Why did you get fat? What did being fat provide for you?

[gecolon]

That is something that I have been asking myself. Obviously it provided something for me. My getting this fat didn't happen overnight it took years. So why did I make myself fat? Despite all the complaints about being fat it was a comfort zone for me. Now that I am loosing I am starting to get a lot of attention from guys again. I now realize I am not comfortable with the attention I get from men. Don't get me wrong I always got attention from guys, but not to the extreme, and not the same kind of attention. It's weird, because of course I like attention, but then again I don't. This is something that I seriously have to work on. When we went out over the holidays I was with my husband, but was getting the eye and vibes from other men (plural). As soon as I got home I ate a bunch of stuff that I know I don't need (self- sabatoge). This happened 3x so the pattern made me more conscious of it. What does being fat do for you? What do you get out of it. For me I guess it is some type of security.

[razzle]

geocolon, this is a great question and each of us finding our own answers is, I think, crucial to maintaining loss and staying with our WOE in the long term

I relate to what you said in your post. I was a fat kid and when I first lost weight, around age 19, I was pretty horrified by how men suddenly treated me--like a piece of meat--so I understand that sense of feeling safer in an overcoat of fat. I regained some weight after a professor molested me--no big mystery there, eh? The only cure for this fear is my slow (and recent) recognition that I can pick and choose my friends, that I can say no, that I can see shallow or crass or aggressive behavior on a man's part as a great big red flag saying, "stay away from this person." So I'm seeing both their actions and my responses more as a gift than a threat. Whooda thunk?

I've come to believe that metabolism is as important as psychololgy, and that there may be no deep dark reasons for getting fat beyond, "we ate like everyone around us and this is what happened"--at least for some of us.

I'm not one of those folks, though. I started gaining weight at age 5 or 6 and I think the reasons were two, both associated with my mother going to work for 50-60 hour weeks. For one thing, that left me alone with a 12 year old violent sibling who hit me a lot--I honestly think I got fat in order to get bigger and have a better chance to defend myself. Also, I was left alone in my home every afternoon and Saturdays, too. I truly did start to eat for comfort....carbs still bring that temporary sense of comfort and abating loneliness (though in the long run, they do neither). Maybe I even was angry at my mother for abandoning me and ate to punish her--even then I was aware she cared a great deal about dieting and keeping thin herself; my eating clearly bothered her (though not enough to quit buying junk food! -- lol)

The task for me as an adult is recognizing that those were good strategies then--I was doing the best I knew how as a little kid and honor that--but that they are no longer strategies that work for self-protection or for self-comfort or for expressing anger. I have other, more appropriate ways to deal with such feelings now, and I implement them. Carb cravings now alert me that I may well be repressing one of these emotional reactions--fear, loneliness or sadness, anger--and so once again I can view something (the cravings) I once saw as a major hassle as, instead, a gift.

[A thin me!]

Gina:

I know you are a working Mom - but on Oprah today, they had these women who weighed 287-389 lbs. and they were in a documentary about their lives. It was interesting, because they were into their reasons for being so heavy and how they have to deal with it everyday.

In order to succeed on any diet, program, WOL, you have to sit down, and look deep within yourself and find the true, bone crushing, heart breaking, devasting reason for your own fatness . It is mostly likely a trauma or something of that nature that pushed you into fatness.

Once you know your personal reason, only then can you go forward and accomplish your goal. Until you know and accept your personal reason, each attempt at losing weight will mean nothing. This is the premise behind BoB Greens "Get With the Program" book.

I am in the process of dealing with this myself, and once I can acknowledge it and stop blaming others, then I can be successful.

Thought I would share,

A Thin Me

[jo_]

Mine's pretty easy I became fat when I launched through a windshield. Eating certain types of food provides a modicum of pain relief in a narcophobic world.
Jo

[surlymel]

I can honestly say that I "got fat" because of an autoimmune disorder that went undiagnosed for more than six years. I'd gained 20-30 lbs. in two years' time, and kept getting heavier every year after... It's taken 9-10 months just to get back to a semblance of normal health.

[shelley]

with pregnancy. I went from 97 pounds to 185. Lost that in a hurry. Then one year I started getting tremendous headaches. I started gaining weight uncontrollably and was 240 pounds 8 months later. I was diagnosed with a empty sella syndrome with a pituitary tumour. The endocrinologist trying to help my feelings, indicated to me that I should be happy I only weight 240, he has patients with this problem who are up to 450 pounds with this. I know he was trying to help but....... Why I haven't lost it since then, I think in part weight loss will be difficult plus I think I was depressed for many years and hid in my house so that I wouldn't have to listen to all the derogatory comments from people, especially from family.

[Squeezle]

I will not discount that some people may gain weight as a result of some emotional trauma or vulnerablity. Food is often synonymous with comfort and love in many cultures. I know that was not my problem however and I get rather incensed at doctors who, for YEARS, blamed me. One actually told me, "Well, just shut your fat mouth and don't stick anything in it!" :eek: I am one of many I suspect who have a genetic and biochemical basis for obesity. I believe my insulin was always slightly high, even as a child, because I could not lose weight on a weight-watchers type diet. I stuck to it faithfully and while, at that stage, I only had maybe 35 lbs to lose (age 16), I couldn't budge them. I finally quit WW because the counsellors there accused me (in a public meeting, no less) of cheating on my plan and then lying about it. Well....looking back...no, I couldn't budge anything while eating 60% carbs as their program was at that time. I kept trying to eat "right" (ie, lowfat, high carb) which only aggravated my insulin resistance. Then came progestin-based birth control (minipill, norplant, depo) and all hell broke loose. No matter what I did, I was gaining 10lbs a year, steadily. (progestin is known to increase insulin resistance).

Fast forward to last August (age 33) when I FINALLY found a doctor to test my insulin. It was off the chart. Enter Metformin and reduced carb eating and voila! Weight loss and also cessation of all of my insulin-related symptoms.

Sometimes I could just sit and cry when I realize that I might have been able to prevent a 120lb gain if I knew then what I know now. Well, at least I know it now, and am on the way to reducing the damage done. I just hope others with the same insulin biochemistry can benefit from my (our) experiences and not have to go through the frustration of being blamed for something which had nothing to do with mental distress or eating too much.

[surlymel]

Originally posted by Squeezle
Sometimes I could just sit and cry when I realize that I might have been able to prevent a 120lb gain if I knew then what I know now. Well, at least I know it now, and am on the way to reducing the damage done. I just hope others with the same insulin biochemistry can benefit from my (our) experiences and not have to go through the frustration of being blamed for something which had nothing to do with mental distress or eating too much.

I feel the same sense of frustration. My doctor(s) kept patting me on the head and telling me my physical problems were all stress related... might as well have been calling me honey or sugar while they were at it. I'd had a host of symptoms every day for six years (and gained 45 lbs. on top of that) and it was all caused by "nerves" LOL.

I could have avoided all the depression, malnutrition, nerve/joint damage and dental cost of fixing my (osteo) cracked teeth if someone had just *listened* to me like I was a human being. Guess I'm still quite surly about it all :D

[EllieEats]

I weighed pretty much the same for years and years and years....

My binging on sweets started when I went into a terrible depression after my Mom passed on. I quit giong to the gym, quit doing most everything! I just filled myself with with cookies, cake and candy! Then I decided to quit smoking... in place of every cigarette, I had more sweets. I put on a total of 50 pounds and then had extreme stress from other things in my life.
I went back to the cigarettes and all food took a back seat. Some of the weight came off and then I started Lcing with this forum.

I still plan to quit smoking again... but this time I'm doing it right.
First, I want to get to my weight goal and have the excercise a regular part of my day. Then, I plan to quit and replace the cigarettes with more water, and more excercise!

I guess I need to learn not to turn to my addictions in times of unrest.
Ellie :wave:

[Gilta]

Life threw me a bunch of curves and eating was my stability. For 3 years I went through medications and ended up with 40 extra pounds.

I did manage to loose all of my weight and more after my son was born, but slowly it went back on after 5 years. I am now at a stage in life, where I want to look and feel good about me. Enough is enough for me.

I want out of this body!

Gilta

[daisy]

I can't use my children as an excuse for gaining weight as I was back into my size 10 jeans 2 weeks after having them! I was so busy with them I forgot to eat most of the time & any excess weight I was carrying dropped off me. I'd started gaining weight gradually till meeting my current boyfriend, when I put on a lot of weight. He likes to eat out a lot & spoil me- & spoiling the old Daisy involved lots of chocolate! He's a big guy & I still felt small beside him, so it wasn't so bad. And to be honest I loved him being so big- I'm hoping he doesn't lose too much of his lovely deep chest that I like to snuggle into so much!

I hated being big myself though. I was chubby as a child & my mum never let me forget it. I remember feeling huge, like a whale, & was too shy to exercise. Now I look back at photos of me then & I really wasn't that big. I lost a lot of weight during adolescence & weighed 100lbs at 16 when I met my ex. His pet names for me were piggy & fatty. Can you believe I actually had children with this guy? I really don't know why I put up with this behaviour from people. I didn't even tackle my mum about it until last year, not long before I started this WOE. I'd taken some old clothes along for my little sister, as they didn't fit me any more. I was eating some lunch & she was going on & on at me about how much weight I'd put on, & I just snapped & yelled at her that if I ever lost weight she'd only need to find something else to criticise me about. She was really horrified- I think she genuinely didn't realise how much she'd hurt me. My ex I got my own back on every time he begged me to take him back. ;)

Once I got rid of my ex I gained a lot of confidence, but that started to go with every pound I put on. Not that I'd ever be unfaithful to my boyfriend, but I love to flirt & I just stopped after a while. I really did wonder who'd find me attractive again. I felt angry & disappointed with myself more than anything, for turning back into 'the fat kid'.

I'm so much happier now! I feel like the old Daisy again. I'm always telling people about Atkins- sometimes I even want to run up to people on the street!- but for some reason they think they couldn't stick to it, or you get the usual 'it must be bad for you' routine! :rolleyes: Even though they can see the results in me! You can lead a horse to water...!

Thanks for listening to my moan! :D

Daisy :wave:

[gecolon]

Wow. I guess we do all have our own cross to bare. I can identify with each and everyone of your stories the medical reasons too. At my heaviest I was diagnosed with diabetes. The meds my doctor gave me (glucotrol and actos)made me gain about 20 1bs in 6wks. That is what led me to this way of life (thank God). Sometimes something bad happens so something better can take it's place. I am glad to be an adult now. It's sad that the time that is supposed to be the most special in your life can actually be the hardest (child-hood). I am older now and respect myself. I am confident that I will be better able to defend myself this time around. You guys are the bestest :)

[Lessara]

Ever since I was 8 I've been told I was fat by my Dad. Pictures of that time say different. By the time I got to High School I had been on so many diets and restrictions that it got pretty confusing for me. I remember I was allowed one piece of toast with a tsp of butter for breakfast. I could have another piece of toast with a single hamburger on it and 1 tsp of A-1 sause. That was lunch. Dinner was 2-3 onces of meat. A baked potatoe and a 1/2 cup of veggies (not corn though). I was hungry all the time. So where my sisters. But I never lost weight. Why? because I was at goal already! I remember weighing 100lbs when I was 12. That's good for a 12 year old who was 5'4"!

Finally I got to college and I ate what I wanted. I gained 60 lbs but in the spring my eating became only when I was hungry and I lost 30lb. When I got home from Tassle pulling (Pulling tassle off corn in fields) I would go swimming with friends. I ended being 140 lbs at 5'8". What happened when I got back to school? I was attacked twice by male friends that I knew. I gained weight to hide. It was only 8 years ago when I realized what I was doing so I went on diets. But nothing worked. I even did a fast and I gained two pounds! Nothing worked but low carbing.

Two years ago, I was going for my routine female exam and I had a new doctor, she looked through my records and said, "Oh I see that each of your pregnancies were sugar babies."
Which I found out ment that I had diabetes when I was pregnant and no one told me. My Daughter was born 8lbs 3 oz and my son was born 12lbs 13oz.
Big babies.

