Dear FAT,

I very much want you to think of me as gracious and thankful, but Im afraid that aint gonna happen. I very much want this to be a thank you letter, but it turns out Im not that nice a person.

Having you around has been like having a giant flabby hangover sitting on my butt long after the party ended. Its not even you I was after, it was your mate, the pretty one, you know,...Carbs
It was him I was after all along, and you just came a long for the ride. I dont recall inviting you, but you came any way.
How rude.

But now, your mate Carbs and I have broken up. I dumped him, and Im not sorry and were never getting back together. So, Im sure even you can see that its really not right for you to stick around now that me and you know who have had a parting of ways.

Because your a nasty and self centered piece of work, Im not expecting you to go easy, and I might even have to call in the big guns to get rid of you. but rest assured, your days are numbered, Fat.
You and your mate carbs can go play somwhere else.

With no love,
not even a little,
me.