I am losing my 'grip'!!

[Tex04]

I feel a bit odd confessing this to an online group of people, but I am really seeking support.

ok where to start.... I was bulimic in high school, food obsessive and had boughts of starving myself. Then I upgraded, developed a substance abuse problem (not just one, just about all of em) and attempted suicide 6 months before graduation.

Carried the depression and addictions with me to college, but met some great people, kicked the drugs, started handling the depression and gained 60 lbs. :(

So here I am, LC for a month now, desperate to get this weight off, and getting depressed over how slow it is, and even being stupid enough to put myself in situations where its hard to 'just say no' to some temptations.

Makes me want to cry. I just don't know what to do anymore. I am sorry if this is unappropriate. I feel silly telling people this.

[Zuleikaa]

If you're feeling out of control about food, you might want to take the carbohydrate addicts test here. (http://www.entelechy.to/amarillazone/Carb/quiz.html)

CAD might help you to lose weight and to regain control over food.

The other problems I can only suggest counseling and medication for. Also if your symptoms worsen during winter months, you might have SAD and need treatment for that specifically.

Good Luck!!

[cs_carver]

Sounds like maybe you did all the addiction treatment on your own? It's never too late to look for a group--NA, AA, OA, Al-Anon if you qualify, all of the above (they can fill a calendar pretty quickly...) They won't care how long you've been clean; they're just as welcoming.

Free, available pretty much everywhere, and full of people who really understand the problem.

Therapy is also good, but it's one pricy hour a week, and you can spend as much time as you want in the 12 Step groups.

Eating is better than drugs; much harder to accidentally kill yourself or someone else although addictive eating will certainly lower your life expectancy. Just not as fast or as far as crack. And eating is way cheaper.

Nobody walks out the door in 8th grade and says, "Gee, I think I'll turn into a drug addict today." With your history, there's a lot that needs unwinding, and it probably won't happen overnight, and it takes as much work on the insides or else -- at least I have--gained it all back right away.

Keep coming back. There is hope here. There is more directly available hope in the programs, but here's not bad.

[saara]

dear tex04, i know exactly how you feel. i have suffered with depression and all of the horrible things that accompany it since the 7th grade. i had to go to treatment and it certainly helped, but all of my strength has come from within and THAT was given to me by God. i made an assertive decision that if i am to be on this earth and not "do myself in", i should do the best with my life that i can. because of my addictive personality and black and white thinking, i had to cut out all things that are "bad" for me. nothing bad, not even in moderation. and you are NOT stupid for putting yourself in situations that are hard to resist. recovery is a lifelong process, a lot of trial and error. don't beat yourself up...learn and change. i have to pray for balance and patience every single day. be gentle and patient with yourself.

most of what we want to be we already are.
:there:

[skeeweeaka]

I feel a bit odd confessing this to an online group of people, but I am really seeking support.

ok where to start.... I was bulimic in high school, food obsessive and had boughts of starving myself. Then I upgraded, developed a substance abuse problem (not just one, just about all of em) and attempted suicide 6 months before graduation.

Carried the depression and addictions with me to college, but met some great people, kicked the drugs, started handling the depression and gained 60 lbs. :(

So here I am, LC for a month now, desperate to get this weight off, and getting depressed over how slow it is, and even being stupid enough to put myself in situations where its hard to 'just say no' to some temptations.

Makes me want to cry. I just don't know what to do anymore. I am sorry if this is unappropriate. I feel silly telling people this.


Listen...I weigh about the same as you and am feeling the same way....it is a slow process... but I just keep telling myself that if I stick with the plan it will happen... I posted a picture of my thin self on the refrigerator and look at it when I want to binge on something forbidden.. I am manic depressive so one day I'm up and the next I'm down...but Protein Power has helped with the symptoms... At least I can stay up for most of the day now....although I still have my crying spells and fatigue...and hopelessness... But I am trusting in god that this is the only way for me to approach these issues in my life... Try to find something positive to do each day.... I try to garden to take my mind off of things... Or get on here and try to be of help to others...at night when I can't sleep.... It is a very slow process and in the meantime I am not liking myself very much but we can help each other.... Yesterday I even took a walk lol...that was a milestone....

Hope your feeling better.... :) :) :)

[gawdess]

I am right around the same weight as you...I know it is slow for me too...Stick with it! you can do this :^)

[LovableLC]

I gained 20 lbs the last couple of months due to depression. I know how it feels. My weight is coming off slow - 8 lbs in a month- and it's so frustrating. I feel like crap and it makes me miserable to be this weight. I totally understand how you feel.

[skeeweeaka]

Hello everyone...feeling a little better today than yesterday... I've been reaeding a lot about stalls lately and trying to implement some of the ideas I've gotten... Today I weighted myself and the scales said I was back at 197 so I guess something is helping... Also thinking about doing a REFEED this weekend....one day....then going back on plan...20 carbs or less.

Then perhaps next week I might do a water fast...for about 3 days or however long I can stand it...but minimum of three days... I have read that it really helps to detox your body and clear your head...I really need to clear my head...

I've been extremely anxious and irritable...spent too much money...bill money...now more depressed...but am prayerful that things will work out fine...

Good luck...keep the faith