
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  #13   ^
Old Wed, Jan-25-12, 23:22
aamama's Avatar
aamama aamama is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 591
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 216/186/140 Female 62"
BF:
Progress: 39%
Location: Alberta, Canada
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Hi Ladies! Two days ago I had a little blow-up when DH wanted to fool around and I just wasn't into it.....and started to explain to him that my being this giant has major negative effects on every part of my life, not just my pant size. I used to love being intimate with DH - it was one of my favorite pass times. I was confident, felt attractive, liked how I looked. But I'm not comfortable with myself now. Regardless of how much he says that my weight doesn't bother him, that I'm his everything and he doesn't care how I look....but I CARE! I don't feel like enjoying social outings, I won't enroll my kid in a parented swimming class because of the fear of getting into a swimsuit, I avoid situations where I have to eat in front of other people. Blah, blah, blah.....when he didn't really respond I just assumed he hadn't really heard me.

But, tonight after we got the kids to bed DH sat me down and apologized, saying he didn't realize I was so upset with myself, and that it was very hard for him to relate to my feelings, but that he is going to back me up all the way, since he didn't want me to have to live life feeling the way I do. He said "we'll all eat with you, however you need to do this". I don't know what made him change his mind, but it makes me remember why I love him so!!!

I do think I'll still try to transition them into LC/no sugar more slowly than I'm planning to do for myself, but I'm feeling so happy that we're all on the road to better health - TOGETHER!

Day 1 is Feb. 2nd. Can't wait to get started!!!!!
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  #14   ^
Old Thu, Jan-26-12, 01:28
gonwtwindo's Avatar
gonwtwindo gonwtwindo is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 6,671
 
Plan: General Low Carb
Stats: 164/162.6/151 Female 5'3"
BF:Sure is
Progress: 11%
Location: SoCal
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That is such great news!!

There is a 'dynamic' in relationships...that when one pulls back, the other advances. This is a perfect example.

Wishing you the very best!
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  #15   ^
Old Fri, Jan-27-12, 10:34
Frugal Jen's Avatar
Frugal Jen Frugal Jen is offline
Dr. Atkins was Right
Posts: 181
 
Plan: Atkins (Breastfeeding)
Stats: 221/188.6/150 Female 64.5 inches
BF:
Progress: 46%
Location: A kitchen in Nashville.
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Hi, Cara!

I'm just now finding this thread; very glad your hubby is behind you now!

I wanted to let you know that I'm in a similar boat: hubby is tall, lean, and underweight, and toddler is in the low, barely-normal weight percentiles for her age. I did pretty much what others have already suggested, and what you've decided to do: cooked foods we can all eat without actually converting the rest of the family.

As time passes, though, we keep finding more and more low-carb foods that everyone can enjoy. I get hubby's input as I work on developing low carb recipes. His feedback has helped me figure out the fillers for my fish cakes and Swedish meatballs, for example, and he really enjoys testing the chocolate almond tortes and peanut butter cups!

I don't cook with grains or sugar, but don't fuss when he does. (I just hop in the kitchen and make my own version when he makes those chocolate chip cookies!) I serve him breads or crackers where called for, but have converted him to my TVP rice substitute. I still buy him his root beer, and until recently was still buying Oreos--which I would let him feed to the baby, since he does so in moderation.

It's funny, though--the last few Oreos stayed in the cabinet for a month and a half: I bought them in early December, and they only got eaten this week. I did so much experimenting with sweet treats over the holidays that apparently he saw no need to grab the sugary stuff!

You can do this, Cara, and you can make it work for everybody; cook on!
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