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  #1   ^
Old Mon, May-18-09, 10:05
Lozzz's Avatar
Lozzz Lozzz is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 229
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 135/112/105 Female 5'4
BF:
Progress: 77%
Location: UK
Default Serious issue.

I have been bulimic for partly 2 years now, not after every meal, just here and there when I fancy bingeing. I'd say once every 3 days I make myself sick. If I'm not doing this, I'm eating one piece of cheesecake in the morning and starving myself for the rest of the day. Before christmas I done this for a month, eating only one meal a week, and I lost a stone.

I don't know what damage I'm doing to myself with this, but I can't stop it. Somewhere I've got lodged in my head I can lose weight quicker by starving myself than going on Atkins (except 1 slice of cheesecake in the morning). I was following the atkins WOE for a year back in 2005, it worked wonderfully for me, to the point of TOO well and I lost too much weight. After that I went through a year of building myself back up again, eating whatever I liked, however much I liked, and practically gaining nothing. I thought 'GREAT!'. However over the last 4 years it has eventually gone on, 28 pounds worth, and although my family say "You look fine, what's the matter with you", to me I am not comfortable. I feel better 14 pounds lighter, to meet in the middle of not being too skinny like I was before, but not being my 'fat' weight that I am now.

I've been doing this starve, binge, be sick cycle for a year constantly now. I haven't consistently eaten 3 square meals a day in so long. So what damage am I doing? This sounds like a very naive question, but I have already looked up the INSIDE damage I'm doing to try and scare myself away from doing this, but it doesn't work. It doesn't seem to matter to my mind what inside harm I am doing to my throat, esophagus, my stomach lining, I'm just worried about things like my metabolism, my appearance. And here's what I've started to noticed..

When I starved myself for a month, with one meal a week like I said, the way I looked at 112 lbs after starving myself was no where near what I looked like at 112 lbs on Atkins. After starving I still had some fat round my middle, my thighs didn't look as small. I looked so much smaller at that weight on Atkins, and I just can't understand it.

I REALLY want to start Atkins again, I really do. But here's my dilemma, I have my 21st birthday in 1 month and 3 weeks and I have a big party going on that I want to be 112lbs for. I've tried induction, and I loved the food, everything, BUT my mind takes over and I end up reverting back to the 'one piece of cheesecake a day' routine because I think I'll lose weight quicker doing that.

So this is a desperate call out for help really, for advice and information on the questions I have asked. I am currently being referred to an eating disorder counselor and I am hoping that will help a little too. But while that process is happening, I need some immediate advice to help me through this until I'm being counseled.

Thank you.
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  #2   ^
Old Mon, May-18-09, 12:54
Samantha22's Avatar
Samantha22 Samantha22 is offline
7 yrs and counting!
Posts: 8,623
 
Plan: Vegan/Crossfit
Stats: 285/212/199 Female 5'7
BF:33.4%
Progress: 85%
Location: Seattle, WA
Default

I wish I had a good answer for you.
I do remember you from the forum, and I remember you discussing losing TOO well.
I think that it's good to see the counselor...they can help you identify where the urges to binge are coming from...and may be able to help improve your "relationship" with food.
I truly wish you the best, and I know that I really haven't given you any solutions, but I didn't want to not post to your thread.
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  #3   ^
Old Mon, May-18-09, 13:34
Kisal's Avatar
Kisal Kisal is offline
Never Give Up!
Posts: 14,482
 
Plan: It's anybody's guess!
Stats: 350/250/160 Female 70 inches
BF:
Progress: 53%
Location: Oregon
Default

I hope you don't take this wrong, because it is sincerely meant to help you. You have 2 very serious eating disorders. You need professional help. Please talk to a doctor immediately. Be completely honest with him/her.

You do lose weight faster by starving yourself than you would on Atkins, but the price is high. I can eventually cost you your life. Your body needs a certain amount of protein and fat every day in order to function properly. If you don't provide these by eating food, then your body will cannibalize itself to get them. It will take protein from all of your muscles, including your heart. Most anorexics die from heart failure. Most bulimics die from rupturing their stomachs and bleeding to death.

You can learn a lot about bulimia and anorexia from this blog: http://www.2medusa.com/

Be forewarned, though, that there are some very graphic images. You will learn about the damage you are doing to your body, however.

Please get the help you need!
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  #4   ^
Old Mon, May-18-09, 13:39
ElizabethB's Avatar
ElizabethB ElizabethB is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 320
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 175/163/150 Female 68
BF:
Progress: 48%
Location: San Diego, CA
Default

I think you should definitely see a counselor to talk about this.

