I feel rather vulnerable writing this because it is rather "putting it all out there".

I was reading some stuff in the "war zone" today and it kind of cracked me up and made me really think about some stuff. One guy talks about how people must have pigged out on sugar and fat constantly to get so big. I found it interesting that every response talked about how they always ate and exercised normally and just got fat.

I hear most people in the TDC say that too. They ate normal, even reduced, diets and exercised regularly if not strenuously. I understand insulin resistence and I do believe that is true for some people. I understand the metabolic systems that can make this possible so please don't fill me in on them again.

I can only speak for myself. I pigged out on sugar, fat, and carbs. I made myself insulin resistent by overloading my system for years. I could eat most people under a table especially when I was alone.

I never ate a bowl of ice cream. I ate a pint with sauce and nuts. I went through drive-thru fast food joints and ordered two drinks so they wouldn't think it was just me. During the holidays I would eat bags and bags of candy. I once told a guy working at Boston Market that I was getting such a big order because I had four kids at home (I was living alone and the sweet man even gave me a discount for all the kids). I ate Mexican food at a rate that would rival a Sumo Wrestler. Late at night at work I would eat candy out of other people's candy dishes and I would eat the little snacks out of the snack box and end up owing it $5. I drank Coke and sugar drinks like it was the elixer from God himself. I would get two 12-inch subway sandwiches and ask them to cut them in half (the nonexistent children again) then go home and eat them until I was in a carb stupor. Of course, I never ever ate bacon or real butter because it was fattening.......

Exercise or lack thereof is a whole other thread.......

But I had a great laugh at the war zone threads because some of those flamers ARE describing my old habits. That is just the truth. Even though the language they are using is rather unflattering. If the shoe fits wear it.

Is it just me? Did everyone else on the TDC forum get fat from insulin resistance and yo-yo dieting? Or are there others who did what I did to get so heavy, and like me, are now dealing with the metabolic consequences of years of abusing their body?

I can't be alone but maybe I am.

Orchid

I don't think you're alone. My out of control sugar and carb intake prompted me to do some similar "crazy" things. I laughed over my tears when I read about you ordering two drinks at the drive thru for the "other person." I have been known to do something similar.

I think that there are a lot of us out there who really don't eat more than thin people, but there are also a lot of us who are conditioned to put up that response as a defense technique. I know when I was out with anyone other than my family (who are all also overweight) I would only eat as much as anyone else at the table. Sometimes I became obsessed with eating less than my tablemates. In cases like ours, I really believe food has become a shameful addiction, and we try to cover it by telling others and ourselves that we don't eat THAT much. It is similar to alcoholism. I can easily imagine an alcoholic going into a liquor store and buying tons of liquor "for a party" in the same way that you or I might stock up on cheeseburgers "for the kids." You are definitely not alone, although I think it might just be one of the hardest things for some of us to admit. For years I believed I was the victim of some cosmic unfairness while unconsciously stuffing my face with 99 cent hamburgers. I too have rearranged candy bowls so it looks as if I haven't dug quite so deeply into them.

.....

I realize this is quite a rambling response. I wanted to let you know that you are by no means along, and to tell you that I think it took great courage and honesty to post what you did. Thank you.


Birdgirl

OMG Orchid you totally just described me to a "T". As a matter of fact I've only dieted once in my life and I'm 30 until I started LC this past January.

It really got bad after I had Madison and Austin. They're both toddlers and I wouldn't hardly eat anything until they were both sleeping b/c to me it wasn't satisfaction wolfing down a meal with screaming kids around. At night it was party time for me and my hubby. We would clean out the cabinets and go get fast food after they were sleeping and feast out until we could barely move.

So your not alone sweetie I'm right there with ya !

