I'm in another flare.
 

I'm just so tired and sore and frustrated right now. I was losing well back in March and April, then I kind of overdid things getting ready for Passover, then my cousin died towards the end of Passover, and I just haven't felt right since. I gained a bit of weight over Passover, and I haven't been able to lose it again.

I'm just sick and tired of being sick and tired. I thought I had my triggers figured out, so I could avoid them and feel OK. Have I accidentally been glutened, either by eating crumbs or by touching my kids' leftovers? Is there some other food or environmental trigger that I haven't identified yet? Is the stress of losing my cousin messing up my health?

I feel like I want to cry all the time, but I can't seem to really do so- I haven't had a good cry about my cousin yet. She was sick for a long time, but her death came as a complete shock. I missed out on a chance to see her at the Passover seder (I didn't go to the big family one but had a small seder at home instead) and I kept meaning to invite her over for dinner one night but I never did. Now I never will.

I'm sorry Ruth. I can just imagine how all this must pile up on you. *hugs* Take time to remember the good times with your cousin. It isn't what you did or didn't do those last few months, it is what you did over the course of your and her lifetime that really counts.

There's a real tendency to feel guilt when someone dies. I know that I spent a ton of time with my Mom when her health was failing. But I managed to kick myself over and over again because I wasn't with her the last 2 hours of her life. Objectively I know that's silly. I was crying like a maniac and couldn't get my emotions under control, and I didn't want her to have to see that while she was struggling to breathe. Yet still I feel guilt over that.