I went on to text him and told my husband: I realise its a choice in normal cases bit if it was so easy and just a choice I'd not do it its a total compulsion feel helpless with. I have will power bit its definitely bigger than me now. I can control it a couple weeks if I do really good, than boom. If it was so easy I wouldn't b hiding it embarrassed and confused by it> I've read up on compulsive or binge eating. I told my husband its like a switch that gets turned on in my brain that compels me to eat large amounts of food. Theres no signal telling u your hungry or full, it makes no sense. I've been working on controlling it since November and can't seem to do it. If i could i wouldn't embarrass myself by telling you my dirty little secret.

I told my husband its never during the week, never during the day when i am in between for work. Its is always always at home when i am alone or can get alone and not be seen.

I'm proud of you. It takes guts to deal with something so difficult.

My DH finally admitted he was depressed two weeks ago. He's had chronic back/chest pain from a botched surgery about 15 years ago and the suffering is just getting him down. I know it was really hard for him and I'm proud of him too. I've been depressed before and admitting to others it is the hardest part. Dealing with it and getting help is really difficult too, but once someone knows, even if they don't understand, you can vent your frustrations, cry, or just lean in for a hug whenever you need it.

What helped me was emailing emotional stuff to DH. Then you can take the time to choose your wording so that you can convey what you want and need to say properly.

I would also suggest you ask him to read up on binge eating and tell him what you expect him to do and say. Remember, you have had years and years to absorb what happens to you, he's just learning. No matter what he does or doesn't do, something is going to bug you at some point, so if there is something you want him to do or not do let him know now so that he knows how to help you.

I gotta go, it's starting to rain and I need to get my monsters in the house. Remember everyone here is willing to "listen" when you need it.

Mainecyn - We are only as sick as our secrets! What you did was a huge step toward recovery. Your husband may not understand it and probably will need some time to think about what you've shared with him. Have you ever tried to find a local support group? Or a therapist? I'm sure you have thought of this before. But a professional who really understands this would be your best bet for your addiction.

I really think its a very positive step that you took today. You're willing to talk about it which is the first step to recovery.

Hey there everyone. I just thought I would chime in. I did my fair share of "binge" eating for quite some time, but I've been "clean" for about 8 months now. I think I need to be clear that I don't consider "cheating" and "bingeing" to be the same thing. And although I still refer to it as "cheating" I try not to think of it as an evil thing anymore, more so an exception. I went through months of therapy to stop feeling "guilty" about food. At first I totally fought it. It made no sense to me not to feel guilty about eating junk food. But eventually, it clicked. My relationship with food has changed so much as a result and I am no longer stuck in that black and white mentality.

I do still refer to carb-laden foods as junk or poison. I know this is negative, but truthfully that is how I view this food now. A handful of M&M's is not a "treat" to me, it is junk. However, I may make the exception once in a while to partake of such junkfood, and doing so does not make me weak, or evil or "out of control." What makes me "out of control" is the mindless discussion that takes place after one handful of m&m's, the evil voice that says, "go ahead and have the whole bag, why not? you already screwed up the day!"

Today I still fight constantly with emotional triggers, but I am able to talk myself out of cheating, and then bingeing, for emotional reasons. I talk myself out of it by reminding myself that junk food is not the answer and will only make me weaker. I remind myself that there are other more enjoyable and nutritious foods I could be eating. I find other ways, immediately, to redirect my emotions.

On occasion, I will indulge in something sweet or carby but it is purposeful, and I remind myself, very well, while I'm eating it that it is pure junk... but I don't feel guilty about it and I enjoy the taste of it. And if I don't enjoy the taste of it (because it is too sweet now or just icky) I stop eating it.

The key for me has been to separate emotion from eating, to enjoy my food (whether its on plan or not) and not feel guilty, to not make excuses for why it's ok to eat something, but to own the choice, own the consequences and move on. I won't be a victim anymore.

If this helps anyone at all, I'm glad I've shared it.

Emotionally spent. Ive made it thru almost one day binge free.

Good for you! I've been binge free today I stayed so busy, it wasn't a problem.

I remember trying to tell my then husband what was wrong, it was the worst thing ever. His responce? Just don't eat it. After that, he'd tell me to keep my hands out of the cookie jar. I should have kept my secret in the clost.

My present BF, I told him up front what my problem was. We've talked about it alot. He doesn't understand, but its helpful that its out there and he knows. He does his best to help me stay on my plan, he keeps his keeps his goodies put up and doesn't push anything.

Pink - I am working on that change of mind on food. I try to look at food more like fuel these days. Is this food going to make me feel good or like crap? Doesn't always keep me on track but I feel like I've made progress.