So I told my regular doctor about my mother's diabetes and my grandparents. He tested me and I don't have diabetes... but I'm close. So low carbing is the best thing for me.
And with counsilling, I feel I don't need to hide, that and a few martial arts classes as given me confidence to face what ever weight I'm at. :)

[snkhoward]

I have been overwheight all my life. I remember diets and slimfast at age 10. My mother alsways reminded me of my wheight by telling me I shouldn't eat that or I should eat this and then giving the forbiden thing to my sister( who has always been thin)
add these self esteem issues to Fibromialgia and IBS probably since I was a young teenage but not diagnosed untill I was in my 20's and you get me at 27 and 223 lbs.
My issue though was always controll, I would binge eat whenever no one was around. Even as an adult. BECAUSE I COULD. Now I have controll in a healthy way.

[YogaBuff]

OMG! Some of you have some really heart-wrenching experiences that made you gain!

Like squeezle and surlymel, I know in my heart that I always had a quick and strong insulin response. Even as a child. As I told someone on this board- I think it was LC Sponge, I always ate healthy as a child. We had meat, eggs, cheese, veggies from our garden, but NOT that many carbs, and hardly EVER sweets unless it was someone's birthday. Because of this, I didn't have any trouble w/ eating and weight ( sounds like all of us LC-ers NOW, doesn't it?) ;) Also, it was before techno- toys, we were poor, :D and we went OUTSIDE and PLAYED all the time, even into our teenasge yrs, we would get a softball game together!

Anyway, what my ramblings mean is, when I became an adult, moved out and discovered junk food, BOY did my body respond to THAT!! At first it was just 5 # or so over 5 yrs.(I'm very short), but it just kept coming on and after kids, it was like 170, and I am pretty CERTAIN I WOULD BE a LOT more than 155, if I hadn't spent all those yrs. STARVING and working out like a maniac. Which of course we all know backfires in the end and MORE comes on...... THIS is what happens from the insulin response. Although I never had a Dr. say to me what yours said, I had my mother-in -law on my back endlessly makin comments like I was no longer good enough for her son. Lucky for me HE never made comments like that(bless him). And a brother in law of mine said that "I must be really tossing back the groceries" (down my throat). That hurt. Little did he know, I was mostly starving.

YB :daze:

[bsayne]

Wow, what a pointed question! This is something I have been reflecting on, especially recently to prevent subconcious sabotage. Close to halfway to goal, I am refocusing on strengthening my body and my emotional resolve. To not "cave" to the internal pressure to hide behind myself.

They gotta really like YOU and not just what you look like...I don't buy that one and many other old tapes anymore...I think each person has to reach pretty deep and sometimes uncover and relive painful comments &/or experiences...wether you have an insulin response problem or not most all have experienced discrimination and shame from others because of our "package". What did we tell ourselves when that happened? Getting to the bottom of negative reinforcements is a part of my whole plan. Standing up for myself and not buying what a commercial world says is beautiful- is another.

For me having family support is/has been paramount and has helped me to feel strong enough and loved enough "just the way I am" to take a chance. The fear of failure was just so strong. Now it's so far back that I will never let it in the driver's seat again.

Thanks for the question geocolin and thanks to all who have shared.

Bsayne

[numberonewendy]

Wow, great thread. I haven't had time to read it all just yet, but had to reply to it.

I was always thin when young (maybe even under weight). I was fed only three meals a day, no snacking was allowed. Although the Adults in the family snacked, for some reason we kids were not allowed to?

I got married at a young age (18) I gained a few pounds I figure cause I had my own fridge and was able to buy what ever I wanted. I suppose this was the beginning of my carb addiction? I never got over weight during this time.

In my early twenties the kids began. My weight just went right up after kids. I don't blame the kids so much. I blame me. I put my life on hold you could say. My life was my kids.

My life was my kids right up until last year. Finally with them almost moved out (they are now, except one returns from college), I started looking at me (this around my birhtday last year).


I have become lazy. Not so much in work, or home life being with cleaning and cooking etc but more so for not going out, especially the winter time.

I was watching something on t.v. the other day and noticed a commercial I think it was for around Christmas time. Folks were out ice skating etc. Heck I use to do this when younger and loved it. Now,with the winters, I just stay in renting movies or sit here in front of this thing. Not much activity with this now is there?

I think your activity changes when older, at least for me it has. When sitting in front of a t.v. one can get bored (I know I do) and ends up visiting the fridge frequently. I'm sure this doesn't help, especially in evenings and then going to bed!

[rustpot]

I have examined my concience and find no trauma, no genetic tendendency, no binging no act of will that resulted in me being overweight.

In fact, I have until relatively recently been quite comfortable with my "overweightness". even joking with people that I was not overweight just undertall!

I was the sort who never had breakfast, took a fast lunch or "liquid" lunch in the City, smoked and took the odd mint in the afternoon, and would eat late in the evening and often had a midnight snack. I ate roughly the same as my thin colleagues and perhaps drank less (alcohol) at lunch times.

My job is basically behind a desk and over the years my weight has gone up and down perhaps more in line with the sport and other activities and perhaps most markedly with the wordwide locations and climates that I have worked as a business consultant. I was at my lightest during my stay in East Africa and Asia; my heaviest during the four years in the..... USA!

I have the classic middleaged spread with too much stomach hanging over the belt. ( have lost 3" since LC). I gave up smoking nearly 20 years ago and what ever I gained then I lost, regained ,lost ,and regained again. I have crash dieted before company medicals so that I would not get shouted at by the Dr. who would tell me to eat breakfast and eat less fat. Whatever weight came off by diet.... it was 6lbs off then 7lbs put back on. Yo-Yo until I got so frustrated that I began to believe what I now know to be true...dieting can make you fat!

If I graphed my weight over my adult life it would be a very irregular graph with a gradual tendency up. I have a wardrobe that is a bit like a menswear store I could line up the sizes or my shirts 16.5",17",17.5". Not being able to find XXL was becoming a problem. Frankly I could not afford to be buying any more clothes as I outgrew them.

So last spring I decided to reverse the trend. I joined a gym first with my wife (who can tell a similar story). We would have a go together. A lot of effort not much result. We tried the Heart foundation three day diet .. lose 10lbs in a week it said.. I didn't.
:idea: THEN the light went on I was surfing the net for new diets and found a description of high protein- low carbohydrate.

Now it all made sense. I knew it! I said to myself. I was right . I had not been overeating I had just been eating the wrong stuff.
I could for the first time explain the vagueries of my body which I had become convinced had a mind of its own (gaining weight on a fast etc.). I jumped in with two feet a newbie who did not know what he was doing. Eventually bought Atkins and then Protein Power and started properly on 1st November 2001.

I can now choose not to be fat. It is a great feeling.

[Marlaine]

Great thread!! Thanks for starting it!!

I think figuring out if there is a psychological problem around the weigh problem is a very important step on the journey to being a slim trim healthy vibrant human being.

I believe that my weight problem has a combination of causes. Firstly, I believe that I have a slow metabolism and insulin resistance. I grew up in a household where we ate very healthy. No junk food in our house, and unlimited quantities of fruit and vegetables. If I wanted a snack...fruit was what I grabbed everytime. Though I was eating what was considered "healthy", it sure wasn't healthy for me. The second cause for me is psychological. I've always used my weight as a barrier and protective layer. It helped to keep men at arms length. I feel that I've now worked through all of that and THIS time will be able to reach and maintain at my goal!

Marlaine

[mdxgirl37]

I too am one who has thought all my life about what i was fat when i was really average size but came from a family of thin people.

i know i used food as a comfort growing up, hiding potato chips under my bed because i wasn't allowed to eat them. i grew up in an alcoholic household so while the parent was not abusive there was a lot of stress and arguing going on. I was a very nervous kid who covered it by being the chubby girl with the good personality and was very athletic. i had an hour glass shape with large chest and carried weight in hips and rearend but again family and my friends were all teeny (size 2 & 4).

Anyway on with the story. in my twenties i would go up and down, starve/binge and finally about 6 years ago i lost 90 pounds. i did this by low fat/exercising daily and basically starving. Now the twist of the story.......after growing up with an alcoholic and having several family members who drank to excess I became an alcoholic. I stopped drinking through AA and a Higher Power who has done what I could not do for myself and have dealt with a lot of the issues of my childhood. BUT.....Due to the lack of sugar from the alcohol my body craved sugar and for the 1st six months i was sober i lived on diet coke and chocolate. i carried a bag of those little hersheys miniatures in my purse everywhere i went! I can laugh about it now but it wasn't funny when i packed on 65 pounds the first year of sobriety and haven't lost it.

Thank Heavens I found Atkins. It has made me realize that I am not a lazy glutton without willpower. My body had basically become immune to low fat because i had gone up and down for so many years. Atkins is working when nothing else did.

sorry to go on so long just got motivated and couldn't stop.

[LauraVonk]

I've thought about this very subject several times over the last several years. I can't think of a single tramatic event that would be to blame for my weight. I know what has made me suddenly want to change my eating habits now, and I know a few contributing factors that made my weight worse, but I can't pinpoint an initial reason.

In fact, I think my problem may have been the opposite of a "problem". I have always been a happy optimistic person, so I've never really been depressed because of it. It never stopped me from having boyfriends, fitting in, doing anything I wanted. My weight had not ever been a PROBLEM. And I had been thin before, and although I was happy then, I was no happier then, than I was when I was fat. I accomplished a lot and felt a lot of happiness while "fat".

I went horseback riding and camping in the backcountry of Montana when I was fat. I wrote a successful book when I was fat. I had a great long term relationship when I was fat. I had great jobs that I enjoyed when I was fat, including large size modeling. I met and married the man of my dreams when I was fat. I had a heart problem, got a pacemaker, and survived it, when I was fat. I bought several horses, bought a horse trailer with living quarters, traveled all over Missouri with my horses while I was fat. I could usually work circles around 17 and 18 year old kids while they complained about being tired, when I was fat, twice their age, and half their health. I have just always had a happy, exciting, and incredibly blessed and lucky life. All while I was fat.

And I was never a clothes horse. In fact I was always the opposite. I wouldn't hesitate to spend a few hundred dollars on a saddle, but it would just absolutely infuriate me to spend even eight dollars on a pair of jeans. :p

I adore my parents, they are my best friends, along with my sister, two brothers and husband. None of them have ever been anything but loving and supportive. Don't get me wrong, they're not perfect, but close. We fought when we were kids over stupid stuff, but nothing serious. In fact we often joke around that in the world today, we're the weird ones. There just aren't as many close, and "functional" instead of dysfunctional, families out there as there used to be.

I just didn't see the need to deprive myself of eating all the things I loved, when I was happy the way I was. I always said that I'd probably go on a diet and lose weight the day my weight became a problem for me. Like if I couldn't mount my horse, or it started to make me feel bad.

And that is exactly why I'm changing my WOE now. I guess it all caught up with me finally, and now I had been feeling bad, lost my strength and endurance, and honestly couldn't mount my horse without having a large rock around or putting him down in a ditch. LOL The kicker was going on a two week camping and riding adventure this fall that I had been dreaming about for years. There were a couple of days where I guess my blood sugar was all out of whack and I slept away the whole day. Sleeping away several days of my dream vacation was the last straw.

Anyway, if a tramatic event, or unhappy childhood or life is always behind every weight problem, I think I'm in trouble. I'm doomed to always fail at weight loss, because I just don't have anything like that. Am I the only weird one here? Please tell me that I'm not the only one who's fat for no real good reason.......

I'm sorry this is so long, and I don't mean to sound like I'm bragging about my "wonderful life". But I watch Oprah, and read different books and such about this theory that SOMETHING is always behind a weight problem, and although I've wracked my brain, I honestly can't think of anything. If fact the only two things in my past that I can think of that even hurt my feeling a little was when I was a teenager, and still quite thin at the time (about 130 pounds), a guy I dated a few times once told me he thought I was so pretty, but I'd be so gorgious if I would just loose a few more pounds. And one of my Aunts once made a cruel comment to me when I bought my sister a full lenth mirror. She said, "Oh, you bought one of those mirrors that make you look thinner. I guess you did that so she wouldn't notice if she started to gain weight and get heavier like you." Again, I was thin at that time. Yes, my feelings were hurt at the time, but I don't think they "scarred" me to the point of causing me a weight problem. So, I'm at a loss.

