Colleen,

I'm sorry to read about your world crashing down on you. I doubt in this time that anyone can give comfort or words of encouragement but I'll try.

I've been recovering in another area for 15 years. In that time my Parents died , I've lost a home..Countless Jobs..Had 3 major surgurys including Open Heart.

But in all that I learn alot and found myself a stronger person getting through in the comfort of my friends and family.

No person is truly alone... Your here right??
No pain does not pass with time!
No hope ever dies if it lives in your heart!

finally life is a just a bunch of peaks and valleys. Keep your eyes on the snow covered peaks they are just up head a bit!!!

Just wondering how you are doing?....for me things have turned around considerably...I had a wonderful vacation with three great caring girlfriends and after only the first week away hubby called...he told me he missed me and loved me...I guess this time apart made him think about everything...I logged onto the site Marriage Builders that was provided by Elizabeth and have found it a wealth of knowledge and have now understood the hows and why's our marriage became troublesome and unbeknowst to me I had put his (Dr. Harley) suggestion of Plan A and B into action without even knowing it...I did feel hubby's affair had nowhere to go but he had to realize that himself...when we talked while I was away he stated he was not happy in his new relationship...I stated in order for us to even try to talk the OW had to be gone...she has been gone now for three weeks and we are talking ...I will not allow him to return to our home until I am sure this relationship is over and he deals with the problems as to why he did what he did...we are seeing each other on a daily basis now and taking things slow...he had to get through what is classified as his fog of anger and resentment before we could get together and talk...he is doing very well at this but is in the process of withdrawl from the OW...he has good days and bad but I feel the difference in him now is that he calls me on a regular basis and I am now allowed to visit him anytime I wish at his abode ...he also voluntairily put his wedding ring back on and I have done the same...do I think that I can trust him and that he is sincere...not on your life yet...I judge him daily on his actions...that is the key to our success...we have both agreed to start councelling again starting next week...I am just cautiously hopeful at this time that we may be able to reconcile but the ball is in his court now so time will tell...I would highly recommend the site Marriage builders.com to anyone going through what we have experienced...the support forum is great...much like it is here....please let me know how you are doing Collen..I think about you daily...B

Here's my update. Divorces are fast in Texas. Just a 60-day waiting period is all it takes. My divorce was final on February 24. So now I am officially single. I have been married for most of my adult life, so this does not feel comfortable yet.

I am seeing a counselor once a week, and that does help. I do have less anxiety than before. I can usually sleep 5 hours a night now, with prescription meds. Back in December I was sleeping only a couple hours a night, so this is an improvement.

I know I am better off without the ex, but it is still hard for me to believe that on a gut level. He is already working on a second girlfriend, and he has bought himself more toys on credit, like a $2,000 professional stainless steel outdoor grill. He's not the kind of person I want to be around, I know.

I still hurt, and I still cry, but not as much. I know I have made a lot of progress since December. It's hard for me to laugh or find joy in things, but I guess that will come in time.

I am so glad to hear you are on your way to feeling better. Sounds like you have had alot on your shoulders and are handling things. I remember being in a situation that devastated me and there was no way I thought things would ever get better but they did. As for being married all your adult life, that demonstrates you character and commitment now you can focus that on you. As for the grill, if he is truely a cad the day will come where that might be all he has so let him grill to his hearts content!!!!!

I am wondering if you have found a support group in your area?...Divorce Care is great and helps you get through this most trying time in your life..last week we dealt with the topic of loneliness...one has to get to the point where you can be happy with yourself and learn to keep yourself busy...you are valued and loved and you have to get your self esteem back...just remember you did nothing wrong and your husband has to live with his guilt the rest of his life...I would suggest some reading material for you to help get thorugh this phase of your life...I visited my local library and found some excellent books....keep busy...find a support network and you will find by taking one day at a time you will start to feel better...yes I know you are hurting hon...that will take some time but if you can find some folks in your situation you will find so much caring and support ...God Bless and keep in touch...Bonnie

hi, Colleen.
My heart goes out to you. I know how much pain and grief and re-emerging go into building a new life. I myself look back on a marriage where a man abandoned me at a terrible time, for another woman.
he and I had just moved out of state to a rural place sixty five miles from the nearest town, and I had no family or friends, and a mother
whose
telephone
response to my situation was fury at ME.


(And I had not asked for a dime, only a few words of comfort.)
I had fourteen
dollars, no job, no insurance and no car, and a precious, heartbroken and ill little boy.

That was nine years ago.

