"I chewed and chewed in honor of the cow"

"My gum line between my teeth felt like it had been beaten down by a bunch of mini-jackhammers. After I was finished I had to find a pair of pliers to pull out the connective tissue or gristle that remained happily loddged just above the road construction hundredth..."

You are hilarious Thud, you gave me my second good laugh this morning...