At all time low

[codergal]

I want so much to lose this weight and get healthy - I am a type II diabetic, I have PCOS, AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS EAT SWEETS! I am a hoarder - yes - I hide candy, cookies and other snacks all over my house and at work - it is like they are my lovers and I am running around on my husband - what is wrong with me? Right now I am planning when my next binge is - I feel so alone and I don't want to do anything, go anywhere and my husband thinks I don't want to be with him - He does not understand that I don't want to be with me - the me I am now - I would love to hear from others who might have been in these same shoes and are now healthier - thank you for letting me rant

[Nanu]

After being on this forum for only three weeks... the biggest thing I have come to realize in this battle is that I am not alone. Sincerely, not all "touchy-feely, we are the world, just to make you feel better". It amazes me when I read in someone elses journal the same thoughts that are in my head. We're all fighting the same battle, and it's not against food, it's against ourselves.

For me, I've started asking myself why do I have to eat something when I'm emotional? If I'm smart enough to reconize the cycle, why do I continue running it time and again? Why don't I feel like I'm worth the effort? Why can I always find time for everyone elses needs and not my own? It's in thinking about the answers to these questions that I find the motivation each day to not cheat.

I started Atkins because I know it works and it's not tough to be successful at... the best part is that after just a few weeks you're just not hungry all the time even though you're likely consuming much fewer calories than you were when you began.

I can't speak to hoarding specifically, but we've all got our crutches... try not to sweat it all at once... why not take one thing and accomplish that first - set yourself up with an immediate goal you know you can achieve. Nothing worse than setting up a huge goal that you're sure you're going to fail before you even start. For instance, maybe tackle the hiding spots at work first and see if you can eliminate those before tackling the ones at home. Or if you're like me, leave the snacks right where they are and challenge yourself not to touch them for one day. Then for 3 days, then the week etc. Sounds silly... but I've got 3 of the best shortbread cookies I've ever had and a double chocolate donut sitting in a ziplock bag in my freezer and they've been there for three weeks.

The other suggestion I would make is to find a couple of journals on here that you can relate to, and of course start your own. Making connections on here seems really valuable... especially the anonimity of it all.

My husband is 5'8 170lbs... he goes to the gym 5 days a week. He doesn't get it and never will... because he's never had to drag the weight of an extra person around with him everyday. There have been many times when I didn't want to be around myself and he mistook it for not wanting to be around him. The best I think you can do in that case is just let him know you're a work in progress :) and he'd already be in your dust if you didn't want to be around him!

Sorry if this is rambling, but your post really spoke to me. Wishing you every success... and hoping that you find this site as motivational and useful as I have.

Take care,
Nanu

[Syrah]

Oh, I hear insulin talking! Depression, cravings, out-of-control eating behaviours ... I'll bet you're not sleeping that well either. Low carb will most likely have you starting to feel better fairly quickly. Like Nanu says, we're supportive here, and many of us know what it is to feel like you feel now.
Go low carb. The first little while is tough, but feeling terrible is tough too. Check in here often, and you'll be notice a change for the better soon. You can do it!

[Judynyc]

I want so much to lose this weight and get healthy - I am a type II diabetic, I have PCOS, AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS EAT SWEETS! I am a hoarder - yes - I hide candy, cookies and other snacks all over my house and at work - it is like they are my lovers and I am running around on my husband - what is wrong with me? Right now I am planning when my next binge is - I feel so alone and I don't want to do anything, go anywhere and my husband thinks I don't want to be with him - He does not understand that I don't want to be with me - the me I am now - I would love to hear from others who might have been in these same shoes and are now healthier - thank you for letting me rant
I'm sorry that you are finding yourself feeling this way. :there:
For many of us, like you and me, we use food to self medicate, for you its sweets, for me it was bread, pasta, etc. I lived in a downward spiral for 15 yrs. It was a hell for me.
Breaking the cycle is hard but not impossible and I want you to know that you can do this.
Getting off sugar is obviously key for you. Making a commitment to yourself is also key. Throwing out all your hidden stash is a good first step. I know, its hard to even think about but we all have to take a first step. Start a journal here and write out all your feelings as a way of you finding yourself. I used my journal here to be accountable for my daily food.
Its about self esteem and when we take a step ever day, like writing in a journal and logging our food, I believe that it signals our inner self that we are taking action to love ourselves. I did it for 800 days in row as I lost all my weight. It transformed my relationship with food and myself.

I wish you much success and great relief from your sugar addiction. :rheart:

[Cherielabo]

So sorry to hear you are feeling this way! I totally know the craving/binging thing.. for me it was mostly potato chips and snack crackers but also candy sometimes. I found that just cutting my carbs down for 24 hours HUGELY reduced my cravings and my hunger. I couldn't just 'stop' eating carbs during the day - had to start in the morning after I'd fasted while sleeping. I don't know if you've tried that, but I would like to gently suggest that to you.