Today my life is so good you would not recognize it from before if my life were a film that flashed from that past situation to today.

What I learned over the years from that past to today was that when a person of weakcharacter leaves you, it's a gift in disguise. A terrible gift you'd never choose because you don't really know what is in the box, the box looks so hideous. Then the years open it and you are so grateful.

I am so utterly grateful for the hideous box I was given.
Because as the years passed and I opened it, wonderful things emerged, things I could not have dreamed were waiting for me.

You will emerge victorious from this dark time. Make that promise to yourself.

I also wanted to mention something that helped me enourmously to recover from a severe post-traumatic stress syndrome that I struggled with. It is a technique called acupressure. It is an easily done technique that is amazingly effective in clearing emotions that don't seem to be helping a person progress. It as taught to me by a therapist, and then I bought the book and I use the technique on myself.
I did not believe in it when I first heard of it, and I told the therapist so.
I am not a "new Age" kind of person, and am skeptical.
She was fine with that, Told me you didn't have to believe for it to work. I said "great," and we went forward. And the results were immediate and stunning. The book that I use is called Instant Emotional Healing: Acupressure for the Emotions. I think Lambrau and Pratt are the authors. Hokey title, but it works!

grief, rejection, fear, etc, there are acupressure techniques for them all, and they work fast! if I had known of this I would have used it years ago! You can actually leave a session smiling over what before you were crying over! LOL

best wishes, and congratulations on your size 8, oolala!!!!

Thanks so much for your response...your story gives us both encouragement of how our lives can be so much more productive for the future and of course "HOPE"...it is hard to see that now but speaking for myself personally I am a much more stronger and independant individual than I was let's say 10 months ago...the folks in my Divorce Care Group are also prime examples that one can go on and benefit from such a devasting time in one's life....as the old saying goes..."Everything happens for a purpose"...Bonnie

I checked around for a Divorce Care group in this area, and there is not one at the moment. A pastor at a church has my name and number if he decides to start up another Divorce Care group in the future.

So I haven't found a support group, but I do get one-on-one counseling once a week. The counselor recommended the Feeling Good Handbook, so I have been working on that.

A big issue that I am working on is the idea that a man provides me a sense of security. I have been married for most of my adult life, so I know it will take some time for me to feel really good about being independent and single. This is a hard issue for me, erasing the thought that I need a man to be happy. Logically I know it isn't true, but I have to work on believing that at a deep gut level. I wish I could wave a magic wand to make that happen.

I sneaked and took a peek at my file when my counselor was off making photocopies, and I read that my prognosis is "very good". So I guess there is hope for me.

Just checking in to see how you are doing Bonnie

My kids are visiting with me now, and that's good. But it dredges up a lot of pain, too. My older son needs to talk about how Dad spends the night away from home a lot with yet another new girlfriend.

Yes, I know how you feel...I took my granddaughters out yesterday and found out hubby had arranged to take them out in the morning...feels like joint custody...our reconciliation lasted two weeks when I discovered hubby was still in contact with OW....so sad this man can jerk so many people around...I have come to the conclusion that he needs help in a big way but he has to take the bull by the horns and maybe he never will but I am moving on with my life so that I do not have to feel pain everyday by being exposed to his lies, deceit, immorality...we are still legally married and he is out screwing around like that is ok...these guys are only focused on themselves and could care less about the pain they inflict on those that love them...spouses, family members, friends etc...you keep strong and get your life back on track...that is what I will be focusing on Colleen..remember we did not create the situation we are in and will never be faced with the extreme guilt these cheating spouses will have to deal with once the fog lifts...take care hon...Bonnie

Geesh Im new here but if all that goes on here is lets

cut each other down maybe I should join another group.

I was really hoping for help.....How did it go from helping

a lady in trouble to the back lashing....well,Ill be looking

for another place to get my support from it looks like...

Hope everyone will loose the weight they sat out to and

live happy health lives....


lilrose

Sorry do not understand this post...maybe you posted on the incorrect thread perhaps?..if not maybe you could explain ?...Bonnie

Lilrose:

Did you by any chance read this whole thread? I don't think so....

This forum is a wonderful place to lose weight, and to talk to one another about lifes issues.... Cutting people up, and giving backlashings, are a rare event, and NOT tolerated by the Moderators of this entire forum.....

I suggest you start from the beginning of this thread, especially if you are looking for some insight to what this thread is all about. ~ Osuz

I suspect this individual did not take the time to read through the whole thread...we are here just trying to help each other through a very difficult time in our lives and I personally only want to give Collen support and my love...Bonnie