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  #1   ^
Old Wed, Jun-13-12, 11:48
Invictus Invictus is offline
Registered Member
Posts: 54
 
Plan: Winging it with IF
Stats: 392/267/185 Male 6'2
BF:
Progress: 60%
Location: Selma, AL
Default What to do with carb-happy friends?

My Sundays always start with breakfast downtown, with friends. I always look forward to it, mostly because I find few things so pleasurable as the combination of good food and good company. This past Sunday's breakfast ended with a movie invitation: I agreed to come over to my friends' home at 12:30. I didn't know if we'd be having lunch, so I had a little snack (cheese, olives) to tide me over just in case. As it turns out, my friends eat two meals on Sundays...one mid-morning with me, and one in the late afternoon. In between, they snack on all MANNER of dangerously tasty things.

Despite being somewhat peckish as we got into the movie, I steadfastly declined all offerings of various crackers, chips, and so on. My friend seemed determined that I should eat SOMETHING, though, and so an hour into the movie he visited the kitchen and came back with three napkin-fulls of cookies: one for him, one for his wife, and one for my lap. Four chocolate chip and white-chocolate chip cookies, on my lap. Oh, boy.

I'm usually good with temptation, but what to do with four cookies on my lap? I felt somewhat guilty for repeatedly turning down his offerings of hospitality, and...well, I really like chocolate chip cookies, so I had one. I thought, "Well, I won't have dessert tonight." (I like a cup of milk and something small but sweet after supper.) Then I had another, because they were really QUITE tasty. Remembering breakfast, where I'd indulged in a biscuit with honey in addition to the 'good' (carbless/low-carb) food, I decided I'd better do damage control as I could. I covered the cookies up with my napkin so they would not tempt me. But a half-hour later, my friend went to the kitchen and came back with more cookies, swiftly depositing them on our "empty" napkins. I now had six cookies in my lap. Annnd I ate one. I knew I was over the limit by this point, so when he went to the restroom, I put the cookies in my pocket, figuring I'd have them throughout the week. But when we put another movie on and he offered triscuits, I tried a few because they were dill flavored. I wound up staying for "lunch" at 4, subway-type sandwiches, which signified the total destruction of my low-carb ambitions for THAT day.

I gained two pounds. In a day. How do you manage to refuse hospitality in cases like this? I managed to last an hour or so, but once my resolve began crumbling it broke almost completely.
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  #2   ^
Old Wed, Jun-13-12, 11:57
MandalayVA's Avatar
MandalayVA MandalayVA is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 2,545
 
Plan: whole foods
Stats: 240/180/140 Female 63 inches
BF:too f'ing much
Progress: 60%
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Default

The next time you're invited over, bring something everyone can eat. That will show you to be a good guest and keep them from pushing food on you.
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  #3   ^
Old Wed, Jun-13-12, 12:04
Nancy LC's Avatar
Nancy LC Nancy LC is offline
Experimenter
Posts: 25,843
 
Plan: DDF
Stats: 202/185.4/179 Female 67
BF:
Progress: 72%
Location: San Diego, CA
Default

You need to say "no" and make it stick. If you say "no" but give in, they'll never believe you. Explain that you're having issues with your blood sugar, doctor's orders if you must stretch the truth a bit.

But yeah, take something legal over next time. Make a low carb cheesecake.
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  #4   ^
Old Wed, Jun-13-12, 12:42
madeyna's Avatar
madeyna madeyna is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 936
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 168/128/130 Female 5.3
BF:
Progress: 105%
Default

