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  #1   ^
Old Fri, Jan-20-12, 01:56
RubySpider's Avatar
RubySpider RubySpider is offline
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Posts: 494
 
Plan: My Own
Stats: 293/293/180 Female 165 cm
BF:
Progress: 0%
Location: Washington, USA
Unhappy I still desire the numbing effects of carbs.

I still fantasize about the calm effects of carb foods. I can't get it from LC WOE obviously. I love the food I am eating now, I have had numerous health benefits, all the glitter and sunshine stuff. There is a spicy chicken ramon bowl, 50 cents each on sale, I dream of going down to the store and loading up on the stuff. Empty out the store of them and eat until I can't move. My family eats their own way and are real good about leaving no trace of what they have eaten, but I can smell it, the sugary-oily goodness in the air. I have the "wants" bad. I miss the catatonic state of a good carb binge. It isn't even about the individual foods, just the feeling I get while eating and for about a half an hour after. I chased that feeling when I was binge eating. I don't want to fall back into its trap, but this isn't a logical desire. I can overeat on LC things, but I still feel awake afterwards, no "drugged out" feeling. No deadening of emotions, no numbed thoughts and feelings. I've heard some supplements help with sugar cravings, but I think that is the physical cravings, not the emotional "help" I got from my sugar:my favorite food drug. I am afraid this is never going to really leave me, I have woken up almost in tears, because I wanted to binge. I can't really tell my family, they want me to be healthy and get better. I am ashamed. Shouldn't better health be good enough for me? I should be grateful and not desire the old ways. I had a reason for giving my old eating habits. Sorry, this is my confession, I wish I could binge again. I miss it, terribly.
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  #2   ^
Old Fri, Jan-20-12, 12:07
Sue333 Sue333 is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 924
 
Plan: Paleo/Primal
Stats: 226/181.5/150 Female 5'7"
BF:Why yes it is!
Progress: 59%
Location: Saskatoon Saskatchewan
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I'm not joking here, I sure I wish I was....I have sometimes thought about taking some hard drugs to take the place of carbs. I won't do it, I've never actually done drugs ever, would probably kill myself if I did, but it sure has crossed my mind, and more than once. I understand how you feel. I am sometimes heartbroken with the understanding that I JUST...CAN'T...EAT...CARBS...and stay healthy. I could eat them, sure, but I'm going to be huge and unhealthy. I don't want that. I really do get how you feel, I'm sorry for us both!
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  #3   ^
Old Fri, Jan-20-12, 16:41
pinkclouds's Avatar
pinkclouds pinkclouds is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 6,164
 
Plan: Atkins-ish
Stats: 255/250/175 Female 65.5"
BF:Size 22/16-18/10
Progress: 6%
Location: Colorado
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Do you know what makes you want to chase that feeling? Why do you need it or what does it do for you?

And can you try to find a substitute other than carbs or drugs to get you the same result? Maybe exercise or meditation? I have to admit, I've never actually tried meditation myself, I just can't seem to focus, but I know people who do and it changes their lives.

Also, maybe try acupuncture... I did and it.was.awesome.

I listen to music or read when I need to escape from my emotional precipices.

Good luck!!!
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  #4   ^
Old Fri, Jan-20-12, 18:29
Seejay's Avatar
Seejay Seejay is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 3,025
 
Plan: Optimal Diet
Stats: 00/00/00 Female 62 inches
BF:
Progress: 8%
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I have been where you are.

The problem that you might not appreciate, and that most people don't recognize, is that when you suddenly quit the numbing carbs, your feelings and emotions really are more intense and raw than other peoples'. You feel things more deeply. This is physical and not "just" feelings or habit. No wonder you feel bad.

(long story about levels of brain chemicals and upregulated receptors)

It takes weeks or months for the brain to re-wire and settle down after having been adapted to carb levels high enough to act as a calming drug. I have been through that to the other side and WHAT A RELIEF when the need for calmness is normal. Regular people do not have any idea about that kind of anxiety and antsiness.

What to do while you wait? Depends on your preference and how bad it is. I hear of people who like to tough it out with lots of fat and protein. Me, I like a plan that has 50-60 net carbs a day and I never have to tough out anything, which means I feel great all the time. Like Lutz or Kwazniewski. Or maybe South Beach also.

It's kind of like when you have a cooking pan with crusted-on food.

