Active Low-Carber Forums

Active Low-Carber Forums (http://forum.lowcarber.org/index.php)
-   TOF's (Over Fifty) (http://forum.lowcarber.org/forumdisplay.php?f=141)
-   -   I really need some support right now; Mom is trying to derail me bc of the high fat % (http://forum.lowcarber.org/showthread.php?t=483257)

Molly B Wed, Dec-11-19 19:19

I really need some support right now; Mom is trying to derail me bc of the high fat %
 
Hi everyone. I don't believe I have ever posted in this section of the forum, but I really need some emotional support right now. I'm following a ketogenic diet right now. It's day 21, and I am down about 8-10 lbs. Some blouses that didn't fit before are now starting to fit. (I'm very big in the chest, even when I was thin).

I'm doing great. Staying on track. Logging every food, every ounce of water. Staying in the macros ranges for fats, carbs, and protein. Trying to stay in those ranges, I'm not always perfect, but I'm trying really hard, and doing the best I can. Eating a lot of fat is NOT a problem for me.

When I was younger, I always went for the fat on the meat. It's where the flavor is! And I LOVE it. I love dairy, cheese, eggs, meats, butter, heavy cream... you get the idea.

I'm also very happily married to my husband, 17 years now. He's awesome. He has seen me do this diet several years ago, and I lost 69 lbs in 6 months exactly. I really tried to hit 70, haha. And then life happened and I put on a lot of weight. Like the old adage says, more than I lost. :-( Now I'm trying to lose it.

But I think I'm losing my mind and my temper. You see, my mom has had a lot of back surgeries in the past year. Two spinal fusions and several other cement injections, etc. And then *I* had foot surgery. I'm legally blind and don't drive, so what happened was I ended up staying here at mom's house, to help take care of her, and then she helped me after my foot surgery. My husband has been SO understanding and tolerant! God, he's a saint! Because I can't drive, he has to come and get me, take me home (19 miles) and then bring me back to mom's. So I'm here with her.

And she's trying to derail me. I'm so upset. I'm nearly in tears. I'm angry. I was making a large pan of loaded cauliflower. For me. Because I've been buying a TON of fresh veggies every time she and I go to the store, and I can't eat everything so fast, so it's needing to be used, and I made a big pan of this delicious stuff. Full of cauliflower, butter, heavy cream, cream cheese, shredded cheese, bacon and green onions. My mom is so grossed out, "all of that fat!" and she cannot understand WHY when you follow a keto diet you MUST eat a lot of fat and now worry about calories so much.

"You're going to eat thousands of calories eating that! It's so full of fat! HOW can you eat that? WHY can't you make it all LOW-FAT?!"

...and

"You didn't go this crazy last time you did this, buying ALL OF THIS WEIRD food!" (coconut oil, chia seeds, almond flour, a lot of butter, heavy cream, etc.)

I told her that i indeed did! I DID this diet before, and I DID buy these things, and I can do this again! I've got to lose this weight, at least 70lbs, because I've recently suffered a terrible back injury, rupturing my lowest disc, making it leak out. I ended up in the ER and then had a STAT MRI, and tomorrow I have an appt. with a neurosurgeon to find out if I'm going to need surgery, because my whole left leg is is numb from butt to toes, yet that sciatic nerve is ALIVE and THUMPING. I've been told I needed a multi-level fusion when I had an injury a few years ago, tearing open 2 discs that time. It's what made me go 'on a diet' and lose that weight the first time around.

You guys, I asked my mom to please stop picking apart my diet, and trying to derail my determination. I asked her to please read how a keto diet works. But she said she 'didn't want' to and just kept going on about how I'd lose more weight if I cut out all of the fat.

I bought a Dash mini waffle maker ($15 shipped) and a personal blender, (another $15), and she makes like I'm spending hundreds of dollar on this diet, on these "unnecessary gadgets and weird foods."

Never mind that it is 8:15 pm and I've been so busy today doing laundry and house cleaning, and this and that around here that I haven't had a thing to eat all day, except for a keto-coffee! I pretty much did intermittent fasting all night and day, (not on purpose, but hurray for me!!) and I can finally sit down now and eat some of the %*$#&#! cauliflower I made!!

I am sorry this was so long. I just can't believe my mom is trying to undermine what I'm doing here, especially because she's seen me do this before, and I was successful. Please, someone, talk me down, because I am really upset right now! I don't have any brothers or sisters to turn to for support. Everyone in my family, (both sides) is dead. It's just me and my mom, my husband, and my beagle. They are my whole world. And I can't believe my mom isn't supporting me, especially when it is so critical I get this weight off of my spine!

I'm sorry to vent. I'm ashamed to vent. I frustrated I had to post this on a public forum, but I didn't know where else to turn. My husband supports me, but he's at home, and he just tells me to 'breathe, be mindful, just let it go....' But right now, that feels impossible. :-(

Thank you for letting me get it out. I'm going to get some of my loaded cauliflower casserole, the rest of my avocado salad and the last of my Cole Slaw and eat, FINALLY. (I'm so upset I didn't even cook any meat to go with this stuff). :-(

Ms Arielle Wed, Dec-11-19 20:50

You get to vent.

I got my mother out of my life for ten happy years. Gave me time to heal so I could deal with her. She was much nicer to me after those ten years. I made my point clearly.When words fell on deaf ears.

So the only thing I can offer is ask her to make no comments or faces, or you will no longer help her. Period. Use your leverage to force silence.


See how she reacts. You might need to show you are serious and have your husbabd pick you up as soon as he can and just stay home for a few days to show you are serious.

Up to you. Sorry for the crap.