Another thing I'd like to say is that you are MORE than a number on a scale! Whatever size you are, whatever you weigh, you are a beautiful person and you deserve (to treat yourself with) respect. I strongly believe that just like being tall or short, having freckles or not, being (predisposed to) fatness is a genetic trait, not a moral failing, so don't beat yourself up. There is probably a problem with the way your body reacts to certain foods, but there's nothing wrong you as a person. Treat yourself nicely, and treat yourself gently.

You can do this. Good luck!!!

[WereBear]

It's hard right now because you can't imagine life without the stress relief, enjoyment, and comfort of the sweets.

Yet, I bet many times you've enjoyed imagining life without the bingeing and extra pounds and panic attacks and depression, hmmm?

Honestly; it can all go away. And I bet it's not even GOOD stuff like eclairs or key lime pie, right? It's crap like snack cakes that taste like plastic or cookies that taste like dust.

And you probably aren't "enjoying" it so much as you being fearful when you wonder what will replace it.

The food I eat now tastes better than anything I used to binge on. Because it's not the food; it's using it like a drug.

That's easy to give up... once you realize it.

[Syrah]

Hey, Codergal, how are you today? I'm thinking of you! You still hangin' with us? :)

[Patina]

Oh, I hear insulin talking! Depression, cravings, out-of-control eating behaviours ...

I have to agree with Syrah because I've been through everything you describe in your post. It's so hard to see your way out of the vicious cycle when you're so deep into it.

But you can climb your way out of it and as you ascend up you'll begin to be in complete awe of how much better you begin to feel inside and out.

Before going low carb (1 1/2 weeks ago) I had spent 7 months cutting out flour, sugar, rice, pasta etc., but traded those things for whole grains, dairy and fruit. I felt better but could not get the scale to budge more than a total of 5 lbs in that 7 month period! Out of complete frustration I decided to try low carb.

I can tell you that how I feel today compared to just over a week ago is nothing less than miraculous to me. My blood sugars are stable for the first time in the near 5 years I've been dealing with Type II diabetes! With stability of my blood sugars has come an amazing amount of energy, a new sense of calm, I'm no longer constantly thinking about food, I'm no longer hungry all the time and most of all....carb cravings are 98% gone!! (once in a while I get a small twinge of craving bread but nothing I can't handle)

That's just some of what I've experienced in just over a week and I can honestly say that the thought of eating carbs like I used to actually terrifies me because there is no way I want to go back to feeling as terrible as I did. I didn't even know how bad I really was feeling until now!

But the good news is you've come to the right place for information and support! I suggest you do what I had to do to get me started. Tell yourself you're going to go low carb for one week. Just give yourself one week out of your life to try something different. That's much easier than looking at a long term, life long committment to something you haven't even tried yet!

Also, read everything you can on this subject so you can be sure it is something you want to try and can do...just for one week.

I am sure by the end of even one week the feelings of despair will start to noticebly dissipate and the weight will start coming off and you will find yourself saying at the end of that first week...."hey! I'm losing weight and feeling so much better that I want to try this for another week"... just go at it in small chunks of time so it's not overwhelming. Take it one day and one week at time.

And again, you don't have to do it alone because everyone on here is here help and support you!

[codergal]

oh my God - I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face! I thank you all for all your support and sharing of your journey-things look a little better today and I am taking all of your advice - especially about doing this for a week and seeing how good you will feel. I have to feel better and I know I am the only one that can bring that about-it is nice to know about all of you out there going through the same thing and how you have been successful-

Once again thank you so much!!!!

[Chris_D]

Hi There! :wave: Welome!

Looks like you have received some real heartfelt and awesome advice; now its up to you to take charge but as you can see by the support, you will NEVER be alone!!

I would like to share this............it was sent to me years ago and I have read and re-read it a gazillion times! I hope it gives you & anyone else reading this a new sense of realization that WE CAN DO THIS!!!! Cheers! ~ Chris ~


This journey is more about "want power" than "will power"! When we want the results badly enough, then it becomes relatively easy to settle into the process and let it happen in its own time and way. It's a consistency and longevity based program, not one based on perfection. The most important thing is to just keep going!

Keep moving forward! The only way you "fail" is when you give up. It's a long term process and all of the training is "on the job", so be compassionate with yourself and allow yourself to learn and retrain your lifestyle to a new healthier one along the way.

No one is perfect at this. We are all just "works in progress"; beautiful ones at that!

As the famous animated fish Nemo was fond of saying, "Keep swimming!"

Let your determination be your willpower.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[Nanu]

Glad to hear that codergal :) keep us posted and feel free to pop by my journal for support anytime!

[Patina]

Yes codergal please keep us posted on how it's going.

And to Chris D: great advice and words to live by!

[Syrah]

Yoo hoo, Codergal! :wave:
Things OK with you? I'm thinking of you ...

[codergal]

Thank you all for your kind words of encouragement - and Syrah- thank for thinking of me - I feel better and am trying to take it one day at a time - I will check in with you guys soon -