If there isn't too much pressure, I won't snap. So that's what I do: I manage the pressure. As soon as I notice it is too high, I back off. If I'm exercising and suddenly feel tired and start moaning, I stop. Then the next day I won't avoid exercising because it's so painful. The minute it becomes too painful, I stop.

Often getting 90% there is easy, but getting 95% there is very hard and 100% is nearly impossible. So why don't we simplify and just stay at 90%?

A more practical advice: NO FRANKENFOODS.

In my experience, such huge resentment and feeling 'apart from' others is 90% biochemical and 10% emotional. My food might be off or it could be some life thing hitting the brain reward chemistry - beta-endorphin in particular. One of the symptoms of low beta-endorphin is feeling 'not a part of' others.

Food sensitivities can give a morphine-like hit of endorphins? Because the body is trying to give painkillers to cover the onslaught of the trigger foods. Your description of an on-and-off cycle of endorphin-triggering foods sounds just like a long-drawn-out usage pattern for the sugar and flour. (both of which engage the reward systems). Like a weekly binge drinker only different. And of course an intense high is followed by an intense low, where drug-like foods are concerned.

So, to prevent or cure, your original question: I laboriously found out the things that set me up to feel that way, and either stopped doing them (staying up late, irregular starve/feast), or started doing them (eating before I was starving, having JK meals). Also there are behavioral things that help raise the overall level of endorphin.

Beta endorphin is like a swimming pool. If it's a little wading pool and I do a belly-flop in it (like a super gluten, cheese and sugar day) then the low is really low. If it's a giant pool and I do a belly-flop, its' still a hit but softer and I get over it quicker. So the more I can do endorphin-raising things all the time, the pool gets bigger.

The reason I think it's biochemical - this has happened to me:

Monday - feel like a grocery store and social gathering outcast
Tuesday - feel like a cheerful person who deserves to get what she likes and as for others, we all can live and let live.

What was the difference between Monday and Tuesday?
Not weight. Not the work day - same old same old.
Not the emotions - nothing happened on either day.

But Monday was "day 4" after a crisis, and there is this "day 4" phenomenon of a low endorphin day after a peak day.

I'm kinda with Seejay on this. Reading your post, PJ, reminded me perfectly of the mind games I went through when I quit smoking. My mind could create some pretty remarkable arguments and feelings in favor of being a smoker, and no-less impressive, arguments and feelings against being a non-smoker.

No good deed goes unpunished they say. I made it through smoking sessation only to end up suffering with monsterous food cravings. It's disappointing because I was one extremely content little carnivore before I quit smoking.

The cure? Hell if I know if there is one. I just see it through. Bite the bullet and suffer, knowing, hoping, it will pass. I don't want to smoke again and I don't want carbs again. Hope I don't have a day in Walmart like your's. We all end up there from time to time - it's being human rather than machine.

I do know what helps me tremendously. Knowing it is the mind games of addiction. Knowing it will pass if I see it through. Knowing craving is winning. Don't ever doubt it.

Very nice thread. What helps, in my case, is the realization that despite what everyone says...Life isn't Equal, and Life isn't Fair. Yes, some people can eat all the crap they want and stay skinny, but not me...and going off plan isn't going to change that.


Good luck PJ! I am sure you can continue on. Don't let it get you down.

I have known this realization for a long time now, just haven't been willing to accept and embrace it. I currently am now at the acceptance stage. The embracing stage--not so much yet.




This is where I currently reside. It's un-realistic for individuals to achieve and maintain at 100%--I think that if you are at a 100% for any length of time it sets you up for a huge nose dive. I've scooted along at 90% and have seen sucess. I think I'll stay there. There is no such thing as perfection, just progress.


I'm just trying to stay the course, fly under the radar, not make any waves and ride this wave until it's gone. The wave for me right now, is 200 days on plan and 5 pounds below goal. I'm in my happy place And when this wave is gone and I start sliding I'll be right here having you guys boost me up and push me back thru the door.

So...Rightnow...yeah it sucks that you can't be like everybody else. Yeah it sucks that you lose very slowly ( i hear you on that one). Yeah it sucks that you have to put so much effort to what you put in your mouth. Yeah it sucks that your 13 year old has her set of issues. Yeah it sucks that you might have loose skin. Yeah it sucks that you live in a town with no books (so do I--I supplement with the library and a Kindle). My question to you is then...do you just give up?? I've read your posts for quite some time--you don't seem the type to just give up and say you're done. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other--progress, not perfection.


I'm pushing you thru the door, you have to step thru it!

OK, I'm done for right now (ooooo, pardon that pun)

Lisa

PJ
This is almost my world now.

My GAD is broken. Can't stay strict for long. Can't stay interested for long. My emotions mess me up. The scale doesn't move.

I go through the same cycle. Stress just makes it worst.

I used to care. I used to have sucess. I wasn't perfect but I was consistent 80-90% of the time. I didn't think of deviating except for one meal every two weeks. It worked for me. It worked for me for a long time and I was successful.

