Hi Mare.
I can relate somewhat to your situation. My ferritin was down to about 20, also, and I can't seem to get it up with iron pills. It went up to the 60s then fell back to the 40s. (I'm also in the unfortunate situation of the doctor only looking at my TSH. I'm perpetually freezing, I have almost no eyebrows left and my hair is falling out massively. I think I'm screwed unless I can sweet talk the doc into running a proper thyroid panel... but that's beside the point.) I have also been plagued with a racing/pounding heart for years now. Y'know what? I'm just so used to it now, I hardly think about it. I wore a Holter monitor for a day or two about ten years ago, and there was absolutely nothing wrong with my ticker.
I'm still here. That's after an eating disorder, ephedra abuse, alcohol abuse, and just generally living life running on all four cylinders and burning the candle at both ends.
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My main problem is my thyroid and my heart, not so much my anxiety.
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Are you sure about this? It really sounds like the fear-of-death thing is taking a toll on your quality of life.
Where I can't relate (with no disrespect) are those feelings. There's no emotion tied to these symptoms for me. I have a screwed up adrenaline system. That's it. It is not a heart attack. A heart attack is a blockage. I'm already eating pretty well and I'm active - but guess what? Even the "healthiest" people can drop dead from a heart attack, and Uncle Phil who drinks like a fish and smokes like a chimney will live to be 90.
I think you'd be doing yourself a huge favour by working on the doom feelings.
"What you THINK about, you BRING about."
I've struggled with depression and anxiety my whole life, and I no longer consider it a "struggle". When my mind starts "going there," one of my favorite tools for these intrusive thoughts is to literally imagine a stop sign
and say the word, "STOP" to myself. Then, I switch my thoughts to something specific about the day - what do I need to do today? What's up at work? Any occasions coming up like birthdays? I focus on current reality. You might want to find some mind tricks like this.
Side comment: are you entirely off gluten? If not, try it. One of my first clues about gluten affecting my brain was going back and looking through my online journal, and I had massive melt-downs shortly after gluten cheats. There are many, many anecdotes about this, especially at celiac forums. (Not much science yet, since no one profits off a gluten-free diet)
Maybe another good thing for you to do is face death head-on, and shine a light on it. We're all going to die. I don't know how old your kids are, but have an age-appropriate conversation with them and make sure your will is done up. None of us like to talk or think about it, but it's prudent. And then, trust that your kids are going to be fine either way. Trust them!
Wishing you luck and good health.