Originally Posted by Enomarb
I like what you posted about "acting in good faith"- planning on being successful makes more sense to me than planning on failing. It was scary giving away my clothes as I lost- I had such a struggle finding clothes that fit and that I liked and thought I looked good in- but it was part of my commitment to being different. I had some brand new (and pricy) clothes that I had 'saved'- gave them away too.
There is so little written about maintaining weight loss. I think planning to maintain - and all the ways to try and do that- is important and positive.
I love the quote, "faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." It has always struck me as quite metaphysical, as trying to tell us something that most of us aren't ready to hear, right up with that mustard-seed information. It's as if we are getting ready to step out into air, and can create a bridge under our feet by trusting that it will be there.
I, too, struggled to find clothing that fit, that looked good and suited my style--so grateful to whomever here turned me on to Holy Clothing. But even then, I remember getting orders in and being confronted in the mirror with just how very large I was. And even though that's where I spent the majority of the last decades of my life, it's not who or what I want to be. I feel more as if I've finally become me.
None of those fairy stories we read when we were kids described what it was like after the witch's curse was removed, how the object of the distortion adapted to life again as not-a-toad/-rock/-hideous hag. How do you find your way in the world again? How do you not engage in rock-like behavior after having been one for a hundred years? How do you not expect to be treated as a hag, after having been one for so long? It's new territory to me, and this change has been so quick that I am still feeling my way each day.
I went to the grocery store last night, and realized that I no longer had the freedom to make eye contact and to look at people (male, that is) because now they look back! I am not invisible! Yack!
Originally Posted by Enomarb
It was interesting to me to read what I wrote more than 3 years ago. I'm at the same weight- btw- and feel pretty much the same way. I am making an effort to wear clothes that fit a bit closer to my body, and am actively working on accepting my belly as ok and normal. I am not interested in more weight loss at this point. I want to maintain and I am very interested in the health gain I experience with LC.
I'm very impressed with your ability to explore clothing and fit and sizes- thanks for what you posted.
After I read your and Bonnie's responses, I thought about this topic and realized that there are more layers to this onion. I have struggled with low income for a good part of my life, and I also grew up in a family that had long memories about growing up in the Depression. The homes that my mother maintained were storehouses for things that might be needed someday, and it was the norm to me to see rooms simply used for storage, to have basements and garages filled with storage units. It took multiple tipsters to get her last house emptied when she died. I don't want to do that, I don't want to be that person, and I don't want to leave my children with those memories. My sister inherited the same hoarderish qualities, or worse, and would weep at the idea of letting things go. Things became imbued with these magical qualities that invoked memories that might not even have ever happened. I don't want to be that person, either.
I remind myself that every bag and box I release sets a bit of myself free.
Thank you for your response!
ETA: and in thinking about it, isn't it possible that this is behind the overeating as well? Must take that extra bite now because it might not be there later. I heard someone describe someone as having a deficiency model of the universe. If we trust that what we need will be available when we need it, we don't have to eat it all now, or buy it, or keep it for someday.
My fat self, if you will, had to choose to step aside, to release, to die, in a sense, so that my fit, slender, active self could live. And I feel as if that part of me wishes this part of me well. It GETS VERY CONFUSING thinking about this.