[amieK]

When I reached my goal weight 2 yrs ago through Weight Watchers I was unprepared for all the male ogling I was getting. I had just been through a very rough period in my marriage and although we had gone to counselling and had worked a lot of stuff out, I struggled with a lot of ambivalence about continuing my marriage.

When trust has been broken it takes awhile to heal. Getting male attention exacerbated the situation since I sometimes thought maybe I should start over with someone new, someone who hadn't betrayed my trust. And yet at the same time I was committed to my marriage which I had suffered so much pain to save. It was very confusing.

I fell into a depression. I slacked off on exercise and rebelled against the WW program. I gained 10 lbs which made me feel even worse. But I managed to stay at that weight for about a year until I tried going vegetarian again. Big mistake! Then I tried a food combining plan which emphasized fruit in the morning. Very bad for me! Sets me up for insulin surges and sugar cravings all day. I NEED protein in the morning. And I have to be careful to always eat a fat and protein with fruit to prevent insulin ups & downs. Anyway through following this plan I went up another 8 -10 lbs.

Once I was no longer thin, I felt safe, normal, like the majority of the other moms, I'd see around town. I just don't like my body as much with this jelly-belly roll and back bacon! :p (I'm an apple and gain my weight through my middle.) It was great feeling sleek and trim. And besides most of my best clothes no longer fit.

I think I'm more mentally ready to deal with achieving my goal weight. My marriage is stable again. And I solved the problem of male attention in a rather unique way. Last spring on a whim I decided to colour my hair blonde. I don't know about having more fun but blondes definitely get checked out more by men. I've become accustomed to it now and have learned to ignore it. When I reach my goal I intend to go back to my natural brown. Don't want the guys falling over in the streets! HA! :D

[Erin4980]

I gained 40 lbs in the past 4 years...and I too, often ask how did this happen? The way I've answered it have been in three ways:

1. I always thought since I had a pretty face, my bod could handle a few pounds.
2. I've always been "big," but really I realized I've always been taller, not bigger.
3. Finally, when I'd got home after a night of guys flirting and paying attention to me, I would have tons of confidence, which allowed me to eat. The versa of that would be that when I was in a horrible mood, food was my comfort and if I was eating badly, I would say, "who really cares anyway." Man, so much has changed in my life.

Erin

[John2001]

I too, like many, have been overweight all my life. Have tryed every diet know to man and lost and gained, lost and gained. Approx 10 years ago, I created my own diet plan. Somewhat simalar to our WOL. Mostly tunafish sandwiches and black coffee, white rice, veggies, salids, and lots of exercise. Knowing now, the damn bread on the sandwiches and rice was the problem, I'm so mad I was so close to the key to all this. Lost 30 lbs in 5-6 months and couldn't lose anymore in the next 6-months, I did what everybody else does and gave up. Now years later, and close to approaching 300-lbs, I find this WOL and it makes so much sence.

Anyway, being overweight has, in reflecting, caused me to be unhappy, most of the time, discontent with life in general, has made me feel that life is so unfair, shy around women, and a bit of a recluse / hermit in general.

Now, being pretty close to goal, and dropping from a 46 inch waist to 38-36inch, I'm being noticed by women who would have never looked at me before, and I'm (in my friends eyes) a role model for most. So many people keep saying things like, "What happen to you" (in regards to the weight lose) now I'm more selfconcious about myself and constanting making sure I look thin. I seem to be getting more critical of myself now than before. ie: friends say, your thin enough. I say I need to lose a little more yet. I'm hoping I'll adjust to the new me, when I get there in my own mind.

I guess, in a nutshell, I am becoming what I always wanted to be, a thin / in shape person and not having the past experience of being thin for years, I'm having a hard time adjusting to it.

If you have always been thin, you don't know the pain of being fat. If you've always been fat, you can understand what it's like to be thin???

I guess it's just hard for me to understand how to live now being on this side of the street for a change.

This shows what being fat all my life has done to me. Basically : Total confusion of how to live life in general.

Cheers, John

PS: Don't get me wrong, I'm am getting happier with life. ;)

[Erin4980]

"What happen to you" (in regards to the weight lose) now I'm more selfconcious about myself and constanting making sure I look thin. I seem to be getting more critical of myself now than before. ie: friends say, your thin enough. I say I need to lose a little more yet. I'm hoping I'll adjust to the new me, when I get there in my own mind.

I can not agree with you more. It's almost like on the one hand, I want people to notice that I no longer am chunky, but then on the other, I feel completely uncomfortable with their reactions, but then again on the flip side, I'm constantly dressing to expose (conservatively) the weight that I've lost.
I gained thirty lbs. during my first three years of college, so this is how all my friends have seen me since we've met. But they have no idea that I gained another 10 during my senior year (those being my last 10 to lose), and I want to tell them I have another ten, but then they always say "your thin enough."

When I first started highschool (eight years ago), I think I got there the moment when eat disorders really "took off." I understand people have be anorexic (and other things as well) for years, but of my six closest friendest three of them have been hospitalized for eating disorders. And I can't even tell you how many more I know that weren't even my bestfriends. The president of my highschool in 1997 (I graduated in 1998) was on the was on the cover (of I think) Time exposing her eating disorder. So for me, I think all my friends think I;m going to get too skinny or get an eating disorder. Even my bf has started to nag me about the dumbest things in my mind.

Everyone will just have to get used to us, in our new bodies (as will we).

Good Luck on hitting your goal.

[gecolon]

~ LauraVonk :wave:
Don't feel bad. Not everyone is an emotional eater. Some people have medical issues that make them gain weight. Some people are happy being fat (I was one of them). That is what made me ask myself that question. Gina why did you let yourself get so fat? What does being fat do for you? As I look over the post I realize that it is not one specific issue/or traumatic event for me it is many, but being aware of the problem is the only way I can truly begin to solve it. ;) Reading over everyone's post is really therapeutic, and it may lead someone [who never thought about it] to the underlying issue (if there is one). :)

[Cableguy]

I didn't ever think this kind of post would ever come up. So you will have to excuse me while I put this out in public.

I HATE being fat. I have been fat for almost my whole life. My mother said I started to gain weight in grade 1. Can't really remember. I too am one of those people who skips breakfast and usually lunch. I ate a standard size supper. I have been eating like this for about 10 years. I always put weight, never lost.

Being fat has caused me to be a very shy person. And a very depressed person. I tried booze, drugs, anti-depressants. Anything to raise my mood. I never have had a girl friend. (Well, I guess I did have one, she cheated on me within a week). I feel like I have missed out on so much of life. I am too shy to go dancing or talk to new people. Never really been invited to parties that my "friends" go to. I think that is because I might ruin their chances of getting a girl at the end of the night. I would have loved to play sports but my mind doesn't let me. Hey remember buddy, you are too fat to run!!!

My family always puzzeld my. Mom was always on my case about being big, but she would make me a peanut butter and honey sandwich on white bread to make me feel better when I was younger. ANd she never tried to help me lose it. Just liked to point out that I am fat. My dad always called me fats or chubs pretty much until he passed away. Bro and sis well, they are much older than me but they teased me a lot. My brother liked to pinch my man boobies.

They said high school and college should have been the best years of my life. Sometimes during those years I was almost suicidal. Why are people so cruel. Does it make them feel better about themselves or what? Right now I should be happy, I got a great job, a nice place with all the creature comforts. But the lonliness really sets in sometimes. And the lonliness I know sets in from being fat and having 0% self confidence.

I am glad this forum is here. I hope I didn't sound like I am feeling sorry for myself. It is stuff I have wanted to say for a long time but never knew where or when. On this diet I am trying that old adage, "Today is the first day of the rest of your life." I have lost some weight but the mirror still scares me.

Thanks for listening.

Cableguy

[John2001]

Erin4980.
I couldn't agree more with your statements.

It's good to see I'm not the only one that feels this way, in regards to how others view us. It's such a shock to them, when they see the change in our appearance, isn't it?
--------------------------------------------------------------

Cableguy,
I hear you! I hope the venting helped. Most of the stuff you said, rings so close to home with me too. I hate being fat and before this WOL, nothing seemed to work for me. I just got tired of trying anymore and accepted what life had dealt me.

I used to have coffee for breakfast, and average lunch and sometimes skip dinner. Never eat 3-meals a day. Sometimes didn't eat for a couple days at a time. People always looked at me and said things like, " you don't look like you ever miss a meal " or " your eating good " I used to defend myself by saying, I guaranty I eat less than you or half as much as you, my body just won't cooperate with me.

I really think that being fat has damaged me mentally and emotionally. I couldn't ever get past the way I looked, to feel comfortable asking a pretty gal out on a date. (someone would usually later tell me that the gal liked you, but wished you were a little thinned, but you are a nice guy) Ohh, if that's not a kick in the butt, I don't know what is.

One difference between us I noticed is. The "invited to party's by freinds" Now I'm not talking, "true friends" of course, but I would get invited most of the time, guess they figured with me there, they would have a better chance of picking up the lady's. Lesser of the evils I'd guess. Or , there's that decent looking guy but fat with that average guy, but he's thin. The decesions people make. When we are thin and no longer that "fat guy" in the corner, they come around again and this time, "we" will have to be just as petty as they were. Thinking evil thoughts, my mind wanders to getting decked out in some nice clothes and going out on the town where all these people are. Let them take notice and maybe get interested in us, then let them make a move to approach us. Lead them on a while and end result say something like, I got over being fat, but you can't get over being: petty or you, or cruel. Something to remind them that we can change ourselves for the better and they will always be the same. *Guess I'm doing a little venting now! :rolleyes:

Well, in any case, that part of your life is over, the new you is coming! Put your mind to this (it's always on mine) WOL and give it 110% effort. Make small goals for yourself and even if you fall a little short, time to time, don't worry, you'll get there.(I wanted to be at 200 by 01/01/02, missed by 15-lbs)

Just think, you'll be like me, worrying on how to adapt to the new you. I think it's harder than hiding the fat. I believe I'm more uncomfortable now, with my appearence in mind, than I was before, if you can believe it. :rolleyes:

Anyway, stay the course, stay with us, stay true to yourself. We will all get to the end of our journeys, together!

Cheers, John

[gecolon]

Cable guy. I'm glad you can see some of the good things you have going on in your life. I know people can be cruel. My kids are overweight and they are going through the harrassment at school. Only thing different from them [my kids] and us is that they will stand up for themselves. I too like a lot of us on here had a parent who was always pointing out how fat I was (looking back at my pictures during that time I was no where near fat), and putting me on starvation diets. Just like someone else posted I too had the hamburger pattie w/ a tomatoe for dinner once. It is one thing when you hear you are not ok out side from the public, but when it is reinforced at home it just makes it all the worse. First thing dude is that you have to love yourself. So what you are fat. Is that the worst thing someone can say about you? I've been thin and had someone cheat on me, not been invited to parties, been abandoned, not picked. But.... I know that I am one helluva person, and if someone doesn't want to get to know me for whatever reason then it is their lost. You sound like a great guy. The person that cheated on you was of weak character. That does not reflect on you. Women love men who are confident- No let me correct that people love other people who are confident regardless of size. You have a great job, and it sounds like you have everything going for you. Make your self give your self a compliment every day. Then every time you look in the mirror pick out something that you like about yourself. Should I say make your self look in the mirror? :) It may sound stupid, but it works. The same way it works when you beat yourself up all day everyday. You are going to get the weight of this time, because this is a wonderful way to loose weight and live. If I can do anything to help boost your self confidence let me know. I'm here. :rose:

[ladybugvv]

I have thought alot about this. First of all, I know I don't eat more than others. Many of my thinner friends eat lots more than I do. I was just eating the wrong foods for me.

My fat is a shield. I have lost weight before, and although I want people to notice, I am uncomfortable when they do. No, that doesn't make sense, but you asked. I feel as though they will see the real me, all my insecurities and imperfections. My fat protects me from that.

I do P.R. work for a living, and although I love many things about it, I feel physically sick when I have to make a speech in front of all those people. I KNOW I will make a mistake, and people will see that I am not the confident person I pretend to be.

