I have lost appx 45 lbs in the past year. Recently though, my body has changed alot and showing a very nice figure that I haven't seen in a long time. I have boughten a couple of outfits that are a little clingier and a cute summer dress that is strappless which I wore yesterday to a Memorial Day party.

My problem? My 13 yr old son thinks I look "slutty." He's gotten upset with me for wearing a tank top to his school concert. He told me, "the teachers think you look like a slut." I let it go and asked my mother and BF if I looked ok, they both told me I looked fine.

Yesterday, I wore the new dress, strapless, but everything was put up and away and it was mid thigh length. Even my mother assured me I was dressed appropriately, BF said I looked really good and dressed appropriately for public.

My son, informed me yesterday when I asked how I looked, that I like a slut and I should change and it would affent the grandparents. I was SHOCKED! AND OFFENdED, AND VERY UPSET.

So, today, I asked him why he gets so upset about the way I dress and he told me it was because I had changed so much since I started looseing weight and it bothers him. He said his mother is not sapposed to be sexy (he stuttered through that) and he doesn't want his friends at school to see me like that.

OMG! What am I to say to that?

I told him that at my weight before that I was unhappy, unhealthy and depressed about my size. I have worked hard to loose weight and I planned on loosing 20 lbs more to look the way I want and feel good about myself and my body. Plus, I am and will be so much healthier when I'm slimmer. I also told him that my clothes are not pramiscuas, nothing hangs out, and I look nice when I'm dressed up and I like it and it makes me feel good about myself. I also told him that I hope to continue to loose the last 20 lbs and have my body look that way I want it to. I told him I don't think a mommy has to fat and unhealthy.

He just told me, "ok.""

I didn't know what else to say or to do. BF thought it was just his age and every teanager is embarrased by there parents for some reason or another.

Thoughts?

My two cents: It sounds like he's uncomfortable with his own budding sexuality. His hormones are telling him he likes sexy women, and his mind might be telling him it's wrong for mom to be sexy, just in case he might possibly attracted to that. It might also be the case that his buddies have started to notice that you're sexy, and the idea of you being sexy to them is uncomfortable. The easiest thing to do is tell Mom not to be sexy, so he doesn't have to feel uncomfortable with his own conflicting impulses or his buddies' interest. He needs to learn, through experience, that women, including his mom, can be sexy without being a tramp, and he can channel his interest in sexy gals elsewhere. Your BF or Dad (prepped by you) should be having this discussion with him; it's too uncomfortable to have it with you.

I think you handled it really well in what you said to him so far.

And you have REALLY GREAT advice from AJ here now!!

That sounds hard for you to deal with, seriously. I am not good at figuring out what to say in general to be supportive, but I wanted to make the attempt, so excuse my awkwardness please. I hope you two can get to where you're comfortable. I think it is probably not true that his teachers said that, I think it may have been his way of trying to verbalize something that made him uncomfortable.

AJ's advice is good, the issue seems more your son's age than you.
But you may also want to consider changing your username here, a wide open public forum with photos available to teachers and other moms and their teen boys at school. Many congrats on your terrific weight loss, you have every right to be proud and show it. It may just be a function of my advanced age, but I am more reserved on forums and FB knowing my teenaged DD, and the world, can read my name and posts.

LOL! My username started out, because I was really heavy and didn't fell sexy at all, and wanted to be sexy. So, as incouragement for me, I gave myself the name. Ya, I probably should change it, I've had a few complaints about it. But, everyone knows that name, if I change it, is everyone going to know whos posting?

I think AJs take on it is right, I've tried getting BF to take to him, but he says he's not ready for that talk yet. Scaredy cat! My mother jumped in and thought she would give him a talk, with out permission, and he got mad at me for having her give it. Thats how are talk actually started out, I had to explain to him that I didn't incourage her and that let to our question and answer thing.

We haven't had any more issues since. I haven't worn anything different than my usual short shorts and tank tops. We havn't been around school or his firends.

He was not nice when he told me I looked slutty. I talked with him about it, but should he be punished in some way? No one should tell there mother that! That was hurtful and I don't feel it was slutty and that started a lot of conversations and really had me looking at my wordrobe for no reason. Theres nothing slutting or to reavealing in there. My mother told me that you show just enough to make a man wonder and stop there, I still believe that.

My girlfriend is very conservative and she feels you shouldn't show your shoulders, that dress had the straps that tied around my neck. She said if BF was ok with me wearing around his family then it should be fine.

What should I change my name to? Options please!

I think everyone on this forum knows you and likes you, and will still recognize who's posting, if you don't also change your picture at the same exact time.

