Since I also used to have the anorexia symptoms before, I truly understand how u are feeling. But I was not bulimia because I've never vomitted or taken the laxative pills. The thing is that I tried most of ways to get out of the eating disorder, such as counselling with psychologist, self-control, talking with parents and so on. I tried to overcome it really hard but I could not eat because I was so afraid of gaining weight. And one day I just happened to wanna try the atkins diet, and I ate lots lots of meats including fatty red meats, eggs, butter, oil, mayo, cheese, all kinds of fatty foods. I was surprised because I did not gain weight, even though I ate those high calorie fatty oily foods all day long (up to 5000kcal/day), and I just kept doing that way for about 1 week. As a result, I gained some weight. I don't blame the atkins diet because I know that I didn't perfectly follow the rule of the atkins diet. Therefore, I gained about 7-10lbs and now I am trying to cut it back again.
What I learned from that experience is that even if you eat more foods than now, you're gonna be fine. Struggling with eating everyday made me so negative, pessimistic and aggressive. I found that I was too skinny and guys do not like skinny girls, they prefer curvy or even chubby girls.
The inside is more important than the appearance. I believe that you already know that young boys really care about the looking, but as they get older and older the standard will change.
And if you're not eating it's like you don't know how it's delightful to enjoy having something that's really delicious. I think it's one of the ways to enjoy the life.
Anyways, I know how u r feeling now, and it is not that easy to get over. But it's really harmful for your health since it could even threaten your life. I hope you'll escape from the invisible prison as soon as possible, just like I did. You have to control the appetite, the appetite cannot control you.
I'd recommend that u see a doctor or counsellor to talk about ur eating disorder problem since you have the bulimia symptoms, too, it could be more dangerous.
Lastly, I'd like to add that u r already looking fine. Do not get afraid to eat, it will never ever hurt you. If u r trying to get attention from someone, losing weight isn't everyting to be attractive. There must be something else. Why don't you look for it? Good Luck!
I just tried to help you, I hope it didn't make u feel bad.
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