I found solace for the stress of this job in the company of chocolate. Chocoalte and lots of soda to wash it down. Always made me feel better, for a short time. But then I keep having to buy larger clothes. I have gone from a size 10 to 16 in two years. Also am on a lot of Boards, and the meetings revolve around lunch or dinner.

I have thought of leaving this field, but I like the money and the perks that come with it. I like people, and my job allows me the freedom to help others and make a difference. Sounds cheesy, but it's true.

I'd like to go for my Master's in Counseling, but I cannot quit my job to do the 450 required hours of internship. Plus my son is still in school, and I want to be home for him at night. This job takes away alot of that time as it is. I'm a single mom, so there are few options.

I'm not trying to whine. This is my life, and I know I am responsible for it. Actually, putting this all in writing is helpful. It's stuff I've been tossing around in my mind for some time. I have considered going to a counselor myself, to try to work this out. Funny, I want to be a counselor, but I feel that I will be "weak" if I go to one myself. :rolleyes:

[captxray]

:rolleyes:
Well, I wish I had a good reason for being a blimp throughout most of my life, but, try as I may, I just seemed to like to eat from a very young age. I was a fat, depressed little kid. Being a spychotherapist, I have analyzed myself to the point of nausea. My father was a veteran and suffers from PTSD. I remember being his "therapist" from about age five, onward. Because of this, I contracted a vicarious PTSD from WWII. I have noticed that whenever something about war comes on the tube, or I read it in the news, or hear about it on the radio, or see it in the movies...I get this almost overpowering desire to wolf down some chips, or popcorn, or a hamburger, or ??? Doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize I have an overeating problem that is triggered by the mention of war. The funny thing is, when I was in the service during the Vietnam mess, I lost my apetite for the only period that I can remember in my life! Go figure.

[grahamgirl]

Every year, I gained a few pounds. Some stressful years (job, husband gone too much, sickness/depression/pregnancies), I gained as many as 10 pounds.

I've used food as pacifier my whole life, but as I got older, my metabolism slowed down and it just didn't burn off like before. Trying to improve my weight with low-fat diet only made situation worse.

Sure am glad I learned about LC! Wish I'd heard of it sooner.

[TX_Mama]

Well, I wish I had a good reason for being a blimp throughout most of my life, but, try as I may, I just seemed to like to eat from a very young age.

Captxray beat me to it. I have analyzed from every angle and all I can come up with is I love to eat! You know that saying "nothing tastes as good as being thin feels"? Well, I tried to believe it. But darn it, some stuff is just downright delicious.

From as early as I can remember, my mom was on one fad diet after another. Somehow I always ended up on these diets with her. Now I didn't do the shots with urine from pregnant women (not making this up) like she did, but I followed the eating programs.

There was Weight Watchers (several times over the years). My stepdad has a funny memory of this diet. Mom cooked chicken breasts and we measured/weighed our meat and served ourselves. Turns out there was only about 2 oz. left for my sister and stepdad to split. He told her, "We're going to have to go on that diet, too or we are going to starve." We still laugh about that one.

Does anyone remember those liquid protein diets? I lost count of how many of those I've tried. The worst was that red, thick crap. It was supposed to be cherry, but I can't describe how awful it was. I see why people died who were on it. It tasted so bad that I wouldn't (couldn't) drink it and I wasn't eating either. How healthy is that? I don't have to tell you people.

Enough of remembering the bad and bad for you diets. I am so glad to find a way to eat and eat good food without feeding the cravings.

Keep up the good work, everyone!

[captxray]

:wave:
Boy! Do I remember that thick cherry crap! It was so bad, it's a wonder more didn't die on it. It was made from the hooves of cattle or something like that...the same stuff they make glue out of. I went on one of those fasting diets and had the worst kidney stone of my life...the first one! Then, about three months later, I thought I'd try it again...another kidney stone! I ain't a rocket scientist, but two times was the cure for me! I'd reather be a fatso! the best thing about this diet is I can eat til I'm filled up...not a small feat. I just stay away from the "forbidden fruits" and my cravings are gone, anyway. I L O V E this diet, or better yet, WOL. I don't have to make myself sick anymore wondering why I love to eat...

[Feline1]

I have some of the same problems as many of you: being a fat child, dealing with PCOS in my 20's, hooked on sugar and junk food. But I have dealt with this in therapy over the years, and I know my biggest reason is some warped sense of keeping men away from me. I lost all my weight about 8 years ago (87 lbs.) by starving myself and overexersizing, and I met my last boyfriend at that stage. As the relationship soured, I kept gaining weight, and he finally lost interest in me at some point. He left after 3 years, and I was devastated by the fact that he wasn't attracted to me at 275, when he was at 145. I know he was superficial, but it still hurts to think about it.

I have stayed fat (I believe) to somehow protect myself from the attention men give me, and believing that it's not possible for a man to be attracted to a woman my size. Now that I am on my way losing weight with a healthier LC WOE, I am scared to death of getting attention from men. I'm much more secure being friends with a man, and I'm afraid of the possibility that a man might actually be attracted to me again. I'm so afraid of getting hurt and feeling abandoned again.

I know there are men out there who love larger women, but I haven't met any yet, and my own insecurities get in the way of believing that I am beautiful just the way I am now. What sick things we do to ourselves!

[RamonaK]

Wow.. this is an awesome post... I have read through so many replies.. I can relate to everyone of them.. .I think my weight is holographic.. it is my eating patterns, my emotions, my health etc..

I have been overweight my whole life.. and like a few others I was put on diets as a child... having 'special cookies'... that were actually appetite suppressants.. etc..

Looking back.. I weighed about 130 in high school.. which for 5'7".. was perfect.. but I felt huge and gawky... I was eyed over by step family male members.. etc.. icky...

College.. up to 170.. and hovered there the whold time.. all the while feeling fat.. strange psychology of weight and image...

Then.. each time I got into a relationship.. my weight ballooned... and I found myself getting into the 200s... I will never forget the day.. when I realized I was 350 pounds.. something washed over me.. I thought to myself.. 'what am I doing?"... I have yo yo dieted.. throughout those years.. most recently.. I had lost 150 pounds... low fat.. low calorie eating..... basically starving myself to death.. unknowingly at the time...I just knew the weight was dropping off fast...

Then a few tough years of stressful relationship, bad job, miscarriage and the death of my father... my system finally wigged out.. I got really .. really sick.. took me a year to recover...

I believe the year of no to low protein.. deprived my body of the nutrients I needed to feed my body.. and keep my organs and hormone system healthy.. then add the stress.. which is when I needed to be healthy.. and BAM... perscription for major illness.. and weight gain...

I learned alot in my relationship.. I learned now to stand up for myself.. to say what made me feel good about myself .. and what made me feel crappy. To ask someone to stop when it did not feel right. To request to be treated with respect. I am grateful form having been in the relationship because I discovered my boundaries... which now I can do verbally.. and do not have to do with my weight...

So.. looking back.. it all fit together ... what I had done to my body... and how I have evolved.. and I imagine I have a ways to go... men notice me now much more as well.. it feels good.. feels powerful.. and feels scary.... all at the same time....

Thanks everyone for sharing yourself.. together we are healing and getting healthy...

With respect..

Ramona

[Masochrist]

Well, I was pretty skinny in highschool and the 1st year of college (my grades were great too). Then it happened.

My roommate and I both fell in love with the same girl. She teased us both on to no end, and at least for myself, I had never experienced anything like it before. It was fun and different, but the realization that my roommate also liked this girl became a crushing blow.

I guess if we were both average males, we would have fought it out and never been friends again. But we were introspective twits. We both blamed everything on ourselves. Self-deprecation, self-loathing, and self-blame became the rules of the day. Oh, we were such a suicidal two. I felt like there was this hole inside of me that would not go away. I filled it with food: Ice cream, pizza, chocolate, donuts, anything bad.

My suddenly burdgeoning eating habits were unbalancing my already tight budget, so I started charging things until my credit card was maxed. My grades plummeted and my weight shot up. My roommate became suicidal and gothy for a few years.

Eventually when I was a junior in college, I dropped out. My depression had reached such heights that suicide was on my mind nearly constantly. I enjoyed nothing except food, anime and video games. I couldn't smile. The little joy I derived from things only drove me into more self destructive behavior. I blamed everything on myself: I failed school, I couldn't hold a job, I had become fat, I was losing friends. After a while, I was no longer sad about everything, I just simply felt nothing. No matter what I did, I was just completely apathetic. It was strange, even to myself.

During this entire episode, food brought me an ounce of happiness, and unfortunately multiple ounces of fat. I had ballooned up to about 230 pounds initially and just kept gaining from overeating, I never limited my self on food.

My depression ended about a year ago (although it threatened to rear its head again 6 months ago). After 5 years of major depression, I went from about 170 up to 270, but since I was still eating too much, I was still gaining, although much more slowly.

Now I realize, my being fat was a part of a defense mechanism to keep myself away from other people. I just didn't want to be hurt anymore.

Now here I am, nothing gets me down. But this extra weight is a real drag. My ankles hurt and I have little endurance. I just want the weight gone.

So 6 years have passed since I started gaining, I have never dated a girl since then, but I am still a close friend with my former roommate. (he is faring well too, although he never had to contend with weight.)

I am debt free, I am back in school, I am working a steady job, and I feel alright about life.

Damn, 5 years to get over girl, a self-serving one at that. I am such a putz. :)

[LC_Dave]

These posts are all great! I really relate!

I've been fat through childhood and have yo-yoed to this really large size.
When I lost a lot of weight at WW I met my fiancee. She's this beautiful tall, busty blonde thing (also a Computer Tech) who stick thin, and who has all the hassles of guys perving at her!(poor dear! :P)
But now that I have balooned to 390, she is still here, she still loves me more than ever! She is great!
The funny thing is now I get stares from people I've never had before. Usually when you are big - no one looks at you much. But when you are holding hands with an attractive girl they look at you and snigger - and you know they are thinking "What is she doing with this blimp?" Gah! Some people need a 'wake up call'.

I found being a guy - I was picked on at highschool (at lot of the time physically bullied) but as I got older, taller and bigger - I was 6 foot 1 and 260 in Senior year - Nobody would mess with me. A large man is intimidating - which has it's good & bad sides to it. Good side - it's a way of keeping people at a distance, the other side is - everyone assumes you don't need help in life. "He's a big boy - he can take care of himself!"

We are all human, we are all fragile, we all need help.

LC_Dave :thup:

[googybuzzy]

Anti Deppressants..now Im off the meds fat and depressesha ha ha ewww :(

[captxray]

:wave:
One of the things that I've noticed about many of us...especially us fatties, is that we project what others are thinking about us because of our own cognitive distortions...or thinking errors. Once, when I lost 117 pounds in WW I was sure that I was getting stares from women that never looked at me before. As I got used to being much thinner, I realized that I was looked at by women before, but I thought they were looking at me because I was a disgusting blimp. My wife, who married me just after I had lost about 100 of those pounds (and she was a beautiful thin woman) said she would have married me even though I was fat. Just like your lady friend...you'd be surprised at the actual thoughts of people who are looking at you. Some of them may be thinking you look like an uncle of theirs, others, their dad. Maybe they were thinking about what they are going to have for dinner. Maybe they were thinking, "That lucky guy! How can he be so lucky to have such a beautiful girlfriend?" Many of us are so self-conscious about pur weight that we cut ourselves off from the rest of the world because we think that others ared thinking what we are thinking.

[LC_Dave]

Interesting reply captxray,

That made me think,

We honestly can't know what others think, we can only guess.
And when we are big - we guess the worst!

:)

LC_Dave
:spin:

[Cali]

In the third post on this thread, Gina claims that there must be a hidden or acknowledged trauma for our fatness and many have gone on to support this with their own stories of how they came to be fat.

Fo the record may I say that I am over weight because I have a sluggish metabolism, I have for quite a few years overeaten, I love large amounts of any high carb product - I drank alcohol pretty frequently and I have not exercised.

Why? Well I don't love the slow metabolism but I do love delicious food and drink and I find exercise boring. Simple as that.