I also think you're right, to be very upset that your son spoke to you that way. There are limitations on what is acceptable in a household, and for the time being, he is still the child. And still supposed to be learning from the adults in his environment, for that matter.

It's a shame your boyfriend feels nervous to talk to him, because I think like everyone else, it might have been less uncomfortable for your son, if the conversation was with a guy.

And yes, I 100% agree that it's his age and developing hormones giving him problems and not specifically something about what you wore, probably. However, you are his parent, not his friend. And in the same way that it would be unacceptable for your son to call you other names as well, this definitely was too.

I know also that you have quite a few children, and that you try to raise them right. So I know however you choose to handle this, will be in your usual thoughtful way, and that it will be the best decision for your family.

I posted the pic of me in the black dress in my gallery, I needed an updated pic anyway.

I looked it up, can't change the username.

Knowing nothing about what you're wearing, I'll just relay something I've seen on various episodes of "What Not To Wear". A few times women have been nominated to be groomed by the "experts" because they wear things that are way too "hoochie mama". They expose a lot of cleavage or leg. Not just when they're going out on a night on the town, but all the time. A lot of times women say this is how they get approval from the opposite sex or feel sexy. I don't think they really realize how inappropriate they look. People usually don't tell them because they don't want to offend their friend, or they do tell them but the person doesn't listen.

Anyway, the show usually has some good ideas about how to look sexy without baring too much skin. The women look much less "hoochie" and more sophisticated and a classy sort of sexy afterward.

Not saying any of this applies in your case, I have no idea, but just throwing it out there.

http://forum.lowcarber.org/gallery/...age.php?i=35693

I don't know how to get a pic here, but I did get the link

Looking at the pic, I wonder if the dress is to short on my thighs. But I am long legged and it goes half way down my thighs. The dress showed no cleavage, just shoulder and chest(my non tan lines)

I've seen shows were the woman look "hoochie," I didn't think I look like that. Could be wrong though.

That dress is night-on-the-town, Sex-in-the-City sexy, and that's fine for a night out with adults. If you expose that much skin on a regular basis around the home or out on errands, it's overexposure, in my red-blooded opinion.

But your boy needs to be much more tactful about saying his piece. Even if he's directly reporting what he's heard, that kind of language needs to be in a private conversation. He needs to know that calling you slutty of his own accord is crossing the line. And your BF needs to be there when you say this, backing you up, even if he's silent.

Thanks AJ. I've shown that pic to alot of people and everyone says its fine and if I'm confortable in it, to wear it.

Hot blooded ay? No wonder BF wants me to wear it,

I'e got tops that tie that way and I think they look fine, but maybe with less leg showing. I wonder how that dress would look with tights? Kinda like a long shirt thing.

You need to teach your son that throwing words like "slut" at any woman, especially his mom, is WRONG. It's hurtful and degrading. If you think what you're wearing is appropriate, and you are happy with how you look in what you wear; then that really is all that matters. There's nothing wrong with wearing a tank top out. Since when did we land ourselves in the 1800's? I'm pretty sure women have the right to show more skin than just their faces.

Seriously, he's thirteen. He should know these things. Saying that you dress like a slut or are slutty is definitely a punishable offense. It's not that he's confused about liking women. Children know about sex and physical attraction earlier than older adults seem to think. Look at the media they're exposed to. Sex is everywhere. Your kid is just being a hurtful prick. I'm sorry if I'm being offensive to those of you older than myself, but it just seems like you guys are a bit out of touch with the younger generation.

Sorry I'm a bit late to this party. It just got my goat when I read the thread.

I have opinions too!

A more tactful approach would have been if he said "Mom, I am concerned that the attention you are going to attract will be because of the dress and not because of your beautiful soul!"

Teenage years are so hard on the kids and the adults in their life as well.

He really needs someone to give him pointers on how to relate how strong his feelings are without using "low brow" language. I am sure he will learn one way or the other. You might be saving him a face slap in the future if you clue him in now, however.

Having a close family member displaying a sexual nature or even interest in sex, can be very disturbing to the members of a younger or older generation from them. Really, imagine getting 3 or more generations of related people all together in a room and have everyone tell their most sleaziest encounter. See who flees the room first.

Well, you might have more uncomfortable discussions in the future. You might even be the one distressed if he changes how he dresses or looks to attract attention of some pretty young thing. Especially if it seems he is trying to be very different to what you believe to be the "real" him. No one wants to see a loved one try to change who they are (or who we perceive them to be) to attract someone who will (most likely) is not even worthy of them.

It is very natural for younger and older generations to have vested interests and opinions about each other. Learning how to voice these feelings and thoughts in a respectful loving manner is important for everyone, not just kids.

The bitter truth is that people from teenage years all the way until the grave, are interested in sex.