I don't know about you Karen and Teri but another weird thing is that the perspective of a fat person is something I kind of want to hang on to as well...

It helps in this forum. It helps with keeping motivated.

I have a couple of very large girlfriends that didn't know me when I was obese and they don't think I understand where they are coming from....

I've just been reading a few thought-provoking journals (Donald's, Karen's, Vel's, and tonnes of others I've read over the last couple weeks of being on this forum), and I've realized that while this forum is technically about "dieting and weight loss" it truly is about so much more than that. This forum reflects how we should think about our bodies and our selves - as a mesh of inner and outer, of the good and the bad, strengths and weaknesses - and our own personal roads to self-acceptance. That sounds a little odd in print, but in reading this forum, I've seen that eating right and coming to terms with my body and all its capabilities is central to understanding who I am. I know that my identity is more than my physical body, but my body's health is integral to the health and strength of my mind. I also know that feeling "whole" or complete as a person may never happen, but feeling good can happen! And I'm going to strive to do the things that make me feel as good as possible :) even if I'm feeling frustrated or down or tempted by chocolate ;). Just have to remember that there are a lot of things in life that make me feel good about myself and the world.
Wow (happy sigh).
Thanks.

BINGO, ROBYN!!! You've said it VERY well!! That's worth a couple o' re-reads!!

Ditto for me!
 

Yes I believe that my body is simply a vessel in which my soul uses to experience this earthly life we lead!
It can sure take a beating though!
I'll use Karen's term "Soul Sucking" and that is exactly what happens when I energize this vessel with the wrong fuel. It simply doesn't run properly and it is a heck of a bumpy ride! :D

Wonderful thread. I can relate so closely with so many of you. A few months into lcing I realized that this is not merely a way to lose weight, but for me it's an exploration into self-love and self-discovery. I cringe as I type this because it sounds really corny, but it is true.

I used food as a means of rebellion as a child, fat as protection from unwanted male advances as a pre-teen, and food as a drug as an adult. Self sabotage is a constant battle with me. My negative, self deprecating old behaviors are my main battle----just give in because I never truely believe that I will make my goals because ultimately I just don't deserve to. That there is fundamentally something "wrong" with me and I don't belong with the healthy, slim section of the population. For me this journey is learning how to address these negative behaviors and respond in new ways. Uncovering the underlying issues and changing my responses is the only way for me to ever have my head and my body in the same place--to be comfortable in a slim body. I can lose the weight, but if I don't deal with the underlying issues I will never be successful and will end up either gaining the weight back (yet again) or just become an obsessive, neurotic mess trying to maintain. Looking for total health and wellbeing, not just a size.

I figured it was time for me to put an actual post in here since I am (unfortunately) one of the reasons it is here...

I have always been overweight. No matter what I weighed, I would start a plan (WW, ediets, now LC...whatever it was). I would do great, be enthusiastic, and lose. No problem right? For some reason, whenever I approach the 40 lb mark (I think the most was 42)...I start to just go off plan and gain weight back. I have NO idea why. I know I need to sit down and figure it out, but it is happeneing again...

I have been working on it...reflection, reading, friends...I think I am feeling better, I have been doing LC again (I had 2 bad days this week) and I have been exercising...But I am so afraid it is going to happen. I gained 2# over my "bad time". I think if I could just get to 50# down - really crush the 40# taboo I will feel better. I was at 38# when I started freaking. Now I am actually at 36#...so I am going ot try my hardest to stay on track and not kill myself over this.

Well I know I have babbled, and I probably don't make sense. I havent figured anything out, but I just wanted to voice my fears if that makes sense. I am going to go back and read everyones posts now.

Thanks for "listening"

~Michelle

michelle,
i am glad that you posted your "fears". now you can recognize them and deal with them. last year i got below 150 and freaked, i didnt think i could maintain it, and guess what? i didn't. i gained 12 back. now i know that this is a WOE for LIFE. not a diet that you go on and off. i haven't had this much energy in a long time. it definitely is helping me, and fitday has been a blessing. in disguise, LOL too many hidden carbs in my diet have kept me at a stall, and i had to deal with that.

