We've had some discussions lately about what our parents' actions may have done to contribute to our current weight situations.

I'd like to turn the tables and ask another question.

What should we, as parents, do when faced with a child who is obviously a carb addict? I do have a son who is a carb addict but he's old enough now that he can map his own destiny. I don't know what he says about me -- did I help him or make him worse with my attitudes toward him and food.

Using myself as the example, and a discussion with my mother this weekend as the trigger, I'd like to understand what could be done to help.

As a child, I craved sweets and starches. So much so that I can recall the places where the cookies were kept BEFORE my mother realized that I was raiding the cookie box and can recall each subsequent hiding place she put it in as she was trying to protect me from myself. I'm one of five and the only one to have this issue as a child.

Neither of my parents has ever been remotely obese. I don't consider that they had any kind of unhealthy attitude toward food other than what almost everyone of their generation who lived through the Depression went through -- it was a sin to waste.

It would have been impossible to be low-carb for this family growing up. It would not have been affordable. And even if my home food was LC, I am sure that I would have discovered the pleasures of carbs and indulged in them out of the house as soon as I was old enough to be somewhat independent.

I think the earliest I would have listened to anyone about a "carb addiction" may have been in my late teens -- and even then, who knows if I would have been able to be strict enough with myself to have save years of misery.

Long rant - but I'd like to hear what ideas others might have to say about dealing with carb-addicted children. Knowing what we know, it would be devestating to have our kids years down the road commenting that we had contributed to their problems by limiting their food in some way, yet is there any other way?

As a severely carb addicted person, I can relate to what you're saying, and I'll admit that I probably turned my kids into carb addicts also. With the best intentions of providing them with low fat diets while still allowing them to have food choices, I inadvertantly addicted them to carbs.

I don't really think they'll be able to blame us though. I mean, all of this low carb general awareness is just coming into the spotlight fairly recently even though Dr. Atkins book has been out for a long time. We didn't know about the dangers of low fat, high carb dieting until recently either, so I have to say that it still feels like we TRIED to do the right thing by our children. Make sense?

My daughter (grown and not living at home) is lowcarbing because she discovered it as a way for her to eat a LOT of food and maintain her weight (she lost 30 in a very short time and has maintained it for a year).
My two sons (one grown, one a teen) have both tried low carbing but decided pizza was too much to sacrifice. I think once they get to an age where they can decide, they will.
None of my children are obese, mostly because of how active they are, but so was I!

Experts claim that our food habits are established very early, so I think the only thing we can do at this point is try to set the best example and hope they decide to follow along a healthy path with us.
In young children though, I do think that it almost needs to be a forced thing. Knowing what I know now, I NEVER would have brought all that poison into my house, so I blame myself, but my kids don't.

What I remember from my youth is that if you wanted desert you had to eat everything on your plate, little children in far reaching places were starving and here I was wasting food.

Though I wasn't overweight as a child I did become so shortly after marriage. My husband was a size 32 waist when I married him almost 33 years ago and he still is, neither of my children have a weight problem, but that probably has alot do do with me being so overweight. They both watch themselves and if they put on 5 lbs or so, make a concentrated effort to lose that right away, something I strongly suggested to them, "Do me and yourselves a favour, don't ever let yourself get to the point I have."

They seem to both have taken that lesson to heart or perhaps they take after their dad more, either way, my weight problems has made them both aware of how it can get out of control.

This is a hard one...if he was younger, I would give him mostly only healthy options...low carb...but since he's older, it's more tricky. I was chubby growing up, as were the rest of my close family. My parents chided me about what I ate, how much I ate, focused on my weight and their weight a little TOO much. They are sweet loving people, don't get me wrong....but by the time I was in high school, I had developed an eating disorder. I'm not blaming my parents because there were other issues involved, but making constant comments about food intake or weight draws a lof of attention to a possibly sensitive area, and it could hurt their self esteem.

Is your son active? Maybe you could come at it from another angle? Like..If he liked karate movies, ask him if he wants to take karate classes. Or try to get the family involved in an activity together. This could help him drop some weight and get involved with something he might find to be fun.

