Good for you, girl. Peaceful is a dang good thing.

That is just awesome. Well done!

Its been peaceful, they came reality and a test of today, I went grocery shopping by myself.

You know its crazy, I had to go to town and get a shot for my poisen sumak. Figured I would get the shopping done while I was in town. While I was getting ready to go, a thought crossed my mind. My habit, you see, I always stoped at the gas station and loaded up on junk for the drive. I pushed the thought aside and kept pushing it out, till I drove past the gas station. Longest 8 miles of my life! Got my shopping done, on the way home same situation. I was so stressed when I got home, I wanted the bag of chips, didn't do it. Went out and chored my rabbits instead. So, I have to take my youngsters to town, now. I have to drive past that gas station again, twice! I can do this, but damb its hard. I keep thinking its going to get easier. I won't even allow myself to stop for a pop or gas. I will get gas at the Hy Vee gas station, not my normal junk food wonderland.

Supper is fried shrimp tails (yum). Once I drop the kids off at their fathers, its just me tongiht. Me, some shrimp tails, and possibly a movie.

I'm sticking with this, mainly because I'm told it will get easier in time. I also don't want to let myself and others down.

I binged today at lunch. There was a half a white cake left on the counter. I should have sent it off with BF to work but I didn't think about it. I ate the cake, a lot of mixed berries and 2 bananas.

I do know that I was stressed this morning, I think that led to me rummaging through the kitchen. I new breakfast didn't make my stomach happy, at first I was looking for left overs. Then I saw that cake and my brain went out the window. Literally went by-by, and I ate it all without stopping and thinking about what I was doing until after I was done. Amazingly I didn't stuff myself and when I got full I did stop. I didn't eat all of the last banana, I fed it to my horse.

A step back I know, but how much of a step back? Major cravings for the week? Induction flu? I'm more afraid of those nasty voices in my head.

Lesson Learned~ Do not leave junk food sitting on the counter. I should have sent it off to work with BF for his buddies to eat. Now for the punishment.

I struggle with binges too. I would love to learn a way to stop myself from doing it. I'll be watching your progress with interest and hope to learn a few things! So far you've already taught me something...I never knew there was a group called OA. I might try to see if there's one where I live.

As for the boredom, I have some thoughts about some things that you might enjoy. Most schools (elementary all the way through high school) need parent volunteers all the time. In elementary school, you usually can help out in your child's classroom, which I always enjoyed. You get to meet other moms your age, and you could help plan the class parties or anything you want to volunteer for. You could grade papers, hear reading groups, go into the materials room and prepare the stuff for a craft project, etc. Sometimes you can help kids in other grades who are struggling with reading or math, so it doesn't have to be only stuff regarding your own kids, unless that's what you want to do. You can make some good friends that way, outside of your immediate neighborhood. Plus you get to see how your child interacts with others in school, and you can help your kids with their homework better once you see how the classroom works.

If you have any religious bent, churches have programs that need volunteers all the time, as well. There are always parties, activities, Sunday School classes for the kids, etc. that need all sorts of help. Once again, you'd be meeting fun new people and making friends as well as doing something worthwhile.

If there's a soup kitchen or other charitable program in your town, they need volunteers all the time, as well. The nursing homes would love to have you come and visit the patients, just chatting with them, because some of them have very few visitors and just want someone to talk to, and some of them are pretty interesting with their stories. If you have a local community theater, they love volunteer help as well, in costuming, painting backgrounds, etc.

Anyway, that's just a few ideas. I'm sure you have plenty of things that need to be done around the house and yard with your livestock and children, etc. but sometimes it's fun to branch out a little further and get involved with other people during the day.

Thanks Mrs. Skip ~ I was thinking about that today, as I was jogging on the treadmill at the gym. The gym is such a lugsurary for me, I live to far away to make special trups just to work out. But today, I had to get my grociers and run the usual Friday banking errands. Yay, I payed the $5 day rate and got to use a treadmill!! I love working out in the gym, I feel so much more motivated to do more in a gym vs at home where I can put it off. So, I'm going to use the gym every single darn time I get to go to town Love it!!

You know, I could always find things to do, its not like theres nothing to do around here. Theres wall paper in the bathroom that needs scraped so I can paint. Theres the rabbit barn that needs some seriouse poop removal. Horses that really wouldn't mind being rode, some tops I wanted to sew together. Exercise, hard to get motivated with any of it!!

I thought helping out at the school would be a good idea. I don't deal well with other peoples kids very well, so help grading papers and doing things that don't involve my patience would be ok.