anyhow..........dont give up now! hang in there~

For SummerYet
 

Hi SummerYet

I posted earlier about my own sabbotage and I am still not sure how I will deal with my weight ( if I ever get there ) I seem to be sitting here at 194 the last two weeks and I have an operation coming up at the end of the month I would like to be lighter for.
I checked out your homepage and WOW you strike me as an incredible teacher. My daughter is in Grade six and we would love to be able to have a site like yours to support us. I can tell that you are doing everything you can for your kids and their parents, that must be exhausting sometimes. Even in your photo you are a very approachable person, I'll bet people swarm to you eh! I am going to show your site to my daughters teachers, I think they will love it too!
So I am making some assumptions here but as with my own issues, when you are a people person and people like to be around you ,it can become a burden that we don't realize we carry. Do you notice how many nurse's and counsellors etc are overwieght. I really think the weight is like a blanket of protection against the drain of mental energy we have to give up to others. Not that helping others is bad, we just have to learn to take care of ourselves too!
Well just a quick reply, take care. Try to put yourself first O.K?

What a brilliant thread and some great testimonies.
You've really got me thinking Terri.

I've got about 10 pounds to go.
I have been so focussed for a lot of the journey, on exercise as well as food - no 'high carb' foods eaten since I started.

But now - I can't find the motivation to get it finished.
Lots of odd things going round my head :

What will I do when I don't have to do this anymore?
Will I be smaller than a size 10 - somehow this is scary to me.
Will people think of me as a mental as well as physical 'light weight'?
What if people think I'm attractive? What if they don't!

The lack of motivation might just be that its winter - but I don't think so, it's also the inside of my head!

Well that's loads of questions, but at least you've got me looking at them Terri - thank you for that, I'll let you know how I do with the answers.

Take care all, Jay :wave:

Thank you Kimberlina and Ruralgurl...the support means a lot and I have a feeling I will be here daily for all this support!

I have been doing ok. I actually ate 2 chocolate covered pretzels today, but I made a concious choice to do so. It was 14 carbs. I havent had any others today and I wanted them out of the house. Luckily so far it hasnt triggered anything and that should be that with what I have laying around.

I have been exercising...and trying to stay LC. Thank you for the support. Next time I have the urge I am gonig to come here for help!

~Michelle

I don't imagine a time that I won't be LC'ing. I know for me it's more than just weight. It's a matter of health too. I know I'll be LC'ing forever and I know there will be LOTS of cheats from now to the end of forever. And I'll just keep practicing accepting it all.

I can't believe how timely this thread is for me. I am so grateful to all of you for being here. I have been LC'ing for one year now and for the last 6 weeks I have been struggling. I know part of the problem is re-kicking the addiction. I know another large part is my self sabatoge. I am afraid to be thin. I do not fully understand why, but I have a small inkling after reading some of the posts in this thread. I am afraid I will not be able to handle the re-action of the public and men in particular. Some of the comments I have already recieved make me wonder what in the world is going on. Who doesn't love positive attention? I wonder if I can resist all the new temptations that will head my way. I have been happily married for 29 years. He is my best friend and confidant. He would never understand these feelings of self doubt. I must find a way to learn to love myself enough to trust myself to feel what I feel and let it go.

My whole life is about to dramaticly change and I am afraid that I will lose myself as my identity is about to change. I am still what I do as opposed to who I am. This is going to be a very hard transistion and I am very afraid of what is coming.

thanks for listening

I don't know about you folks, but I've been overweight for 90% of my life....when I wasn't overweight, I still FELT overweight and unattractive. I look back on my college years and think about the guys I dated....some of them were absolutely gorgeous men!!! I always wondered why in the world they wanted to go out with me?!? A big part of my identity was about being fat...because it was always such a big aspect of the way people treated me, how I felt about myself, the inability to wear "cute" clothes, etc. Being fat is who I AM! So when you lose that whole entire aspect of yourself, it's bound to be a very difficult psychological adjustment. Maybe akin to a person losing a lifetime spouse.... ? How do you RE-FORM your very own identity? How do you learn to look in the mirror and finally say, "I look really good!" when you're so used to nothing but degradation? How do you make the transition in a healthy and comfortable way? How do you finally learn to love and accept yourself?

Face the fear head-on. Walk into it and come out the other side. But, that's the simple answer. ;)

Karen

What a terrific thread. Thank you.

I know I'm a carb addict - but people around me who aren't have a hard time understanding this. It sometimes makes it even harder when you can't get them to understand that one "cheat" can send me off the eating deep end. I work on this everyday and wish I were "normal" and could eat normally but I can't. I know I can't and it's so healing to know I'm not alone.

Thanks.