I have been bulimic for partly 2 years now, not after every meal, just here and there when I fancy bingeing. I'd say once every 3 days I make myself sick. If I'm not doing this, I'm eating one piece of cheesecake in the morning and starving myself for the rest of the day. Before christmas I done this for a month, eating only one meal a week, and I lost a stone.

I don't know what damage I'm doing to myself with this, but I can't stop it. Somewhere I've got lodged in my head I can lose weight quicker by starving myself than going on Atkins (except 1 slice of cheesecake in the morning). I was following the atkins WOE for a year back in 2005, it worked wonderfully for me, to the point of TOO well and I lost too much weight. After that I went through a year of building myself back up again, eating whatever I liked, however much I liked, and practically gaining nothing. I thought 'GREAT!'. However over the last 4 years it has eventually gone on, 28 pounds worth, and although my family say "You look fine, what's the matter with you", to me I am not comfortable. I feel better 14 pounds lighter, to meet in the middle of not being too skinny like I was before, but not being my 'fat' weight that I am now.

I've been doing this starve, binge, be sick cycle for a year constantly now. I haven't consistently eaten 3 square meals a day in so long. So what damage am I doing? This sounds like a very naive question, but I have already looked up the INSIDE damage I'm doing to try and scare myself away from doing this, but it doesn't work. It doesn't seem to matter to my mind what inside harm I am doing to my throat, esophagus, my stomach lining, I'm just worried about things like my metabolism, my appearance. And here's what I've started to noticed..

When I starved myself for a month, with one meal a week like I said, the way I looked at 112 lbs after starving myself was no where near what I looked like at 112 lbs on Atkins. After starving I still had some fat round my middle, my thighs didn't look as small. I looked so much smaller at that weight on Atkins, and I just can't understand it.

I REALLY want to start Atkins again, I really do. But here's my dilemma, I have my 21st birthday in 1 month and 3 weeks and I have a big party going on that I want to be 112lbs for. I've tried induction, and I loved the food, everything, BUT my mind takes over and I end up reverting back to the 'one piece of cheesecake a day' routine because I think I'll lose weight quicker doing that.

So this is a desperate call out for help really, for advice and information on the questions I have asked. I am currently being referred to an eating disorder counselor and I am hoping that will help a little too. But while that process is happening, I need some immediate advice to help me through this until I'm being counseled.

Thank you.