A few weeks ago a friend who knows that I like Lindt 85% bars left a Lindt dark chocolate mint bar on my desk as a surprise. It's got significantly more sugar in it than my usual, and it's not something I would buy for myself. But it was just.sitting.there--not like I sought it out--and I've lost a lot of weight--and it's all good--and I'll just eat a little each day--and yeah.
Bam.
They aren't gone, only sleeping, those voices. Those lying, stinkin', sneaky little voices. And I believed them. And even though I didn't go far off plan, I was out of my safe I-eat-that-I-don't-eat-that-zone. I wasn't face down in the carbs, but I ate some gluten-free, low-ish-carb crackers I don't usually eat, chicken soup w/rice, etc., and lots of LC chocolate and nuts. Yellow-alert zone.
So this is me, with my weight back down today, after taking a 6 pound meander back up into the dark side. Trust me, it wasn't worth it. Not only did that extra weight make me feel fat and unworthy of my best efforts, I also located the nexus of craving in my brain. Stomach was fed, but there's a physical feeling of craving that was humming right in the center back of my brain (yeah, I know, but anyway) and it buzzed baaaaad . . . I'd be fine in the morning until I ate for the first time, but then once I'd eaten anything--even VLC--the craving was on for the rest of the day.
Here's what I've learned: the voices aren't me. The crave isn't me. They are dangerous, but not unfightable.
And also: my biochemistry is very, very touchy. If I am mindful, I can thrive. And that makes me lucky--lots of folks suffer with health problems that aren't so easy to cope with. But this is still very, very real. My mantra in similar circumstances: be alert, be aware, pay attention.
Eye-opening.
No, it's not just about the weight loss, it's about getting the carb addiction under control.
To maybe address your question:
I quit smoking many years ago. After like a gazillion tries. Took about two-three months for the on-my-knees-in-the-gutter cravings to pass, two years for the occasional hmm-that-might-be-nice-to-have-one feeling to pass, but for about another eight(!) years, maybe every 2-3 years, I'd get a WT?-where-did-*that*-come-from? passing notion, before slapping back down into yuck-that's-gross default mode.
At this point, I think about the way most carb addicts eat and i find it very unappealing--easy to reject 99.9% of the time. These last few weeks have taught me that I became obese for a *reason*--because I fight a very tough addiction. In a way, it gives me a sense of peace, a more forgiving, understanding way of seeing myself. And greater caution. Thin(ner) isn't cured. Looking forward to getting to goal weight because I think it will give me a more structured sense of where I want to keep my weight, and what I'll need to do to get there. We shall see . . .
Last edited by kathleen24 : Sun, Feb-21-10 at 13:38.
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