Mainecyn - I hope you get some good rest tonight. I can only imagine how tired you must be! Hang in there, and remember that there are a lot of people "out here" who really care and want to see you healthy. We at least all have that common goal. Good mental and physical health!

It isn't as though my husband couldn't figure out I might have a eating disorder. When we were younger, I had asked him to pull over in a alleyway so I could purge out the door after we had went out to dinner. No, that isn't a fond memory. To his credit he didn't give me a lot of grief about it. Well, anyway, after all this time, he knows I have food issues. Last year my doctor told me I was in the pre-diabetic range on my fasting bg test. I went home, I stirred up all the anger I could get (to displace the shame), an announced (in a very melodramatic way) "I am fighting for my life now, I deserve to live, right?!? To exist?! Some foods cannot be in this house!" Yah, if I couldn't get my point across, I'll just beat them about the ears until they listen! So they need to put some things in the freezer, or put it out of my sight, yes it is inconvenient for them. Boo-hoo for them, I guess. I still have some problems, keeping the house "safe" for me. I have on occasion, let myself believe "Hey I'm all better now! No worries, I'll be good!" Yah, right!

Remind yourself: Your health is worth fighting for. You are worth fighting for!

Yes..we are all worth fighting for!!!

I made it thru the day yesterday. Its all out in the open now. While my husband may not understand at all, thinks it something to do with weight, he knows now. There has been no more conversation about binge eating..I was afaird he would want to talk last night, but he didn't. I know its somewhere in his thoughts, he is always quite. But, I am sure he's unsure what to say or do you ask "hey, did you binge?"

Bravo!! Good for you Mainecyn!!!

Doing well. However when I binge it a feeling that comes over me I physically feel different and know its coming.

Glad to hear it. I know that "feeling" because I get that when I want to ignore all the good sense in my head! They say that "cravings" last 3-5 minutes and then will subside. I am going to try to do something else when I get the urge to destroy all the good stuff I am doing. Drink a big glass of water, try meditative breathing techniques, and for me say a prayer! I will try to keep myself distracted but also try to focus on the "WHY" what am I feeling at that moment that is making me want to eat off plan? Am I irritated with something or someone? I'm going to try to play out the whole feeling in my head. For example: I go into the bathroom and find a huge mess that my daughter has left. It makes me frustrated and I want to yell at her. But I know that yelling at her doesn't help the situation. So instead I head to the kitchen. Which really is just a way to avoid my feelings. Instead, I want to think about why it's bothering me so much and how to change how I react. Yes, she needs to pick up after herself but when she doesn't...heading to the kitchen does not fix that problem. The problem is still there and now I've added guilt and more anger to the equation by stuffing my face.

I don't know if that makes sense, it's just something I'm going to try doing. Stay with whatever is ticking me off or making me feel uncomfortable. Looking at it from another point of view. Almost as if I'm watching myself from above.

There are reasons we eat out of control. But there also has to be a solution or another healthy path that we can take going forward. Progress..not perfection!

You said just what I have been trying to say for a long time. I have 5 kids living in my home..2 of my own, 3 step kids. My step kids are extremely hyper, loud, high maintenance, forgetful, messy, and drive me around the bend..let me tell you I understand.

I have told many people in my journal that the weekends are the hardest for me because they are here and I know its gonna be a challenge for me not to get frustrated..i am tired of repeating every 10 mins to turn off the bathroom light, close the fridge, who left the banana in the bathroom, who got into this, who left this on the floor, who dumped a tube of toothpaste in the bathroom, who left clothes on the floor, etc. etc. I feel like banging my head against the wall all the time.

My husband and I have had issues trying to get the kids in a routine, but they don't have to do anything at moms and they act this way here. After 3 or 4 hours on the weekend I head to the fridge. Instead of yelling at them i turn to food and take it out on myself, hurt myself with my eating..its a stress relief for me..I always binge eat on the weekends we have his kids.

I can feel a binge coming, change in feeling..it builds up then explodes. It is different for me than regular cravings, the feeling doesn't pass at all. Ive tried fighting the binges for a long long time and eventually it boils over and just can't fight it any longer.

That is a lot! Just my husband and 6 year old are enough to drive me round the bend! lol!! So this is a control thing. At least for me. I can't get her or my husband to do things my way. They are slobs! I can't beat them, so I head to the fridge. We must find another outlet!! Maybe we feel that food is the one thing we can control. It always does what we want it to do. I think the most frightening part is that even when everything is "perfect" IE no clothes on the floor...there is still a sense of frustration. I find it somewhere in something. Which leads me to believe that all these outside distractions are really just that, distractions. There is a pain in me that I don't wish to see so I focus on these other things. I also feel that this pain or pains probably are not as powerful or overwhelming as I make them out to be. I think if I face them head on, slowly but surely they will lose their power over me.