Expectations & Frustration
 

My husband and I are both focusing on exercise lately. There is one pretty huge difference.

I am 5'9" and weigh 320ish pounds.

He is 5'4" and weighs 170 pounds.

When I come in after a mile long walk he is always there with "tips and advice" on what I *should* be doing. Here is an example.

Me - "My goal is to be walking 2 miles every other day by the end of the month."
Him - "You can do it now. You need to walk longer without stopping."
Me - "If I don't take a breather every half a mile it becomes to painful."
Him - "You need to just push through it"

I get these exercise highs and then get smacked back down because I'm not doing what he thinks I *should* be doing.

I don't think he realizes that my walking up a freaking hill at 320 pounds is a bit different than him walking up the same hill at 170 pounds.

He thinks I should start jogging. I'm glad one foot is going in front of the other!!! LOL.

I know we are supposed to take things at our own pace but I have no idea how to get him to understand that I am not as "physically fit" as he is.

He can walk a 14 min mile.. My best has been around 22 mins.. my goal is to get to 20 mins.. and hopefully under that in the future. Should I just ignore him?

He doesn't understand how hard it is. See if you can find something that weighs 50 pounds and have him try to carry it on his next walk. It just might be an eye opener for him.

Becky, you took the words right out of my mouth except I was going to suggest about 80 pounds in a backpack. LOL

Have him carry you piggy back, then he'd know what 320 pounds is! In reality, I agree with the other posts. It is too hard to ignore, even if you act like it, it is still in the back of your mind.

Well Mommyish -- This is real easy just duct tape 3 fifty pound bags of dirt to your husband and then walk with him. I believe he may start to appreciate the difference... I could barely make it down my driveway at 321 and the arthritis pain in my back and joints was staggering... 72#s less makes a huge difference for me!!

Well ....forget duct taping bags of dirt to him...just duct tape his mouth shut!.....I mean c'mon...170 vs 320 ?? And he has tips for you? He needs to be happy you are out there walking and trying to progress and get better. Sorry about the bluntness in the beginning of my post, but you are almost twice the size of him...it takes time to build up to things...you could stress your heart or even worse by 'pushing thru it'.
Maybe find a girlfriend to walk with who needs to lose and then when you are in better shape you can begin walking with your husband again. Keep up the good effort and attitude!

Yeah... people who have never been there have no clue. None.

Totally agree.

If it were me, I would make a chart for the month, detailing my plans and goals, put it on the Fridge. I would explain to my husband that just 'working through it' at that weight is likely to cause pain and joint damage and increase the risk of muscle strains which will be detrimental long term, whereas a well thought out programme, gradually increasing stamina will be safe, more effective and more likely to lead to long term behaviour change - most people aren't masochists and don't want to carry on doing things that hurt too much.

Lee

Yes you should ignore him. Otherwise you'l wreck your hips, knees and ankles and not be able to walk well at all.

Thank you all for the advice! We did a two mile walk as a family. I had us stop at each half mile. I was super excited for actually hitting my goal of walking two miles!

He is on a very different path than me. He is working to run a 5k by next month. Hell I just want to be able to keep up with the walking!

The thing is he is reading this book called Galloways book on running. I decided to look through it. I came across this and wanted to scream at the stereotype

Cars... Understand the drivers mentality... He may be overweight and hate you for being trim and in good health."

Really? I know everytime I see a trim person running I want us to run them over?! Seriously?

First, I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with this issue AT ALL! IMO, he's being totally insensitive to how much harder it is for you than for him. I'd also suggest a backpack with the difference in weight put in!! I'm glad I don't have to deal with this ... don't think I'd be real nice about it.

Interestingly enough I had a nice long talk with him today about this. He apologized and said he will try to understand where I am coming from. He did say again that it is good to push your muscles.. perhaps I am just misunderstanding him. By the end of walking around our neighborhood (it is *very* hilly) I am generally beat! I'm happy I can make it up the one flight of stairs to the front door! LOL Perhaps I should start walking on my own. There is no harm in that and perhaps the peace and quiet would be good for me.

At 170 he is walking? Think he should be running :lol:

He is running. He is doing a walk/run program to build up endurance. For example, he ran 3 miles this morning. Tomorrow he will walk/run. I just walk.. walk walk.. sometimes I imagine crawling but I end up walking LOL Other times I imagine I'm in some awesome period drama and I'm walking to Mr. Darcy's house or something. LOL Honestly I have an overactive imagination! :D