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“Don't allow life to pass you by because you are afraid of [looking] stupid.”
― Richie Norton, The Power of Starting Something Stupid


How many times I have done just that, opted out of doing something because I was afraid I would look stupid. Oh, things like going out anywhere in public because of being fat. Not going horseback riding because I have to use a mounting block. Not going bowling, sledding, shopping (unless I have to), dining at a nice restaurant...it is mind-boggling that I would stop living because of that!

And I still do it. Well, that is going to stop. I AM fat, NOW. I will not ALWAYS be fat. I like to do those things and I am not going to let my idiocy about my appearance get in my way anymore! I promise myself RIGHT NOW that the next time I am asked to do something I would like to do then I WILL DO IT because I want to!

I will no longer worry about what other people think of me. Other people DON'T think of me. The world does not revolve around me, does not CARE what I look like or what I do. That is a paranoia that I have to get over. And even if someone does make a cruel comment, so what? I don't have to associate with them, live with them, validate their opinion of me. I only have to live with my own opinion of myself. So from now on, look out life, HERE I COME!!!

I like that attitude! Way to go!

I like your attitude, too! And I hope it's catching - I need a good dose of it. I've spent most of my life being afraid of looking stupid, so not doing things I wanted to.

But no one is looking at me!

I wish there was a group hug smilie - here's the best I can do.

I wonder when one starts thinking that everyone is looking at oneself? In childhood? Or only when we become self-conscious about our appearance? The thing is, most everyone is too wrapped up in their own concerns and worried about how THEY look to others. It's ridiculous

Leanna good for you I can completely agree... Before I started loosing weight, I developed that attitude several years ago.

I started dancing around my house limitedly. I went to the beach ~352 pounds in a 1 piece bathing suit with a midrif skirt bottom.

I got to the point life is too short. Started telling my hubby, when booking concerts, book 2 seats for me. isle is better. Paid more money but atleast I was comfortable and able to enjoy myself.


To your other question of when did we start. It was when my mom taught me. When my brother taught me. When the kids taught me.

It was very much engrained, for me that my appearance was something to be ashamed of, if I didn't meet the expectations. And back then I was only maybe 5 or 10 pounds over weight and I was very athletic.

But it didn't stop everyone else from making comments.

I also had big boobs and wore a bra when I was in 3rd grade and had my period at that same time. (8 years old) Which I got made fun of on top of weight.

For me it is not so much appearance that is a peal on an apple.

The real issue is in general validation from the outside. We are taught early on that the external people and what they think matters.

And while it does matter, I think it has gone too far and gotten out of balance.

I realized I let it get too far out of balance. And I had forgotten, actually was never taught, to ask/checkin in with myself and see how I felt/thought. And that ultimately, I am the one who has to live my life. And I have to discern what is okay and not okay. What could be better and improved upon and what meets my standards.

For me that is a balance beam to walk on. because I do value other people's thoughts/ideas/opinions because they can always show me a side of life I don't know or a side I never thought of.

But I have to taper it with what feels right to me.

Have you seen those viral videos of "fat girl dancing"?

This woman has the confidence I want (alas, I doubt I'll ever dance nearly that well!)

Her website is great, gives a lot of context to the videos - and she's the one who titled the videos "fat girl dancing"

http://nobodyshamecampaign.com/No_B...e_Campaign.html

Can't see the whole website because of my slow dial-up, but I can see this quote that I like:

“The secret of how to live without resentment or embarrassment in a world in which I was different from everyone else, was to be indifferent to that difference.”
Al Capp

Some years ago I saw a local belly dancing group. One of the ladies was at least a big as I was at the time, but she did what I couldn't have – she danced with enthusiasm, skill, and a great big smile – none of which I could have achieved in public. She looked so happy that I wished I could be like her.

She knew how to be “indifferent to that difference,” something I'm still trying to learn.

“The secret of how to live without resentment or embarrassment in a world in which I was different from everyone else, was to be indifferent to that difference.”
Al Capp

A lot of truth in that statement. Lovinita I didn't have that from my family, even when I was gaining weight, perhaps because my mom was always heavy. It just wasn't an issue at our house. But somewhere along the line I started being ashamed of myself and let it interfere with my enjoyment of things I liked to do. In my case it was ME that was the problem. Even though there are people who do make comments, it was my own insecurity that made me vulnerable to it. I am determined to stop letting that hold me back. As you said, life is too short to worry about what others think, too short to not live life because of fearing what I will look like. Who cares?!!! If I enjoy it and I have a good time, that is what I will be focusing on. I know my DH will be happy to have me with him again!

Another thing that I have found is if I present myself in a way that shows I respect myself by dressing nicely, hair done, etc, then I don't feel so vulnerable to criticism. I feel better about myself. I have been making more of an effort in that area instead of slouching around in sweats and baggy clothes, and it really makes a difference for me. DH even helped me by taking pics of me both ways, and it is amazing how well-fitting clothes make me look smaller, not small mind you, but slobby clothes make me look heavier! I am done with hiding behind my clothes.

Not that this is an instant change, I still feel self-conscious, but I am not ALLOWING that to stop me anymore.