I was touched by your story about crying in the smaller size department and eventually being too overwhelmed to stay. There is a lot going on inside you emotionally and I agree strongly with those that suggested a bit of private therapy so you are not dealing with it alone. Of course, we're here for you but you can tell the whole story to a trained professional who can offer you more insight and help.

Size 16 seems to be your comfort threshold. At the very least try to maintain there while you get help rather than throw it all away again and one day have to start over - again.

If the prospect of getting attention from men is one of the issues that's scaring you (and that kind of attention can be scary even if you are used to it, terrifying perhaps if you are not), then that definitely must be resolved because you WILL get attention. I'm old, and even I started getting lascivious looks and come-on's again from strangers in the street, let alone men I actually know. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending upon your point of view) that's a part of life. You have to find a way to deal with it so that you can live a happy fulfilling life at any size, but preferably at the smaller, healthier size you are supposed to be.

bmore, , I like your initial list a lot. It's practical and specific. I'm struggling with motivation right now too. The truth is, I don't feel all that much different thirty pounds lighter. In fact, I'm a bit annoyed that some of my favorite clothes don't look right on me anymore because I hate shopping.

So I feel self-sabotage awaiting me. Maybe I can ease off the loss a bit. Slow it down until I'm comfortable with my body. But that will lead to bad habits. I bought (but haven't eaten) a 90% dark chocolate bar today. It's relatively low carb (6 carbs per square), but the fact that I wanted it, REALLY wanted it, disturbs me. It's waiting for me. I find it comforting knowing it's waiting. And food shouldn't have that kind of power. I know that.

It's not that chocolate in inherently bad, it's my WANT for it that is the trouble.

I wish I had a list as good as yours. Why did I start this?

1. Leg numbness
2. I could feel my belly hit my thighs when I did the stairmaster
3. My poisonous envy towards my sister who had lost a ton of weight and I hated the sight of her flat belly.
4. It's really hard to do yoga with a belly.
5. Riding on airplanes was starting to embarrass me. I was becoming THAT person nobody wanted to sit next to.

Grrr, they're all negative.

Okay, positive:

6. I was curious to see if I could LC as a vegetarian and I can.
7. I wanted to enjoy food again. When I overate, I didn't enjoy food as much as I do now (well, once I got past the first two weeks).

That's all I can think of.

Tonight has been hard. Not sure why. Nothing very odd happened today. Just boredom. But boredom can be dangerous too, right?

Hey all, thank you so much for this thread! It totally remotivated me to get back on following my plan without cheating.

I'm on day 4 of the whole30 now and had a little while to think about my own list:

1. Migraines and headaches, particularly as I wake on a sunday (used to be my only day off) which I never get when I avoid sugar and wheat.
2. Feeling ashamed of myself and not feeling equal to my OH
3. Digestive shame!!!
4. Feeling weak
5. Can't fit in old clothes, can't fit in new clothes...

jsheridan - boredom is very dangerous! I'm a terrible mindless snacker - even if I'm not particularly bored.. just "idle" I'm in the fridge/cupboard eating something before I know I'm there!

"Want" power is such an important part of this journey. Will power is long gone for me. After 3 or so months, the motivation softens and you have to live on sheer "want". Not forgetting why we are here. All those aches and pains and unwanted emotional feelings. Not easy!

Also, don't forget that with distance, comes nostalgia. Most of us have years of experience being fat.

We know what we can wear, where we are not going to fit, how people are going to treat us. We might not like it... but we know it.

Dealing with a new body and new attitudes means we have to start from scratch.