I don,t know the answer to this one . Last week a freind and I were shopping and she ask where I wanted to go to eat. It was 4 in the afternoon and she was several hours late meeting me so I told her "I had gotten hungry and had already eaten but would be happy to take her anywhere she wanted to go and I,d just have a diet coke." She refused to let me take her anywhere to eat and got some mad her face was red. She said"Why are you doing this!" Its the madest I have ever seen a adult get. I was shocked. I told her again I was happy to take her anywhere she wanted to go and its wasn,t a big deal I also told her I didn,t understand why she was so mad. She refused to talk anymore about it and refused to let me take her somewhere to eat and hasn,t talked to me since. I guess some people just don,t know how to gracefully take no for a answer.
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  #5   ^
Old Wed, Jun-13-12, 15:58
Kirsteen's Avatar
Kirsteen Kirsteen is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 3,819
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 217/145/143 Female 171cm
BF:
Progress: 97%
Default

One thing which might help is to sound them out about how long you might be going along for, so you can go a bit better prepared. You could mention about the diet and ask if it'd OK to bring some boiled eggs and some mayonnaise, or some cheese, so you aren't tempted to break your diet.

Another thing which would help is if you challenge your feeling of guilt when you kept refusing the snacks. You have worked so incredibly hard and lost so much weight, and you need not feel guilty about wanting to stay on plan. Perhaps writing your feelings of guilt down, then writing down alternative viewpoints will help you to come to this realisation for yourself. The technique is one taught in cognitive behaviour therapy, and it's really useful for dealing with issues which trigger guilt and other negative emotions.

You have done incredibly well to have achieved the progress you've made. Would you feel able to just explain to your friends that your diet has probably saved your life, and that you need support to stay strong, because carbs are like cocaine to you.. so please can they not tempt you? Could you explain that you really don't miss the food any more, and that it's the company you enjoy.. but if they want to treat you, then cheese would be really great for you. If you find yourself there at mealtimes, then when they're making the sandwiches, ask if you could have the filling on it's own or a couple of boiled eggs instead, and explain that you're off wheat. I know that it is difficult and depending on people's patience, it might not go down so well.. but in my experience, most people are pretty understanding about my restrictive diet.

I think that finding ways of staying on the plan and coping with temptation and other issues is part and parcel of the weightloss journey. You've obviously come a long way already, so good luck with the next stage.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Invictus
My Sundays always start with breakfast downtown, with friends. I always look forward to it, mostly because I find few things so pleasurable as the combination of good food and good company. This past Sunday's breakfast ended with a movie invitation: I agreed to come over to my friends' home at 12:30. I didn't know if we'd be having lunch, so I had a little snack (cheese, olives) to tide me over just in case. As it turns out, my friends eat two meals on Sundays...one mid-morning with me, and one in the late afternoon. In between, they snack on all MANNER of dangerously tasty things.

Despite being somewhat peckish as we got into the movie, I steadfastly declined all offerings of various crackers, chips, and so on. My friend seemed determined that I should eat SOMETHING, though, and so an hour into the movie he visited the kitchen and came back with three napkin-fulls of cookies: one for him, one for his wife, and one for my lap. Four chocolate chip and white-chocolate chip cookies, on my lap. Oh, boy.

I'm usually good with temptation, but what to do with four cookies on my lap? I felt somewhat guilty for repeatedly turning down his offerings of hospitality, and...well, I really like chocolate chip cookies, so I had one. I thought, "Well, I won't have dessert tonight." (I like a cup of milk and something small but sweet after supper.) Then I had another, because they were really QUITE tasty. Remembering breakfast, where I'd indulged in a biscuit with honey in addition to the 'good' (carbless/low-carb) food, I decided I'd better do damage control as I could. I covered the cookies up with my napkin so they would not tempt me. But a half-hour later, my friend went to the kitchen and came back with more cookies, swiftly depositing them on our "empty" napkins. I now had six cookies in my lap. Annnd I ate one. I knew I was over the limit by this point, so when he went to the restroom, I put the cookies in my pocket, figuring I'd have them throughout the week. But when we put another movie on and he offered triscuits, I tried a few because they were dill flavored. I wound up staying for "lunch" at 4, subway-type sandwiches, which signified the total destruction of my low-carb ambitions for THAT day.

