No, your writing isn't 'juvenile', its just...forceful. Young is relative, but compared to many of us here, I'm pretty sure young is appropriate.

Its also an important data point. Younger bodies respond better and more quickly to healthy changes.

I think your proposed diet is a horrible idea, since you ask. If your first purpose is to regulate the bowel you should try taking some nice magnesium oxide, which will loosen things up. Drink lots of water. Eat plenty of fat. Magnesium and coconut oil will solve a lot of unpleasantness.

And stop eating foods you know irritate your gut. Because that's only a short term fix. It isn't going to help you get any better in the long term.

You don't necessarily have to go low carb to get away from the prime suspects. Get away from oatmeal. Try hot cornmeal cereal instead. Get away from wheat flat bread. Try potatos or rice. You just said that bananas upset your stomach. Try making your shakes from coconut milk and some other fruit and add in some eggs.

I do think that low carb is the best approach, but if you've had bad experiences, you can work up to it.

I strongly believe if you can avoid gluten and dairy for 2 weeks, you'd see a lot of improvement.