I am not filling an empty space or wearing a "fat overcoat". My life is happy, no major traumas, just the usual growing up pains and life experiences. I do eat to console myself sometimes, other times I don't. I eat to celebrate too. I love good food and wine.

This is not to deny the very valid reasons that others have for their present state of health, I just wanted to say that it is possible to be overweight without illness, thyroid conditions, traumatic childhoods or accidents being the cause.

[CherylAust]

one of the reasons I got fat was because I believed I was meant to be. I was always the "fat one" in the family, my sister would tease me mercilessly, she still does at times even though she has put on weigth too. When I look back at myself growing up, I was always bigger than her, we were 3 years apart but I was taller. When I was 21 I wore a Size 8 dress, the smallest adult size you could get then, when she was 21 she was still wearing childrens sizes. I actually believed I was fat, because of the comparism.

Marriage and babies also helped out, contentment is a great fatter upperer.

[gecolon]

In the third post on this thread, Gina claims that there must be a hidden or acknowledged trauma for our fatness and many have gone on to support this with their own stories of how they came to be fat.

No, Cali re read my posts I don't think there is an underlying emotional issue with all Fat people, but there is for me. The third post wasn't posted by me. Gina-

[gecolon]

Now I realize, my being fat was a part of a defense mechanism to keep myself away from other people. I just didn't want to be hurt anymore.

Masochrist
I fell what you said. I knew that was what I was doing, but I never saw it spelled out in black and white. When I read what you wrote I was like; wow that says it all. Now that I know, now what? What began as a way to loose weight is really making me look internally.

[allison74]

I kept 10 pounds with the birth of each of my two girls. Then I put on the last 10 - 15 pounds over the last three years. My husband had started a business and quit his full time job. The stress of the business and never seeing my husband lead to over eating. I was miserable for about a year and a half. I guess I am lucky I didn't put on more weight than I did. He finally went back to his "regular" job about a year and a half ago, so the stress level is down and now I am ready to get this weight off that I have been carrying around for all these years. Our ten year anniversary will be next june,and so help me, I WILL BE down to the weight I was when we got married. **135**

[committed]

I'm confused by the question "why did you get fat?". If LC works for me, then the answer is that I gained all this weight because I had untreated physical conditions that were worsened by the goofy FDA pyramid. I thought LC WOE works because people have metabolic conditions, insulin resistance. One of the many reasons I like low carb is because I don't have to blame myself anymore for having gotten so far.

I have been prompted, in therapy, to associate emotional stresses to my weight gain. I have come up with many reasons to blame myself or my life. I have been shamed by medical professionals, having most medical problems dismissed as the result of my fat. I have endured being told by my kindergardener that I couldn't accompany her class on field trips because I was too fat. I was abused by my ex and I am terrified of men. I struggle with depression and the antedepressant has probably affected me.

I've had lots of really awful things happen in my life, just like others.

And you know what, I am so grateful that I don't have to blame myself for my weight anymore.

I empathize with some of the difficulties others on this string have posted. Many of the emotional 'reasons' for eating were true for me. But the real truth is my body was whacked out because of diet and lack of proper medical diagnosis. To blame it on the emotional stuff seems, to me, to be kinda like a doctor telling me the fat was my fault.

I invite all of us to say "I gained this weight because of physical health problems that went unresolved for years." Period. Thank goodness for the blessing of having discovered LC.

[Angela175]

I was chubby in high school, but started working out and dieting in college and lost 25 pounds. But it was a struggle not to eat. Then I fell in love, went on the pill, went out to restaurants a lot and swelled up to my highest weight ever. Instead of being upset, my boyfriend said he found me more attractive on the plump side. What a deal, I thought. I could finally eat what I wanted and got fatter and lazier. When I hit almost 200 lbs (I had been as low as 105), I decided I needed to lose weight and get under control before I got too huge.

[stephaniec]

Excellent question.

There are so many things that have happened and choices that I made and I believe all of them together put me where I am now. My mom is very overweight and has been since as far back as I can remember.....a lot of my family members are. I grew up around a "need to diet" mentality. I actually remember when I was 11, I fasted (literally NO FOOD) for 2 weeks and NOBODY noticed that I wasnt eating. Now, I was not a big child....probably around 100 lbs at that time. How do you "not notice" that your child hasnt eaten in 2 WEEKS??? :eek: I now think that my mom probably knew but because of her "diet mentality" and her own body image, she didnt interfere. I remember one day at my grandparents house, everybody was getting on the scale (our own personal WW program I guess) and at the time I was probably 110 or something. I was a teenager. My grandpa had a fit over how much I weighed -- I stopped the lecture by saying that I never intended to gain anymore wieght --HAHAHA !!! I look back at pictures of me in HS, I was really thin but back then I always felt HUGE! I guess growing up with all the negative body images and constant dieting, I felt like I must be big too. There is another post on here about distorted body images - i can relate to both ends (feeling huge when you're skinny, and feeling "normal" when you're overweight). Anyway, I got pregnant toward the end of high school (my sr. year) and went up to 199 lbs -- I remember thinking that being pregnant gave me a reason to be able to eat whatever I wanted. My dad called me "chunky" throughout my pregnancy. I also started getting "off hand" remerks from acquaintances "youre looking uh.....'healthy' " I dismissed it all --I was just pregnant---afterward, I was horrified to find that all 75 of those "gained" pounds werent "just the baby"!! I got back to 145 or so - I think depression had a lot to do with that (my baby was born with heart problems and died after surgery -- I thought my life was over, I had changed all my plans (college etc) because I was going to be a mom and now I didnt have a baby and best of all, I was in an mentally detrimental marriage that I saw no way out of).
One divorce, a new marriage and 2 children later I look back and see that I set myself up for a lot of "emotional eating" - I was doing what my mom had done. My life hadnt been what I needed it to be so I had been filling the "holes" with food. That's pretty bad but, my body was dealing with it -- I was 165 and able to do anything I wanted - no problem right??
yeah right --- then comes the insulin resistance...... 30 lb weight gain in 3 months sent me racing to an endocrinologist -- he was (thankfilly) into the LC research but it took me another year and 20 more pounds (all while STARVING myself on low fat high carb diets) to convince me to make these changes in my life. I feel so much better -- I can control those cravings because I know what is causing them. Unfortunately, for the 12 years before I found out about LC, I was subconsciously doing to my daughter what my mom had done to me :bash: --- she's almost 14, 135 lbs.....and has a lot of the unhealthy, guilt causing, eating habits that I had for so long. I have to break this cycle. The first thing I want to do is take a wrecking ball to the FDA's food pyramid !!!!!!! :skull:
Good luck to all of you and God Bless !

[Carianne]

Where to start, and then to figure out if it's relevant or not.

Was a skinny kid until about 8. Then got HEAVY, and my Mom called me names and bribed me to lose weight, but I was a KID! I didn't know how to lose weight on my own!- And like someone else here said, my mom too, kept buying crap for us to eat.

I lost weight again at about 14, boys and alcohol got into my system and I was running around wild and never eating! I stayed pretty thin until I was about 24. (I was in an affair relationship, I was stupid and on pins and needles waiting for him to leave her. He told me I'd be a knock out if I'd just lose a little weight! HA!- I was about 165, as you can see my goal is 160! At 5'7", 165 isn't bad!)

Anyway, at 24 I went on the road as a truck driver! YES!- "NINETY NINE CENT HEART ATTACK" as one country song puts it! Cheap and greasy food mixed with inactivity helped me to gain about 25 pounds.

When I was 27 I got married and got pregnant and I soared to 246 pounds before baby was born. Afterwards, I started gettting sugar cravings I just couldn't control. I started swamping myself in sugar. Then, that mixed with moving to Idaho after being raised in Florida (where you can go outside all year round for exercise)- helped me to climb back to 230 pounds.

WHEW! Then I saw an Atkins infomercial! Of all things! As you can see, it's been building up for me. Slowly each year. I've always had a terrible self image though, and I do relate that to my Mom calling me fat names and I knew she wanted a thin daughter. (She wanted a sober husband too, but that's a whole other post!)

I just think the most important people in my life at a very crucial part of a young female's developmental stage, programmed some really crummy things into me. It stuck. For me, this is a tricky question, because I think there are so many factors. But as I aged, it boiled down to me not having the information on what I should be eating. I too pigged out on pasta for many years thinking it was healthy! Now I know.

Carianne

[weighting]

I need to make a distinction here. For myself.

Yes, there are medical, psychological, sociological, physical and emotional reasons for being overweight but there are people who are overweight who stop their fat-gaining behavior or look to the medical community and find the answer. They change their behavior or take the medicine and over time, they are thin again. I appreciate the frustration and pain they feel while they make reparations to their imbalanced bodies, lifestyle and mindsets.

For me, I was thin and now I am fat. I have medical issues but instead of dealing with it when it was a few pounds, I took my weight imbalance personally. But I found my own reasons to be victimized by fat. I believed it was all my fault. I wasn't good enough to be thin.

I tried everything. I went to regression therapy, counselling, hypnosis and holistic healers. I dieted. I exercised. I tried to remember being sexually molested, emotionally abused, neglected or traumatized without success. I forgave the 12 year old boy who tried to kiss me without consent. I forgave the teacher who oogled my developing pubescent body. Doctors reinforced my own short-comings so I gave up on them.

When the gain started, I lived, ate and breathed anger. I was mad at my body for not being perfect, society for demanding it to be, the world for witnessing my failure, the universe, God, my family, my friends, the waiter's condensing looks, the media, doctors who didn't listen, people on the street, anyone who looked at me, everyone.

For me, food has never been about comfort. It was about control.

I could not control how people reacted to my growing body so I took control of the food. I ate what I wanted, when I wanted and how much I wanted. Then I began to realize the food controlled me. Sugar/starch called out. I answered. So I took control again by devouring more! One craving would send me into a power feast that lasted for days.

For me, why I am fat is because I chose to become its victim. I thought if I can't be thin - I will be as fat as I want to be. I allowed it to represent me.

Now, I have good days and not so good days but I remind myself, I will no longer be a victim. Being fat is not personal - it's not about me - it's just a combination of taking care, paying attention and doing what I need to do to resolve this imbalance for me.

w

[captxray]

I've been reading your replies since I last posted...boy! Some "food" for thought...HA! HA! You know, I think we've all missed the boat, here! We got fat because we were eating all the wrong foods! Not, because we were stressed, or because we liked to eat, or, whatever...we got fat because we ATE THE WRONG FOODS ...we have been duped by the FDA food pyramid, low fat, high carb...bla, bla, bla...

Think about this...if we had been eating the right foods, we most-likely (in the case of medicines, I might need to rethink this one, a bit) were just eating the wrong foods...on my WOE, there is no such thing as eating too much...as long as one stays within the parameters of what is recommended on the woe. Yeah, I still probably eat for all the reasons I did, before...I haven't "disciplined" myself in that regard...why should ? I'm much happier than before, much healthier, my weight is down...I feel good! If I eat to stave off emotional pain, so what? Why spend my entire life worrying about "doing life the right way?" If all people would eat the right kinds of food, it might put us psychotherapists out of business...on second thought, tell your friends to keep eating all of that crap...Ha! Ha! I'm too old to go looking for another job. But, seriously, people make themselves sick with worry and pain because they eat for "al tlhe wrong reasons." Who is the great governor who tells us this, anyway? You can't tell me that a caveman, or two didn't "over-eat' now and then. I'll bet they didn't worry about doing it for the wrong reasons. Chances are, their weight didn't go up, either, because they were eating what their bodies were designed to eat. Just a thought...

[Laura D]

Three things, Beer, Pizza, and french fries in college.

I was super thin in high school, because I had a job that required heavy labor and lots of running. I would eat those big breakfasts from wafflehouse several times a week and I was 125lbs at 5'7".

When I left that job and went to college it didn't occur to me that I could get fat and I just kept on eating the way I always did, except then I turned 21 and drank a six pack a day for two years.

LOL, I actually remember thinking I must have shrunk all my clothes at the laundrymat, for that could be the only explanation for them getting too tight!!

