Ethics and Civility: Overcoming resistance to change takes time

Wednesday, May 21, 2003

By CAROLYN KATCHMAR, Special to the Eagle

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Last week I discussed unhappiness and steps you can take in making healthy decisions for changes.

Today, I would like to focus as to how we as humans react to change and a means of dealing with it more effectively.

As much as we may want a change to happen, we have a natural tendency to resist it.

I was transplanted here on beautiful Marco Island about 14 years ago and my husband was left stranded in Southern Illinois to sell our home and his optometric practice. We really didn't want to be apart and talked on the phone every night.

I shared with him, that while I would love to win the lottery so we would be free of money worries and he could move here immediately, I also felt some sadness and fear that if we won the money, it might get in my way of doing what I love to do.

Once I was able to identify how I felt and was able to talk about it, I was free to realize that just because we might have money didn't mean I couldn't continue in my professional career. (But, I didn't win the lottery!)

During my many years in this field, I have found many others who recognize resistance to change.

In fact, some people shared they actually have done some things in order to keep their lives familiar.

I believe many can identify with other situations, such as starting a diet and then eating a candy bar or sweet roll on the first day, or sneaking a puff on a cigarette after you had decided to quit smoking.

The fact is that even while we are not satisfied and want a change, we are familiar with what is; thus it feels more comfortable.

In essence, we do not want to get out of our security zone.

Therefore, if we bring about a change, we have no idea what it will be like.

Thus, the unknown can become fearful.The question we might ask ourselves is, how can we make changes without the resistance?

First of all, we need to clear the clutter in our lives and rid ourselves of 'stuff' that may be interfering with making commitments to important things in our lives.

It is difficult to truly see the important things in life when we have projects around that are only half-finished.

When we think of making a change, most of us see it as an overwhelming task.

However, it can be much more manageable if we identify our goal and then separate it into small parcels.

Perhaps you can start by choosing to manage one small part of it and begin it today.

A common problem is when people want to lose weight they set their goal too high. It just seems too hard and feel defeat ed before they even begin.

Instead, divide this into goals that are achievable, such as stating, "I will lose five pounds by a certain reasonable date and write it down, along with your plan of dos and donts.

This will assist you to make that five-pound adjustment.

Look toward to the future by visualizing it. When I ask people to do this exercise, many are uncomfortable.

I ask them to write a press release about themselves on where they are today. Then I ask them to visualize themselves three years from now doing something extraordinary and to write about it.

Some are not accustomed to thinking highly of themselves and find it uncomfortable to think of themselves as being worth while of attention or of being successful.

No matter what happens, I suggest they just accept the challenge to imagine and to be excited about it. It will help you get out of your box.

Remember, if you start today three years from you will have accomplished your goal or at least be well on your way.

However, if you do not start today, three years from now you will still be where you are today.

If you have tried to help yourself, but are still having the problem, you may find it helpful to seek professional help.

Perhaps you are experience depression or anxiety which may be interfering with your motivation and ability to function to your full potential.

Do not let your fear hold you back!

You can address questions to Carolyn Katchmar at Ethics & Civility, Marco Island Eagle, P.O. Box 579, Marco Island, FL 34146. She is a writer who devotes her column to ethical and civility issues in a sometimes stressful world. Katchmar is licensed in Florida as a board-certified clinical social worker. She is a clinical member of the American Assocation of Marriage and Family Therapists and is also a certified addictions professional in Florida and a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors. ckharper~comcast.net