I wouldn't focus on his food intake too much....I'm guessing he's a teenager. That's a hard time to go through. I wouldn't make suggestions about food unless he is concerned about his weight and asks for help. He'll lose weight or change his eating habits when he's ready. It's great that he has you for an example...that's probably one of the best things you could do for him

Good luck Hummelda

Thanks Zymi... I'm not really looking for help with my son -- he is now 20 it was him who steered me to the forum!! But we both know that he will struggle with his weight for his whole life -- I know he's better prepared now than I was at his age and is talking about becoming certified as a personal trainer.

My question was more theoretical, even as in ... how should MY parents have done differently so that I would not have been obese -- or is there anything they could have done?

Ohh...lol..I'm feelin' a little silly I was thinking you were trying to distance yourself from the situation, so you phrased it that way...you know the " I have this friend who..."

I would still go the exercise route though. A parent could try to find a physical activity their child would enjoy. That takes some of the focus away from the eating. If the child were more active, they would have less time to spend eating...the calories they burned would help curb adding pounds when they overate....and maybe some children are emotional eaters, so the exercise could be an outlet for them instead of food.

If parents were to be overly strict and focus on the food, I think it would make the eating issue worse.
Just my two pennies...hehe

Louise, I'm in the same boat as you with my DD turing 18 this week. I think the parents who are already learning about low carb and have very young children won't have these issues. They will have learned this while their children are young enough to just naturally change the way they eat.

For those parents with children a bit older, say 10-16, I suspect the best course of action there is to control what comes into the house. So instead of buying regular soda, buy ice tea or bottled water. Instead of buying potato chips buy nuts. That sort of thing.

For the older child, like my daughter, I think the only thing we can do is lead by example, and educate them as much as they will allow. That and substituting low carb foods for high carb foods, is helping with my daughter, as she is losing weight, although very, very slowly.

I think the bigger issue is we, as a society, need to get the word out so that every parent understands how food is processed in the body. That is one subject that I never really understood until coming here and reading all of this information. Even if folks don't believe in low carb, understanding how your body processes food would eventually lead them to realize that reducing their carbs is appropriate. I just don't know how it can be addressed on a mass scale without the govenments involvement...and we know where they are on this topic.

This such a difficult topic. I do agree that parents who understand the dangers of high carbohydrates will hopefully prevent the problems from occuring in the first place by living a low carb lifestyle. The problem I can see occuring is if these parents are too strict in their low carb lifestyle with their children. I think if children feel deprived they will rebel when they are out of the house and that can lead to problems too. It would be such a hard balance to find, I think, between keeping kids healthy by keeping sugar and starches away from them and the pressure they will feel in the world to eat all the junk that is thrown at kids and teenagers.

As for parents who don't know about the dangers of high carb (or don't believe it if they have been exposed to it) I agree with Dianne that we need mainstream thinking to change because as long as nutritionists and governments are suggesting that most of the calories come from carbs, that sugar is okay in moderation (up to 10% of daily calories I think was the latest WHO suggestion) they will never believe that carbs are dangerous to some. I'm afraid though that changing mainstream thinking will take a lot longer than we think. The overweight that try low-carbing and find it works will be convinced, but the general population will take a long time to be convinced that low-carbing is healthy unless they start to see some well-publicized and convincing studies to support it.

I think there is at least another generation or two that are going to be raised thinking that high carb is healthy, unfortunately.

Valerie

I think having "good for them" foods in the house and making sure they are physically active would be the most proactive thing we as parents can do....unfortunately, i raised carb addictive kids....my two oldest have caught on and are really watching their choices and look/feel fine...the other two (who btw were so successful on Atkins) ended up resenting the whole thing and have gone bonkers...they seem to still be on a big carb binge...(not here but outside this environment) I've bought them just about every book on teen obesity and have tried to teach them good nutrition...all in all...it is "they" that control what they put in their mouths...I just wish I would've started when they were very young...

I am not a parent, but I have many brothers and sisters and I am trying to help my mother with my carb addict baby brother (6) and sister (9)

My mom is watching her carbs and trying to no buy junk for the kids, but their father has the attidue of 'they are children and can afford to eat ice cream and junk food and buys it for them'

I think that is part of the problem.

In the household I was raised in, food was always a big deal and any type of cookies, candy etc was always hidden away. I think the fact that my mom would hide it from me would make me want it more.

Neither of my parents ever drank soda, so to this day I never touch it. I can probably count the number of times I have drank soda in my life, and I dont like the fizzyness in my mouth. It was something I was raised without and so I never really developed a taste or need to drink it. It was always water or juice (which I could drink gallons of) and 1% or skim milk.