[catsmeow88]

...the fact that i got lazy. and thats it plain and simple. i have been a swimmer for as long as i can remember and in highschool i was on swimming, soccer and softball. so i was constanly active and food never was an issue, i could eat whatever i wanted. then i graduated. and even thou i still exercise, nothing compares to 3-4 hours in a pool, 6 days a week. that and i went to college, then got a 9 to 5 job and so on and so on. so when i get some time off, the last thing i want to do is exercise. so my eating habits havnt changed much but i dont exercise nearly as much as i would like to. i'm lazy. but this is what i am trying to change. i am on atkins and i take kickboxing 2 days a week along with doing the eliptical trainer and weights a couple of days a week. i try to keep my long term goals in mind when i cheat or when i am too tired and lazy to get off the couch.

[gaijingal]

I'm a "get fat so men leave you alone kind of gal. "

I dropped a dress size during my first two weeks on Atkins and IMMEDIATELY developed a stalker. I then went off atkins, despite being quite happy on it. Sigh. I have to convince myself that I can't a chocolate bar just because some men are sick.

Sorry, to the people that think this is all about the wrong food. After traumatic situations, I have actually force fed myself till I was in pain and couldn't stop. That indicates something mental to me.

[scthgharpy]

After years of working out, tryign to be healthier and lose weight when I didnt need to(I was never a size zero like the girls on my pom team and that killed me) I went through some MAJOR changes 6 years ago and put on 30 lbs on a month. No kidding. A far cry from the 'Shape Magazine' working out lo fat hi carb girl I had been.

Thing is, ten years ago, I was about 135 at 5'4" and I was at my 'babe' stage...really the pictures are stunning. Youd never guess how screwed up I was at the time from looking at them. I called it the "Bacardi Diet" because all I would do is get hammered every night on bacardi and rarely eat except for tuna and veggies, and work out at lunch from the chow hall. And it as all over a guy=STUPID. Well, that and living on an airbase during a war contributed to the stress.

Three years ago I trained for and ran a triathlon through the Leukemia Society's Team in Training excellent program! I lost and gained not an ounce, I think because Iwas effectively starving myself-and eating constantly. The nutrition people had nothing to offer me, just how to get through the training=all about the peanut butter and power bars. Oh yah, and the Gu! Pure sugar and caffiene in a handy little packet. Rocket fuel, dude.

I recall going into the doctor to see if they would put me on a liquid diet a freind has recently seen amazing success with. I BEGGED her for guidance. No energy, hated my life! The tiny asian PA told me "just eat less". I wanted to wring her f*&%-ing anorexic 0 body fat neck! I STILL do.

So, my sudden 30 lbs crept upwards to 230....a freind suggested atkins, and eureka! It all makes sense now!

I understand the psychological responses...am relieving them all the time, the childhood molestations, the adult betrayals and personal and professional failures. I released some of them at burning man, casting the letters and memories into the fire-very therapeutic. I say thank you, fat for protecting me, but I dont need you any more. You can go away now. Ill do it again:

Bye bye belly!

JC :D :D:D:D:D:D

[amk82]

An eating disorder combined with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (a nasty combination).

[odyssey]

While I do believe in some ways I "dieted" myself up to this weight range, I've been overweight since before I was a year old so it wasn't only what I ate that has made me this way.
My weight is a mixture of heredity, medical, and environmental to go along with incorrect food choices as I grew older.

That's why my main purpose in doing this is to get healthy, not to lose weight. I've never(ever) been thin, or even just chubby, in my whole life so I don't even know if it is possible for my body to be so. I mean I haven't been under 180 pounds since I was seven. But at least on the journey I am now on I have the opportunity to reverse some of my health issues. That's why I'm here.

Namaste,
Carla

[odyssey]

Hey amk, I, too, have pcos and insulin resistance. Hoping this way of life will help that.

[amk82]

Cutting out sugar and bad carbs will definitely help. Check out this msg board http://www.soulcysters.net/ for tons of info.

[NovaGirl]

When I was very young (9-10) I thought I was fat, and then didnt realize that it was baby fat and it would eventually go away with age. So I dieted. I cut out "fattening" foods. Stopped eating for a while. All that fun stuff. I'd loose a good 10 lbs and decide I didn't want to diet anymore, and gain weight back. I didnt realize it then, but I was loosing my baby through dieting and gaining back "grown up" fat. Its been hard to loose weight ever since! Darn!

[slimmindy]

I feel the need to post here even though this is old. These were two questions I have never thought of before.

Why did I get fat?
1. My parents did not know about proper nutrition
2. I ate too many carbs, desserts, and candies
3. I had a stressful job, a sick parent, and a bad relationships all at the same time(for about 4 years) which made me eat more of #2.
4. Neglecting my spiritual walk with God and using food for stress relief instead of prayer and faith.

What did being fat provide?
During the time I was gaining, it provided short-term comfort and escape from life's problems

In reality it has given me:
Misery, low-self esteem, shame, frustration, and probably health problems I am not aware of yet.


Hind sight is 20/20 isn't it?

[carb0mints]

I just have such a hard time sticking to a diet because I absolutely love to eat!...that is why exercise is so important for me

[LMMS]

I quit smoking and drinking and got married and we ate and ate.

Then we decided enough was enough and now we diet and exercise together.

We feel better this way.

Funny, my mom always fed me good fresh foods. We had a vegetable garden and the family worked on it together. So I learned all the stuff I should know about eating and nutrition but I just ignored it.

Lisa

[Cleveland]

a few events led to weight gain. First I got in a car accident. I was thin at the time and worked out regularly-plus had an active job. After the accident, it hurt too much to work out. I lost my muscle tone, but did not gain b/c of my job and lifestyle-waitress/bartender/busy student. I then graduated from college and got a sedentary job. I exploded! I gained 25 pounds in 3 months. When people say you gain weight slow, expect to lose it slow, they did not see my transformation!

as lisa above, I grew up with fresh, whole foods. Other than bread, we did not have packaged, processed foods, soft drinks etc in the house. Everyone in my family is prone to obesity (my brother has been as much as 125 pounds overweight), so I am thankful we were not eating a bunch of garbage growing up.

Also- I really love food! plain and simple. Low carb and weight training is the only way I can keep things under control.

[Gina_185]

i think for awhile i didnt care about anything, not even myself...everyone was treating me bad for no reason, and i didn't understand or know how to cope with it....

i used food for my comfort and my friend...like a drug.

until one day i woke up and thought that all these people don't matter anymore, the only thing that matters is you, take care of yourself.

people can be mean, cruel, selfish, yet don't let it hurt your soul.

to this very day, i don't exactly know what being fat did for me, i was just depressed and didnt care, maybe to push people away from me?

[bingobanjo]

I have no real sense of intuitive eating (the way that people who have been slim all their lives manage to control their food intake - without even trying, f*****g smug b*****ds!) and I blame my mum and my family for that. Yeah, yeah, I know what you’re thinking…you reckon I’m just doing that messed up and weak thing where I try and pin all my pathetic choices and ultimate downfall on others, right? Well I’m not. Trust me, I’m the most seriously self-critical person you’ll ever meet and I’m the first person to admit when their crappy lot is their own fault. I know I make the choice to cram cakes and biscuits and bread and pizzas and sugary drinks into my mouth. No one else does. You really don’t need to point that out to me. What I’m talking about though, is the fundamental lessons about food and eating that were learned, way back before I could even speak.

I come from a family of big hearty appetites. And that was never a bad thing when it meant that those who were working long hard hours and doing physical jobs, were able to fuel all their efforts and stay replenished, sated and nutritionally stoked. They needed all those calories and were able to burn them off. But as a small child with a fairly average lifestyle, I didn’t need to be eating huge portions that wouldn’t look out of place on the plate of a bodybuilder or something.

All the women used to cook in my family. Proper, wholesome, home-cooked fare, made from scratch with love and attention to detail. The food in itself was not a problem. It was the amount of it which did so much damage. Even as a child I would be presented with huge man-sized portions every time I sat down to a meal. Not normal, smaller child sized portions, but huge great dinner plates, piled high to almost comedic Desperate Dan style proportions. And to be told every time I sat down to such an epic meal, that I couldn’t leave the table or get my dessert until I had cleared my plate….well…that pretty much obliterated any inherent intuitive kind of eating habits my body may once have been in possession of. I didn’t just eat when I was hungry or stop when I was full, I sat down to eat when I was told to and didn’t stop until there was nothing left on the plate. I was commended and applauded for doing so; made to feel that I had made my parents/grandparents/aunts happy by consuming everything they had laid before me. Which of course just made me want to devour everything, just so I could please them and gain their approval. Sad huh?

So yeah, a compulsive need to eat everything put in front of me, from the time I was first weaned onto solids, pretty much laid the foundations for a lifetime of gluttonous eating.

I know that every time I had to make a choice regarding food, it was never an intelligent one. I wanted the largest portion I could obtain. I wanted to eat more than everyone else. Even when I was full I still pushed on, determined to finish every last morsel of food in front of me. A normal person would naturally limit themselves to one or two slices of Victoria Sponge…I wanted the whole cake. Normal people might eat a bag of chips and some fish. I wanted large chips, large fish, gravy, cheese, peas, a cheese fritter and a bap. Washed down with a bottle of coke and followed up by sweets and chocolate. I didn’t stop to think about limits or what were reasonable amounts to consume. I didn’t listen to my body and only eat what I really needed. I pushed it time and time again, way past the point of satiety, past the point of fullness, up to the point of nausea. But I had to finish everything. Couldn’t waste a crumb. All those years of being told how when there wasn’t a lot of money to spare and that wasting food was expensive and offensive to my family, stuck with me subconsciously for all those years.

It’s still deeply ingrained in me now. I still feel guilty if I leave any food on my plate. Be it a beautiful meal that my boyfriend has lovingly prepared for me, a takeaway he went out of his way to go and get for me, dinner at our favourite restaurant or even some cheap and cheerful processed ready-meal that I’ve thrown together at the last minute…it doesn’t matter. I’m still driven to finish all that’s on my plate. Now it’s worse too because the guy I’m with is a huge, great big strapping 6 ft 1 guy with a super-fast metabolism (a totally perfect body!) and a massive appetite. He eats monstrous portions of food and never gains any fat. He just converts it straight to energy expended at work, or muscle. Am so jealous. But when he or I make dinner, we serve up equal portions for both of us. Now, even if I was doing a physical job or had the kind of physique he does, I still would never need the amount of food he does. There is just no excuse for it. I’m a short, fat, sedentary lump who doesn’t require anywhere near as much food to keep her body ticking over. I probably only need half of the calories he does to get through the day. And yet I feel compelled to have the same amount of food as him on my plate, whilst being utterly determined to finish it all.

And for what? Why do I do it? I just end up feeling so full my body hurts and I’m too tired and wiped out from all the sugar rushes, to do anything. I have no concentration, no energy, no enthusiasm; just a fat, bloated stomach and a lethargic, nauseous discomfort. What is the f*****g point in all that? I know it’s wrong. I know it’s wrong before I do it, I know it’s stupid whilst I’m doing it and I know once I’ve finished that I didn’t end up enjoying it, I just became completely focused on consuming all of it; I lost sight of what was supposed to be going on. Food is our fuel, it’s supposed to sustain and nurture us. Every meal is another opportunity to do what’s best for these sophisticated machines; a chance to enhance, to soothe, to boost, to heal, to fuel to care. And yet I do none of these things. I eat my veg because I like the taste of them and they make a good accompaniment to my meals. But I never sit down and think about what I should be eating in order to get the best IN to my body and OUT of it too. And that’s so wrong. But I truly believe that whilst I’m always acutely aware that every bad thing I put into my body today is my choice, it all stems from a screwed up behavioural pattern of eating that was programmed into me by my family when I was still to young to know any different. And I’ll always somewhat resent them for that.

That said, I know I probably failed to address the weight problem at an earlier date, for a few (probably daft) reasons. To begin with, I'm a real tough cookie. Renowned for my quick wit, excellent sense of humour, take-no-prisoners honesty and what everyone perceives to be a wealth of confidence and assertiveness. No one messes with me.

No one would ever think that beneath the perfectly made up facade I have carefully constructed and worked hard at maintaining all these years, beats the heart of a deeply distressed, sad, hurting little girl who has had every single insult, criticism and nastiness going, levelled at her over the years.
I don't let anyone see beneath the surface and see the real damaged me, because I don't believe in giving any of them the ammunition they could turn and use against me. Better that I keep it to myself, keep them at arms length and keep them from ever being in a position to get one over on me.