Now I'm in a whole different place and I'm not quite sure how to get back.

My determination doesn't last. My dedication doesn't last. The lack of cravings doesn't last. The not caring about food doesn't last.

Sometimes I think it is lack of planning. I do much better when I plan things out. When I plan things out, I tend to eat on a schedule and have enough that my appetite stays under control. It's when I allow myself to get hungry that trouble occurs. Then I don't want legal, healthy food even if it's there.

I don't know what to tell you PJ. The emotions everyone speaks of, I'm very familiar with. The frustration, the self hate, the depression. They all contribute or I bring them all on. It's a matter of which comes first.

Now I'm trying an experiment with supplements to try to keep my serotonin up. So I don't get depressed. So I don't let go.

It's a constant struggle.

I don't feel I helped you at all.

But...you are not alone.

This is a very well written post. I have so much I want to say, but I can't even comment on the food portion right now (I'm at work today and have a lot going on).

First of all, the fact that you still like to read is almost an indicator that you "no longer fit into society" anyway. I love to read and it is really refreshing to meet others that like a good book.

I am also curious as to how you are working on your spiritual side lately? I've been reading some different books, meditating and such, trying to get re-acquainted with my spiritual side.

Anyway, food wise... I've definitely been in the phase where I just don't care anymore. I'll try to elaborate on that later...

Try to hang in there. Have a wonderful day!

I'm hoping you're wrong on this. The classics and the really good fiction of all time is a relatively small number of books. It takes a lot of mediocre books to be published for every great one.

Yeah, your WalMart caliber literature is the mind candy of our day, but I think that's true of every generation.



Low carbers are blessed/cursed that we won't settle for the mind candy of the body. We're not superior, we've just learned something that everyone else hasn't.


I hear you on that. Lack of low carb fast food is a killer. There are times when I just want to pick up something frozen and pop it in the oven. I don't want to have to analyze or prepare or adjust. Where is frozen pizza for low carbers? Where are the chips? There are times when veggies and dip (again) just don't make it. Heaven will have the low carb instant side dish. (we don't like salad).


That's deep. You may be right.


That happens a lot for me. Usually, I need more fat.


Oh, so true!

....and the guilt! Not only am I hurting myself, I'm hurting my family, especially the 2 kids that are carb sensitive!


I'm going to copy this to my journal so I don't forget it.



This is interesting. I've got to look into it.



I think I'll save this with Mirrorball's quote.


Whoa, this is one deep thread, and it spoke to me in many ways.

When it comes to food, I don't like being in the counterculture. I like low carb food, but it would be nice not to have to analyze what dessert I'll bring to my meeting next week. All the ladies are low fat/high carb. Yeah, I should bring a low carb dessert, but do I really want to waste more expensive ingredients when I could just give them something they'd like for less money?

PJ, I'd like to be able to tell you how to get back. By starting this thread, it sounds like you're hanging on by your fingernails. Just keep hanging on. Just for today. Just for this minute.

Okay, I'm back a few hours after my first post to elaborate on the food issue...

I've had a lot of burnout with low carb eating in the past. I would basically just say "F" this and eat what I wanted. Of course this would last a couple of years and I would regain all of my weight that was previously lost.

The root causes for me to give up low carb were 99% emotional. I'm an emotional eater. If my marriage, my kids, my job, my life seemed bad enough at any certain time, that was a good enough reason for me to feel totally worthless, that I wasn't worth being healthy or decent looking.

So, have I found a cure for this? I don't know. The main thing that I am doing differently now is that I joined a gym. Somehow the extra work I'm putting into being healthy is keeping me more motivated. Also, these forums help a lot - I never got on here in the past either.

I'm trying to focus more on my happiness now by doing a lot of reading. I figure if I can maintain happiness, or at least a general sense of well being, then I have all the less reason to emotionally eat. I read a lot of fiction since it is one of my favorite hobbies, but I'm also trying to read self-help, spiritual, and religious books to re-connect with a side of my being that I have long neglected. I don't bottle my emotions up as much as I used to.

Anyway, I hope you find the resolve, and reasons, that you need to be as healthy and happy as you desire.

Just take a little first step. Think about something simple and easy you can do today for your health, like a 10 minute walk or having a fruit for dessert instead of cake. Doing something for your health will make you feel a little better without the stress of dieting and these little things will add up. That's how I started out this time. For months the only thing I did was avoiding fast food. Then I decided to cook some real meals instead of just having sandwiches. These meals weren't even lowcarb, but suddenly all my trousers were too big for me.

rightnow, quick question...

Are you afraid of losing weight? I, too, have those snaps. In fact, I'm attempting to get over one right now. Afterwards, I invariably realize that there was something about the current milestone I was approaching that scared the living hell out of me..

