I was at a friends party and I ate some carby stuff ( fudge, milk, bread) I am now up too late, because I keep having to use the ladies room. I realized that I was shown a picture from a camping trip last year. I was way bigger in the photo than I thought. I don't often see myself in group photos. The worst part is I weigh about 25lbs more this year. I know my weight at all times but I guess I am used to that big number, Its normal for me. I have had my pic taken, but just me, no skinny people around me. I acted all normal after "the veiwing" but I just started eating the wrong stuff. I left rather early and cried all the way home both from eating carbs and the shock. I didn't feel so big until I saw the pic, now I just can't get over it. I am getting back on induction tomorrow but I am so sad tonight, I know I could use the pic as an incentive but I looked so different than I have been seeing myself in my head. Now I don't even want to leave the house.

Just pick up and go on knowing that you will lose. I don't think any of us like to see ourselves in pictures, it can depress up but also motivate us. Let it motivate you.

I know it can be a shock to actually see ourselves as others see us. You absolutely can't let it get you so down though that you go into a downward spiral of feeling badly and eating badly. Do look at it as an opportunity to do something about it. You can do this! Have faith!

It's hard to confront how we really look. I think we have to put some mental barriers up to prevent ourselves from seeing the reality all the time or it would be too difficult to just function in our lives.

Try to put the picture out of your mind, but remember a tiny bit of the pain to help keep you motivated as you go forward!

I do not believe motivation is a significant factor for longterm weightloss. Pain fades and wounds heal. Being fallible people, and all of us are, motivation only goes so far, and a year from now, you will not be able to recall that moment as well or draw much strength from it. We forget and rationalize. I've done it thousands of times.

Like you, I've also found myself eating the wrong thing after some trauma or issue. Don't know how to combat that, but it's a real concern. I think we run to food for comfort. That's irrational, since it causes the opposite.

The good news is that cheats are no more significant in the long view than motivation. I cheat. Sometimes I plan to, sometimes I just do. I have learned not to waste energy thinking about it. There is no particular value in self abuse.

You're left with process and determination. One trick I use is to consider each time I am tempted, but do not succumb, as a "win". I was in a BBQ joint with some colleagues. Everyone had fries, thick sugary sauce, Texas Toast, and desserts. There was an ice cream machine. I had smoked chicken & brisket, no sauce, and some salad. I wanted the carbs a lot.

The strength I was able to draw was that I was getting something done. Not that I was depriving myself. I was adding one more good meal to my collection. They were the ones missing out, not me.

Sometimes, the oddest thing can work. What does not work is beating yourself up.

Thanks you guys, I am doing great today. I am really helped by all of you knowing where I'm coming from.

It's a good technique. I've been reading the Beck Diet Solution, a book about cognitive behaviour therapy, that is, learning to change our actions by changing our thoughts about those things. One of her recommendations is to give ourselves more credit for what we do right which will strengthen & reinforce that behaviour we are praising ourselves for.

The idea is that willpower is a muscle, if we exercise it, it gets stronger. I know we tend to discount willpower, saying that we need the "lifestyle change" because if willpower is all that keeps us on track, it will fail eventually, and I agree with that, but sometimes I still need willpower to get me through a particular situation. And I think it's true, the more often I do say "no" and make the right choice, it becomes just that much easier then next time.

Sorry, I hope this doesn't sound like I'm directing this at Scott, I just used his quote to jump off my own thoughts from. I'm more rambling for myself. I've been thinking about this a lot lately, how to strengthen my resistance to going off plan in a positive way rather than in a negative, depriving kind of way. Looking at saying no as a "win" and realizing each time I do, I'm stronger for next time is one way for me to do this.

Val,

No offense taken. I agree that willpower can be useful for a particular situation. It isn't useful over time. I like the concept of strengthening willpower. It does exist. It does matter.

But people are not thin because they have it, nor are they fat because they do not. I think many fat people think they are fat because they are weak, and I try to discourage that. I know some extremely willful smokers who cannot quit.

I know there are some hardcore folks here that never cheat, and for the first 7 months or so, I was one of them. I didn't even make low carb desserts, I didn't have the need, and I felt it would just lead me into wanting more. Low carb cheesecake is great, until you eat 3 servings of it at a sitting. I survived the entire holiday season without one single cheat, not a cookie, not a piece of fudge, nothing.