Inside: As you stated, your stomach lining, esophogus, etc will be shot. Over the counter medications and alcohol can really affect you strangely since you have no protection against these things inside your stomach.
Outside:
Your stomach acid will ruin your teeth. Who wants to be skinny with a nasty smile? Also, starving your body of nutrients will make your skin dry and age more quickly. You are still so young, and the effects might not immediately show themselves. But have you ever seen an eldery anorexic or bullemic (if they live that long) look good? I have watched many shows about it, and I sure haven't.
Please, seek help. This is a disease that is near and dear to my heart because a loved one is having problems with this same disease, amongst others. I wish you all the best. And please try not to obsess with the number on the scale. You are beautiful!!
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  #5   ^
Old Mon, May-18-09, 13:45
Lozzz's Avatar
Lozzz Lozzz is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 229
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 135/112/105 Female 5'4
BF:
Progress: 77%
Location: UK
Default

Thank you for the posts, I do appreciate the replies and kind words, but I would just like to say again that I am already seeking help and am waiting to be assessed by a counselor. There really is nothing else I can do at this minute to seek more help.

The link is appreciated too, I will checking that out now.

You say I will lose weight quicker by starving, but even doing that, like I've said I seem to look different at that weight from starving, rather from getting to that weight from sticking to Atkins. I wondered if anyone could make sense of this for me.
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  #6   ^
Old Mon, May-18-09, 14:06
melibsmile's Avatar
melibsmile melibsmile is offline
Absurdtive
Posts: 11,313
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 272.5/174.4/165 Female 5'4
BF:44?/32.6/20
Progress: 91%
Location: SF Bay Area
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lozzz
You say I will lose weight quicker by starving, but even doing that, like I've said I seem to look different at that weight from starving, rather from getting to that weight from sticking to Atkins. I wondered if anyone could make sense of this for me.


This is the difference between weight loss and fat loss. On Atkins, your body lost fat while preserving your muscles. When you starve yourself, your body cannibalizes the muscle tissue, the bones--everything. So you will weigh less, but this means that you'll still have excess fat, so you won't be as small as you'd think you should be at that weight. Muscle is more compact than fat, which is why you looked better at the same weight on Atkins than on your current eating regimen. When the body believes that it's starving, its response is to increase your insulin levels to try to induce hunger in the hopes that you will eat to satisfy the hunger. A side effect of this increased insulin is that it prevents your body from burning your fat tissue for energy.

Hopefully that makes sense. Suffice it to say that there is a biological reason why you have observed this difference in your body at the same weight on two different eating regimens, and that you are far from the only one. You will lose weight quickly while starving until your body's metabolism slows to match the new lower energy intake. Then your weight plateaus at the lower level and you would have to eat even less to continue losing weight. This is problematic since most people cannot sustain the lower level of food intake indefinitely. Once you start eating more again, you will gain weight. Often, you gain it all back plus more since your metabolism had been reset lower and the amount of food that you ate before you began starving is now no longer in balance with your body's energy needs. This is why calorie restricted diets inevitably fail and why people often gain back everything they lost plus some extra pounds when they stop dieting.

Check out the user anyway's photos. She has a great photo of herself side-by-side on two different diets. On Atkins, she weighs 30 pounds more but looks substantially smaller. Here's a link:

Compare and Contrast

Also, there is a photo on the forum somewhere that shows the difference in size between 5 pounds of fat and 5 pounds of muscle--the muscle is much more compact. I can't find it at the moment but will update if I do.

I hope that this helps.

--Melissa

Last edited by melibsmile : Mon, May-18-09 at 14:13.
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  #7   ^
Old Mon, May-18-09, 14:11
lpioch's Avatar
lpioch lpioch is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 939
 
Plan: ProteinPowerLifePlan w/IF
Stats: 166/143/135 Female 62.5
BF:
Progress: 74%
Location: New England
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lozzz
I seem to look different at that weight from starving, rather from getting to that weight from sticking to Atkins. I wondered if anyone could make sense of this for me.

On low carb, you keep muscle (which is more dense...weighs more but takes up less space) AND build muscle.
On low fat or starvation, your body eats the muscle, leaving the fat. It looks terrible.

But a picture is worth a thousand words.

You will look a million times better, probably at a higher scale-weight, but lower measurement, on low carb than you ever could on low (no) calorie.
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  #8   ^
Old Mon, May-18-09, 14:17
Lozzz's Avatar
Lozzz Lozzz is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 229
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 135/112/105 Female 5'4
BF:
Progress: 77%
Location: UK
Default

Wow, thank you ladies, those two posts have definitely explained a lot to me. And it explains why I don't fit in the skirt I did once before at this weight!

