I'm about to start some new things in my life, new job in a new area after feeling stuck for a while.

I'm feeling excruciatingly self-conscious about meeting new people and having them judge me as overweight.

Even though this has been a very stressful time, and I did have some carb cravings, I did not give in and have been very conscientious LC and making sure I have good-quality foods even though watching my budget.

But after several years of doing this I just haven't been able to get to the other side where I'm not overweight. I follow a plan carefully, made so many changes, but it's a tough world and other people only see an "obese" person.

There will be a flurry of new people and I know that I'll have to overcome the hurdle of being judged as an overweight person. I know it's better to try not to care, but first impressions ARE important and people ARE judgmental. I don't know what the answer is, I guess I just have to let go of feeling tormented about it and do my best to make a good impression anyway.

Anyone else feel more worried about being overweight when entering a new arena?

And is it just me, or does it seem that people are getting even more judgmental about people being overweight/obese? Like obesity etc. in the news and on tv all the time is giving people more reason to judge others.

Hi Sylviek, boy do I know where you're coming from. I guess it's a question of self esteem, which I have never had. Having just been fired from my job for no real goo reason, I fell that I am constantly being judged. I don't have any answers or suggestions for you except to try to keep your head high and believe in yourself, if you have this new good thing happening, it's because it is meant to happen, just go with it and make the best of it, the rest will follow.

It's perfectly normal to feel like this. I get really self conscious about my body image when I'm surrounded by new people, I always feel judged, I feel like everyone around me just looks better. But what I've come to understand is that we are our worst judges. We are really tough on ourselves and sometimes people genuinely do not care about how another person looks like, they don't notice the faults we notice.

My advice would be to just be yourself and act as natural as you can. You don't have to get everyone to like you, even if you had a model-esque figure, that wouldn't happen. Don't worry about people being judgmental, not everyone is like that and those who are, you should just let them be because they'll get to know you in time and their perception will change.

I think this battle is happening in your mind. Are you sure you aren't judging people about judging you? Guilty until proven innocent?

Are you letting this preconceived notion about people rejecting you because of your weight hamper your personality? Now THAT will affect people's judgment of you.

Easier said than done, but don't dwell on it. If you've got a good personality, most people will look beyond the physical and enjoy the person.

Well I made the move. The stress seemed to add weight in itself, cortisol reaction? I felt all swelled up but now easing back to "normal" again.

I think it's something I need to come to terms with and not let it torment me. It's true that I'm overweight and it's the first thing people probably notice about me, but I've got to stop letting that get to me.

I think what bugs me the most is that I sense a lot of people (women mainly) adopting a superior attitude towards me just because they're NOT overweight.

The torment is draining and I want to let it go. It also has to do with accepting myself and a new phase of life. I just made a huge transition, worked hard to sort out and let go of so many things, moved to a new part of the country, took on more workload to afford the move, etc. Decided I no longer wanted to live in a place I didn't love and put up with less than the best, and even though I wasn't sure if I could manage everything, somehow I found the inner determination to make all these changes.

(To anyone who wants to make some deeply desired changes but feels they don't have the resources or energy to make it happen, my advice is to just set your determination on high and ask the universe to help you -- it can work out better than you imagine if you just keep taking step after step according to your inner guidance!)

I think I mainly need to focus on sprucing up and making over my appearance as it is. Along with the other changes I've been making, I don't want to be subjected to the second-class treatment anymore. It's not just in my head, people can be so judgmental, but I've got to learn to claim who I am anyway and be empowered. Not there yet but I think I'm on the way.

Yes - people are judgmental (including yourself). The people that you wish to be around, will be the ones that are not so superficial. Believe it or not...there are people in this world that have more important fish to fry then to look at how fat or thin another person is. And women, in general, are so busy judging themselves..they don't have time to judge you. And are too self centered to bother. I have a lot of really wonderful friends and family. Those people don't spend there day figuring out how overweight I am - they are more interested in my character and what I have to offer...which is a lot! And I'm most certain you are the same!! You obviously have a lot of moxy!!! Love and take care of yourself. 100 pounds or 500 pounds...those that are worth your time and love, will make themselves know to you. The rest..just wish them well and pray that someday they will figure out that life is SO much more than a number on a scale.

I've been fat and I've been thin. I was thin from birth until my late 20s, but I've been fat ever since which is about 25 years. It's so true that people judge you by your looks. I was treated much better and given more respect when I was thin. After I became obese, I spent many years being angry that people couldn't accept me for who I was and not be influenced by my excess weight. But, once I accepted the reality that we are all judged by how we look, I was able to do something about my weight. I wasted 25 years
"waiting for the world to change," like the song says before I realized I only had the power to change myself not others.

Bothered by Negative, Unwanted Thoughts? Just Throw Them Away

Been looking for a place to post this. I think this is the spot!

BTW: I'm old and fat... so there you go. We'll all get that first one sooner or later.

The way I view it is that there are all sorts out there, fat, thin, short, tall, ugly, pretty............. In the end, most people are too worried about themselves, just like you are, to really judge anyone else - and if they do, then what are their credentials?? Are they "perfect"??? And who cares what their thoughts are anyway? - do you??

Just be glad that you arent disabled, deformed or disfigured and as the song says "Enjoy your body, Use it every way you can... Don't be afraid of it, or what other people Think of it,
It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own"

Jo xxx

I think you are already an extraordinary person to decide you want more out of life; and actually go after it.

Just noticed some recent posts on this thread, thought I'd chime in again. After my initial move last spring to a new state, moved yet again this fall to a new part of my new state! The first place had some problems, not awful but I think of it as my "rough draft" -- a much nicer place to live and more interesting community now. Good places to walk too, improving my health and strength.

And again meeting new people and coping with first impressions. While I'm not completely unaware of what people think of my weight, the main decision I made was to not let my self-consciousness, or other people's judgments, hold me back in any way.

So I'm overcoming any shaming or feeling like I'm supposed to minimize myself or my presence because I'm a large woman. I'm so outraged when it happens to other people, but still have enough hypersensitivity that I need to challenge it for myself!

For inspiration I think about Dawn French, a large and very successful British actress and comedian. She shed a lot of weight the past year, but most of her professional life she was larger than "normal" and she's made the most of her talent. She's a genius and I love her work. I just read her autobiography and it's so clear that she doesn't hate herself, she loves life too much to hold back.

It was so empowering to get out of a rut and decide I deserved to change my life for the better. And I was so close to hanging back and not trying it! Even if things don't work out 100% at first, all the changes and new things to adapt to are very strengthening, and I encourage anyone to make BIG changes if they really want to and not feel they need to wait till they're more "perfect"!