Thank you Cali, I beleive that Kym is out there with my father and I hope they are both watching over Alex & myself. I have a friend who says she has seen Kym sitting on her stairs with an older man (I think my father), I got a bit jealous..........I want Kym to come to me so I can see him and know he's alright. My memory of him now is just the photo I have of him, and how he was in hospital leading up to his death. I want to be able to remember him when he was himself, but it's not happening. I'm told it will come back but it's been almost a year and nothing so far. I think it's why it's hard for me at the moment.

Hi Gemma,That all sounds so good,i sure miss some of the sweets ,like cake mmmm.Where do i hike?Just about 20 miles out west of las vegas there is this place called Red Rocks Park.Its got all types of hiking,flat out on the desert floor ,or one of the many canyons.I uasualy try and do at least an hour or two.I love hiking in the great outdoors so its pretty easy for me,plus it releases the endorfins.See ya Dave

Dave;

I envy you being so close to Red Rocks, it is a very beautiful area of the world to walk about in and to photograph as well. I've done some commercial photo shoots in the canyons for Mitsubishi a few years ago, the area produced wonderful photos, the backgrounds and skys are just beautiful.

I've always been a closet desert rat, the heat doesn't bother me, I respect the environment and take care when I do get out in it and being a gemologist and photographer has it's own rewards.

I was just up in the Sacramento Delta and panned for gold in the rivers and streams including the area of Sutters Creek where the California gold rush started. I brought home some nice small nuggets, about 1/2 oz. total, but the water sure was cold. I use the small gold flakes as tiles on a ring or pendant, this years find will make about six good pieces, if I’m careful.

I discovered that traveling and low-carbing is not all that tough and I was able to stay right on plan despite other members of the party ordering double chocolate sundaes and the like. I gotta tell you I’m really committed to the WOE, not even tasting the sweets is a miracle in itself.

Hi Frances

This is probably something you have already tried, but I have to just say it anyway - have you tried grief counselling? There is just so much relief of being able to tell your story to someone who is a not only a wonderful listener, but who can also help you to work out your own strategies to get over the many humps and hollows of the grief experience. We are expected to "get over it" by so many people out there that we become reluctant to be open about it sometimes - this is where talking to a trained grief counsellor could be a wonderful relief for you and for your daughter.

We have an organisation called Relationships Australia here in Victoria and I believe it has trained counsellors who are often really helpful - I don't know how they charge though.

Also there are often grief and general counsellors at your local community health service/centre and the charge is really low (our local CHS only charges $5.00 per session).

Good luck!


Gemma

Hi Jim,Im sorry im so late on my responce.Yes your right red rocks is a very asome place.I was hiking up there sunday in pine creek canyon, and heard something iv never heard in all my days hiking.The low growl of a mountain lion,man was i a little nervous.The hair on the back of my neck stood on end ,and i did'nt see it ,i kept an eye out for aways.Paning for gold sounds neat,i did'nt know if you could still find any.I have always had trouble on atkins traveling,seems like your limited to burger with no bun,and salad.Do you have any hints or sugestions,i will be forever gratefull.Take care jim,Dave.

I understand your excitement and caution in that environment, if you snooze there you could easily die or be severely injured, no room for error, living in the Southern California Coastal Region, we have mountain lions and coyote attacks every year, even in residential areas but the worse cases happen in the foothill canyons, where joggers and hikers aren't paying attention until it’s too late.

Dave; gold panning is the least efficient way of getting the "yellow" out of rivers and streams, sluice operations can be very profitable, the work is cold and often dangerous, but profitable none the less, it is a lot of fun too. There is still a lot of gold in them thar’ hills... and rivers and streams.

About the traveling and low carbing... I eat breakfast, that easy almost anywhere and my fall back position when all else fails. I’m very fond of Chefs Salads, meat loaf and the old stand by Hamburger steak and when all else fails, a 1 pound T-bone steak or center cut prime rib, dinner salad, cottage cheese and tomato slices. I can do pretty well without going to far afield, a few (I mean a few) extra carbs are not going to send you screaming from the restaurant. I’m fairly confident that you can low carb it in eating out.

You have In-&-Out Burgers in the Las Vegas area, here is a current list… in Clark County, Las Vegas… 2900 W. Sahara Ave. - 51 N. Nellis Blvd. - 4705 S. Maryland Pkwy. - 1960 Rock Springs Dr. and 4888 Industrial Rd.

I order a Double-Double with Cheese, Protein style (w/o bun, wrapped in lettuce leaf), sometime I have two, they are very, very good, I eat there about twice a week on average. Subway has Jerrod, In-&-Out Burgers could have me, and I would work for food too. Just kidding, I hope this helps. Be well.

Wow . . . lots of posts and interesting ones at that.