I think it was a couple of things for me. Convenience. Frozen Michelina's pasta alfredo meals that were 5 for $4. But hey, I added peas. That made them healthy, right? I had a long fling with Susan Powter. 2500 cals a day, under 20 g fat. Blueberry bagels galore. Some of it was treating depression with food. With my fiance 400 miles away, I'd come home from work and have either half a loaf of french bread slathered with butter, or pasta and red sauce with garlic bread - or on really miserable nights, 5-6 potatoes worth of mashed potatoes with milk and butter. Potatoes Not Prozac has to be true, because that bowl of mashed would send me to a warm, fuzzy, happy place I didn't want to come back from. Another issue - I've been assaulted. Once at 16 and once at 24. Attention from guys can scare the bejeezus out of me. Add 30-50 lbs and presto - no more attention. In fact, attention from men is part of what derailed me last time I hit 199. Size 12, heads started turning, a few guys chatted me up and I was terrified. Mix in a bout of SAD and I became reaquainted with about 20 lbs.

So, it's a complex situation, but overeating, or at least overeating carbs was definitely part of it.

Cheers,

Friday

Orchid: I sincerely admire you for posting that. And I think that all of us who have battled weight gain in our lives can relate to the difference in our public persona eating and our private eating.

I was never able to eat "that much" of anything, but boy, did I make poor choices. Many's the night I ate a bag of Cheetos for supper. And I ate often throughout the day.....telling myself, "Well, this is just a small snack." Well, guess what? 9 or 10 small snacks a day do add up.

Nope. I wasn't eating and exercising "normally" for my age and height. I was eating too damn much. I cannot claim insulin resistance or metabolic challenge or anything else. I'd love to embrace that, but in truth, I am, or was, a pig. Thank you for opening up this venue for honesty.


Kay

Orchid,
I'm glad you brought this subject up. I am where I am because of a combination of both factors. I went on lowfat~high carb diets in between my yo-yoing and bingeing. I ate enormous quantities!
I'm especially happy you mentioned some of the things you did for food because it helps me admit things I could never tell the outside world. I recently came off an extended 2 month binge and one of the most bizarre things I did was to call up and order a pizza and a few other things. No one was home that night but while I was talking to the guy at the pizzeria, I pretended to be having a conversation with someone so he wouldn't come to the door and think I was eating it all by myself. And I've gone into fast food places and delis and carry-out joints with a list of what 'everyone' else was having.
Feels good to get that off my chest. Thanks!

I was more like this...after having my dd I had a huge appetite. I didn't eat a whole plate of potatoes or go eat an enormous amount of food...I ate normally except for last year, that's when I started getting into the large amounts of food...but still not as much as I've seen some people describe. I would have a bowl of ice cream...I would eat 4 pieces of pizza...the problem was that later I would eat the rest of it. I also never drank water and I drank beer-(which is horrible in carbs), sodas etc. I never did eat a whole bunch of junk food either...my favorite snack was the cheap jelly beans but only at easter...oh but during the year it was the Little Debbies Oatmeal Sandwiches with the icing inside. I could eat that everyday and I did...but if I bought the box of it I would eat like 3 and then 3 the next day.

In the last year I started eating more starches than I ever did. I could eat a whole bowl of rice or have a big heap of potatoes...

But I never pigged out on a bucket of chicken or bought 4 pizzas and ate them all, or downed a carton of ice cream etc.

Mine has to do with overeating, insulin resistance and genes!!! My mom was nearly 400 lbs and so I ended up being nearly 400 lbs. My main problem was dinner...I ate normally but eventually-(in the last year)-that wasn't good enough...I had to have seconds and then it got to where I was sitting there a few hours later with a spoon stuffing my face with more.

Then I started eating restaurant style...so breakfast was homemade biscuits with syrup, scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, coffee, toast, juice, and hashbrowns and I started eating that everyday. And on Sunday it was homemade pancakes, scrambled eggs w/cheese, sausage or bacon, sometimes hashbrowns and juice and coffee.

Lunch would be very small because I was usually in school and so dinner would included seconds and a late third.

It was like I never felt full...but when I moved to this new city I didn't eat as much as that...but it didn't matter the weight I had gained was there and nothing I could do would stop it. So now with Lowcarbing I do feel full and I am in control of my appetite...so for me...it's a combo of things.