You can either scrub at it for 20 minutes (this is like toughing it out)
or you can let it soak for 20 minutes (this is like having more carbs)

Either way, it will take 20 minutes. Just depends on if you like scrubbing while you wait or if you like to chill.
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  #5   ^
Old Sat, Jan-21-12, 03:54
RubySpider's Avatar
RubySpider RubySpider is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 494
 
Plan: My Own
Stats: 293/293/180 Female 165 cm
BF:
Progress: 0%
Location: Washington, USA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pinkclouds
Do you know what makes you want to chase that feeling? Why do you need it or what does it do for you?
Despite my anti-depression meds, I have one or two "bad days" a week. This last one was rather intense. I was basicaly crying over nothing, or at least nothing I could think of. It was like a mental version of the stomach flu. I knew I hurt, but was paralized by fear about how to distract myself. I was afraid of making it worse. If I did things around the house, would something remind me of dead loved ones? Would I be reminded of painful things in the past? I made myself take a shower, then sat down and cried. I made myself start the laundry, repeat with the crying. After 2 hrs, my eyes were sore. I talked to my husband twice during this for advice, I couldn't think for myself anymore. I did try carbs at some point, and it did help, trust me I was more aware during this than anytime I've ever cheated or binged. This time was purely homopathic in nature, I kept track of everyting that went in my mouth. Looking back, I think the banana and TPSP of peanut butter would have worked. It gave a quick but slight relief, but I had waited so long by that point, it really wasn't "quick enough". I was too desperate for relief by then. Maybe if I had tried it sooner, I would have been more satisfied with it.

Seejay:
This is the second time I've read something you have written in the last 24hrs that made me cry. You impart kindness in your words so well. When I'm depressed, kindness hurts a little, part of me says I don't deserve it. I didn't realise the level of shame I had put on myself for having depression and food issues. I never realise these things until I have to admit to having a problem with coping with them. Thank you for your message, I was feeling that "all roads end in sadness", and I had to chose which sad road to take. I will allow myself to believe my brain can and will adjust to this. My body has been doing so well, it will be nice when my emotions can fall in line. I am interested in trying 50-60 carbs a day, I have hypothyroid along with major depression, so maybe I've been cutting my carb amounts too low. I had been aiming for around 20 carbs up until now.

Sue333:
I had read about depression/carb link, and one guy basically said "Woe is the depressed person, when he can no longer get relief from his drug of choice-sugar!" It sounded funny to me at the time, but it's a big difference when living it. I can no longer do things "like I use to". It's like all the silverware in my kitchen drawer was replaced with butter knifes, and I was told "too bad, you'll have to make due!" I'm still needing to believe I can make this work, things will be different, but I need new tools to replace the old ones. Maybe a spork.
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  #6   ^
Old Sat, Jan-21-12, 07:04
RubySpider's Avatar
RubySpider RubySpider is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 494
 
Plan: My Own
Stats: 293/293/180 Female 165 cm
BF:
Progress: 0%
Location: Washington, USA
Talking I'm going back to what had worked.

I just had 1/2 cup refried beans and 2 eggs, it helped so much. I can even think better. What I ended up thinking was last year I ate mixed nuts, a sm handful, when I needed a quick energy lift. I had stopped buying them last month. We were trying to cut grocery costs for the holidays. I had also just quit expresso, a couple of days ago. So, anyway, I am re-including nuts and expresso. I don't really want to get into eating bananas (this may be TMI - but they are intestinal glue to me). I will buy more mixed frozen berries. I'll use the nuts and mixed berries to "up" my carb amount to a more happiness inducing level. I feel so normal right now! I am me again!
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  #7   ^
Old Mon, Jan-23-12, 03:44
RubySpider's Avatar
RubySpider RubySpider is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 494
 
Plan: My Own
Stats: 293/293/180 Female 165 cm
BF:
Progress: 0%
Location: Washington, USA
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My last post was a fib, I'm on day 3 of a blue mood. I had read that you should "fake it until you make it", so if I wrote and acted like I was better, then it would facilitate me getting better. Doesn't really work, though. I have increased my carbs a bit. I am aiming for 30-40 carbs a day. I have re-started my chelated magnesium, calcium and fish oil. Other than that, I think it will just take time. I sometimes do not exercise patience. Especially with myself. My family is very supportive and I am fortunate to have them. This will pass when it is ready to.
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  #8   ^
Old Mon, Jan-23-12, 10:38
Seejay's Avatar
Seejay Seejay is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 3,025
 
Plan: Optimal Diet
Stats: 00/00/00 Female 62 inches
BF:
Progress: 8%
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The spork made me laugh. Wouldn't it be something if we could get sterling silver sporks, and save on the spoons and forks?