Dave and Jim . . . I think I'm having an adventure when I walk in the woods in Metropolitan Detroit. The most I see is a deer and once, a fox. And, occasionally, hug a tree. That area sounds exciting. How do you keep safe?

Frances and Gemma . . . I agree with the grief counselling. I am a trained grief counsellor in the schools and done a lot of work in that area. It can be very helpful.

However, when I lost four people in one year, I was devastated. It took me 5 years to start to really let go. I still cry, but I'm getting to the point where I can celebrate their life, as well. I can talk about them and begin to keep them alive.

He doesn't need to come to you or anyone else. You are the one who can keep him alive by remembering him and loving him. But, grieving is a process, an important process.

I have been reading lately about unresolved childhood issues affecting our ability to grieve and move past the grief of loved ones. I think this is true for me. I feel like the very life is sucked out of me when I lose someone close. And, I'm at the age where people are going to die . . . maybe even me!!!

This is where the Dr. Phil book, Self Matters, is really helping me out because it takes me back and then moves me forward toward forgiveness. I'm also getting cranial-sacral therapy treatments which I think are encouraging healing.

My greatest gift is A Course in Miracles which brings me close to spirit and shows me the nonsense in all of my fretting. I do have a choice about how I live this life. And, I only get to do this one once.

At 55, I'd better get busy. Love to everyone.

Hi EveLee, Frances and everyone

You are right EveLee that grief is a process, and it is important to recognise that it is a unique process for each individual that:

1 Doesn't have any rules about how you experience it

2 Doesn't have any rules about how long you experience it

3 Doesn't have any rules about how it "progresses" for each person (forget the idea that you "progress" through a series of particular "stages" of grief as this has now been rejected by grief counsellors)

4 While it frightens or upsets other people sometimes, it is important to accept that and to encourage yourself not to feel guilty for making them uncomfortable - sharing your grief with you can be a chance for them to learn about grief

5 Doesn't just "go away" after a "while". You continue to be affected by feelings of grief forever - it is how you interpret those feelings that will define your recovery

Bye now

Gemma

All that you say is very true.

I suppose I'm shocked by the intensity of the loss. I know he's my beautiful boy and I miss him terribly.......but the loss is becoming greater not lessening. When he died, I just did what I had to do and I could talk about him and how he died quite easily ............but now I cry at the smallest mention of his name.

I was actually worried by how well I was handling it, everyone said I was a tower of strength. I thought maybe I didn't love him enough.

It's always been my way, that if something bad happened I just said to myself "Yeah well.............." and move on and I thought that's what I was doing with Kym.

Maybe I never knew how to grieve. I have built up a wall since I was little to protect myself from people hurting me because I was overweight.

This is the first time I've felt so deeply about anything............. and it is actually a hole in my being that I can actually feel! I've heard people say this and didn't really appreciate it.


Frances

. . . the pain of losing a child. Can't even begin. Some people do seem to have greater resilency re: loss; I'm not one of those.

At my worst, I have fallen onto my knees and asked god simply to help me. Please help me. No requests of how, just to help. Without exception, I would be lifted. These are my miracles in life . . . when I can (without seeming cause) just go into a different space.

I have cried at least one river.

My prayers are with you. I will remember you tonight and send healing energies your way.

Oh Frances, it's agony that just doesn't go away. Like EveLee I can't imagine the depth of that agony. I believe we all have "unavoidables" in life - grieving for Kym is your unavoidable truth at present - live in the moment and do what you can to find joy in that moment. Don't look into the future, just exist in this moment - I find sometimes this helps.

Perhaps you "coped" as a tower of strength to help everyone else get through it and it is only now that time has passed that you can allow yourself the grief you have held inside.

Gemma

Hi Jim,Thanks for the helpfull tips and IN N OUT burger locals.Iv been to in n out very good,the other ideas sound just as well.Lately when im going for a burger i take low carb bread along works real well.See ya Dave

Dave . . . You really can find something to eat at most restaurants. And, I try to choose those that have something more than minimal since I eat out a lot.

Frances . . . Your initial reaction sounds very much like the rote stage of "denial." As I flew to Florida for my friend's funeral, I kept thinking that she probably wasn't dead, but just wanting to bring all of us together. How weird is that?

Then, over the first couple of years, I just couldn't put my arms around it all. I had this feeling of . . . where is she? Where is she?

It's just now, 3 years later, that I'm beginning to be able to remember here and visit the places we went to.

The difference is losing an immediate family member is that there really is a hole. That person is no longer there in your life physically and every other way.

I should have gone for support, but, I was too overwhelmed. That was a mistake. Go find someone to help you through this. I think groups are great. Here, the funeral homes hold support groups.

I did pray for you and will continue to.