When my youngest went to school this fall, I made a list of things that really needed done. Like the bathroom and such. I still have my regular things, like scrubbing the fridge every Thursday and scrubbing the bathroom every Wed. and Vacuming the main rooms daily and bedrooms 2X a weel. Laundy and cooking and such. It seems like most of the time I'm not really bored, I loose my gumption and don't want to do squat and get borred sitting there while I'm bing pissy about not wanting to do house work Make any sence? I'll call the school on Monday to see if I can go help a couple times a week, not the direction of the gym though. I need to talk someone into going with me so we can split the gas. Who wants to go with me?

Ok, I binged again yesterday, last night. My ex showed up to get the kids, I was napping and he startled me. I could just feel the adrenalin run through me when I woke up suddenly. From the moment I walked into the livingroom, I was thinking of binging. I got the kids out the door and descided I was actually hungry, so I fried up a pork shoulder steak. Gobbled that up, was quite full and still wanted to binge. Got the chips down and ate them, not all that great but finished the bag anyway. Then drove to my favorite haunt and spent $9.00 on junk food. Came home and walked TV while I stuffed myface. Finally, my brains came back (couldn't stuff any more) and I had a giant cookie and a bag of choc covered peanuts left over. I through them away, but to be honest, I've dug junk out of the garbage before (it was rapped in plastic) and I bothered me that it was so close. This morning, I thought of it too. BF took his time leaving this morning, and as I was getting ready to go to the gym, I was thinking about the junk food in the trash. Just not right!! I thought of the money I wasted, thought of me getting fat again, thought of me letting myself and everyone around me down. Thought about the IFV were going to do after the new year and I want to be at my ideal weight and healthy first.

So, I grabbed a half full trash bag and through it in the trash outside. Then, I got dressed in my cutest work out suit I have and went to town and straight to the gym! I walked on the treadmill for 45 min at mostly 4.2mph, speed up and jogged 4 times for 2 min at a time, and after jogging slowed down to 3.5mph to get my breath back. It about done me in, but I'm working at getting my sugar out of my body.

I got asked out for lunch while I was finishing up on the treadmill He must have liked the jogging Turned him down nicely (he was h-o-t! and built!) and went to finish my errands.

I feel so much better and I have to work harder at getting over my food addiction and my bordom, and hating to clean house (after a while you get tired of cleaning it!)

I know I will be fine tonight, usually by this time of day I'm good to go. I've got to fix supper soon and the guys will be home late. Its just me and my 3 youngsters.

Hi there, it sounds as if you've done really well until the last couple of days. Don't be too hard on yourself.. If you can limit it to a couple of days every few weeks, I doubt if it will be disastrous. Could the binging be triggered by hormonal issues prior to TOM?

Its not hormonal, I have 1.5 weeks to go. I have an eating dissorder, I binge/overeat. I need to 100% astain from minging to get the junk out of my body and hopefully someday, the cravings and little voices in my head will be fewer and not as loud, easier to deal with. It seems really weird, I was doing great and then, wham! They hit me, and its like I have no control. After a binge, its really hard to get things back under control.

I found its much easier to give in and eat the junk than fighting the voice in my head.

I need to find a sponder for OA, I probably wouldn't have had thee issues if I had called somebody. Of course that requires willpower sometimes to pick up the phone before I eat the junk.

Binges don't actually come out of the blue, I found out. There is always something in the 3-4 days preceding.
This took a few times to note things in my journal and make connections.

For me it was always:

- not enough food. For me it was just not thinking - not even "dieting" just being busy and not stopping to eat properly.
- extra exercise and not enough food to cover it
- some big anxiety event
- some big excitement
- some big sadness
- sleeplessness or crisis

What these all have in common is a big old physical/emotional "rush" or crisis. What goes up then comes down. In the aftermath my body wants to fill up with fast carbs to level things out.

I don't think binges come out of the blue either. Usually if I think about it, theres a trigger right before I binge. Like yesterday, my ex husband startled me out of my nap. I woke up with a major endrenoline surge. Sometimes it seems like it just hits, but its usually mid afternoon stress, tired, low on fuel, habit. Or some other phyciolical factor that we don't even realize is there.

Whoa! that might do it for me too.

On the psych - I am remembering now that I had to learn to identify my feelings all over again. Over time I had built this habit:

feel anxious - eating helps
feel happy - eating helps
feel hungry - eating helps
feel tired - eating helps

So then all I knew was:

feel = eat

LOL.