I gained two pounds. In a day. How do you manage to refuse hospitality in cases like this? I managed to last an hour or so, but once my resolve began crumbling it broke almost completely.

Last edited by Kirsteen : Wed, Jun-13-12 at 16:07.
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  #6   ^
Old Wed, Jun-13-12, 16:10
Kirsteen's Avatar
Kirsteen Kirsteen is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 3,819
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 217/145/143 Female 171cm
BF:
Progress: 97%
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by madeyna
I don,t know the answer to this one . Last week a freind and I were shopping and she ask where I wanted to go to eat. It was 4 in the afternoon and she was several hours late meeting me so I told her "I had gotten hungry and had already eaten but would be happy to take her anywhere she wanted to go and I,d just have a diet coke." She refused to let me take her anywhere to eat and got some mad her face was red. She said"Why are you doing this!" Its the madest I have ever seen a adult get. I was shocked. I told her again I was happy to take her anywhere she wanted to go and its wasn,t a big deal I also told her I didn,t understand why she was so mad. She refused to talk anymore about it and refused to let me take her somewhere to eat and hasn,t talked to me since. I guess some people just don,t know how to gracefully take no for a answer.


She was several hours late! Then she turned and accused you of being the problem! What a nerve. You deserve better and more considerate friends than this. I hope you find some soon.
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  #7   ^
Old Wed, Jun-13-12, 16:12
Blackstone's Avatar
Blackstone Blackstone is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 2,098
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 280/265.2/170 Female 5, 5
BF:
Progress: 13%
Location: Beautiful Washington
Default

I have friends that are Italian and from a huge family. I have to go to their house wearing a mask looking like Hannibal Lector otherwise I'll have half a pan of lasagna before I've even set down my purse! They are wonderful people but feeding their guests is something they feel strongly about. I finally lied and just said that I found out that I am completely sugar and gluten in tolerant and that I get very sick if I have it. Now I just munch on the anti pasta platter, cheese or vegi(s) if they have them. I've also shown up with a salami/cheese/vegi combo platter and maybe a bottle of wine. I will try to ate a large meal before I go over there as well. Because let's face it. Who doesn't like Italian food!?!?

Good luck to you. And by the way, congrats on all the progress you've made! That is awesome.
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  #8   ^
Old Wed, Jun-13-12, 16:13
WereBear's Avatar
WereBear WereBear is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 14,608
 
Plan: EpiPaleo/Primal/LowOx
Stats: 220/125/150 Female 67
BF:
Progress: 136%
Location: USA
Default

I think asking for cheese and olives instead of cookies is a great idea!

I once went to a business lunch with my boss and someone else; at a locally famous sandwich place. I just asked for a knife and fork and ate the innards; exclaiming over how good it was.

If you aren't bothered by it, and if you explain how they don't have to be bothered by it; what's the bother, then? I make no bones about pulling the "medical" card if I have to; it is, after all, true.
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  #9   ^
Old Wed, Jun-13-12, 16:17
pinkclouds's Avatar
pinkclouds pinkclouds is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 6,164
 
Plan: Atkins-ish
Stats: 255/250/175 Female 65.5"
BF:Size 22/16-18/10
Progress: 6%
Location: Colorado
Default

Have you shared with your friends that you are following a low carb diet? If not, this is where I would start. From your description they seem to be very caring and hospitable. Maybe if they had a general idea of what you prefer to eat and what your prefer not to eat, they would offer things you prefer.

If you don't want to tell them you are on a diet to lose weight, tell them you are avoiding certain foods that cause you issues. This is not a lie.

By the way, you probably didn't really gain 2 lbs from what you ate. Just water weight. It will be ok.
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  #10   ^
Old Wed, Jun-13-12, 16:26
pinkclouds's Avatar
pinkclouds pinkclouds is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 6,164
 
Plan: Atkins-ish
Stats: 255/250/175 Female 65.5"
BF:Size 22/16-18/10
Progress: 6%
Location: Colorado
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackstone
I finally lied and just said that I found out that I am completely sugar and gluten in tolerant and that I get very sick if I have it.


