Okay I'm sure if this is the right place to put this. But I need some advise....

My 16 YO SD has gained an EXTENSIVE amount of weight in the last year. She went from a size 8 to a minimum of a size 18 in a very short period of time. I'm quite worried because each time I see her she keeps getting bigger and bigger. She doesn't even try to watch what she eats...doesn't exercise and everytime she comes to my house she sleeps. So I can't tell if it's just because of the partying or what. I wish more than anything I could lay down the law with the partying but unfortunatley I'm not the parent and she doesn't live here....

I know she struggles with getting appropriate sleep. But I also know her Mother knows about her partying pretty much every weekend. She went from being a kid who NEVER went to the doctor to going to the doctor a few times a month. We have medical bills out the ying-yang. And it seems they can never find anything wrong with her.

It's almost as though she is looking for attention, i'm not sure though. And I don't know where to go because as a step parent i don't really have much pull in the decisions regarding her.

I"m kind of scared and I don't know what to do, besides pray.

Any thoughts or suggestions would be helpfull.

How quickly did she gain?

Perhaps a conversation with her doctor would work? Explain the concerns, fears and worries that she could be having emotional trouble and using food as a comfort (whatever has to be said to get him/her to consider a nutritionist visit or some counseling maybe?)

I can imagine how hard it must be to be the step-parent and see a problem so clearly and yet be powerless to really do anything about it!

Do you see her often enough to try some one-on-one time with her? Bonding kind of thing to the point where she might open up to you about what's going on with her and listen to some "gentle' suggestions?

I'm guessing you are with her father (assumptions are dangerous, I know.. lol) what does he think of the situation?

Do you know what, if any, medical tests she has had at the doctor?

Any number of things could cause a large weight gain. Low thyroid and PCOS are two things that come to mind. Maybe a visit to an endocrinologist might be in order if her PC doc can't find anything wrong.

I would not be too quick to chalk weight gain and lethargy up to "attention seeking". Doctors will often blame symptoms on psychological issues when they simply don't know what is wrong and are out of ideas.

Well she gained about 20-30 lbs I would say by December...and has probably gained another 10-20 lbs since then. I'm just guessing....I just know I wasn't sure how much weight she was gaining, I checked her pants (tried them on i think ....haha... because I can't ever fit into her pants. She's shaped like her dad skinny legs and gains on top) When I went to try her pants on (i'm like 10-12 with a large rear and thighs, so NOT like her) the pants were HUGE!) I looked at the size and was like, OMgosh they are 14's! When did she get this big? This was back last fall. She has since gotten bigger each time I have seen her. I've talked to her Dad about it and he's worried too, he even asked me how / and if he she talk to her about it. And I warned him about being very cautious because a Dad's opinion of his daughter is VERY important.

I just know that she parties a lot, doesn't sleep well since her and her fathers argument 2 weeks ago she won't even come over to our house when we are here. Which is odd because she hates staying here alone, has to lock every door and window when she does because she is scared.

Right now I'm at a loss, we don't really trust her very much with decisions she is making in her life and not being able to control them / her. She lives with her Mother so that she doesn't have to "abide" by our rules.

Medical test, I think she had her thyroid tested. Negative. She's gone in for her tonsils (sp?), she's been to the chiroprator like 5-8 times in 3 months. I'm not sure what to do and I know if we mention something to her Mother it will get back to her like, "you dad thinks your FAT!" just to play the "favorite parent card".

Anyways I may just be fighting something that I don't know how to win. But I'm worried and if she gets much bigger I don't know what we are going to do. Unfortuntely she doesn't even try to watch what she eats now, which used to be the case....

I dont' mean to sound petty worrying about this, it just concerns me that a normally slender child with a slight belly would gain this much weight so quickly.

Also, I know that if she doesn't get some of it off by winter we are in trouble because EVERYONE gains weight here in AK when it gets SO cold. You don't want to do ANYTHING besides sit on the couch and huddle under a blanket.......

