I have a lovely indian punjabi outfit which was given to me, and I've never been able to wear it. My next self assessment will be when I decide that I can actually wear it. One of my challenges in this body which is uncovering itself is my narrow abs, waist and stomach, and very large bosom. I can feel the sensitivity and fear that this sexual body evokes in me -- I had bad experiences as a teen and young woman, and I have always known that this was one of the reasons for my weight gain, protection from men's gaze. Now I'm old -- funny how young this body looks clothed in my beautiful, form fitting punjabi suit. I wonder if I will get the courage to wear it -- and where? My husband understands, we'll wear it together (so to speak) when I feel the time is right. Really forcing myself to share this here....ooh, want to talk about...don't want to talk about it! Vulnerability, when I want to be a rock! Anyone else having to deal with fear of...having people be able to SEE you, and what could happen as a result?

I'm sorta opposite in that I gained weight to protect my marriage! I was a terrible flirt, and caused my DH so much heartache because I was unhappy in our marriage. I started eating for comfort and found that as long as I was safely FAT then no one flirted with me. The first time I lost lots of weight and the flirting started again, I quickly regained it because I was so afraid I would revert to my rotten self again! It has been a long time since I thought about why I stayed fat, and now the reasons for it are gone. I am secure in myself and my marriage, happy with DH, and am ready to lose weight to improve my health and well-being.

So I think the question you need to ask yourself is: am I ready to be happy with who I am, and where I am in life, at the weight I am. Or do I still "need" to be fat for my own protection? If you are still feeling that being fat will protect you, then, dear, you may need counseling to help you.

Have courage on your difficult journey, dear one. We are all rooting for you! I am sure you will soon find that YOU are JUST FINE, and wear your stunning outfit with joy and pride!

I don't know but I'm proud of you for talking about it. We talk all the time about calories, and recipes, and losses and gains, etc... But we forget to talk about the emotional side of things. The changes that will happen and how that will affect you.

I have been fat for so long, I don't remember what it feels like to be thin. At times I think I look pretty good but the logical side of my brain knows I need to be thinner. In fact the last time I saw under 200 was before I got pregnant with my first daughter, back in 1991. I remember weighing 188. At my wedding in 1988 I was 175. So my goal of being 135 seems farce. I haven't been that since 11th grade probably. But I see my teen dd who is almost 15, 5'2" and she's 135 and looks great. I want to look like that!

You've done so well in your loss. It might be time to embrace it. Tell yourself you deserve this loss and this body and these feelings.

Hi Mama Sebo,
A kindred spirit, for sure. I had this crazy ambivalence - I wanted to be wanted sexually, and then when I was, it scared the crap out of me!

For me, finally beginning to set boundaries has been very liberating. You're married, that helps so much! I'm divorced and I'm working to change the feeling of being 'hit on' to one of appreciation and compassion for the other person. Whew, what a road to travel!

Weight was an 'armor' for me as well as one of the consequences of my addiction. Self love and compassion are new to me, but I hope it's helpful to know that someone else has 'been there' and is still there with you!
Chris

Mama Sebo {{{hugs}}}
All I can say is: Own that sexy body of yours. Be proud of it. You're a woman now, not a child, and you can do this because you are a strong woman. While I understand your reluctance, don't let the abusive people of your past win. This is YOUR victory! Your husband will be there to protect your honor and I am sure he'll be proud to see you looking like the breathtaking beauty he already knows you are.