I'm wondering though, hypothetically, if I switched to Atkins tomorrow and stuck at it, now that I've probably wasted a good chunk of my muscle away, I wouldn't even look the same as I did first time round on Atkins, would I? I'm still going to look different to before, right?
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  #9   ^
Old Mon, May-18-09, 14:23
melibsmile's Avatar
melibsmile melibsmile is offline
Absurdtive
Posts: 11,313
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 272.5/174.4/165 Female 5'4
BF:44?/32.6/20
Progress: 91%
Location: SF Bay Area
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lozzz
Wow, thank you ladies, those two posts have definitely explained a lot to me. And it explains why I don't fit in the skirt I did once before at this weight!

I'm wondering though, hypothetically, if I switched to Atkins tomorrow and stuck at it, now that I've probably wasted a good chunk of my muscle away, I wouldn't even look the same as I did first time round on Atkins, would I? I'm still going to look different to before, right?


You'd have to start weight training to replace the muscle mass that you lost while starving. Preferably heavy weights--weights heavy enough that you can only do one set of reps where you struggle to do the last rep or two. That is the fastest way to build muscle. You would need to make sure that you were eating adequate protein to fuel these workouts. It's important to eat some protein and fat within a half-hour of weight lifting. This way the muscles have the fuel to repair and strengthen and you'll get the maximum benefit out of our time in the gym.

It is possible that you might temporarily gain some weight until you can ramp up your metabolism again. So you would need to commit to doing it for at least 6 months IMO--otherwise you might see the increase in weight and freak out. I would encourage you to restart Atkins, but in your case it's basically a requirement that you NOT weigh yourself for several months. Take measurements ONLY. The scale will not show you if you are getting the results you want--i.e. losing fat and gaining muscle. Only the tape measure and your pants will tell the tale. Weighing yourself during this time might be psychologically damaging to your progress and extremely counter-productive.

Other users here may have more experience than I do with recovering from a calorie-restricted diet, so hopefully they will chime in also.

I wish you lots of luck.

--Melissa
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  #10   ^
Old Mon, May-18-09, 14:39
Lozzz's Avatar
Lozzz Lozzz is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 229
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 135/112/105 Female 5'4
BF:
Progress: 77%
Location: UK
Default

With only a month and 3 weeks to get myself into better shape though, surely I have no chance of getting there? I think what you've said makes so much sense and very informative, thank you. I wish I'd posted on here sooner, before I had so little time left before my birthday and evidently more muscle still on me.

I know my health and appearance shouldn't rely all around this birthday party, and believe me it doesn't, in the past months I've been too insecure to even go out with friends because I despised my body. But this party means a lot to me. I have all my friends and family going, well over 50 people, and I think in order for me to even go and not cancel the party, I need to do something drastic and fast to be mildly happy with myself. I know part of this will be what my counseling will help with, but it won't be effective enough in the time I have before the party to help me not worry and care as much about it.
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  #11   ^
Old Mon, May-18-09, 15:11
JAnn's Avatar
JAnn JAnn is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 4,039
 
Plan: LC/GF/IF
Stats: 237.0/223.6/174.6 Female 5 ft 10 in
BF:42%.
Progress: 21%
Location: Central Arizona
Default

In a month and three weeks you should start showing some definition. You can't start any earlier but you can start now. You will look and hopefully feel much better.
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  #12   ^
Old Mon, May-18-09, 15:21
Robin120's Avatar
Robin120 Robin120 is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 4,140
 
Plan: low carb
Stats: 171/125/145 Female 5'9
BF:
Progress: 177%
Location: DC
Default

I worry that you said "partly bulimic" as that makes me think you do not realize the severity of your problem... if you regularly purge, you are bulimic. Not all buminics purge every meal... I am a recovered anorexic/bulimic, and if you want to pm, I'd be happy to tell you more about my illness and my RECOVERY. Recovery is a long journey and certainly did not happen overnight for me...

I'm here to chat if you like!
Best wishes.
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  #13   ^
Old Mon, May-18-09, 15:54
melibsmile's Avatar
melibsmile melibsmile is offline
Absurdtive
Posts: 11,313
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 272.5/174.4/165 Female 5'4
BF:44?/32.6/20
Progress: 91%
Location: SF Bay Area
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lozzz
With only a month and 3 weeks to get myself into better shape though, surely I have no chance of getting there? I think what you've said makes so much sense and very informative, thank you. I wish I'd posted on here sooner, before I had so little time left before my birthday and evidently more muscle still on me.

I know my health and appearance shouldn't rely all around this birthday party, and believe me it doesn't, in the past months I've been too insecure to even go out with friends because I despised my body. But this party means a lot to me. I have all my friends and family going, well over 50 people, and I think in order for me to even go and not cancel the party, I need to do something drastic and fast to be mildly happy with myself. I know part of this will be what my counseling will help with, but it won't be effective enough in the time I have before the party to help me not worry and care as much about it.