I'm getting close to 199-a HUGE milestone-and I'm terrified of it. What happens when I jump to 200.1? Will I have a complete emotional breakdown? It's easier to just sit back and "learn to maintain" my current loss than to fail.

Usually, when people shy away from things, especially things we know we should do, it's from fear. Throw in all your extra restrictions and you've got a lot to be subconsciously afraid of.

hi rightnow- hi Zuelikaa-

I am so sorry you are both in such pain. I can't fix it- you are soooo much better at that than me- but I wanted to tell you I am thinking about you and that I care. A lot. We have been 'here' together a long time and I think you are both amazing women trying to just live a better life. Hold on.
E

Zu and Right--

I have been giving this thread a lot of thought the past few days.

I really think that it is just cyclical nature of being human of GAD v Don't GAD.

All the things that have been listed--stress, lack of sleep, SAD, depression, money, family, health all play a complicated webbed relationship. As one thing improves or worsens so the other things are affected. It all depends what your individual demons are.

I don't have the answers but for me, an important part is recognizing what my demons are and doing what i can to control them--notice I didn't say cure them.

I most recently went thru a down cycle for about 12-18 months after having stayed on plan for over ayear and got to goal--stress, back injury, the worst cycle of SAD ever, crappy hormones, buying a house for my mother and hoping I was making sound choices--it was all too much. It wasn't that i didn't GAD, it was just that I was to tired to do anything about it. I don't know how I dug myself out--the support here helped immensely, Trying to take small steps in caring for myself better, trying to get my SAD under control (which I suffer from all year long). My turning point was the day after my birthday in MAy--my mother was to move in the middle of July--I told my self I was going to try and stay on plan until she arrived--exactly 2 months. OMG those first 2 weeks I thought I was going to jump out of my skin, but little by little I started to feel just a little bit better. By the time my mom got here in July I could say I was feeling almost OK. Yeah, I can now say I've been back in the saddle 200 days as of Thanksgiving. One thing I did learn and hopefully it will get me thru the next hard patch--there is no shame. Put one small foot in front of the other. Because I look at what the alternative could be.



Zu--I know you have read every word written under the sun regarding SAD.
The combination that is working for me currently:

450mg Wellbutrin
400 mg Sam-E
300 mg 5-HTP
3 grames Fish Oil
2000 iu Vit D3
2 grams EPO
1 gram Mg
1 gram K+
100 mg CoQ
plus, I'm burning up my sun simulator at both ends

Some wouldn't agree on my choice, particularly the Wellbutrin--I've been using it for years with excellent results and no side effects. I can tell you this..when I miss a day or 2 of the Sam-E, 5-HTP, and Wellbutrin, I start feeling symptomatic. I'll keep using it until it isn't working anymore, then I'll look for the next combination.


Zu and Right--I have read your posts for years and respect and admire the thought and wisdom that you always seem to have. Maybe my tiny dust speck of insight will have you saying...today, I'm just going to take a teeny tiny step.

Love you guys.

Lisa

As always, PJ, you and I are very much alike in this way. I do go through cycles of absolute frustration that it is very difficult to find a way to "fit in". Can't eat in restaurants easily. Grocery shopping is a pain. Sometimes I just have to white knuckle it through. Sometimes I don't make it and I have to start over.

I know intellectually and experientially that dairy-free, gluten-free, artificial-sweetener free, soy-free, low carb makes me feel better and I can lose weight, as long as I also take vitamin D, support my adrenals, take magnesium, take the right kind of thyroid meds, etc. When I do this, I can live without pain and symptoms, and my weight begins to regulate itself. The second I slip up - *poof* - I'm back to square one.

Its hard not to feel victimized by that in spite of the fact that I can't stand any kind of a victim mentality.

At the same time, I tell myself a lot of what I "should" feel and do. It's only food, I tell myself. I should be able to not worry about food and just be able to nourish myself. The truth is, if I "should" feel that way, then I would. I feel how I feel. I become self-destructive when I make myself wrong for how I feel. That is when I slip the carbs in, eat the dairy, roll around in gluten. I'm punishing myself for being wrong about how I feel.

If I acknowledge it - don't make myself wrong. Well heck - I should feel the way I do because that is how I feel. I feel it sucks. And a lot of times it does. Other times it doesn't. Usually when I fully allow that "It sucks" feeling, it comes and it passes through pretty quickly. It doesn't have to come with eating foods that are bad for me. It just comes and I allow it to stay until it goes.

I don't know if that makes sense or not. It makes perfect sense in my head - but then, that can be a scary place to be.

Ok, first of all, this thread makes me want to cry---mostly because I can so relate to everything. Pj, thanks for starting it. I don't have the answers either but BOY can I relate! I think it helps me a little anyway knowing that I am not alone with this struggle.

Second, PJ (or any other readers out there), PM me if you're interested in some book recommendations. I have kind of a weird sense of humor and enjoy a lot of different kinds of books. Maybe we can recommend some for each other and discover some new authors.

Peace...