Orchid - I actually chuckled a little when I read your post. Today, I was cutting through the Taco Bell parking lot to get to Lowe's. And I had flashbacks of the "old" me - the one who would hit Taco Bell at midnight and order 10 bucks worth of food. That's a LOT of food at Taco Bell. I used to do that all the time. And I was actually thinking today - No wonder I was so fat! Now, I haven't been to the Bell for over a year and I bet I'll never go again. Mind you, I still think I eat entirely too much and that's why I have frequent "stalls" but I'll keep learning and working and I'll get there eventually.

Thanks for the great post.

- Casey

Orchid -- you are me and I can add lots of my own anecdotes. I knew (know) every place between work and my commuter train that sells chocolate covered almonds. I just checked fitday and one cup has 953 calories. I could eat one cup between the store and the station --- and continue while on the train. I bet I ate 2000 calories just in chocolate covered almonds about 3 or 4 times a week. And when I didn't have those, I would reward myself with a little box of 20 Timbits (doughnut holes) - a perfect amount to be chowed down between the Tim Horton's drive-through and my home. Just finished them as I pulled into the driveway.

And let me tell you about my passionate love affair with ice cream....

I guess the picture is clear. I ate myself fat and I will never be able to let my guard down against food. I suspect it will creep around corners to entice me from now until the end of my days.

Sure, there were diets in between the bad habits. But for me, it was the food, not the diets, that made me fat.

As I tell people now (anyone who cares to listen gets an earful periodically), I have already eaten all the sugar etc. in my life that I am going to eat. Done. Finished. Or it will finish me.

No, it's not just you, Orchid.

I got fat because I never stopped eating - I binged and grazed all day, every day. I am a food addict - we eat whether happy or sad, sunshine or rain; obesity is the physical manifestation of my disease. I ate constantly, and when I was not eating I was dreaming about food - what I was going to eat, how and where I would eat and how I would hide that I had eaten.

It was a full-time job.

When I am in the food my life is completely unmanageable and definitely not my own. I am fortunate enough that I can physically lose weight on just about any program, but I was so miserable on low-fat that I figure'd I rather be miserable bingeing - at least it was more fun in the moment. Moderation does not work for me.

Also, I am seasonally active, but really no amount of amatuer exercise was going to burn off the calories I was consuming daily.

To all who have contributed to this thread I admire your honesty and bravery for confronting the demons. I had a few issues with them myself. I used to get up in the night and have a smoke ,a coke,and a whole box of cheese ritz crackers. I also went to bed at night with a box of Queen Anne chocolate covered cherries. It got so bad for a while my husband would ask if I was sleeping with him or the Queen? And while we are throwing it all into the wind let's address the cookie issue. 1-4 was never enough what the hell let's make it a whole bakers dozen at one sitting....the good news. Fifteen monthes later still fat and sassy.............just not as fat.
Hugs to all who have the guts to bare there sole.

Neen

Ok, since we are being honest here, I will get A LOT of things off my chest. I was/am a horrible food addict. I remember the times I would go to Arby's and order 2 Big Montana's, family sized fries, mozz sticks, 5 sides of cheddar cheese adn a large diet coke! Then when I would get to the window and they asked if I wanted any sauce, I would talk into my cell phone TO NOBODY and ask, "Did you want any sauce with your sandwiches?" or when I would go into the store and pile like 10 candy bars on the counter and then call my voice mail on my cell phone to ask my "imaginery kids" if these would be ok for them and their friends! I used to wait til my DH went to sleep and then pull out a bag of JUNK from the back of the cabinet and eat non-stop for like 2 hours. I would be in a stupor when I was finished and I HATED IT!

A few years ago I had a heart attack and ALMOST DIED! I was in intensive care for 2 weeks and the day I got out I went to Mc Donald's and ordered (4) THAT'S FOUR filet of fish with extra tartar sauce and large fries and (of course) diet coke! I had no control at all over my appetite. I felt like a crack addict and every fast food restaurant was serving crack rocks, available most of the time for less than 99 cents and sometimes 3 for $2. I could not stop myself from doing it again and again, UNTIL........

