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  #1   ^
Old Thu, Mar-18-10, 10:51
Lynnrea Lynnrea is offline
Registered Member
Posts: 64
Plan: Protein Power
Stats: 210/193/175 Female 69 inches
Progress: 49%
Default Rant from a parent

I need someplace to vent and hope this is OK here.

My family has a strong history of obesity and diabetes. Although I've been obese in the past and one doctor predicted I'd become diabetic, I've managed to stave off both conditions by sticking to a low-carb way of eating for several years.

I have two teenaged daughters, each of whom has gained somewhere between 60 and 80 pounds over the past 2 years, and it's been very hard for me to watch. I'm old enough to be their mother--I AM their mother!--and I'm in far better shape than either of them. I am not proud to say that.

My fridge and pantry are stocked with low-carb staples, along with a few potatoes and bread for those who want it. I don't nag the girls about how they eat, and in fact I don't discuss diet at all unless they bring it up. But it's very clear that they're unhappy with themselves, and they're painfully aware that they're facing fat prejudice both in their social lives and in their part-time jobs.

Really, I'm just venting. I know that all I can do is set an example for them, and work on my own issues with accepting them as they are. Which I'm doing. But it's very, very hard to watch them struggle with this. Kudos to all of you who've discovered how low carbing can improve your lives, and please keep your fingers crossed that not only my kids but many others make the same discovery.
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  #2   ^
Old Tue, Mar-23-10, 09:46
Cajunboy47 Cajunboy47 is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 2,900
Plan: Eat Fat, Get Thin
Stats: 212/162/155 Male 68 "
Progress: 88%
Location: Breaux Bridge, La

They're still living at home, so you still have some control.

Try to look at whole foods this way. All whole foods are good for us in the right proportion. Much of our problems, if we take the junk food out, is in the way we prepare our foods. Make a list of what whole foods they like, get their input if you need to and then try to prepare them in unique and healthy ways. Aim for making them not only taste good, but smell good and look good on a plate. Yes, we're drawn to foods by taste, smell and appearance. Its perhaps not "all in the presentation", but presentation goes a long way to helping someone resistant to eating properly.

I can understand how you feel though. My daughter and son are both grown and gone and they're living very unhealthy lifestyles, not eating properly whatsoever and both are extremely overweight. The subject of health is closed, I can't reach them and idly watch as they get more and more sick....

Also, ask your daughters; what do they think it would take to motivate them to take better care of their health? Then be prepared to offer assistance and if they're typical teenagers, they'll say; "I dunno", so be prepared to suggest things such as; health club membership, a few sessions with a personal trainer or a nutritionist, or a counselor trained to help motivate people, a new bicycle, planned group activities such as tennis, volleyball, etc...

Good luck in making some progress.... Being a parent is not easy, being a mom is a full time job and sometimes the rewards are not noticed or appreciated for many years down the road....

Just one point of contention: You're not doing them any favors by not being more actively involved in how they eat.....
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  #3   ^
Old Fri, Apr-16-10, 16:04
rightnow's Avatar
rightnow rightnow is offline
Every moment is NOW.
Posts: 21,144
Plan: LC (ketogenic)
Stats: 520/350/280 Female 66 inches
BF: Why yes it is.
Progress: 71%
Location: Ozarks USA

My daughter began gaining weight. I had been a bit chubby when young, briefly, and grown out of it, so I thought she would. I didn't have much but LC in the house except a few things.

She was unhappy, but she went on. And she kept gaining.

What you need to understand is that people with healthy metabolisms do not gain a lot of bodyfat. Their body automatically gives them that extra energy, even if they eat a lot, for energy. When it starts keeping it stored and building on stores, instead of making them more energetic, that means they already have a significant problem. It is unlikely to get better magically.

My daughter finally said she wanted to lose weight. I had not brought it up, I was always nothing but supportive, because I've had friends whose mothers forced them to diet and it really screwed them up. So I had avoided that.

But she didn't want to stay on, still ate crap for school lunch, would get sick of LC and insist on something else for dinner, whatever. I'd get sick of fighting a drama battle over every meal and finally say fine and let her buy what she wanted. Often this would end up with me offplan too.

By the time she got really serious about it she was 5'4 and weighed 235 pounds. Her misery was ridiculous. Her available energy was very low. Her self esteem was in the trashcan.

In retrospect I wish I had done it differently. I wish I had insisted she take LC meals to school -- I don't care if she doesn't want to take a lunch because it isn't cool. I should have insisted she EAT before going to school -- if she's not hungry when getting up she should have to get up earlier so she can eat first. Otherwise she's more prone to spaceyness and memory issues in class, and eating badly at lunch, then more of the mental stuff after a rotten lunch, and more emotional drama with her drama queen friends, bad nutrition even on a daily basis snowballs. I should have insisted she eat with me at dinner -- now she does and I make her HELP me make dinner every night or she will go without food. We've had more time together and she's learned more about food and cooking and is more comfortable in the kitchen now. I should have insisted that everything that is a known "trigger" food -- starting with everything containing gluten and milk -- simply be out of the house period.

Had I known what the future held I feel that I could have said, "This is such a serious medical and social issue that I don't CARE if someone else in the house wants bread and milk, they can eat it elsewhere."

Every bit of extra fat is a little more damage, IMO. Every bit of extra fat is that many more horrible stretch marks that have marred her sweet body before she ever even GOT to have a body she was old enough to show a man. Every bit of continued bad eating was just that much more metabolic damage.

Don't wait.
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  #4   ^
Old Fri, Apr-16-10, 16:35
addict1000's Avatar
addict1000 addict1000 is offline
at peace with myself
Posts: 1,202
Plan: Healthy choices
Stats: 201/191.6/144 Female 5 ft 8n
Progress: 16%
Location: guilt free state

I think you have control. I think it is important to teach eating skills now. They will thank you later if you do it right. If you do nothing, then they will blame you. Most overweight children carry some blame towards their parents.

I have 2 rules regarding weight for my daughter

1. She is allowed to weigh anywhere on the normal weight section of the BMI

2. She has to be happy at the weight that she chooses. At the higher end she can eat more carby foods at the lower she likes the way she looks better, but has to be stricter with herself. She is not allowed to feel bad about the weight that she chooses.

She has recently chosen to lose 10 lbs. This is the first time that she has ever wanted to lose some weight. I asked her to trust me and gave her some guidelines for LC eating. She followed them and saw quick results. Now she feels empowered.

Proper eating is something that we have to teach along with everything else. You don't have to sit around and worry and be upset over it. They might be mad at you, or feel embarrassed...but as their mom if you don't help them correct this issue, who will? They will battle their whole lives.

Best wishes
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