I believe that if you dont make the foods 'forbidden' but simply dont buy them, dont eat them and dont make food a huge deal in your house, make a big deal about dieting or watching your weight etc, I think children will learn more by example and get used to eating healthier foods with their meals.

All 9 of my brothers and sisters cannot eat a meal without salad there. It feels like something is missing from the plate, and I think thats because all our lives my mother made salad every single day (more than once a day sometimes) and we just get used to it being there.

Despite my problems with weight--and DH is no string bean!--none of my kids have ever really had a weight problem. Most of them have done the filling out before shooting up so the chubby pictures are usually followed a few months later with slimmed down pictures. 1DS gained weight after he started a sit down job and had to have his laptop with him at home and work so couldn't ride his bike to work (at a bike shop that promotes biking to work! Go figure!) It got worse during his stint of truck driving because he stopped at fast food places all the time. I spoke to him a few times, particularly about the "fit" of his clothes (He is kind of vain on that subject!) but he would just say "I know! I know!" But since Christmas he has been watching what he eats and has been doing a fair amount of fasting for spritual reasons and has lost about 15# and looks a lot better. 2DS biggest problem that will come back to bite him I believe is that very often he only really eats once a day and late at night at that. He also probably has the biggest sweet tooth of the bunch. His "Mini Me", 5DS is a sweets lover, too, but doesn't have a weight problem--yet! My rule about sweets is that whatever comes in is shared equally and woe unto him who eats his brother's treat! My daughter is not a big carb eater unless it is sweet but those are limited so eggs and meat are her mainstay. Has been since she started eating!

For my part, my mom knew that I had a problem but felt helpless to do anything about it. She always said that I couldn't be made to do anything I didn't want to do but I wish that she had stood her ground more and had given me more direction but her parents pretty much dictated her life so she was darned if she was going to do that to HER kids! Unfortunately, some of us needed it!

One issue that I think needs to be addressed is making kids, or anyone for that matter, do low carb when they don't need it. Some of us have known for a long time that carbs themselves were our problem whereas others probably developed the problem along the way as they developed insulin resistance with weight gain triggered by a variety of other factors--pregnancy, life style changes, job changes, etc. Things that lower activity levels and/or decreases calorie needs. There are those for whom increasing activity and decreasing calories without a severe restriction of carbs works just fine. We need to understand that and not be high and mighty about LCing when facing someone for whom it is not the answer!

I feel that unduly restricting carbs for children who don't need it can be just as harmful as restricting fat! The thing to restrict is white sugar and flour, transfats and harmful additives, don't make a big issue about what they eat (but be careful of what YOU bring into the house), starches don't need to be served at every meal, don't force them to finish their food, and separate treats from meal consumption--treats around here are usually their afternoon snack. As we have learned about food substitutions you can make a lot of things healthier. Pizza on a whole grain crust is a good example. Make baked things with half the sugar because most of them are too sweet anyway. Encourage them to drink water. Most importantly, KEEP THEM MOVING!!! Elimination of recess and downplaying gym are two of the worst things the schools have been doing of recent years!

One final note: DON'T make food a battle ground between Mom and Dad because the kids will just play the two of you off of each other. If you can't agree on whether or not something comes into the house at least try to make some ground rules about when it is ok to eat the things. One rule in our house is no sugar before lunch....Well, except for Easter! Hope everyone's Easter was blessed!

Connie

Great Topic!

As most of you know, I am a parent that is in the middle of dealing with all this. I don't know if my son was addicted to carbs, but he did eat a lot of them (because we all did) and he is overweight.

I agree with a lot of what has been said already, mainly that leading by example is the first key to helping young kids in this. I also agree about Mom and Dad being on the same page food wise, and about changing the kind of carbs that kids without a weight problem eat.

To me communication is going to be one of the key ingredients in helping a child change their WOE. When my wife and I decided to start back on this WOE, we sat down with my son (8 years old) and told him what we were going to do. We educated him about the diet, and why we were doing it, without ever telling him that “you need to be on a diet” or things like that. We simply asked him at the end of our discussion if he wanted to try it with us. I think that most kids will want to do what the parents are doing just to be involved. The key is to make it their decision to do it, and I will explain why – of course this can only start when the kids are old enough to understand the impacts.