I'm a few pounds from goal, and I do cheat from time to time. What I don't do, however, is turn a cheat into an allowance to "screw" the whole week, weekend, whatever. I've had pizza on a Friday night, and then ate on plan the rest of the weekend. If you cheat, get right back on plan, don't turn it into a weekend or week extravaganza. If you're up 2 pounds the next day, so be it. Don't even get on the scale for 2 days, stay on plan, and know that if you do, it will go away.
Course, you're not losing, but you knew that going in to the cheat, right?

It's a constant battle. None of us is perfect. But look at the progress you've made so far. Commit yourself to the plan, not to perfection. We're only human.

Daisywench has a good point. None of us are perfect and there are going to be setbacks. The thing is, the real progress comes when you put together a run of seven months on plan with no cheats.

I like the idea expressed earlier in this thread that willpower can be exercised. I see high carb food all the time. I know to say NO. I like the idea that I'm not stuffing myself with bad stuff.

Little victories lead to big success.

Peace.

I've been doing the workbook for this, as I wait for my copy purchased online to arrive, and the workbook was the only thing the library had. I guess it's better than nothing, but I can't wait for my book to get here!


I like this idea. A lot of "wins" can keep a person moving in the right direction! and sometimes, we need all of those we can get!

DarLilly, I understand about the photo and seeing yourself in it. many of us have had that same "slap in the face" moment. you know what needs to be done. good luck on your journey.

I don't think that seven months with no cheats is required in order to achieve progress. Seven months with only a couple cheats during that time period is still a remarkable achievement worth celebrating. In the past 10 months, my fiancee and I have only eaten off plan 3 times--all were planned (2 weddings and a family reunion). I don't consider it to be cheating if you plan to go off your WOE provided that you immediately get back on. The problem with scheduled off-plan meals or true cheats is not getting back on plan right away, because the event or the cheat can establish a new eating pattern. The rationalization of starting back on your WOE tomorrow or on Monday is a slippery slope back into the eating pattern that got you fat in the first place.

I always had willpower, but my physiological carb cravings prevented me from exercising it. Now that my body is not compelling me to eat large quantities of refined carbs, it is infinitely easier to exercise my existing willpower when I need it. For instance, my fiancee's brother (who lives with us) just made brownies. I can smell them. In the past, I would have probably stuffed my face after smelling them. Now I can easily resist the smell, but I don't think that I am somehow superior to my former self. I am no longer a slave to carby food, which makes it much easier for my intellectual reasoning powers to control my behavior.

I do agree that little victories can bring big success. Stringing together one good meal at a time can become months and years of progress. The beginning is always the hardest, but it does get easier. Good luck Darlilly.

--Melissa

As usual Melissa..... excellent post!!
I did as you describe Melissa. I was never perfect to my plan BUT, with each non plan food I ate when I began 5 yrs ago, I would make sure it was a small amount( very portion controlled) and got right back to my plan at once!!

One of the things I learned when I attended OA meetings, was that "Progress and not perfection" was a very good way to see myself. This enabled me to feel like I could have an old favorite food once in a while and not revert back to my old poor eating habits.

These off plan treats, as I do not call them cheats, are what helped me to stay on my path and not feel so deprived as that is one thing(of many ) that had derailed me in the past.

Also, in OA, they do not focus so much on weight as they do on counting days of abstinence to our plans. Recording what I ate into my journal here, every single day that I was losing my weight(600 days), is what helped to keep me on track. I did that for accountability...it worked well for me.

I really like the "progress, not perfection" slogan. It really encapsulates what we are trying to achieve here. No one is perfect--we are human. We can strive for perfection, but we must be cognizant that this is an unattainable goal. I view progress as an asymptote, if you remember that mathematical construct from high school--we are continually moving towards perfection without ever getting there. But each increment towards perfection constitutes real progress, which is worth celebrating. And if we are not expecting perfection but continued progress, we will not be disappointed.

I really feel strongly that moderation is possible IF you are not having strong carb cravings and have spent some time working on the cognitive and behavioral aspects of the journey. But healthcare professionals telling someone who is experiencing carb cravings to "eat in moderation" is like telling someone born without legs to run. It's an impossible, incomprehensible task.

--Melissa