When you, the overweight person, who is doing everything in his or her power to lose weight, knows someone who KNOWS that person is "dieting," right?

And the overweight person mentions that he or she is on a diet, needs to lose more weight, whatever,

and the OTHER person, who is proper thin and does not need to lose weight ANY weight, mentions how THEY need to lose a few pounds or diet also?!

For instance, my mom's friend, who is like a size 6, who has NEVER been overweight in her LIFE---who you could blow over with a breath of air, always, and I mean ALWAYS (!) mentions how SHE needs to lose weight too every time I bring up my diet journey!!

And it's not just her---it's people you've met all your life, the thin ones, who never need to watch what they eat---they ALWAYS say they need to 'lose a few pounds' whenever the topic of dieting is brought up!

Why?! WHY!!!!!!!!

These people freakin' INFURIATE ME!!!!!!

What do you say to make them shut the H*LL UP and realize how F***ING insulting they are?!?!!!!???????

Honestly, nothing. I've found that I run more of a risk of insulting them by telling them they are fine. They might be the perfect specimen of what I think a healthy body is supposed to look like, but they still know that they are struggling with something. But that's just me.

Edited to add: One thing that does bother me is when I have a goal and someone tries to talk me out of it (you're going to be WAY too skinny at that weight, etc.). It really deflates my work ethic!

But about the OP, I think that it can feel very insulting when "the thin people" add their 2 cents in about their 'few pounds to lose' because it seems like their journey is so much shorter than ours. I tend to be the type that feels like shorter journey=less important than a long one, but I do try not to think that way. I've been there where I couldn't lose 10lbs as easily as before, and it's been a struggle. I learned on my end not to comment about my measly pounds (or whatever issue) when someone is sharing about their more substantial pounds (or issue), for concern that I would upset them to the degree that you've been upset by your mom's friend. Sorry that happened and big hugs.

Q: Does this piss you off too?
A: No.

Why?
A. By nature, people tend to want to relate. In some realm of their reality, they're commiserating by saying they need to lose a few pounds, too.
and/or
B. They may actually monitor their intake on some level that I'm not aware of, so it's hard to say how they struggle internally. I realize that it may not seem that way comparatively, but it's unlikely I know what their actual struggles really are. Maybe they aren't at their ideal weight (even if, to me, they're underweight), their issue is just not as extreme as mine, but it does not make it any less of an issue for them. While I find it difficult to compare myself to someone who only needs to lose a few pounds when I need to lose over a hundred, I would suppose it isn't much different of a battle for me than it is for them. Unless you've been really large, most people can't imagine what it is like to live with from a personal health standpoint or a social standpoint.

When I'd lost a lot of weight the first time and was 135 - and had been for a few years, I remember a woman I'd run into through work who made the comment to me: "Oh, you wouldn't have any idea how it is to be fat since YOU have always been THIN!" So I had to educate her a little bit about ME and how I really did understand because I'd lived it.

It can surely go both ways.

This crossed my mind as well--it's a common ground for them, even if it doesn't feel like it. To be truly honest, I've not got a lot of weight to lose to get to a healthy weight, and from where I stand, those who have more to lose are the 'lucky ones' (for lack of a better term) in that they lose faster. I realize that this is ludicrous thinking--we are just at differing places, and all stops on our journeys have their pluses and their minuses.

I get what you gals are saying...and I DO agree. But I STILL want something to say to stop them DEAD in their tracks!!

For most of the time, people I've run into, who claim they need to lose weight too, have never HAD to. They don't have body issues. And I don't think they are trying to commiserate with me. I just find it insulting!! Here I am, easily 90-100 lbs overweight (well, not NOW), but for most of my life, and they KNOW that--and they STILL insist THEY need to lose weight.

It insults me. It hurts my feelings. Yes, I've got issues with MY body--I'm FAT! Of COURSE I have self esteem problems!! (Not so much now that I've lost almost 60lbs---) but STILL!!

I'd feel different if they had once been overweight too. But generally, they have never been.

Imagine if you were a poor person, and your 'friend' was RICH, mind blowing rich-- and every time you expressed how DIFFICULT it was to make the ends meet, to keep the lights on and the water HOT---THEY TOO mentioned how HARD it was for them. BULLSH*T I say!! BULLSH*T!

Sorry to be so angry but this really gets my goat!!!

So why mention it?