I think you can make a lot of progress in that time, but no you will probably not be done with your journey by that point. Remember that recovery is a long process, like Robin said. Your body will be healing, which does not happen overnight. I know that's easier said than done, but you might find that the progress you make in the next couple months will change your perspective. Just know that most people who come on here guns blazing wanting to drop all of their weight in a month almost all fail. Do whatever you have to do to wrap your mind around the idea that this is going to take a while, longer than 7 weeks at any rate. I'm sorry that I don't have better news for you, but I don't want you to have unrealistic expectations and then end up being extremely disappointed. Better to start the journey now and then relish your progress by your birthday. The goal is long-term health, not short-term weight loss. When you look at it from that viewpoint, any progress that you have made by your birthday will just be a bonus.

I realize that we are very different people, but if I could go out and enjoy myself at 272 pounds, then you can do it now. Your family and friends want to celebrate with you--they are not coming to belittle you in any way. Take the birthday as an opportunity to strengthen your support system as you heal your body.

To give you my perspective, I started this WOE coincidentally almost exactly one year before my wedding, which is Labor Day weekend. I will not be done losing weight by then. While it would be nice to be at my goal weight for my wedding, it wouldn't have been realistic. However, I will have lost at least 4 or 5 pants sizes by that point and made substantial progress. The rest will come off in due time--I am not in a rush because I am in this for life.

--Melissa
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  #14   ^
Old Mon, May-18-09, 17:28
Lozzz's Avatar
Lozzz Lozzz is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 229
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 135/112/105 Female 5'4
BF:
Progress: 77%
Location: UK
Default

I have never thought as weight loss as quick and short term. After all, back in 2005 when I committed myself to Atkins, I thought I'd be eating that way for the rest of my life. I was so comfortable with what I was eating, how I was looking, it was perfect for me. However it wasn't perfect for the people seeing me disintegrate down to below 90lbs, and I was forced to either eat high carb or be admitted to a clinic for anorexics. I think back then I was blind to how thin I had got, but I definitely wasn't thinking I HAD to lose more weight. It just came with what I was comfortable eating, which was a lot of meat and veggies. I wasn't restricting in the least.

If I WAS to starve myself 6 days out of 7 a week, until the 9th July, what would be the outcome? See, when I done that before christmas, I wasn't particularly flabby still, just not toned. And I've never been toned in my life if I'm honest, I have a very addictive personality and when I started exercise in 2005 I found myself doing it excessively, so I had to cut it out completely. The reason I'm asking people's predictions on this is because I know I will end up doing this starvation until my birthday has passed, and then I will probably comit myself fully to Atkins after. But would I look skinny? Would I look fat still?

Robin, thank you very much for the offer of your support and sharing your own past of bulimia. I will message you whenever I need to chat.
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  #15   ^
Old Mon, May-18-09, 17:44
Judynyc's Avatar
Judynyc Judynyc is offline
Attitude is a Choice
Posts: 30,111
 
Plan: No sugar, flour, wheat
Stats: 228.4/209.0/170 Female 5'6"
BF:stl/too/mch
Progress: 33%
Location: NYC
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lozzz
I have never thought as weight loss as quick and short term. After all, back in 2005 when I committed myself to Atkins, I thought I'd be eating that way for the rest of my life. I was so comfortable with what I was eating, how I was looking, it was perfect for me. However it wasn't perfect for the people seeing me disintegrate down to below 90lbs, and I was forced to either eat high carb or be admitted to a clinic for anorexics. I think back then I was blind to how thin I had got, but I definitely wasn't thinking I HAD to lose more weight. It just came with what I was comfortable eating, which was a lot of meat and veggies. I wasn't restricting in the least.

If I WAS to starve myself 6 days out of 7 a week, until the 9th July, what would be the outcome? See, when I done that before christmas, I wasn't particularly flabby still, just not toned. And I've never been toned in my life if I'm honest, I have a very addictive personality and when I started exercise in 2005 I found myself doing it excessively, so I had to cut it out completely. The reason I'm asking people's predictions on this is because I know I will end up doing this starvation until my birthday has passed, and then I will probably comit myself fully to Atkins after. But would I look skinny? Would I look fat still?


When you are able to work with a counselor, I hope that you will begin to look for balance in how you view yourself.
You are a very young and beautiful woman and you are obsessing over things and blowing them totally out of reality.
Its not all about how or what you look like and you are not even considering your long term health in how you lose and gain weight over and over again.
Yes, I can see that you've got an addictive personality and I will not enable you by telling you what I think that you'll look like after you starve or do some other fad.

You are eating disordered, plain and simple, and I hope that you do get the help that you say you are going to get.
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