When I started to get feelings again I had to start from "feel" and work my way back.

feel - which feeling: sad, mad, glad, afraid?
For that feeling, why, and how much?

Kinda fun really. Sometimes my feelings were appropriate for what was going on, and sometimes they weren't, but instead were leftover from old things that were not even real any more.
The fun part was to realize what was old and I could kick it to the curb.

One thing that low carb does is offer really nutritious food, but it's often not enough. If we are not getting enough nutrients, we might "cross wires" and our bodies respond with the Food Alarm.

For me, it's Vitamin D3, chelated magnesium, and LOTS of C, along with arctic root. These do wonders for my mood and my cravings. You might need different nutrients.

Some people respond really well to the micronutrients in sea salt, and I've heard great things about the amino acid-balancing effect of unflavored gelatin; I'm trying both of these now.

We live in upstate NY with snow, and while I've lived with gloomier winters, our sunshine in the winter is not the kind you can walk around in a tank top in

And I hear you on the housework as opposed to the treadmill; one is what you are expected to do, and the other is something you enjoy doing for yourself. That makes a huge difference in motivation!

I like to walk but the concrete is hard on my body. I have troubles with my hips and knees, and walking on concrete just makes things worse. I'm still not sore after 45 min of walking and jogging on the treadmill. I feel like I did something great

The housework thing, that seems like all I do. I vacume, and laundry and clean off the counters and sweap and scrub, where does it all keep coming from? It is easier with the kids in school, not near the mess to pick up and work around. There rooms are awful, I try to get them to keep them picked up but its like taking to my cats, you really get no where. I scrub the fridge every Thursday afternoon, where is the nasty stuff coming from? All thawing meats go in a large bowl to thaw in, everything else is in tupperware, nothing goes in without a container, so why do I have to keep scrubbing it? The counter, its totally cleaned off daily, but theres always papers on it, dishes, something that somebody just didn't put away. Seriously, I have a working dishwasher that I keep empty, but no one can fill it unless I get nasty. Whats with the school papers on the counter? Unless its something I need to see or rework needs done put it in the recycling bin! Is it really that hard to take off your shoes in the house (I have to wear mine do to hip troubles)? There is always an excuse they come up with to leave there shoes on. My livingroom rug, is a gorgeous rug with horses running allong a fence. They are tromping on it with shoes on! I about come uncorked on BF the other day I walked in and he's standing there, with his shoes on, in the middle of the rug! They should take a side and clean it by hand, they would probably keep there shoes off of it, but I couldn't get them all to clean it right and take their time.

Ya, I'm a little pissy about the house work. I'm sure most moms are, its a never ending battle, oh, if its not long enough, get closer to the toilet. Don't let go, don't flop it around, don't take your eyes off of it. I'm tired of cleaning up a stinky bathroom floor! Thank goodness its not carpet! When people walk in the house, they can't believe how tidy it is with a family running around. I think I shouldn't have a full time job keeping it clean up, the pay sucks.

Ok, I'm done ranting, for now. I descided to not go to my OA meeting this morning. I should have gone, but no one seemed to want to baby sit this morning. Usually BF does but he took my oldest out deer hunting this morning, the tag is good till the 30th. His father, begrudgingly said he would, but it irritated me, so I'm staying home with them. . . maybe I can get them to clean their rooms?

All right SeeJay, Feeling ~ sadness, menal pain,hurt feelings. I wanted to binge and still do. BF took my son hunting early this morning. It was descided to stay at the farm instead of coming home. They are going back out hunting late this evening around 8 or so. I haven't seen much of BF since Monday and its really getting to me. He was fussing about the gas in the truck and making the extra trips. Right now, he's sitting in the recliner at his fathers watching a ******* foot ball game instead being at home, actually spending time with us. You know what I've done today? Cleaned the kids's rooms, sorted their clothes and got all that cleaned up. More ***** house work! He offered for me to come to the farm this afternoon, but isn't that another trip? What happened to all worried about the gas? No, he wants to sit on his ass and watch that game. Wether its that way or not, it feels like he would rather watch the game instead of being home with me. Sadness, pain, hurt, pissed off, it comes from all of them, and I want to eat and eat and make it all go away

Hope the rant helped. Sometimes a little ranting works wonder for me, lol.

It's a bit off subject, but if you're interested, flylady.net website has lots of great ideas for housecleaning and stuff. It kind of helps you to think of keeping your house cleaning in a new positive way, and she also has lots of good ideas.

Hope the rest of your day goes a little more smoothly.