I grew up in a really wealthy area when my family wasn't really wealthy. From my perspective, while some of them had wealth, they were missing other things like: mothers and fathers that cared or a unified family unit. Their wealth only made them more susceptible to having too much wealth and too much time with too little supervision, which generally involved too much partying and drug abuse. Generally, other eating disorders of the anorexia/bulimia types would also follow. It really is a matter of perception and each person will have a unique one.

I'm sorry you're so upset though. I wish I could tell you something that would stop it cold, but it is many times a more complicated issue than just being about weight. Some people really aren't capable of seeing anything from any other perspective, and I've found that there is usually not a "single" one phrase I could say that is going to change all that.

Aha---been there, done that, and you have hit a place where I have been and I get how that feels---very sucky.

Still, in my situation, I do think that the person WAS having issues. At the time, I just felt like it was easier for them because they had more money to work with. Why not just sell something, or not buy the most expensive model, or whatever? In looking at it now, I realize that people are just where they are at, and the set of circumstances might be different, but it doesn't make their situation affect them any more negatively, even if there did seem to be an easy solution.

If we can think about it the opposite, what if a very poor person came to us and shared their woes, and in an effort to identify with them, we shared ours. Should they be angry at us because our problems seem lighter than the looming wall of problems that they are facing? Again, I feel like it's a fantastic idea not to 'one up' each other with our problems, for sure--that just seems to completely negate the validity of our feelings about what is going on. But in the event that it does happen, we've got to be able to deal with that.

Having said that---I feel you. Honestly I do, and I'm really sorry you are feeling insulted. That's a hard place to be, and I, for one, (just being real here) have a hard time continuing to like people that hurt my feelings (I'm working on this). I do wish you all the best in getting over this issue, I know it is a hard one. BIG hugs.

I think you've chosen a great analogy. I deal with an insensitive rich person I know by never bringing up the topic of money or purchases with her. She must have the best of everything all the time, then complains about how much money she spends. I listen politely but never talk about my own financial situation any more because she clearly knows I have very little disposable income, especially in comparison to her, yet that's never stopped her complaining about how costly her luxuries are. As someone else suggested, perhaps you would be wise to never bring up the topic of your weight with the people who make you so angry. Let them discuss their own weight as much as they like, but stay above it for yourself. You have us to discuss weight issues with. I don't think they will ever understand what the struggle is like for you.

My rich acquaintance told me she couldn't understand why I don't have a smart phone, "it's ridiculous" she said. The concept of not being able to afford one because I have other demands on my money that must be attended to first never entered her empty head. There's no point in trying to educate someone so lacking in perception, so I just said a new phone is something I'll get around to eventually. Maybe when your thin friends tell you they need to lose weight you might say that you really hope they succeed and immediately change the subject or find a reason to walk away. It's not worth letting it get you down. Just keep getting thinner and thinner yourself so one day when they say they need to lose a few pounds you can say "Oh you poor things, I'm so glad I don't need to". LOL!!! Good luck.

This.

I guess I bring up the topic of 'dieting' because the person(s) sees me after a long time and compliments me on how GOOD I look, how I look thinner, and it makes me feel proud! Yay!! But that pride is immediately replaced with anger and resentment when they turn it around on themselves and complain about how much weight they need to lose.......

Is that making sense? I'm so happy someone sees I've worked hard and HAVE lost this much....but then to be deflated immediately after? I DO feel resentment!! I can't help it. :-(

{{{hugs}}} It makes sense.
Some folks are always going to make whatever 'it' is about you - all about them though. Welcome to our narcissistic and entitled society.
I'm sorry, and it does suck.

Next time someone compliments you on looking thinner, smile, say "Thank you" and change the subject.

Of course, this makes sense. Perhaps it would be a good idea to try to figure out why it upsets you so much? Why do their statements make you feel that way, and how can you allow others to be who they are without getting yourself up in arms?

I say this NOT for the 'one-upper', but for you. There will always be jerks who want to make it all about them when you are talking about you. For the sake of your own diet/journey, you'll want to be able to let those things go quickly so that it doesn't hinder YOUR weight loss. In this situation, in your journey, YOU are what is important, and you'll not want to allow others to 'rent space' in your head because of their insensitivity.

I think Whofan's idea is a good one---perhaps just change the subject quickly if you can't seem to get victory over that anger and resentment (been there, done that--so hard sometimes). Try not to allow the subject to even be broached by not giving the offender an 'in' to talk about their own weight loss journey/issues.

Good luck and I wish you all the very best, Molly.

Listen to conversations and hear how often the speakers will turn the conversation back to themselves. It's very common and definitely not worth working yourself up about this much. Anyone who's lost weight will hear variations on that theme.