Well, I was pretty skinny in highschool and the 1st year of college (my grades were great too). Then it happened.

My roommate and I both fell in love with the same girl. She teased us both on to no end, and at least for myself, I had never experienced anything like it before. It was fun and different, but the realization that my roommate also liked this girl became a crushing blow.

I guess if we were both average males, we would have fought it out and never been friends again. But we were introspective twits. We both blamed everything on ourselves. Self-deprecation, self-loathing, and self-blame became the rules of the day. Oh, we were such a suicidal two. I felt like there was this hole inside of me that would not go away. I filled it with food: Ice cream, pizza, chocolate, donuts, anything bad.

My suddenly burdgeoning eating habits were unbalancing my already tight budget, so I started charging things until my credit card was maxed. My grades plummeted and my weight shot up. My roommate became suicidal and gothy for a few years.

Eventually when I was a junior in college, I dropped out. My depression had reached such heights that suicide was on my mind nearly constantly. I enjoyed nothing except food, anime and video games. I couldn't smile. The little joy I derived from things only drove me into more self destructive behavior. I blamed everything on myself: I failed school, I couldn't hold a job, I had become fat, I was losing friends. After a while, I was no longer sad about everything, I just simply felt nothing. No matter what I did, I was just completely apathetic. It was strange, even to myself.

During this entire episode, food brought me an ounce of happiness, and unfortunately multiple ounces of fat. I had ballooned up to about 230 pounds initially and just kept gaining from overeating, I never limited my self on food.

My depression ended about a year ago (although it threatened to rear its head again 6 months ago). After 5 years of major depression, I went from about 170 up to 270, but since I was still eating too much, I was still gaining, although much more slowly.

Now I realize, my being fat was a part of a defense mechanism to keep myself away from other people. I just didn't want to be hurt anymore.

Now here I am, nothing gets me down. But this extra weight is a real drag. My ankles hurt and I have little endurance. I just want the weight gone.

So 6 years have passed since I started gaining, I have never dated a girl since then, but I am still a close friend with my former roommate. (he is faring well too, although he never had to contend with weight.)

I am debt free, I am back in school, I am working a steady job, and I feel alright about life.

Damn, 5 years to get over girl, a self-serving one at that. I am such a putz.