Depression during long term weightloss
I have done low carb twice before, both times I quit doing it. The first time after 8 months, the second after 6 months. Both times I was really successful with my weight loss, but I quickly gained the weight back when I stopped. Last year I reached my heaviest weight ever, 410 lbs. This was a wake up call for me. I had managed to stay around 375 for several years without gaining any weight, but when I realized I was over 400 lbs, I knew it wouldn't stop there. In addition to that, I recently found out my dad was diagnosed with Diabetes (type 2), and he told me for the first time that my grandfather had it too. More wake up calls. Of course I didn't want to be over 400 lbs, and I dreading going back on Atkins. But after trying low calorie, weight watchers, lose it, slimfast, and various other diets, the only real success I've ever had was with Atkins.
I went back into it and it wasn't even that hard. The pounds started dropping off quickly, I was relieved when I was under 400 lbs. Now I'm down to 368, I've lost 42 lbs. Yay, but also I know I have a long way to go if I'm going to get down to 250. The scariest thing is, I know that even when I get down to my goal, I have to keep doing low carb. I've never successfully kept the weight off in any of the diets I've ever done. Even the last time I did it, I did low carb for 6 months and lost 65 lbs, I gave speeches to my friends that it was a lifestyle change and I would never go back to my old ways. But I got tired of it, got complacent, and went back to eating entire pizzas by myself and three cheeseburgers at a time. In addition to worrying about diabetes, I worry about heart disease a lot too because my eating habits were atrocious.
I'm committed to sticking with the diet, I keep telling my wife, if only I can hold out until I'm 250, if only I can stick with it. I haven't weighed that much since high school (I'm 37). But I also know that is a flawed way of thinking. If I EVER go back to my old habits, I'll be up to 410 again in no time, and if the pattern follows, probably gain even more. But I've started to get super bored with my diet. I've tried to incorporate more variety in the diet this time, trying new recipes, not just eating chicken salads and scrambled eggs every day, and it's gone pretty well. But I'm no chef, and after 4 months doing this, I'm feeling very depressed. It's not that hard to imagine sticking with this for another year and getting down to my goal. I know I can do it. The trouble I'm having is visualizing my life after that.
I miss pizza, I miss junk food and pasta and all my favorite comfort foods. I've struggled with depression all my life and I have definitely without a doubt used food to cheer myself up. It's probably the main reason I'm fat, although my metabolism never did me any favors. I've always avoided antidepressants because I know several people who, after trying them gained a lot of weight, and they had both been skinny before that. For me, meds that HELP me to gain weight is a death sentence because I have a hard enough time without it. Also, I know from past experience that the closer I am to my goal, the happier I will be. A lot of my depression stems from low self esteem, and when I see the pounds drop off, I start to feel really good. When I'm not ashamed to look in the mirror, I can walk out the door with a smile on my face.
But the idea of NEVER going back to my pizza eating ways. I start to have thoughts like, "what's the point of life then?" Yeah I know how dumb that sounds. But I'm an addict. I read those articles that food addiction can be as powerful as drug addiction and I believe it. I was a binge eater. I would eat pizza and chocolate until I felt physically ill. I couldn't stop myself. If the food was in the house, I would eat it until it was gone. How can I ever really change? How can I keep the weight off. It's so discouraging know that, when I reach my "goal" the journey is just beginning, and if I EVER screw up, if I'm ever weak, I'll just gain it all back. I know I will, I've done it before.
I guess I'm just posting to hear anyone's advice on how to stick with the diet long term, how to be happy without binge eating comfort foods. I google this stuff all the time and I've read tons of forum posts before, but this is my first time posting. Here's hoping you guys have some good suggestions. Thanks for reading.