If you have made it so the child has chosen to follow this WOE, then when “struggles” come up, you can revisit their decision to do this, and remind them that they wanted to do this. The first few months trying low carb with an addicted child will be very tough. The first time we went out to eat and my son realized that he couldn’t have Chicken Fingers and Fries he was upset. They don’t really get it until something like this happens. He sat at the table pouting while I ordered him a low carb item – but then when he ate it he decided he liked it better than the chicken fingers.

I also think that for kids you need to help them get off carbs by having some of the low carb chocolates and ice creams around – especially at first, and especially if they have a real bad addiction. You can’t expect small child to give up carbs cold turkey like an adult can. Over time he will get to the point where he doesn’t enjoy the carbs as much anymore, just like everyone does, and then you can start “weaning” them off of the sweet things. If you do things like this gradually – the child won’t even notice or miss it.

Finally – you can’t be overly strict on them. You have to realize that they are going to go to sleepovers, parties, etc. where there will be food that is not low carb. That is ok – let them have a cheat time. What you want them to learn is that this is a WOL, and that there are going to be times where it’s ok to do that. One afternoon of having something bad isn’t going to affect their long term health. Remember – even if they eat bad one day a month, they are still eating right 97.5% of the time over a whole year.

In my home, I try to not have food be an issue. Food is something we need to be healthy and function and it can taste good, but I try to make sure it is not associated with feelings or holidays. When my son does well in school, he doesn't get a food reward, he gets praise or a new book or trading cards etc. I also try to not label food as good or bad. Some foods have more nutritional value than others and can help him grow stronger, run faster, have more energy. That is the type of info I give my son so he can make informed decisions on his own. We try to always keep lots of fresh fruits, veggies, nuts, lc bread etc around for good choices.

We also keep a cabinet with what many would call "junk" choices in it. It is where the left over Easter candy already has been put, individual size bags of chips and cheetos are. It isn't off limits - if ds wants something he or his friends can get something. The funny thing is I usually have to clean the snack cabinet out every month or so and throw away most of the food, it goes bad. Since it isn't off limits, there isn't that forbidden fruit mentality. My son is 8 which makes it easier I think. If I were trying to change eatting habits already set in an older kid, I think that would be really hard.

I agree with what many others have said about exercise being the key. Even more than getting kids into sports, I think them seeing us do things is even more important. If I'm sitting back watching tv or on the computer (oops) and tell him to go ride his bike that is a very mixed message. If on the other hand I get up and say I want to go on a bike ride, would he like to come too - that is teaching exercise as fun and a part of one's life. This part takes some effort on my part, but as I get healthier it has gotten easier. Planning a family hike on the weekend or just going outside and shooting hoops with him makes a huge difference.

Each child and family is different and unfortunately what works for one doesn't always work for another. I have just been very blessed with an active husband who has been very supportive of my woe and a son that now thinks it isn't dinner if he doesn't have fresh baby spinach like mom because we are the PopEye family!

Marie

sorry, mistake posting here

Hi,I noticed this thread, and being low in time, I was not able to read all of the posts. But I would like to contribute my two cents worth, If it's ok.
My son is almost 18, and weighs about what I do, over 250. I know I contributed to his weight problem, both behaviorally and genetically. niether of which I was able to control at the time. (being ignorant of the truth as contained in lo-carb.)
However, since I have begun to lose weight (22 lbs gone, in 2 months) my son has begun to ask me for help. So I helped him in a nonthreatening, respectful way to figure out what his problem was. We went over his daily intake and zeroed in on the carbs. His calorie intake was actually average for his age. Also his carb intake. But he evidently wasnt able to process them correctly metabolically. So he asked for my help to restructure hie diet.
Since he has to pack his lunch for school, and he comes home to an empty house hungry almost every day, we decided to make the small, but manageable step of buying low-carb bread for his sandwiches. Since he is so young, he may be able to lose weight easier with a higher intake of carbs. But we will have to pay close attention to how it goes, and do adjustments of the diet for him along the way.
I try to have meat and veggies in the fridge, ready for him to snack on when hungry.
And we are trying to find hobbies for him that he likes, to get him moving outside. But I make it clear to him that he is a man now, and is responsible for his own self. I cant do things for him, nor can I make him do the right things. I can help him along the way, if he wants help. And I will be his biggest cheerleader.

We are in this together. And he is losing the weight. 10 lbs so far. He says he feels a lot better.