even once i reach my goal weight... im gonna be looking at stretchmarks and loose skin and i wonder if i will ever be happy with the way i look. are their books for people like me where i can start working on the inside too and learn to not be so critical of myself?

I know what you mean. I was 220 at my highest weight....I dieted and exercised down to 150 and have started low carbing to lose the last 30-40 lbs. Sometimes I think I'll never be thin enough. When I was 220, I would've killed to be 150...hell, when I was 165, i would've killed to be 150.
The only thing that I can tell you is to keep a journal...do your best everyday. I always try to find a reason to keep going with my eating and whatever else I do to get skinnier. Do a lot of soul searching...find out about your body and your emotions and try to be comfortable with who you are at 200 or 100 or anywhere in between.