Dear fat, I am writing you this note because I feel that our friendship has become very one sided. It did not start out that way, you used to be quite nice and I enjoyed the warmth you gave me in the Winter. Don't get me wrong, I have enjoyed being a generous, kind, and caring person, but this just isn't working out for me anymore. I carry you up hills, I lug you around on my bicycle, I pay for your high BP medication and I even let you share my bed at night. I think I have been a pretty good friend, I even gave you a second chance when I moved to a warmer climate. So I guess what I am trying to get at here, is that you have become more of a drain on me than an inspiration. Please leave your key on the coffee table, thank y0u.