Hi, I'm a newbie, but reading about your SD reminded me of myself around that age. I don't know if it was a "perfect storm" of hormones, carbs, partying and emotional issues, but I too packed on about 60 pounds when I was 15. I came home from high school exhausted every day and would sleep for hours in the afternoon, then trot down to the corner store and get myself a pint-of ice cream, then pizza for dinner, etc. I had major family issues at the time too. A family friend gently brought it to my attention by sitting me down and basically saying "hey, I really love you, and I want you to be healthy, and while I understand that teenagers like to eat snacks after school and go to parties, it's going to hurt you in the long run". She then took an active interest, in a gentle way, of cooking healthy meals for me and calling me up to go for walks or bike rides or whatever. In retrospect, I didn't see her grand plan at the time, but it was her efforts to help me get in shape, and it worked. I dropped the weight and kept it off for about seven years. I tell you this story just as an anecdote-maybe you could introduce her to some relatively low-carb meals, at least low GI, and then say "hey, wanna go for a walk, bike ride (insert activity)? Perhaps, if she sees the positive changes you're making for yourself and she gets healthier, she'll want to keep going with it. It's especially painful to be an overweight teenager, and I'm sure she feels terrible inside. This is just my humble opinion, as her stepmom, maybe you can buddy up with her and make this a team thing and increase your bond at the same time. In any event, best to you and your family. I hope it all works out

This is the weird part, she is not uncomfortable. I see her wearing low, spaghetti strap tops all the time. With her HUGE arms hanging out and I'm like. "Hey cool atleast she's comfortable with her self!"

I just remember when I was over weight at the point even lower, that I was always wearing baggie clothes. Nothing form fitting or sexy.

She has seen me lose weight and I run in races all the time. But that doesn't seem to help.

So I think I'll just be here for her and if she wants to talk, OR WALK I'll go with her.

Thanks for the advise.

I hate to bring it up, but could it be drugs? Pot related munchies and all?

Oh, I know how hard this must be for you. Unfortunately, I didn't learn about carbs in time to change my DD's way of eating. I agree with your sense of urgency here! My DD is 21, living away at college and morbidly obese - it's too late for me to change the way she eats... I can just show her my success as an example.

At 16, I think you still have time to make some changes to get her on the right track. Do you have any long weekends or summer visitations coming up? If so, then you could try weaning her from carbs over a few days (assuming there isn't a medical reason here). Encourage her by example to go lower carb, not very low carb. So, only have diet sodas or pitchers of tea made with sugar substitute, make bacon and eggs for breakfast instead of cereal, that sort of thing. When I started lc'ing, I just started lowering my carbs... cut them in half initially, then every week just dropped them lower. It worked for me and I think it might be good way to start for a teenager.

Secondly, does she like to shop? Most girls that age do, so take her shopping and get her to open up with you about her clothing size. Try to gently guide the discussion so that you can get her to discuss how she feels about her size. Don't be pushy, though, just let it come naturally and let her reach out to you.

I don't have to deal with an ex, so I'm not sure quite what to do there. Somehow, though, her mom needs to learn about low carb. Even if the mom doesn't need to lose weight, she can help her daughter by learning about it and fixing better meals at home.

Feel free to drop by my journal if you want to bounce around some ideas. I've tried a lot of things with my DD, some worked and some backfired in my face.

I hope you find a way that works for your SD. Good luck!

No offence taken. I was wondering the same thing myself. But without any experience really in that area I'm pretty clueless.

Regarding her living situation. She lives with her Mom but has her own car so, she does what she pleased when she pleases. (not up to us unfortunatley) Ironically enough her mother was obese for a good period of her and DH's marriage. She, however did the stomach stapling approach and lost all her weight. She then managed to gain a few sizes back and is about a 12-14. (was a 6 or so at her smallest) So trying to teach her about positive eating when her parents eat whatever they want is pretty difficult.

I'm having a feeling it has more to do with just eating patterns. I feel like she is feeling the stress of life and is going from there. But I'm not sure, she doesn't come around anymore because of her independence and usually only calls when she's looking for a "free meal"

Sleep... weight gain... perhaps she's depressed?

Are you good enough friends w/ her to say, "Hey, let's have a cup of tea I want to chat.."

And then say (as gently as possible) I've noticed you've gained a lot of weight in the past 6 months & I'm worried about you - 'cause such a massive gain is often a sign that's something is wrong. Is there anything I can do for you, or would you like me to make an appointment to see a doctor - just to make sure you're OK. I'm worried that it might be depression or some physical problem...

If she does the typical teen denial thing "No, it's none of your business; leave me alone, I'm fine!!! - then just say OK, but as a loving adult in your life, I felt like I had to say something. If you ever want to talk about it, I'm here.