So one of my reasons for refusing to lose weight I think, is because I don't want anyone to know that I care about my size. If they see me trying to lose weight, then they know that I don't like being big and am trying to change. I don't want them to know how I feel about it, so I don't want to show them I want to shed the pounds.

Secondly, I'm a bit of a stubborn little missy. I don't want to do something that other people think I should do, just to become acceptable in their eyes. I feel vehemently opposed to bowing to peer pressure and absolutely refuse to capitulate from my current perceived outlook/standards and look the way they think I should. I know, I know...it's stupid to allow my health, happiness and wellbeing to be jeopardised just so I can say that 'I did it my way' but hey, if none of us had any crazy wee issues with weight, size, life and the opinions of others, this forum would only be a fraction of the size it currently is, would it? :agree:

The other reason I think I have avoided meeting the issue head on is fear. Like a lot of others in here, I have allowed myself to become somewhat defined by my corpulent carcass. I have always been the fat one. The fat friend. The big, bad she-wolf who means business. I'm a bit scared of who I will become when I finally get it together and exit my fat suit. I don't know what I'll look like. I won't look like me anymore.

I won't dress the same, I won't hold myself the same. I won't sit in my seat or lie in my bed or snuggle into my boyfriend the same way. People will look at me differently and will know I wasn't happy before; they'll know my demons. I won't be seen as this invincible, indestructable crazy, boisterous monster anymore. I'll be smaller, more vulnerable, less imposing, less....um....just LESS!

But less is more, right? And fat is just so last year, isn't it? So here's to biting the bullet, taking the risk, making the changes and dealing with the consequences. I know it's not going to be easy, but to quote a tagline, that rang so true with me when I read it (I can't remember who's it is, it's not mine, but I love it and give props to the author!) "Being fat is hard. Dieting is hard. Choose your hard." (Apologies if I have mistakenly quoted/paraphrased it there). I've done the hard being fat bit; I know what hard is. Now I'm ready to try the other hard.

Thanks for listening to a ridiculously large post guys.

Laters :wave:

[flipleis]

This is very interesting. From an emotional angle I think as women we use fat to protect ourselves from unwanted attention from men. Funny, now I would love to be ogled by anyone, but no one really looks at a middle aged woman (did I just say 'middle aged woman?') that way. (Except for my husband, and thank god/dess he still feels this way.) I think it is only with self confidence and self awareness that we are possessed enough to be comfortable in social situations.

When I was a kid, in elementary school, I was called into the nurse's office and weighed and told I had to lose weight. Now mind you, I was just a kid and not obese, just a little chubby. I wonder if I had not been stigmatized from such an early age (being the only one called out of class into the nurse's office once a week to be weighed and assessed) if things might have been different. Maybe, maybe not.

My mother got involved once the school contacted her and god/dess knows in our house there were no treats to begin with. Now I had to 'watch' what I ate and I was embarrassed and ashamed. It led to candy store binges with other friends who were equally deprived of treats in their homes. Though having said that, most kids had such things, but for me it was the holy grail.

My mother was bulimic her entire adult life (due to my father's critical assessment of her at all times.) She was thin and beautiful but never thought so, and hence her eating disorder. (Never admitted by the way.) So food and eating was always an issue in our home. Everything in the fridge was 'dietetic' (remember that word?) except for mom's secret stashes. My mother watched my sister like a hawk for every morsel of food she put into her mouth. No wonder she is now morbidly obese. Like she was getting back at our mother, when in fact she was just punishing herself. I know in her case she wanted to see if she was worthy of love even if she was fat. "See if you can find the real me!," devoid of vanity issues. But vanity issues were all there was in our home so it was a lose-lose proposition.

I bounced from being thin and overweight throughout my life. I always thought I was fat but I wasn't. (Though I believe we become our own self-fulfilling prophesies.) There are old photos that show there were periods where I was a little chubby, then thinner, then a little chubby, etc. I wasn't obsessed with food (until the teenage years, with teenage fixations on food and body image), but that's really not my modus operandi.

I think I just like to eat. Not compulsively, just things I like. But having said that, the last 20 (!!!) years have been spent overweight and I think it was the scare of impending diabetes that got my attention.

The biggest lesson for me, the hardest one, is loving and accepting myself at whatever weight, and I can't do that when I'm too big. There was a point when I felt so large I was literally claustrophobic. I felt so trapped in my body that I just wanted to jump out of it.

So having said that, I am still overweight but much more comfortable in my skin. I don't feel self loathing or shame, just a healthy desire to look and feel better. At a certain point, whatever traumas I have lived through are the stuff that forged my character, of which I am proud. I don't blame anyone at this stage of the game. I'm responsible for what I do with my life.

Thank you for letting me share this.

[KayKay419]

My getting fat was a mix with not very good childhood, growing up with bad eating habits, stuff happening during my teen years(ex. losing our house, living with a crackhead...etc), becoming a pothead in high school, having friends who were downers, getting into drinking(that food craving you get before you need to sleep), then using food as a stress release, instead of letting my emotions out.

I think that's the hardest thing for me to work on, letting my emotions come out. I know a lot of people say that your strong when you don't cry in front of others, but even if I wanted to cry in front of others I can't--yet. I've kept it in for so long that it's difficult for me to show emotions to others, that isn't sad.
I think it's amazing when someone can cry in front of you, plus it's healthy for you!

So my being fat changed throughout the years, I received different ways to use it, so to speak.

The last thing I used it for way to hide my emotions, I would think. I was so sad and depressed at the beginning of the year, I don't even remember crying once, but boy did I gain weight, and some more stretch marks!

[pinkclouds]

Hmmm, I got fat because I am an emotional eater.
My mom is very vain when it comes to appearances, and I started to get "chubby" right around the time I hit puberty. At the age of 13 I weighed 147lbs and she took me to Diet Center or Jenny Craig... I can't remember, I know I went to both though at some point. I remember being forced to eat little cups of jello squares made with diet orange soda all the time. :lol: I became a closet eater. And I knew that my weight was a big disappoint for her. I got straight A's and was on the Dean's list, never got in trouble, never drank or did drugs, was responsible about curfews, got a job. It was never enough. That was the beginning of my emotional eating.

I can't honestly say that being fat has done anything for me except maybe make me invisible. It put my life on hold and brought me alot of pain and misery.

I still instinctively turn to food when I emotional or stressed out. It is a coping mechanism I learned in my teens and constant struggle to break.

[Coconutz]

I REALLY need to write this out. I have several reasons that I believe led to my fattiness.

First of all, my mom is SUPER skinny...my stepdad is too (the only dad I've ever known). Turns out my biological dad and his family are prone to fatness (I have an aunt well into the 300s). So half my gened were out to get me from the beginning.

When I hit 5th grade, I had a 'chubby' period...and my mom told me so. I know now that she was just concerned (her sisters have weight problems as well - diferent dad from her). I have never stopped hearing her say so. I look back at pics of me after 5th and wish I could be 'that fat' again...I wasn't.

My parents NEVER had treats of any kind in the house. We got chips, etc for birthday parties and I would go to town on the leftovers. Same for parties at other people's houses. If you coudln't find me, I was at the chip bowl. Once I got a car and a job at 16, I 'rebelled' against my parents' choices by going through a drive thru every chance I could afford it.

Then I went to college...it was cool to stalk the kitchen late at night for all of the friend goodies you could think of (went to college in the south). While I tried exercising, my weight just kept creeping up.

Whats important to know as well is that I was a tomboy. While all of the other girls were whining about their weight, I prided myself on completely not caring or even by being completely unaware of how much I weighed. Stepped on a scale once and was SHOCKED by the number, but didn't 'worry' about it cause I was THAT girl that wasn't like all of the other girls...lol

So then I got married. At 21, very quickly to someone I knew from high school. He was in the military at the time...looking back, I should have known better than to pick him...we enable each other in many things, financial, health, etc...but he's a great husband/father so I don't have any regrets. Well while he was running 6+ miles a day with his batallion, he could afford to eat like crap every day...whoops, I guess I couldn't. Got pregnant quickly and was weighed...again, an even higher shocking number (196).

What could I do now except enjoy being pregnant at 21/22...so I did. Was 217 at delivery. I might have done something at that point except my baby threw my whole life into a tailspin (8 yrs ago) and I only NOW feel like I've caught up. The kid didn't sleep EVER (happiest kid ever, but she thought sleep was overrated). So neither did I...I was a zombie for most of her first FOUR years of life and often wondered if one could actually DIE from sleep deprivation. Thank goodness my other 2 slept/sleep.

So there ya go...2 more pregnancies after the first (all kids are 2 years apart) and the rest of the above and here I am. Fat.

But I'm FINALLY ready to fix everything...it won't be pretty when its over...the 3 pregnancies completely wrecked any chance I would have ever had at sleeveless or bathing suits. But its not too late to get healthy and stay that way. I do want ONE more baby...but I also want to be pregnant at a decent weight, without worrying about risks, enjoying my little basketball belly instead of wondering if its just fat or not. I plan to be Primal through the pregnancy and keep exercising safely...and then kicking butt afterwards to finish off whatevers hanging around.

[missaec]

For me... my mom fed me crap as a kid and I never learned moderation or discipline in what I ate as a result. I mean, what kid is going to turn down 20 cookies if you let them have them?

So then I got to be an adult and hypothyroidism set in. It sent me from overweight to much worse. I managed to lose quite a lot of weight and was lower than I was in high school. I got a little lazy for awhile because I'd been really strict on myself for a long time with the LC. Gained a little back. Had a series of primarily health related events which did not allow me to LC and gained it all back. Seriously, the day I was able to finally LC again I started back and have been incredibly disciplined since.

I've never liked being fat and never felt it provided anything for me. I ate like I ate as a kid because that's what was given to me. The hypothyroidism hit me so hard and fast that I didn't realize it was happening until I was already pretty heavy (and in denial).

[southpaw]

This is a good question, and one that I just can't help but pop in and answer, even though it's an old thread.

I'll be honest, I got fat simply because I refused to eat like I cared - about my body, about my energy needs, about anything. I love food, plain and simple.

Given the way my mother treated food, I'm actually quite fortunate that I only managed to tip the scales at a size 14.

In fact, I should either be fatter than I am (was?) or have an eating disorder because of my mother. I was not fat as a child, and no one ever made comments about me or my siblings losing weight, as all of us were of average weight and made to feel perfectly normal size-wise.

My mother, however, liked to lock up all the sweets in the house. And when I say that, I mean it quite literally. She installed a padlock on the cabinet next to the refrigerator, and in it she put all the Little Debbie snack cakes, chips and other goodies.

She also had a weakness for Pepsi, so she kept a 2 liter bottle in the refrigerator, and every time she drank any, she would mark the label with a line in permanent marker, and date it. Good thing she never could distinguish between regular and watered-down Pepsi because I would take a few swigs often, and fill up to the line with water!

It wasn't enough that my mother padlocked the cabinet door. She never took the key with her, preferring instead to heighten the mind games by "hiding" it in the kitchen. So for me, every day after school became a game of "find the key". Often I'd find it and siphon off snack cakes slowly enough she wouldn't notice.

These weren't games about my weight, they were control games. My mother is mentally ill, and emotionally abusive, and this is what she did. Hell, after my sister died my mother put a lock on her bedroom door so we couldn't go in and play or be around my sister's things. It wasn't about food.

But what it did do was ignite an unnatural desire for sweets and sugar - something I may or may not have naturally had a tendency toward otherwise. I remember when I first got a couple of dollars and free reign at a grocery store. I bought a package of Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme Pies. I snuck them home in my bookbag, went up to my room and ate every single one of them until I was ill. And I still loved them.

I learned a lesson from my childhood: Never bring sweets into my house. At the grocery store, they're safe. In my home, they disappear immediately. Had I not set that rule very early in my life after leaving home, I'd have been in serious trouble.

