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  #1   ^
Old Mon, Dec-04-17, 20:05
Nic 41's Avatar
Nic 41 Nic 41 is offline
New Member
Posts: 6
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 224/214.6/125 Female 5í2
BF:
Progress: 9%
Default Friends Threatened By Your Weight Loss?

I have a friend who decided what my weight should be and that I should stay at 150 lbs. She told me since Iím in forties, it will much more difficult to lose weight. Iím only 5í2Ē and have never had ANYONE tell me what my weight should be. 150 lbs at my height is still high on the BMI. This is a person who is 5í4 inches and about 165 lbs. she does go to the gym but doesnít follow any specific food plan and carries most of her weight in her stomach.

She uses excuses that she canít lose weight but here I am in my forties and what she said I couldnít do I just did. I hope to lose another 2 lbs by Dec 7 which will be one month. The fact that itís harder to lose weight in your forties is b.s. IMO. If I lost another 2 lbs in the next 3 days ( if it happens great, if not I wonít stress), it would be 12 lbs in one month and that included low carbing while on vacation for a week where I upped my carbs a bit and also monthly female cycle that stalls everything.

It really irked me that she is telling me what weight I should be. I told her thatís my decision and I will decide.

Is this someone who is threatened by me? She also says she has a sarcastic sense of humour but uses that excuse to put other people down. She once insulted me about a shirt I was wearing and then said she was only kidding. This is also someone who constantly needs to validate herself through others by bragging.

Her jabs are rolled up in her so called sarcasm or being passive aggressive and so comments about my weight loss motives donít surprise me. Once I went back on atkins she didnít she offer her support or cheer me on.

After many incidences, I wonder if I want her as a friend anymore.

Have you ever had anyone threatened ed by your weight loss?

Last edited by Nic 41 : Mon, Dec-04-17 at 20:19.
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  #2   ^
Old Mon, Dec-04-17, 20:20
cotonpal's Avatar
cotonpal cotonpal is online now
Posts: 3,338
 
Plan: very low carb real food
Stats: 245/128/135 Female 62
BF:
Progress: 106%
Location: Vermont
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nic 41

After many incidences, I wonder if I want her as a friend anymore.

Have you ever had anyone threatened ed by your weight loss?


That was going to be my question. Why do you want to be friends with her? You know you are doing what is best for you. No one needs that kind of negative energy around them.

Jean
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  #3   ^
Old Mon, Dec-04-17, 20:28
Nic 41's Avatar
Nic 41 Nic 41 is offline
New Member
Posts: 6
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 224/214.6/125 Female 5í2
BF:
Progress: 9%
Default

She started out as really nice as we are both single parents and have teenage kids with other things in common. Iíve just found in the last few months, Iíve seen another side of her I donít like. Itís like she wants to get a reaction out of me. Plus I am also friends with her older sister. Right now we are taking a break from each other as we spent a week together on vacation where I saw more things I didnít like. Iím by no means perfect but it is always one sided and about her. I always believe that friendships are reciprocal but I donít feel the equality in this one. Many time I have been interrupted where the situation turns back to her. I am only imagine as I progress with my weight loss, she is not going to like it. I was always the fat friendly one and it probably made her feel better because she wasnít the fat one. I feel as though I canít share good news with her or show her something I bought. She is someone where it has to be about her or nothing at all. I feel she isnít someone who is able to share in someone elseís happiness.
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  #4   ^
Old Tue, Dec-05-17, 01:42
Ambulo's Avatar
Ambulo Ambulo is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 806
 
Plan: No GPS/OMAD (23:1)
Stats: 150/124/120 Female 64 inches
BF:
Progress: 87%
Location: the North, England
Default

Sounds like you have sussed her out. It is sad to lose a friend, or someone we thought was a friend, but at least you know enough not to undermine yourself by dancing to her tune.
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  #5   ^
Old Tue, Dec-05-17, 09:51
kathleen24 kathleen24 is offline
Monday came.
Posts: 4,147
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 275/139.6/155 Female 5'4"
BF:ummm . . . ?
Progress: 113%
Default

It sounds like you miss the positivity you once saw in her. One option is to remove attention except when you see what you like, and then turn the spotlight on and shine. Essentially retrain her to be the person you are willing to be with. Limited eye-contact, distracted "mmm-hmmm's" when she's being a bore, and then when you see glimpses of what you liked in her, full eye contact, and a big smile and nod. She'll start giving you more of what gets her what she wants. Especially if life requires you to be around her now, such as a co-worker, or wanting to be around her sister without awkwardness.

You get to chose your limits. The reality is that she's not going to know your weight unless you tell her, or what you're eating, or whether you've lost, or how you're working out. Just set boundaries. If she insists on bringing it up, say "I've decided not to discuss my weight, food, or exercise with anyone but my doctor for the present." If she presses, repeat the same sentence until the message has been received.



Who cares what she thinks about whether you can lose weight, since you're doing it? Talk about the weather, or how she's decorating for the holidays, or a movie you've both seen. Or do things with her that don't involve conversation--go to a concert together.

People can be peculiar. You could probably salvage this relationship if you decide to, but keep it light, get in, get out when you've had enough.

I knew a woman once whom I had to deal with; worked with her husband, lived in the same building, our kids were friends. She looked at me once in shock when I'd been losing weight and said, "How much do you weigh?" I told her, and she said, "I have to lose weight." Woops! Message was clear--my job was to be fatter than her, and I'd screwed up. She defined herself, but I just laughed inwardly and moved on. Some people are true friends, and some are just acquaintances, and won't ever be worth the time to get to the bottom of problems like this. She sounds like this kind of person, but also probably not worth the energy she would take if the relationship turned antagonistic.

Just create a little distance each time she offends. "Nope, can't see you. Busy. Gotta go. I have plans that day, sorry. Something in the oven, bye." Etc.
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  #6   ^
Old Tue, Dec-05-17, 15:50
bkloots's Avatar
bkloots bkloots is offline
Posts: 8,856
 
Plan: Atkins/LCHF
Stats: 195/149.7/135 Female 63in
BF:
Progress: 76%
Location: Kansas City, MO
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Looks like Kathleen provided a thorough discussion.
Quote:
After many incidences, I wonder if I want her as a friend anymore.
Your decision. There are degrees of friendship, and life is too short to let some person be a constant aggravation.
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  #7   ^
Old Tue, Dec-05-17, 19:08
barb712's Avatar
barb712 barb712 is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 354
 
Plan: Atkins/IF
Stats: 239/209/209 Female 5 feet 11 inches
BF:
Progress: 100%
Location: USA
Default

Sometimes friendships end when the dynamic changes. I've experienced that with people in my life. Oh well. You'll attract new friends more in tune with where you're at now.
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  #8   ^
Old Wed, Dec-06-17, 01:10
Grav Grav is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 498
 
Plan: Banting
Stats: 302/180/180 Male 175cm
BF:
Progress: 100%
Location: New Zealand
Default

I don't know if I'd go as far as to say that I know of anyone who might feel "threatened" by my weight loss, but I'd certainly say that some friends got a little quieter along the way as I got smaller.

Still, as someone who was previously overweight his entire life, I'd much rather deal with a handful of people who might feel threatened by my newfound success, than with a world full of people who felt offended by my past failure.
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