Aww. Actually you sound like you're doing really well. making connections with how you feel with and without the nuts and berries. That IS the heart of re-doing what we eat - finding new routines where we feel good and our bodies respond with health, not with fatness and sadness.

And I hate to keep singing my one-note song - but did you know that even feelings such as shame and "I don't deserve it," is also biochemical? When people have have low levels of the feel-good brain chemicals, that's what they feel.

I read somewhere in psychiatry they have a rule of thumb - when everyone has the same response to something, it's probably physical. When everyone has different responses to something, it's probably learned/emotional.

So they measure endorphins (also called mu in the science lit) and when they're low, people more easily feel pain and anxiety, mood disorders. Weird huh!

There is some interesting research happening in this area more and more.

Here's one from Pub Med

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17088500

Last edited by Seejay : Mon, Jan-23-12 at 10:44.
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  #9   ^
Old Fri, Jan-27-12, 13:59
RubySpider's Avatar
RubySpider RubySpider is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 494
 
Plan: My Own
Stats: 293/293/180 Female 165 cm
BF:
Progress: 0%
Location: Washington, USA
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Seejay: I just got around to reading the link. Oh, dear, I think scientific stuff is lost on me. I skimmed and got out of it was I have altered stress and emotions. Funny, it made me think "I am a altered person". Then I thought of a anime called s-CRY-ed. It had people called "alters" that had special powers. I can't really say MDD is a very good super power though. It hasn't translated in great poems, paintings, or written stories-like some famous emo people have done. If I had, then I could afford to treat the condition which had made me rich. Then I could have already been famous, but poor again. That would suck. Maybe I'll just stay poor and unknown. I made a appointment with my doctor today for a med. review. We'll see where that goes and I'll try to get some feed back on where he thinks I'm at right now as far a diet/ and meds. I expect he'll be pleasantly surprised with my weight loss so far. He was supportive of Low carb, he just warned me not to get too low on my salt.
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  #10   ^
Old Fri, Jan-27-12, 14:02
RubySpider's Avatar
RubySpider RubySpider is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 494
 
Plan: My Own
Stats: 293/293/180 Female 165 cm
BF:
Progress: 0%
Location: Washington, USA
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My superpower:
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  #11   ^
Old Sun, Feb-12-12, 13:27
kaarren's Avatar
kaarren kaarren is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 332
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 204/173/150 Female 5'5"
BF:
Progress: 57%
Location: SW Missouri
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RubySpider,

I'm sorry you feel so low.

Your'e lucky your family is so supportive in so many ways.

I'm happy that you can see what the effects of carbs have on you and how the emotional pull of the carb binge and its numbing effects work on your emotional state.

You are going to make it all the way down to goal because you are aware of that connection. You now know what you are doing to yourself in a conscience sense.

Really -- that is progress.
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  #12   ^
Old Mon, Feb-13-12, 01:51
RubySpider's Avatar
RubySpider RubySpider is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 494
 
Plan: My Own
Stats: 293/293/180 Female 165 cm
BF:
Progress: 0%
Location: Washington, USA
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I have been trying to stay away from high carb foods, especially when feeling "down", but it is so easy to give in to the impulse. The 2nd to the last time I 'indulged", I got a very sour stomach. This last time (today), I knew I'd have a sour stomach, but I didn't expect the acid reflux. The only thing I ate that I didn't have on LC was the bread. I had stomach problems a lot prior to low carbing, I even had my upper GI scoped to check. I was told it looked good and maybe my stomach "just produced too much acid" and was placed on high dose prilosec. So I guess I need to stick to "no wheat" rule when falling off the wagon. I had went through 2 years of waking up at night with my stomach hurting bad and the acid reflux brings back no good memories for me either. It is the one thing about LCing that I didn't take time to really appreciate. No midnight stomach aches and no sudden/random "upchucking". Bread is "owies" for my tummy.
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