Verbena Wed, Dec-11-19 21:20

I am sorry that you need to go through this. Indeed, you need to vent, and this is a very safe place to do it, and there are lots of people here to back you up. Not, of course, that your mother will know or care LOL. My mother and I had our issues, but she died 20 years ago. I loved her, and miss her, but have no regrets about the "issues' that are no longer around. What is it about mothers and daughters (in my case, only daughters; lots of brothers, but only me on the female side)? You could get some information off the web to show her, but it sounds like that might not be a viable solution. Perhaps a bit of selective deafness? Or "my doctor told me this is what I need to do"? No need to mention that "your doctor" is Dr Atkins, or Dr Fung, or any one of the other doctors who back this way of eating. Depending on your relationship with your mother you could try setting some new boundaries: "Mom, I love you, but I don't want to discuss this with you". Or, just bite your tongue, battle through, and collapse on your loving, supportive husband when next you see him. Best of luck.

Little Me Thu, Dec-12-19 10:52

Quote:
Originally Posted by Verbena
Or, just bite your tongue, battle through, and collapse on your loving, supportive husband when next you see him. Best of luck.

I second this advice. In life we often have to choose our battles.

I believe that there are just as many people who embrace the low-calorie doctrine as there are low-carb devotees. A one-size-fits-all diet is not necessarily right for everyone.

You know what works for you. Trust your convictions and turn a deaf ear. Trying to convince Mom will be an exercise in futility. Hangeth in there.

Molly B Fri, Dec-13-19 11:30

Thanks, you guys, for the support. I've been so upset and angry about this. I have cooled down now. I'm going to learn to bite my tongue, use that select deafness.

I'm going strong on the WOE. When she sees how I'm losing weight, she'll see the light. She is just the kind of eater who hates anything fat, or is grossed out that me, or her best friend, loves the fatty part of the meat. See, my mom grew up in post war Germany and she has never ever eaten any fish or poultry EVER. I don't know why. I don't know why her father hated chicken and turkey, etc., so much. A funny story-- on their wedding night, my Oma and Opa, my Oma had a nice spread of foods for their reception, and the main course was a big baked turkey. My Opa became so outraged, that he LEFT the party. He didn't reappear for TWO days! So I don't know wth is the problem about poultry!

I'm going to be ok. I LOVE poultry! And I love myself. I love my mom too-- so I'm going to just chill and keep eating how I'm eating, and do what I've got to do.

The light is a little clearer now. Thank you guys for your support! I really appreciate it!

(WHen I get terribly upset, or have a situation that has REALLY stressed me out, I tend out break out with a nasty ugly fever blister on my mouth. Got one now, 2 days ago it started tingling, right about my lip, under my nose. I should have seen it coming, haha. It never fails to amuse me, how my high stress level can trigger this to happen). Does that happen to anyone else?

Meme#1 Fri, Dec-13-19 11:45

People have been so brainwashed by low fat ever since the 70s when it started for the first time. That's about the time when we were first told to eat raw salads too!
Read about Ansel Keys and you will learn the fraud he perpetrated. He cooked the books on his studies and the rest is history. Look him up, you won't believe it!

ps I am the daughter of an immigrant from France. My mother lived through WWII.

thud123 Fri, Dec-13-19 12:57

Just smile and hug your mom and tell her you understand her concerns. Tell her that you love her very much. Then just do what you need to do. Always smiling and hugging and loving. Let the results and labs speak for themselves. If you are following the wrong path, know that you can change.

She, nor anyone else, can live your life for you.

Verbena Fri, Dec-13-19 14:38

Quote:
my mom grew up in post war Germany and she has never ever eaten any fish or poultry EVER.

Molly, my DH is German - I brought him home with me as a souvenir :-) years ago. His mother also disliked poultry, and, also, no one in the family knew why. She rarely cooked it, so of course he rarely ate it. He likes it well enough (especially after close to 50 years with me), but still dislikes the smell while it cooks. I cook most of my poultry dishes either on the grill, or outside in the slow cooker. Another thing he never ate until he met me was lamb, and it's still not his favorite

Meme#1 Fri, Dec-13-19 15:00

Quote:
Originally Posted by thud123
Always smiling and hugging and loving..


Good advise Thud!!

Yesterday I was soooooooo happy about something and I made a call while still smiling and the person on the other end of the phone could tell I was smiling while talking.
When we smile, it fills us and the world around us with more happiness!
It's contagious! :D

Pindooca Sat, Jan-11-20 10:59

Just checking in to see if things have gotten better/easier for you, Molly B.

My mom died 21 years ago, just as I discovered Atkins, but she and I both have had lifelong struggles with weight. I like to think that, given the chance, she might have gone on Atkins with me. But there's no way of knowing.

We've all been duped by the food pyramid, government "recommendations" and badly doctored sugar-industry funded "science" for most of our lives.

Maybe mom would enjoy watching a movie like "Fat: A Documentary," "That Sugar Film," or "Sugar Blues" and discover what have learned.

At any rate, do what you can to help her come to terms and cherish her while you have her. Life is too short to be arguing, especially about something that's making you healthier. ♥

GRB5111 Fri, Mar-13-20 12:07

Similar to the others, this is purely a defense mechanism from your mother, who is in fear that you would eat something that has been touted by the "experts" over many years as an unhealthy diet. Given your circumstances, understanding where she's coming from despite her misconceptions is the only way to go. Know that she's not criticizing you personally, and may be concerned that you will suffer a terrible fate from this diet leaving her all alone. I agree, love your mom, vent here and with your husband when necessary. You're persistence is impressive.


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 13:45.

Copyright © 2000-2020 Active Low-Carber Forums @ forum.lowcarber.org
Powered by: vBulletin, Copyright ©2000 - 2020, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.