My weight came on steadily. In high school I was a size 7 or 9 juniors, and weighed around 135. In college I pushed it to 145. By my mid-twenties, working full time, I was 155 and a size 10. By my thirties, I had gone up to 165 and a size 12. I got married, and moved to a new town and *bam* I was up to 175. Suddenly a year or two ago it was 185. I continued to eat wantonly, because I love nothing more than fried chicken tenders and french fries, and my wake up call came when I hit 195. I am, frankly, terrified of the 200's.

Thankfully that instinct kicked in and forced me to do something. In reality, I think I was always waiting for that terrifying, sinking feeling to hit me. I decided I'd eat my way up until it did. Hell, the day before I officially started this WOE just over a month ago, I went to Bojangles for their chicken tenders meal with fries, and I had a Heath bar, all because I wanted them, plain and simple.

I also figured that when I craved such things on this plan, I'd remember that I allowed myself to have my fill of them before switching over. That's worked pretty well so far.

For me, the hardest thing will always be denying myself food that I want. Long term, once I reach maintenance, I hope to have a day a week when I don't worry too much about carbs - maybe not go overboard, but have something that wouldn't be allowed on this plan - because I know I'll go right back to LC for the next 6 days. We'll see.

Self discipline around food wasn't something I was allowed to learn. It was locked up from me instead. So here I am, approaching 40, teaching it to myself. Baby steps.

[katoman]

Looking at photos of my ancestors, I actually thought I was doomed to obesity forever. If there is a "fat" gene, my family has it. In addition, I did eat tons of junk food to narcotize my feelings. I started getting really scared when even eating a cookie made me NEED to go lay down for a nap. When one is eating and sleeping the day away, something is REALLY wrong! I was not tested for diabetes but since my dad suffered from late-onset diabetes, I figured I was experiencing warning signs. So, I chose to start LC (second time, first was in 2003) and will be remaining on LC for the rest of my life. I feel much better. As for other people's criticisms, I do my damnedest to not to listen. I am excruciatingly sensitive (chronic shyness covered by brashness at times). If I wasn't so shy, I would wear "goth"- and/or "hippie"-style clothing because I adore them and not care what people think. Of course, neither style befits a "fat" person.

[SundayNext]

A combination of binge eating disorder and psychiatric medications I never should have been on in the first place. (Note to psychiatrists: when your patients stabilizes AFTER going off medication, she does NOT have bipolar disorder and never did.)

[Melesana]

My mother was a lot like Southpaw's mother. Mixed messages and bad choices about food as well as just about everything else. Mostly I stayed out of her way, and stayed thin so I could tell myself I was different from her. After she died, somehow it was okay for me to get fat, and I did, and somehow I made that her fault too. I got fat to declare my freedom from my dead mother - that showed her!

Meg

[cjay]

1) Fear of attention from people, especially men. As to people, I don't like to be 'noticed.' As to men, sexual promiscuity on my part scares me. With a fat suit on, you are invisible. I want to be invisible, and when I suceed, I want to be visible.
2) Fear of becoming a b***h, i.e., outspoken, bold, hard.
3) I'm an emotional eater. Using food to stuff down feelings, especially anger. I always feel I have to be 'nice.'

[southpaw]

I got fat to declare my freedom from my dead mother - that showed her!

It sounds ridiculous when you write it down like that, but deep inside I know exactly what you mean.

[JessieM23]

To me, food=happy. Sad? Eat a cookie. with friends? go out to eat. bored? entertain yourself with food. Food was my answer to everything. That's why I got fat. I dont know how to have fun, or make myself feel better without food.

[VegeLover]

Because I binge on junk food, PERIOD. Cookies, cakes, ice cream, bread with sugar on it, biscuits...you just name it.

I grew up eating like that (without the weight gain) and I continued to eat that way in adulthood (with the weight gain).

[realdeal31]

Back pain not being able to be active anymore and sadly hanging out with overweight people and having an overweight girlfriend.

Now most of theses people are not like the people on this board, they are overweight, have all sorts of pains and health problem but would never try to get on a diet, and of course discourage you to lose weight because they want to keep you well rounded.

Most spine degeneration started around the L5S1 discs and from what i have been told mainly due to pressure in the lower back due to overweight.

In my last twenties i was around 210 pounds at 5 feet 10 inches tall, i got up at 38 to 231 pounds, my ideal weight is around 183 pounds with my bone mass.

My current girlfriend is very active and eats very well, she is not a lower carber.

With my back pain being better i can do a lot more activities and by doing so i am more disciplined in following a diet plan.

My sport doctor put me on a high protein diet low carb and i feel very good right now.

[rucasquare]

I think I originally got fat because of hormones and birth control. Then I got complacent after I lost the weight. Then I got fatter because in my eyes nobody will love a fat girl therefore nobody can hurt a fat girl. Wrong. Usually the fat girl does a good enough job hurting herself... :/
-ruca

[Shell1370]

My first pregnancy and being gestational diabetic despite not being detected. Then wonderful nursing school of doing nothing but, sitting, studying, eating and breathing and not in that order either...too many of my days were containing fast food twice a day. I gained 40lbs there. I have maintained mostly at my current weight for many years...loosing some and gaining some. I hope to change this for the better.

[TChice]

I started gaining weight as a child - about 3rd grade? And was steadily overweight through high school - despite running miles a day, weight lifting for PE, sports, and watching what I ate - I stayed overweight (probably obese). Then I was on depo, and ballooned up pretty quickly, I've been battling how FAST ever since. Enter LC, and weight just jumps off of me, and many other wonderful things.

[Samijoe]

Wow, i just came across this thread and had a massive realization.

Reading that i had to face the reason why i was fat boggled my mind completely and i didn't have heart wrenching stories like the rest of these guys. Then, i realized the reason and i want to jot it down here simply so that i can remember. I always jot things down if i want to remember them easier.

As a child i was always a bit bigger than other kids. Not much but always a bit. Looking back i can see that was because of the food choices my parents were making for me.

When i hit 14 and 15 i suddenly lost a lot of weight. I still saw myself as fat and would get very shocked and shy if i received attention from 'boys.' I think the reason for the weightloss was because i was then responsible for all of the cooking duties in the house and tried to eat healthy.

At 19, my parents threw me out of home. We're on speaking terms again but our relationship is still very strained and when i look back and analyze my own eating behavior i realize that it's at times when my parents have really hurt me emotionally that i have been turning to food.

There, i've said it. Time to move on and leave that behind. They do not get to decide or influence my weight anymore. I deserve to feel good!

[Nrracing]

well I just found this topic and will add my .02$ in as a guy and answer some questions.

I was not always big. when I was little and active as a kid I was fine. My dad was always bid and so was his side of the family. My moms side was not. My dad side always ate heavy bad meals, and always kept cases of soda around the house all year long. No one talked of eating right or exercise EVER!!!!

I was in marching band in high and was very active but started eating bad food once I was able to drive and had a job. I was about 215 in high school and much more when I went to college. toward the end of College is where I ballooned up to about 360-385 in that range. I was eating long john silver #6 platters with extra fish and chicken, buffets, pizza, cakes and cookies. I have a picture of my self and I get mad when I see my self and wonder how could no one tell me how big I was :help:

Now here is the truth, I always hung out with girls, and had girl friends and so on. I have always wanted many more . but my size was a big factor I think. I have also always respected girls and ladies of all sizes and color. In high school had 2 girl friends and I am very close to them still to this day. They Liked me when I was big and Now that I am at the 234 they are amazed. I am happily married and they are all doing there own thing.

1. one big reason is to get ladies to notice me If I am really going to tell the truth. Even though I have a wife and things are great, I really missed that when I was 380 as messed up as that sounds.

2. I finally got size had a heart transplant (Yikes) :agree:

3. to look better for my wife and To be easy on the eyes for people and to get jobs. I am sure I was passed up on for my big size in IT positions

4. To be healthy for me first and then my family

Now that I am dropping the weight and walking all the time, I notice girls and women looking at me, smiling, some wave even :cheer:. Well It makes me feel good that I am getting noticed so there.

Its now my time to shine. I hoping to get down to 220 soon my goal is 200 by jan first and will work very hard. :agree:

[Maori]

All said and done i just stop caring about myself.

[dino0726]

It's a very thought-provoking question. I don't really know why I got fat. I think it was more a loss of self-control. At first I was slow to gain, so I thought hey, no big deal, I can keep eating like this. Now I'm kicking myself in the butt and wondering why did I ever let myself go so much. In any case, I'm pretty sure it is all history now. I do believe I can live on this plan the rest of my life. :)

[thud123]

...because the foods I chose and non-chose to eat changed the way my body works, and I was ignorant of this subtle fact.

[ojoj]

Without realising, I was addicted to sugar and carbs - I never ate because I was hungry. I used to say I was, but no, I just ate because I fancied something carby... and then wanted more, and more, and more...... I'd blame my emotions and yes, I was comfort eating, but in the same way as I was comfort smoking!

I'd go on the latest diets and climb the walls with again, what I thought was hunger - it was addiction, I can see that now and the trouble with having just a little bit of what you're addicted to is you never lose the cravings.

So once I addressed the issue, I am now "clean" and a recovering carboholic, slim, fit and energetic and not craving any of it (except cigarettes - thats the next thing???)

The one problem (aside from the wonderful benefits) I found once I had slimmed down was that, having been the "jolly fat girl", my "flirty" nature become a threat I think?? So I've had to learn to tone it down. So in that respect, I actually think you can get away with a "larger than life" character when you're larger??!

Jo xxxx

[Lbangle]

Great question......why did I get fat...honestly.....it slipped up on me! I was a great size in high school and college....slowly gained during my first marriage of 11 years.....first hubby complained I had gained weight when I weighed 160 instead of 130.....we ended up divorcing......for the best. I did not remarry for 10 years, and he was a big and overweight man. He loved to eat and drink and go out to dinner, and I slipped into a different way of eating with him and it slowly started up. If given the choice I ate the wrong things.....I loved carbs....loved pasta dishes, garlic bread, wine. Can you guess that I love Italian food? I haven't been to my favorite restaurant in 2 1/5 years....... Sugar and desserts were NEVER my problem......I got fat on bread, pasta, wine, crackers, chips, popcorn, pretzels, fruit and starchy veggies. etc.

A few years after I remarried I damaged my foot in an accident......lost some toes and crunched up some bones and it kind of stopped the kinds of exercise I was doing.....it now hurt to walk, run, jazzercize, etc. weight crept up more and more. I also moved up to a more administrative job that keeps me sitting behind a desk most of the day.

These aren't excuses.....I let it happen -- except for the foot accident ----I ate myself this way. I could have switched to a different type of exercise that took the weight off my foot like swimming or cycling but I didn't.

My fault. I avoided the camera and was shocked to see pictures of my fat self if someone happened to catch me in a picture. Weird thing was I never "felt" as fat as I was......pictures were always shocking....like looking at a stranger.

To be honest, what finally got through to me was my feet....they began to hurt all the time....and my knees hurt....and I went to the surgeon who had operated on me 10 years ago when I had the accident. I have developed bunions too, and I was convinced that I had broken bones in my feet they hurt so bad.

He told me that I didn't......that my feet had become flatter, and in a very kind way suggested that my feet problems would be greatly relieved if I was able to lose some weight. He said that basically each step I took put twice my weight's pressure on that foot, knee -- at least that's what I think he said. If I weight 250 then I imagined 500lbs hitting my knees and feet every step.....no wonder I hurt ....Any way, he prescribed orthotics, certain shoes and a therapeutic dose of Aleve to begin with.

I went home determined to lose weight and searched for what to do.......I landed on Atkins and haven't looked back. I'm down 50 pounds........should be down 100, but I have stalled out for many months. However that 50 pounds made a HUGE difference, and I know if I can get the rest off my knees and feet will be joyful :)

I still miss the food that sent me here.. but I am determined to lose 70 pounds. This board helps.

[dino0726]

lbangle - I can relate to some of what you mentioned in your post. I noticed not just feet pains, but back pains and a few other pains that I began to think would be relieved if I could get the weight off. I'd been exercising without changing my eating and that didn't help. Finally, I saw an ad for Atkins and began looking into it. So glad I did. Let's all keep going ... keep supporting each other! :) I know I need the support from this group. :agree: