I didnt know how to stop "dieting" - i didnt want to add more carbs and I wasnt ever hungry, so I didnt stop and after I reached my 140lb target, I lost another 15lbs and then it just stopped - fine. It was like my body reached where it wanted to be - Inspite of the "you're too thin now" comments from "friends". I felt great!!!

I did eventually add more carbs and cheat with a few bad carbs every now and again and put on weight. In fact I got to the point where I realised that I was becoming carb addicted again and was starting to get all those old symptoms back IBS, aching joints, and muscles, lethargy, fuzzy head......So here I am, back on 20 carbs a day, losing the bit I put on and feeling amazing!!!!

Jo xxx

I'm 5'8" and a bit lighter than you, and I am a UK size 14, which is a US size 16. I still need to lose more weight, but I feel very, very proud of the fact that I have turned around my health and look so much better than I did at my heaviest. I'm lucky that most of my friends are very tactful, but my mum is always undermining me in her efforts to say something positive and encouraging, lol. Last time I saw her it was "You're almost thinner than your older sister, but mind you, she has a terrible problem with her weight right now - she can't do anything with it.. She should get her thyroid checked and see the doctor ..... " blahdeblah, lol. Recently I've asked for her help with altering some clothes, and she made a huge song and dance over measuring me with many sighs, puffs and pantings, as if I am really, really massive. Last time she did it, she measured her own hips afterwards, and realised they are only 2" smaller than mine, although she's far shorter than me. heeheehee.

Stuff those critical people. Dress for your body type and make the most of your fabulous figure - elongate your legs by wearing heels and always wear figure-hugging clothing. And remember that if you were less nice, then you'd be making smart retorts in reply to those who make the critical comments - e.g. "Well, maybe I could do with losing more, but my husband likes my curves... and I'd hate to end up with a scrawny neck, or no bust." (while taking a sneaky look at their neck/bust) lol.

Tell your husband that you'd like more positive feedback and bolstering up. If he says he doesn't know what to say, write some phrases down on a card for him and tell him to choose whichever he likes. Use your feminine wiles, and humour, to prise some compliments out of him.

Firstly, you look fantastic, as you are right now.

Secondly, your family's comments say more about their own self perception than yours. I know this is not nice to think, but the truth is they have probably been congratulating themselves while you were big, that they were so much slimmer than you - it became part of their self image to think they were lots slimmer than you. Now that you're slimmer and looking great, your relatives are desperately trying to hold onto their own self image by 'seeing' you as larger than you are. If they acknowledged your fantastic achievement and true size, it would make them feel lesser. Sadly, a typical female reaction (and some men) to the weight loss of women they are close to. We judge ourselves by those around us and if one of those people around us change in a substantial way, we feel the need to either re-evaluate ourselves....or go into denial and pretend its not happening.

It sounds like you also have some self esteem issues - you were very quick to react to a perceived slight that you need to lose more weight - and that wasn't even what the comment was about, but because of your self esteem right now, you turned the comment right around to mean something derogatory about you. I understand this as I do it myself. It is so hard to start finding validation and esteem from within, rather than from those around you, but its important to try.

Great job on the weight loss and even if you don't lose another lb, you have a great figure and you should be proud.

Lee

I'm sorry that came off to you as meaning you need to lose 30lbs. That's not what was intended at all. It wasn't about a fixed amount of lbs, it was about you seeing yourself for what you are (attractive and successful at weight loss) no matter what anyone else says. Someone with high self-esteem would see that in themselves now but, considering the number those relatives have done on your head, I was saying that there will come a point when they can no longer blind you with their nonesense. That could happen at any weight or even if you never lose another lb, because your self-esteem is within you, waiting to come out.

I just want to say I don't think it's really a self confidence issue. I think that now that you are close to your goal weight, you are wondering why people are saying such rude things. After all, if you only have a little more to lose, then where are the compliments?

I'm not sure how you arrived at your goal weight, but in all honesty, I do think you could set it a bit lower for your height. Maybe these people in your life are trying to tell you that. (yes, you look great now, but will look even better.)

I'll bet your husband is very proud of your hard work, but would like to see you go all the way. Forget your mom, but do let your husband know that you need him to be your cheering section. Ask him what he likes about your new body, and tell him that you're thinking of going beyond your goal but that you want him to let you know if you get too thin! Let him wonder if that was sarcasm or not.

Lot's of good comments and tons to reply to! I'll do my best!

No worries, I wasn't really offended by the 30 lb comment. I just noticed it in a few comments and thought maybe those people knew something I didn't. Some sort of magic number maybe, I don't know.

I used my weight at my wedding to my first husband as a reference for my goal weight. Looking through old pictures, that seems to be the time I looked the healthiest. I remember weighing myself during my honeymoon on one of those "your-weight-on-other-planets" scale things, and for Earth I was 163. I looked okay in the 150's too, but anything below that makes me look like a corpse. In fact, as a teenager, I had a doctor's appointment where the nurse who weighed me (somewhere around 155) chastised me because I was only a few pounds away from being overweight. After that appointment I was informed from several family members that they had gotten a call from my stepmother stating that I was anorexic and they needed to watch me. Turns out that my doctor was more concerned with my extreme boniness than my weight.

I have always been one of those people that weighs a little more than I "should" or that I look like I do. It's completely genetic. My brother is the same way. When he went into the military he had a nearly impossible time trying to lose an adequate amount of weight. By the end of boot camp he was SOOOOO skinny. Bad skinny. He looked on death's door. And he was JUST scraping by with a "healthy" BMI. Now he is obese and people ask him all the time if he has been working out. He looks great.

Believe me, when I started to fit into size 12's in the 190-200 pound range I was in SHOCK. My 14's were hanging off of me, though. Now my 12's are getting baggy and I own two pairs of size 10 pants. I was actually measured as a size 8 in a couple of stores! Ummmm...no. That is vanity sizing if I've ever heard it and stores like that lose my business.

The picture that I have posted as my in-progress shot was taken when I was 206 pounds. Those are size 14 pants. I have lost about 20 pounds since then. My measurements are 36F-29-39.

To address the self-esteem issue. YES, I have lower self-esteem. HOWEVER, I like to think that I have great self-esteem considering the obstacles. I have posted about the un-supportful folks in my life now, but this stuff started really early. My mother took a dislike to me about the time I turned 5 (no one knows why). She would refuse to let me take baths/showers for two weeks or more and then invite people over to mock me for smelling bad. She would steal any girl's clothes anyone gave me and sell them (for drug money), telling me that she took them because those clothes were for skinny girls and that I couldn't wear them. She did buy my brother clothes and I was told to share with him because that was what fat, ugly girls were supposed to do. In truth, I was extremely thin. My mother stopped taking me to the doctor, I think, because my malnutrition and her abuse would have been too obvious. I was convinced (by her) that I didn't want to get medical care because the doctor would make fun of me for my weight and put me on a diet. My stepmother turned out not to be much more positive. When I complained when I was 17 that I wasn't getting as many dates as my friends she made a face and said "Maybe you'll grow into some beauty." As for where my father was in all this...well, again when I was 17 I had spent all day getting ready for a school dance and when my brother and I emerged my dad went on and on and on about how sharp and handsome my brother was. My brother called him out on his lack of attention to me, so my dad said "Eh, she looks fine." His "praise" on my wedding day? "Hey, you managed to pick out a nice dress."

Speaking of bad relatives, all of the women who made derogatory comments about me are my same size (approximately) or bigger. Some of them are much bigger. One of them is bigger than I ever was. Whether or not they ever felt superior to me because of my weight I can't really know, but that ship sailed a long time ago.

Your comments and advice have really helped me clarify some of the motivations that might be behind these remarks. You guys are right that for some people it is hard to see change until they just DO. So, in the cases of the well-meaning relatives who are just behind in their thinking...I guess that if my brain can process my changing shape faster than theirs does it really isn't my problem. The people making mean statements on purpose are doing it out of insecurity or spite because mean people are usually that way because they feel bad about themselves. Thank you for helping me realize that. Not that it won't hurt, but it helps me to figure out ways around taking it personally.

As for my husband, he's just afraid of putting his foot in his mouth. I have no question whatsoever how he feels about my body. It's all good, it always was, and getting TOO skinny is the only way that might ever change. He is a very sweet man and I talked to him about how his silence was hurting me, so we spent some time last night looking at various pictures and he spoke up.

On a side topic, someone had mentioned wearing heels to make the most out of my shape. I would LOVE to do that! I used to be able to wear heels, but after plantar fasciitis (which has healed now) I can't seem to get back into the hang of it. Any advice?

Thank you for letting me vent. This post is too long, lol! I still welcome your input.

Platform soles are in fashion at the moment.. and they look particularly good with jeans/trousers/pants. Why not buy some platforms which only involve a small gradient at the heel.. Over time, you can gradually increase the height of the heel slightly. You don't need to go over the top - just add a bit of style.

Sorry you had such a horrible time with your parents, especially your mother. Mine was no picnic, but is angelic in comparison with yours. I am really glad that your husband is so different, and that you've had a heart-to-heart with him. My partner is a sweetheart too, and always prefers to keep the peace. It makes for happy relationships and a warm welcome.

Big hugs and keep on feeling good about yourself.

You look fantastic! Congrats on your amazing success! And I love your outfit in your picture too - it really shows off your figure well.

Honestly, I can't believe people would say such rude and ignorant things. Grr.

I also experienced an uptick in negativity the closer I got to my goal weight. And, honestly, I think (from the people I got it from) a lot had to do with jealousy and that when you're trying to self-improve, every third party becomes an expert.

When I was 280 pounds, I was round. Just, an amorphous blob. When I got to about 190-200, people started 'noticing' flaws - hips, belly, etc. It didn't help that I was no longer the 'fat [friend/relative/etc]'.

IMO, smile, nod and say 'mmmhmmm.' People will shut up eventually. =) (And as everyone else said, you look FANTASTIC!)

As far as losing more...I can relate there. My doctor wants me down in the 140s. I was comfortable at 170 (size 8 to 12, depending on the brand). Some people are just heavier...

After taking a look at your pictures, I was thinking about how to say all this... only to find on the second page that Lee beat me to it.

It does sound like jealousy to me.... now they have to redefine themselves as compared to you, and they're afraid that since you've already made great progress, you're going to finish up just great, making them look worse.

Sad to say, female family members tend to be worse about this.

Yeah, I've been trying to think of why this happens, and I think part of it is that, as a whole, society as a whole I mean, the low fat mantra has such a hold on us and has led to this situation where the vast overwhelming majority of us, from experience, "know" that actual success with weight loss and keeping it off (because we tried it the LF way and it just made us fatter at the end than we were when we started), so when we see someone succeed, when they see you succeed, they don't have the comfortable marker where, since they aren't as big as you then theyre okay. You know, since YOU'RE the "fat one", not them, and also this is blowing around my mind, too;

We all KNOW the only way to lose weight is to go LF and eat less/do more, right? That's the ONLY way to do it. But, I believe we all ALSO know that that just doesn't work, for whatever reason we've invented in our minds, lack of willpower, genetics, whatever, and this is why, when SO MANY of us show up having lost so much weight, the first thing out of people's mouths is "How?" Even though they don't believe us when we tell them it's LC, I think if people really believed LF/eat less/do more worked, we wouldn't have this mass cultural quest to figure out how to lose weight. People know eat less/do more doesnt work.

This is really true. Anyone with a weight problem KNOWS that the standard advice doesn't work for them. BUT, since it is the only way to lose weight, I think many people blame themselves. There must be something wrong with them, not with the conventional wisdom.

When people noticed the change in my husband's appearance, they absolutely refused to believe that he wasn't working out. He really, really wasn't. But they would just shrug it off, saying stuff like "You must just be modest" or "It's okay, keep your secrets". They wouldn't listen to him.

With me, people like to ask about the way I eat (and as I've mentioned before, that's probably the biggest compliment I'm likely to get). I'm not preachy and I won't bring it up if people don't ask or there's no reason, but I have no problem being honest. And despite my honesty about the HIGH FAT, low-carbohydrate way I eat (and the fact that I eat pepperoni, bunless burgers, tons of mayo or butter or cheese or whatever around them) they still think I eat low-fat. Or, my personal favorite "You eat nothing but lettuce". ???

I think you've made an excellent point and I think many of us can relate to the disbelief or outright refusal about success on low-carb.

Yeah, and then they see you doing it, accomplishing something they KNOW, from personal experience, is impossible. So I don't know, I think that also plays a part, like, just an instinctive disbelief. Like, they see you flying, and they're like, "how are you doing that?", and you're like, "I just started flapping my arms.", and they're like, "Oh. Well, good for you."

LOL! Wonderful analogy, Tragedian!

Why is it people feel free to comment on another person's body? I wonder if I do it other people? Actually if I'm honest, I have a colleague who is tall and thin and leggy and I know I've commented often that clothes look stunning on her and it never occurred to me how annoying that might be, even if I mean it as a compliment.

I'm going to avoid that in the future. I can compliment the dress or the shirt, but not how her body is the reason it looks so good (even if it's true--she can wear horizontal stripes! Across her hips!).