I used to think this was a good alternative to saying I was on a low carb diet. Until I realized that inevitably at some point I will decide to have something with sugar or gluten in it as a rare treat. I don't want to be given the hairy eyeball. I do tell friends/family/coworkers that too much gluten or sugar gives me problems like gas, itchy skin, insomnia, irritability and weight gain and that it's best if I don't eat it. This is the truth. I don't feel guilty about saying no thanks and most people don't challenge me.
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  #11   ^
Old Wed, Jun-13-12, 16:56
Nikita82's Avatar
Nikita82 Nikita82 is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 209
 
Plan: HCG Diet
Stats: 215.5/191.1/155 Female 177cm
BF:Human twinkie
Progress: 40%
Location: Newcastle NSW Australia
Default

This is a hairy one! I have a similar problem. Tips that help are:

Eat before you meet
Know where you're going so you can plan what you'll order
If people want to ask questions, wave unsuitable food in your face or challenge you, pull the medical card. As far as I'm concerned, telling a friend a little white lie to get them off your case and protect your health & wellbeing is more than worth it!

I have actually gone as far as pulling a face, grabbing my belly and saying I feel sick. I don't like ANYONE enough to put on weight for them!
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  #12   ^
Old Wed, Jun-13-12, 21:12
Abbie_B.'s Avatar
Abbie_B. Abbie_B. is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 269
 
Plan: Atkins, Paleo, High Fat
Stats: 180/133.2/140 Female 5'5"
BF:
Progress: 117%
Location: New York
Default

I just tell my girlfriends that I eat low carb and I'm not hungry. Salads are good, cheese etc. I'm not shy about it and "I'm not hungry" is good to repeat as many times as needed. I've never had a problem, but people will look at me like I am a starving Ethiopian and feel excruciatingly bad for me. I don't. They just don't understand so I spend my time re-explaining "I'm not hungry" --weird concept when my friends are on SAD. If it continues, I just get clearer about it. No secret. I don't eat your stupid carbs ... But "thanks". Mostly it's a minute point! Good luck!
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  #13   ^
Old Wed, Jun-13-12, 21:53
lc4good's Avatar
lc4good lc4good is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 545
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 280/219/145 Female 5 feet
BF:
Progress: 45%
Location: BC, Canada
Default

Tell them that carbs give you uncontrolable deadly gas and you don't want to inflict that on them...they'll probably stop pushing it on you if they think you're going to cause the paint on the walls to peel

Seriously though...just be honest...tell them your current eating plan does not include the item they offer you and stick to your guns! You are an adult and you really don't have to justify your choices. Real friennds uderstand this
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  #14   ^
Old Wed, Jun-13-12, 22:40
Liz53's Avatar
Liz53 Liz53 is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 6,140
 
Plan: Mostly Fung/IDM
Stats: 165/138.4/135 Female 63
BF:???/better/???
Progress: 89%
Location: Washington state
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by lc4good
Seriously though...just be honest...tell them your current eating plan does not include the item they offer you and stick to your guns! You are an adult and you really don't have to justify your choices. Real friennds uderstand this


Yeah, really. Real friends want you to be in good health and to feel good about yourself. What is it with some people that it is SO important that you eat food of their choosing....would you force bacon on a vegan? I didn't think so.
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  #15   ^
Old Thu, Jun-14-12, 04:52
gmp55's Avatar
gmp55 gmp55 is offline
New Member
Posts: 15
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 195/120/120 Female 5'2"
BF:
Progress: 100%
Location: New York
Default

Sounds like your "friends" are on a mission to sabbotage your success and progress. True friends would be supportive of your efforts. Are they bigger than you? Perhaps envious of your self-control? Just tell them you are on a medically supervised program for your health and well-being, you are "allergic" to gluten, and sugar could put you in a coma! People like this REALLY annoy me!
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