I started this WOE and finally for once in my life gained control over my appetite!

Thanks so much for this post! I was going to cheat today, I even had it planned out. I blamed it on a "need to give my kidneys a rest." What BS! If I tell you the truth right now, it was my old addiction rearing it's ugly head up and wanting another "fix" and I know that once is NEVER enough when you are an addict. Thankfully, my friend and LC buddy was with me and talked some sense into me. Reading this post has taken any remaining thoughts of a cheat and thrown them out the window. I do not ever want to feel that way again as long as I live. Nothing I can put in my mouth is worth sabotaging all of the hard work I have done. Nothing!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks Orchid for making me wake up and fess up!

Count me in. I would like to blame genetics, yo-yo dieting, insulin resistance, society, somebody, anybody... But the truth is, I love to eat. I eat when I 'm happy, sad, stressed, relaxing, bored, just cause it tastes good. I can eat huge portions of food. I've done the two drinks at the drive thru thing, eaten a dozen donuts, considered a pint of Ben and Jerry's to be a single serving size, ate ritz crackers by the sleeve and cheez-its by the box. I remember my mom suggesting that I go to the doctors to check the reason why I kept gaining weight. After all I was active and didn't eat that much (not when others were around anyway!). Truth be told, even on low carb I seem to be cheating a little more each day. It is like I am testing myself to see if I can just sneak in a few cookies and still lose weight, then maybe one high carb meal a week, then a weekend like this one where I seemed to be off plan more than on. And, the scales is not moving down lately (no big surprise). If I don't get control, I am on the way back up for sure. I have already given myself that all too familiar pep talk about starting fresh tomorrow. Hopeflly reading this thread will help me to remember just how out of control food addiction can become and that even though I think I can handle a little cheating without falling apart, I really have to be stay strong because for me, food is dangerous.

Thanks Orchidday for starting this thread. It really helpd me to put things into perspective.
Christy

ok ok time for me to confess :: hi my name is misty and im a food addict.

I too blame the excess food i used to buy on "my little sister and her friends" ( i do have a sister.. but geez 2 bags of candy???)

you guys made me realize what makes me literally tick is food, and yes i too have been on fad diets only to go off and gain all i lost plus 30 more ......

It's interesting reading all of your posts. I could post about the time I ate a whole bag of cookies within 2 days, or the double helpings of lasagna, but I won't.

I hear a bit of "I'm to blame" in all of your posts. Well, let me tell you, if you are addicted to carbs the only blame is on our education system for not clearly teaching us how food really works in our bodies. I know that it's not totally our fault. Yes, we probably could have eaten a bit less, but we would not have been satisfied and would have eaten more in another hour or 2. And while we were pigging out, wasn't there a little voice in the backs of our minds saying it didn't matter anyway...there was no way I could ever be thin?

How do I know that we aren't at fault? Because I have living proof in my carb addicted 17 yr old daughter. I didn't know how carbs worked back when she was a little kid and could kick myself some days for not knowing. She started gaining weight at age 3. When she was about 5 years old I can remember having conversations with my best friend about watching my daughter's weight and if I would just have her eat smaller portions she would grow into her weight. I did watch what she ate and it was the same as other kids. When we went out to restaurants with our friends, I saw her eat the same cheeseburger, fries (with tons of catsup) and regular Coke as the other kids. She really did only have 1 serving of mashed potatoes with dinner... one piece of cake at the birthday parties, etc. I was completely baffled and couldn't figure out how to keep her from gaining weight. Even my mother and my best friend said a few times that DD didn't really eat any more than other kids.

I truly feel like a medical condition has been diagnosed and now we are on the road to recovery.

Now, how many of you are still pigging out on lc foods? I think that's going to be the issue we have to tackle to really reach our goal... It's a hard one for me... I do like my SF chocolate treats. I suppose it's a good thing that they cause a few problems with gas.